Tattooed Heart.

Do I like tattoos? Umm, well yes, yes, I do! No, I don’t like them, I love them. I should really confess here, before I go any farther to being what the Boss Man calls a tattoo addict. I Love how they look on other people, on me and I see them as one of the most beautiful forms of artwork that the is. I grew up in a very strict Irish catholic / Russian orthodox culture, where the word tattoo was a dirty word and a taboo. I guess that kind of fuelled my love of them!
From a very early age (5 or 6) they fascinated me. I can remember being sat on my great uncle Tony’s knee and quizzing him about the pictures on his arms. He had been in the mechation navy in WW2 and it seemed he got a new one every port he was every in. he would sit and tell the story of each one. As I grew older I saw another side to men with tattoos. I have ridden motor bikes from the age of 4 (I think). doing trials ridding and then motor cross. This is where I started to see them as art work and not just ink on skin. When I hit my teens, I didn’t get crushes on boy band types, no it was bikers I wanted. Over the years I was increasingly attracted to strong men, who wore their ink with pride. My first proper boyfriend was in the RAF and had military tattoos and I think that is what got my attention. Fast forward to now and I find myself married to a heavily tattooed, bearded, muscled biker of my own! Who I will add sits and tells me the story behind all his ink!
I also adore them on women. The is something about some well place ink that I think and feel is highly erotic. Most of the ladies I know who have been under the needle have tattoos that show strength and courage. They are stunning and dark, yet still manage to be feminine and soft at the same time. I also love the small, understated tattoo, that show the slightest hint of a daring wild side. The whole Pin up look, but with tattoos is a look that I find appealing and something I aspire to!
Now as for my own ink, well I have a lot of it. I have 35 of them. they start with a feather behind my right ear and end with the word ohana on the inside of my left ankle. They all have a deep and special meaning. The ones on my back are sort of badges of hunger. the one under my boobs have been redone and covered over, now caring a message to how ever gets to see, that this girl has survived domestic abuse. The ones on my hips are evidence of my misspent youth and my love for my Irish roots. They ones on my left leg show that even after being broken and left with scares something beautiful can come. The cladder on my left leg was done after I married the boss man. He has the same one on his left pec, next to the word ohana.
As for getting tattoos, well that is something I can’t get enough of. It’s kind of like I get to be an artist canvas. I have only ever been tattooed by 4 people and 80 % of that work was done by one person, who I now class as a dear friend. Then for me the is the act of have the tattoo done. Now I love some sorts of pain and it turns out tattooing is right up there with a good old spanking for this girl. The guy who does most of mine has a light airy studio, he lets you sit and stroke his dog buba to keep you calm and always make sure you are relaxed. Then he cleans your skin, applies the design and then he starts, and that is when magic begins. Slow and steady, with the right amount of stinging, burning and the tingle. at first, I tense up a little first and then I slowly relax in to it and focus on my breathing.as the clam settles in to my bones, I can let my mind wander and then the is just the sweet pain. It is kind of like going into subspace and its blissful for me. when it ends I get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit and then I float home on my happy little clouds of endorphins! I have a lot more planed.
And to end, my favoured of my tattoos, well that is the one on the inside of my right wrist. It is an arrow and above it read Warr;or. It was done the day I was discharged from hospital, after a 3 month stay due to a botched attempt at taking my life. It is my reminder to not give up, to keep fighting and never forget that I am worth so much more alive than dead.

warrior.jpg

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday.

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Were Loving…..

Well I’m sat in hospital again…. Yeah I am feeling sorry for myself, but it won’t last , promise! I have to say though if it was not for the interweb , Skype and Apple tech, this little Pixie might be oh here knees, begging to go home! I have 2 IV’s in my port, prong oxygen and hospital food to deal with! So as a way of dealing with it I’m doing a ‘i’m loving it!’ list (do-dah-dah were loving it, yup I’m ripping Macdonald’s off!)

ProudToBeKinkiny Podcast – So yeah , while listening to the Loving BDSM Podcast the lovely Kayla mention that they were going to be on the ‘ProudToBeKinky’ Podcast, and of course 4 sets of shell likes pricked up! Are little family , well us girls love sitting and listening to a Podcast and doing something together (or doing each other), so when we hear of a ‘new’ New Podcast that we might like, we jump at the chance! So I downloaded the Podcast and we gave it a go, well what can I say , we did not stop laughing from start to finish! We downloaded a couple more to check the quality was there, Road testing them in the pits at drag met. Well if a Podcast can get a bunch of bikers laughing and going owwww that sounds like fun, well it has to be good! Sealing the deal of them going in to my weekly listening list was the fact that my Great Aunty May approves! We listen together doing the ironing on a rainy Tuesday morning. She thought it was ver positive , Floss was a sweetie and her other half is a dirty little sod!

Kink Craft – So I can not shout loudly enough about theses guys! Pixie and Mathew have an awesome website, Podcast, Plus size latex clothing and courses! The Podcast for me has been a huge help for me on a lot of levels. Firstly THey have a sort of rant at the start of the actual Podcast, that is about the stuff that is going on in the normal world , but refreshingly in a way I would. Then the is the fact that they put out an article at the start of the week, that they also do an audio version of the article. Which for little old me is amazing, with all my lack of Englishness and broken brain! But above all it is just the fact that it is total Body positive  from start to finish!

Tiggers Collars – Ok so everyone knows Pixie love her collars! I sort of re-found these guys after the Boss Man bought my first ever kitten collar from them. Up till then I had A sliver chain day collar, a black leather play collar and purple calves leather studded for clubs. I was allowed to make a short list of collars I liked on Etsy, and I stumbled across Tiggers Collars. I just fell in love with a very simple little purple leather collar that tied at the back with a ribbon and had I tiny little silver d ring at the front! When it arrived it was stunning and beautifully made. Well 2 years on and I have loads more collars , but I wanted a new kitten collar. That is when I found them and there awesome little on line store. They now have a range of leather , vegan leather and PVC collars that are both girlie and a little bit punky , so I love them! they even have day collars, BDSM jewellery and stuff for Doms! I have 3 collars from them now , and they are so bloody awesome that I can not recommend them highly enough!

So that is my gushiness done. The are some things that have been peeing me off, but I have decided to be a happy little Pixie and let them go!!!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Blog challenge Days 9 to 21.

So I have been resting but still doing my blog challenge! here are my entries for the last few days…..

Blog Challenge Day 9 to Day 21

Day 9 – Your last kiss.
So, my technique last kiss was my lurcher Bella when I left the house this morning! Don’t judge, she gives great kisses!)
The one before that was an early morning smooch with Kitten this morning. It was on of those lazy. Stretchy kisses, that is unhurried and full of soft touches that normally leads to more, but Babe came bursting in to hustle us out of bed, cos we need to get up and ready for a very long car trip!
Day 10 – Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Alcohol – I’m fine with it in moderation, I don’t drink very much, but that’s mainly cos I’m a flipping light weight, and after 3 beers I’m on the floor giggling! I don’t like being round drunk people or people who get aggressive when drunk, as they make me feel unconfutable and unsafe.
Drugs – All for the ligate one, hell I would be lost without them. illegal ones, don’t do them, don’t like. If you are then that is fine, but please don’t do them round me, and don’t ask me to join in! Everyone I know who has done them in the long term seems to have ended up with bad mental health problems.

Day 11 – Your current relationship
Well to the outside world I’m just a happily married lass. But if you look a little closer you will see that it is a D/s life, that I share with my husband / Dom and 3 other female subs. Myself and the girls are all bi and we all play together. We would all say it is a committed, none monogamous, poly relationship, that makes us all feel happy and whole.

Day 12 – Things you want to say to your ex.
Ah the question I have been dreading more than anything. Things with me ex are still so raw and fresh, but I’m going to give it a go…
• Why did you say you loved me, then try to break me?
• Was I worth so little to you?
• Do you know how much damage you did?
• What was going through you head as you beat me over, and over?
• Why did you have to rape me over and over?
• Did you really think you could break me?
• Does it hurt knowing that I’m doing just fine without you?
• Does it know that a French man is 1000 times more of a man than you ever could be?
You nearly killed, but that was never going to happen while I have this fire, burning in my soul. With love and support I have rebuilt myself. I still have a very long way to go, but I have come so far from the shell that you left behind. But more than anything you need to know that you will never break me, never!

Day 15 – A date you would love to go on.
I would love to go to the adult dyno-snores at the natural history museum. You get an afterhours tour of the museum, a 3-course meal and then a film in the main hall. The is a roof top bar that serves cocktails, that has a great view of London. You can stay up late listening to ghost stories or find a quiet corner to snuggle down for some sleep. Then in the morning you are woken up with a full on cooked breakfast. The only way that is could be more perfect is if the was a way you could have a shag next to all the bones and fossils,

Day 14 – Something discussing that you do.
Umm , not sure that I do anything that I would count as disgusting. I do like Squeezing whiteheads , but I get told off by the Boss man for doing, as the is high risk they could then get infected and that infection could put me in hospital. I also pick at my skin till it bleeds when I am nerves. We are working on that and it is the reason my nails are always kept short!

Day 15 – The best thing to happen this week
By the far the best thing that has happened this week is the Boss man having this week off work so that he could come to my midwife appointment with me . It was just an awesome day. I got to late all cuddled up to kitten. Then had breakfast, a shower and got dressed in the Boss Man . We got there right on time for my appointment, so we got to go straight in. Everything is good , I need to take iron tablets , but apart from that , everything is going smoothly!
After my appointment we are shopping, walked along the river , fed the ducks and lunch in my faviform pub. We did grocery shopping , went home, took a nap, and then cooked dinner together. We ate when the girls got home , and then it was baths, jammies, and DVD’s on the sofa till it was time for bed, story, and cuddles.
It’s not anything big or fancy. Just a day doing normal stuff, with the people I love. But never really having had that before , it makes for a very happy me!
Day 16 – 3 things that you are proud about your personality .
1) Tough – I’ve be through some shit over the years (slight under statement?!?!). I have come close to giving up a lot of times, but I have not. I have stuck at it and fought on and carried on living. I am pretty sure that some of it has been done through being bloody stubborn , but hay I’m still here!
2) Caring – I like to think that I’m carrion , I hope I am! I like looking after people and making sure they are safe and away from harm. I will always stick up for and protect the people I love . I will always try to support my friends and family, even if I don’t agree with them.
3) None judgemental – I have fucked so many times, and I know first-hand what it feels like to have someone judge you and your feelings. I would never want to make someone feel the way it made me feel.

Day 17 – Things that scare me.
I don’t like to admit that stuff scares me, but they are quite a few things that I’m frightened of. So, I’m going to make a list of them.
• Birds
• Deep open water
• Crowds
• Drunk people
• Confined Spaces
• Driving in the rain
• Outside (I’ ok with beaches/hills/wood)
• Germs
• Dirty places (Bus stations / Public loos / near bins)
• Being sick
• Mice and rats
• Fly’s
• Maggots
• Rotting food
• Thunder storms
• Large groups of teenagers
• Drowning
• Hospitals
• Eels
• Jellyfish
• The bottom of the ocean
• Space
• Things that can’t be explained by science
Strongly I’m not frightened of death.

Day 18 – Disrespecting parents
This is kind of a touchy subject for me as things with my own parents are not good right now and I don’t see things getting any better anytime soon.
I’m off the belief that show and treat your parents with respect , but that respect should also have been shown to you too. I also think that it is very easy to lose respect for them. It does not mean that you love them any less, it just means that they are not the people that you thought they were and that you are different to them .

Day 19 – something that never fails to make you happy .
Without a doubt, it must be waling my dogs, as it makes me happy on so many levels. The fact that just picking up a lead fills the house with wagging tails and excited barks. The are days that I’m in huge amounts of pain or really low , but I take them out and it makes things less tough. I can have a good old stomp, chat to them about the crap that I have going round my head, Safe in the knowledge that I’m not being and they’re not going to tell anyone.
Add to all this that they are so happy to run around like looneys, sniffing and peeing playing with their little friends, laying in muddy puddles, and rolling in the sand . I sit there watching and thin I did that, I made them happy , and that makes me happy!

Day 20m – The last argument that you had.
Weirdly I think it was either about putting petrol in the car or pop tarts. I just don’t remember which. The last proper grown up one was with a receptionist at the doctors, about my need to see a doctor that day and being told I was not sick enough to need to see one . To which I asked what qualifications they had to trig penitents. I also pointed out that being pregnant , suffering from an immune disorder and being diabetic, I felt I did need to see a doctor . After that she found me one pretty dam quick!

Day 21 – Something you can’t seem to get over.
Depression, I have had this bastard illness most of my adult life. It comes and goes, sort of an ebb and flow thing. Sometimes I hardly notice it , it’s just the little grey patch on me sunny day. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming , me in-tier world becomes stormy and dark . But it never truly leaves me. I guess that it never really will, but what has changed is the way I handle it now. I talk about it , I reach out to people, I ask for help and I don’t try to hide it anymore. I have stopped looking at it as an infliction and treat it as an illness. People get sick with it all the time, the are so many treatments for it, from mediatisation to therapy. So, what I means is, Yes, I have depression, no I don’t think I will ever be 100% over it, but I can live with it, and I’m cool with that!

 

Hope you enjoy,

Pixie

From the Heart….

So this afternoon I woke up from my nap to a new Dm in my inbox on twitter, which is really quite exciting in my little world! But on opening and reading it my little world turned dark and grey. Someone had decided my use of the English langue , its quirky grammer and frankly bonkers way of spelling things, had offended them so much that they felt the overwhelming need to tell me and point out my failings. Which is super helpful of them , but in my eyes not very kind or thoughtful.

Now don’t get me wrong , I now I suck at spelling and grammar, I really do. But I do have reasons that I suck at it. I grew up in a house hold that spoke a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian. I started to learn English when I was about 3 or 4 , but it took ages for me to pick it up. I was also a really shy little girl and had two wonderful big sisters that did most of my talking for me. That is one of the reasons the boss man calls me mouse, cos at times I’m so quiet , you would not know I’m there!

I am also dyslexic, which made reading and writing tougher than hell. it does not affect my number skills or my ability to understand things like science, history or geography. it does mean that I found it hard learning at school hard and that I get confused with big words and complex instructions. But I found ways to adapt and learn. I found that if I record what people are saying and play it back , I sticks in my brain. I can watch someone doing something and pick it up pretty quickly. I also pushed myself in the things I was good at, like art , design and science . I passed my gcses , alevels and went to uni getting a degree and masters in textiles and custom design. I

A few years ago I decided to retrain as a dog trainer and along side this I did some English and Itc courses. As I was dyslexic they offered testing to see if the was any extra help they could offer. it turned out that I also have a form of ADD . That means when I get anxious , which is most of the time , my brain sort of seizes up and I can’t do anything. it means I can be rude , distracted and if really bad aggressive . Finding out this explained a lot of things, such as not being able to judge people tones, some of the trouble I have with social interactions and shyness. i have learned tons of ways to deal with life. Like if I am really organised and sit down and plan things out , I can pretty much do anything. With help I got I went on to gain a second degree and masters , this time in canine psychologic, training and welfare.

So you see I’m not stupid, I just have a hell of a lot of stuff going against me when it comes to the English langue! I just want to say and ask people, please , please think before you Comment on other people’s post, tweets or updates. You never know what is hiding behind it. your ‘Kind words’ might not be met with a smile and a thank you. Luckey I vented on twitter and got support (go twitter pervs!). In days gone past I would have turn it on myself, beat myself up and more than likely ended up cutting myself. So again I say please think before you say things, you may curse more harm than good!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Question time with John Brownstone (aka the Wood Dude)

So the girls and I have been on the hunt for whiling victims to take part in are question time , but no body was fourth coming. So we made a list of people we wanted to interrogate, put them in a hat , pulled out a name and sent them an email asking if they might be up for playing along with our fun and games… Well that person was the awesome John Brownstone, Daddy and Dom to fabulous Kayla Lords, and Co-Host of the Loving BDSM community and Podcast. Guess what , he only went and said yes. So here  is his grilling !

Question time with John Brownstone (The Wood Dude!)
1. What do you know about your family tree and your heritage? (Babe)

I know a fair deal about my family tree actually. My father migrated to the U.S. from Heidelberg, Germany in 1956. His Father died when he was very young and he has three brothers. On my mothers side her mother and father were born in Chicago, my great grandmother and great grandfather immigrated to the U.S. from Italy. From Chicago my mom’s family moved to Brooklyn, NY and then eventually to upstate NY where she met my dad. My mom has one sister and I have more cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephews, etc then I can shake a stick at.

2. What does the best complement you have ever received? And the best one you have ever given? (mouse)

The best compliment I ever received  was from an long distance sub I had a number of years ago. She was my sub for a little over a year and then one day she just vanished. I didn’t hear from her for a year and a half but when I did I cried from what she told me. At the time she was my sub she was going through some very rough times in her life and when she contacted me it was to thank me for everything I did for her and taught her. She said it was because of the things I did with her that she realized she had to put on her big girl panties and take charge of her life. She got out of a bad relationship and moved to another town and got her dream job and was doing well and moved on with her life and was even thinking of starting her own business. She told me that with what I had taught her she found the strength inside herself to move forward and be someone and she was sorry for just disappearing but she know she had to do it on her own.   Best compliment I have ever given someone? There are times when Kayla’s anxiety is showing its face or she doubts that she can do something. I will look her in the eye and tell her “I believe in you, you can do this.”

3. What is your great strength and weakness? (kitten)

My greatest strength is that I want to learn, I am eternally curious about things and people. I am always reading, watching videos and diving into the thing I want to learn about. My greatest weakness is that at times I will procrastinate on certain things, like the new faucet for the kitchen sink. I bought it a month and a half ago but have been dreading crawling under the cabinets.

4. What is your dream pizza combo? (little bear)

I LOVE pizza. My all time favorite is Brooklyn style pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. I could eat a whole pizza by myself if I were left to my own devices.

5. Top 5 kinks and why you like them SOOO MUCH!?

(all) 1) Rope, I love rope not only for the ability to bind someone but the closeness and intimacy it gives. It is a slow process that allows one to spend some time with the partner. 2) Electro play, more specifically Violet wand. I was at a munch and they were doing a demo of one and I was just entranced by it. I got to try it out on a sub there and I was thrilled with her reaction to my fingers as the sparks danced over her skin. 3) Orgasm denial. The begging, I love bringing Kayla right up to the very top of the peak and then stopping. Doing it over and over while she begs for her sweet release. 4) Floggers. About 6 (maybe more now) years ago I read the Gor series by John Norman and floggers were frequently used in throughout the stories. SO when I had the chance I jumped on it to learn how to use a flogger and what I love about it is that it can go from being soft like a massage to stingy with the flick of the wrist. 5) Canes. I do love using canes and wish I had more chance to use them fully. Kayla can tolerate them when she is deep in subspace but I have always wanted to use on on someone who truly loves them as well as I do love the marks they leave.

6. What is the best, worst and most bizarre meals you have ever eaten? (little bear)

Oh dear, I still haven’t been able to forget this. When I was a kid our family was invited to a dinner party. The people hosting the party were Italian and most of the food I loved. There was something going around the table and some was put on my plate and I was told I should eat it. I took several bites and started to gag, it wasn’t till much later I found out what it was. It was Tripe, cows intestines….never again!

7. If you could have one super power, what would it be and why would you want it? (kitten)

I would like to have Aquamans powers. I’ve never been a good swimmer and the ability to move through water at a whim and then walk on land would be neat. Also to be able to communicate with fish and animals of the ocean would be cool.

8. How long have you been in to kinky fuckery and how did you get in to it? (Mouse)

Back in 19282 I was briefly married and we both had the spark of kink in us. I used to love tying her up using anything I could improvise. The marriage only lasted a year and I put anything kinky behind me as I blamed that for the demise of the marriage. Many years later I was surfing the web and came across some BDSM sites. It awoke my kinky feelings and then I embraced them and started learning all I could about the lifestyle.

9. Have you or would you ever take on a submissive role? (Babe)

When I came across the sites during my web search I also ended up in a number of BDSM related chat rooms. Not knowing much about the lifestyle at
that time from seeing the ways the Doms acted in them I didn’t think I had a Dominant bone in my body. So for some time I was an online submissive to a Domme for almost a year. It turned out to be a good thing actually as being on the sub side I learned a good deal and when I discovered my Dominant side I had a solid idea of both how to and how not treat a sub. Would I take on a submissive role now? Possibly, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two but it would have to be someone I knew and trusted very well.

10.  Marvel or DC comics?Who is your fav super hero and why?

Marvel comics and my favorite superhero is The Hulk. I like him because he has two sides to him, the mild-mannered doctor and then the raging Hulk. Even when he is in Hulk form he still knows right from wrong and uses his great strength to go up against evil.

Silly questions from Little Bear (Who was very much in need of food when we did this list!)
Where do you stand on cheese?

I have yet to meet a cheese I don’t like. Colby Jack, Sharp Cheddar, Muenster, Gorgonzola, Mozzarella, Parmesan, Romano, Harvati, Feta, and Blue Cheese. Bring them on, I love cheese.

Why is the sky blue?

The sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light, unless of course it’s sunset then it is red or orange. Kind of glad it is blue as a red or orange sky all the time would seem odd. Plus blue is a good color.
Can you do a handstand? There is only one way I am capable of doing a handstand and that is while in a swimming pool, otherwise it’s not a pretty sight.

Where is the treasure buried?

The true treasure is buried within.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I believe I have seen a ghost. My great-grandfather had just died several days before. It was late at night and a terrible thunder-storm had rolled into the area. I heard a noise outside my room and I got up to look. My room was at the end of a long hallway and at the far end there was a chair. I saw what looked to be a transparent figure of my great grandfather sitting in the chair. I wasn’t afraid and I stood there for some time just looking at him. Then a big flash of lightning lit up the hallway and when it was dark again he was gone.

We all want to say a huge thank you to Mr Brownstone! (Thank you is in the post 😉 )

Hugs,

Pixie, Babe, Kitten and Little Bear

Blog challenge day 7 – Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well this is a big old can of worms! I have never cheated on a partner, but I have been cheated on. It left me feeling divested, sore and pretty much unable to trust people. I think if you do anything from flirting to sex , without your primary partner know and being ok with it, is truly a vile thing to do to someone you are meant to be in love with.

I have an open , poly , none monagmse realstionship. One of the rules we set down at the start of it was that we tell everyone we are involved with , what we are doing and who we are doing it with. I personally don’t play with or fuck other anyone without the boss man being with me. but the girls do see others away from are family , but we know what they are getting and its all fine.

The thing that I really dislike , is the people who start flirting or start affairs with people who already have a partner , just because they can. Knowing full well the upset and hurt that it e=will cause when they get found out. The is no need for that type of spitefulness in a world that is already full of pain and suffering already!

Blog Challenge – Day 1 ‘Weird thing you do when your alone’

Oh what a question to start with! I had to really stop and think about this, then I stopped and thought , and was like hang on I’m not weird . It’s you ‘normal’ people that are weird! but then talking to some ‘normal’ friends an it turns out I am a bit of a ‘weirdo’ , so hey hum! I’m going to list them In bullet points, cos I like that , it pleases my funny little head!

  • I talk to my dogs. Not just ‘oh what a lovely girl you are spidie’ or ‘jordie , will you leave mad eyes bum alone’. But like full on conversations. My lurcher Bella has been trained to look after me , so is with me most of the time. She is very used to talking about what I’m doing and about what is happening, hell I even ask her advice on what to wear. The weird thing is I think they understand me and sort of reply to me. (don’t judge)
  • I do house work in the nude. I find it very freeing and get a bit of a kick out of it! I have even been court out by the postman a couple of times;)
  • Lego scene building. I have a really huge love of Lego, and few years ago I found out about building little scene building. What I do is make a back ground , stag a scene and take pics of them. favourite ones to do are ones with monsters or comedy chace scenes!
  • Dancing round the kitchen in the nude. Ok I love dancing, love being in the nude and my kitchen is my favourite room in my house. simples!
  • planning. Ok so not weird so you would think, but …. I have stickers , glitter gel pens and a big old planner. I sit and spread out a cross the kitchen table , put my iPod on super load , sing and plan! its heaven and it is away for
  • I binge watch things on YouTube. things like extreme coupons or super market sweep. I never get to watch crap when the rest of the family , cos their high brow!

So that is my shameful weirdness! So what do any of you do that is a little weird , when your on your lonesome??

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x