From the Heart….

So this afternoon I woke up from my nap to a new Dm in my inbox on twitter, which is really quite exciting in my little world! But on opening and reading it my little world turned dark and grey. Someone had decided my use of the English langue , its quirky grammer and frankly bonkers way of spelling things, had offended them so much that they felt the overwhelming need to tell me and point out my failings. Which is super helpful of them , but in my eyes not very kind or thoughtful.

Now don’t get me wrong , I now I suck at spelling and grammar, I really do. But I do have reasons that I suck at it. I grew up in a house hold that spoke a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian. I started to learn English when I was about 3 or 4 , but it took ages for me to pick it up. I was also a really shy little girl and had two wonderful big sisters that did most of my talking for me. That is one of the reasons the boss man calls me mouse, cos at times I’m so quiet , you would not know I’m there!

I am also dyslexic, which made reading and writing tougher than hell. it does not affect my number skills or my ability to understand things like science, history or geography. it does mean that I found it hard learning at school hard and that I get confused with big words and complex instructions. But I found ways to adapt and learn. I found that if I record what people are saying and play it back , I sticks in my brain. I can watch someone doing something and pick it up pretty quickly. I also pushed myself in the things I was good at, like art , design and science . I passed my gcses , alevels and went to uni getting a degree and masters in textiles and custom design. I

A few years ago I decided to retrain as a dog trainer and along side this I did some English and Itc courses. As I was dyslexic they offered testing to see if the was any extra help they could offer. it turned out that I also have a form of ADD . That means when I get anxious , which is most of the time , my brain sort of seizes up and I can’t do anything. it means I can be rude , distracted and if really bad aggressive . Finding out this explained a lot of things, such as not being able to judge people tones, some of the trouble I have with social interactions and shyness. i have learned tons of ways to deal with life. Like if I am really organised and sit down and plan things out , I can pretty much do anything. With help I got I went on to gain a second degree and masters , this time in canine psychologic, training and welfare.

So you see I’m not stupid, I just have a hell of a lot of stuff going against me when it comes to the English langue! I just want to say and ask people, please , please think before you Comment on other people’s post, tweets or updates. You never know what is hiding behind it. your ‘Kind words’ might not be met with a smile and a thank you. Luckey I vented on twitter and got support (go twitter pervs!). In days gone past I would have turn it on myself, beat myself up and more than likely ended up cutting myself. So again I say please think before you say things, you may curse more harm than good!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Question time with John Brownstone (aka the Wood Dude)

So the girls and I have been on the hunt for whiling victims to take part in are question time , but no body was fourth coming. So we made a list of people we wanted to interrogate, put them in a hat , pulled out a name and sent them an email asking if they might be up for playing along with our fun and games… Well that person was the awesome John Brownstone, Daddy and Dom to fabulous Kayla Lords, and Co-Host of the Loving BDSM community and Podcast. Guess what , he only went and said yes. So here  is his grilling !

Question time with John Brownstone (The Wood Dude!)
1. What do you know about your family tree and your heritage? (Babe)

I know a fair deal about my family tree actually. My father migrated to the U.S. from Heidelberg, Germany in 1956. His Father died when he was very young and he has three brothers. On my mothers side her mother and father were born in Chicago, my great grandmother and great grandfather immigrated to the U.S. from Italy. From Chicago my mom’s family moved to Brooklyn, NY and then eventually to upstate NY where she met my dad. My mom has one sister and I have more cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephews, etc then I can shake a stick at.

2. What does the best complement you have ever received? And the best one you have ever given? (mouse)

The best compliment I ever received  was from an long distance sub I had a number of years ago. She was my sub for a little over a year and then one day she just vanished. I didn’t hear from her for a year and a half but when I did I cried from what she told me. At the time she was my sub she was going through some very rough times in her life and when she contacted me it was to thank me for everything I did for her and taught her. She said it was because of the things I did with her that she realized she had to put on her big girl panties and take charge of her life. She got out of a bad relationship and moved to another town and got her dream job and was doing well and moved on with her life and was even thinking of starting her own business. She told me that with what I had taught her she found the strength inside herself to move forward and be someone and she was sorry for just disappearing but she know she had to do it on her own.   Best compliment I have ever given someone? There are times when Kayla’s anxiety is showing its face or she doubts that she can do something. I will look her in the eye and tell her “I believe in you, you can do this.”

3. What is your great strength and weakness? (kitten)

My greatest strength is that I want to learn, I am eternally curious about things and people. I am always reading, watching videos and diving into the thing I want to learn about. My greatest weakness is that at times I will procrastinate on certain things, like the new faucet for the kitchen sink. I bought it a month and a half ago but have been dreading crawling under the cabinets.

4. What is your dream pizza combo? (little bear)

I LOVE pizza. My all time favorite is Brooklyn style pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. I could eat a whole pizza by myself if I were left to my own devices.

5. Top 5 kinks and why you like them SOOO MUCH!?

(all) 1) Rope, I love rope not only for the ability to bind someone but the closeness and intimacy it gives. It is a slow process that allows one to spend some time with the partner. 2) Electro play, more specifically Violet wand. I was at a munch and they were doing a demo of one and I was just entranced by it. I got to try it out on a sub there and I was thrilled with her reaction to my fingers as the sparks danced over her skin. 3) Orgasm denial. The begging, I love bringing Kayla right up to the very top of the peak and then stopping. Doing it over and over while she begs for her sweet release. 4) Floggers. About 6 (maybe more now) years ago I read the Gor series by John Norman and floggers were frequently used in throughout the stories. SO when I had the chance I jumped on it to learn how to use a flogger and what I love about it is that it can go from being soft like a massage to stingy with the flick of the wrist. 5) Canes. I do love using canes and wish I had more chance to use them fully. Kayla can tolerate them when she is deep in subspace but I have always wanted to use on on someone who truly loves them as well as I do love the marks they leave.

6. What is the best, worst and most bizarre meals you have ever eaten? (little bear)

Oh dear, I still haven’t been able to forget this. When I was a kid our family was invited to a dinner party. The people hosting the party were Italian and most of the food I loved. There was something going around the table and some was put on my plate and I was told I should eat it. I took several bites and started to gag, it wasn’t till much later I found out what it was. It was Tripe, cows intestines….never again!

7. If you could have one super power, what would it be and why would you want it? (kitten)

I would like to have Aquamans powers. I’ve never been a good swimmer and the ability to move through water at a whim and then walk on land would be neat. Also to be able to communicate with fish and animals of the ocean would be cool.

8. How long have you been in to kinky fuckery and how did you get in to it? (Mouse)

Back in 19282 I was briefly married and we both had the spark of kink in us. I used to love tying her up using anything I could improvise. The marriage only lasted a year and I put anything kinky behind me as I blamed that for the demise of the marriage. Many years later I was surfing the web and came across some BDSM sites. It awoke my kinky feelings and then I embraced them and started learning all I could about the lifestyle.

9. Have you or would you ever take on a submissive role? (Babe)

When I came across the sites during my web search I also ended up in a number of BDSM related chat rooms. Not knowing much about the lifestyle at
that time from seeing the ways the Doms acted in them I didn’t think I had a Dominant bone in my body. So for some time I was an online submissive to a Domme for almost a year. It turned out to be a good thing actually as being on the sub side I learned a good deal and when I discovered my Dominant side I had a solid idea of both how to and how not treat a sub. Would I take on a submissive role now? Possibly, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two but it would have to be someone I knew and trusted very well.

10.  Marvel or DC comics?Who is your fav super hero and why?

Marvel comics and my favorite superhero is The Hulk. I like him because he has two sides to him, the mild-mannered doctor and then the raging Hulk. Even when he is in Hulk form he still knows right from wrong and uses his great strength to go up against evil.

Silly questions from Little Bear (Who was very much in need of food when we did this list!)
Where do you stand on cheese?

I have yet to meet a cheese I don’t like. Colby Jack, Sharp Cheddar, Muenster, Gorgonzola, Mozzarella, Parmesan, Romano, Harvati, Feta, and Blue Cheese. Bring them on, I love cheese.

Why is the sky blue?

The sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light, unless of course it’s sunset then it is red or orange. Kind of glad it is blue as a red or orange sky all the time would seem odd. Plus blue is a good color.
Can you do a handstand? There is only one way I am capable of doing a handstand and that is while in a swimming pool, otherwise it’s not a pretty sight.

Where is the treasure buried?

The true treasure is buried within.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I believe I have seen a ghost. My great-grandfather had just died several days before. It was late at night and a terrible thunder-storm had rolled into the area. I heard a noise outside my room and I got up to look. My room was at the end of a long hallway and at the far end there was a chair. I saw what looked to be a transparent figure of my great grandfather sitting in the chair. I wasn’t afraid and I stood there for some time just looking at him. Then a big flash of lightning lit up the hallway and when it was dark again he was gone.

We all want to say a huge thank you to Mr Brownstone! (Thank you is in the post 😉 )

Hugs,

Pixie, Babe, Kitten and Little Bear

Blog challenge day 7 – Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well this is a big old can of worms! I have never cheated on a partner, but I have been cheated on. It left me feeling divested, sore and pretty much unable to trust people. I think if you do anything from flirting to sex , without your primary partner know and being ok with it, is truly a vile thing to do to someone you are meant to be in love with.

I have an open , poly , none monagmse realstionship. One of the rules we set down at the start of it was that we tell everyone we are involved with , what we are doing and who we are doing it with. I personally don’t play with or fuck other anyone without the boss man being with me. but the girls do see others away from are family , but we know what they are getting and its all fine.

The thing that I really dislike , is the people who start flirting or start affairs with people who already have a partner , just because they can. Knowing full well the upset and hurt that it e=will cause when they get found out. The is no need for that type of spitefulness in a world that is already full of pain and suffering already!

Blog Challenge – Day 1 ‘Weird thing you do when your alone’

Oh what a question to start with! I had to really stop and think about this, then I stopped and thought , and was like hang on I’m not weird . It’s you ‘normal’ people that are weird! but then talking to some ‘normal’ friends an it turns out I am a bit of a ‘weirdo’ , so hey hum! I’m going to list them In bullet points, cos I like that , it pleases my funny little head!

  • I talk to my dogs. Not just ‘oh what a lovely girl you are spidie’ or ‘jordie , will you leave mad eyes bum alone’. But like full on conversations. My lurcher Bella has been trained to look after me , so is with me most of the time. She is very used to talking about what I’m doing and about what is happening, hell I even ask her advice on what to wear. The weird thing is I think they understand me and sort of reply to me. (don’t judge)
  • I do house work in the nude. I find it very freeing and get a bit of a kick out of it! I have even been court out by the postman a couple of times;)
  • Lego scene building. I have a really huge love of Lego, and few years ago I found out about building little scene building. What I do is make a back ground , stag a scene and take pics of them. favourite ones to do are ones with monsters or comedy chace scenes!
  • Dancing round the kitchen in the nude. Ok I love dancing, love being in the nude and my kitchen is my favourite room in my house. simples!
  • planning. Ok so not weird so you would think, but …. I have stickers , glitter gel pens and a big old planner. I sit and spread out a cross the kitchen table , put my iPod on super load , sing and plan! its heaven and it is away for
  • I binge watch things on YouTube. things like extreme coupons or super market sweep. I never get to watch crap when the rest of the family , cos their high brow!

So that is my shameful weirdness! So what do any of you do that is a little weird , when your on your lonesome??

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Me, my tattoos and I…

Me, my tattoos, and I…
Ok so a while ago some one said I should make a list of all my tattoos, noting when and why I got them, and what they mean to me . I should point out that I have a HUGE thing for tattoos! (slight under statement there I think) I have 35 of them and for me they all have special meanings. when it comes to people and their tattoos, well I it kind of hits me on a lot of different level. I personally see tattoos as an art form. Some of the work I’ve seen over the years, simple blows me away. It takes a lot of time and skill to be able to draw something complex, beautiful, and detailed on someone’s skin! I also have a thing for the Pinup look on women and tattoos seem to sit beautifully with that look. Mistresses or female tops with tattoos turn my in to a little subbie puddle. Dom males with muscles, breads and tattoos and I’m making puddles! (phaw! You should see the boss man with his shirt off!!!!). When I first met maîtriser, before we were what we are now, I remember him sitting with me at a club and telling what and why and the meaning of his tattoos. I guess it was one of the first things I feel in love with him for. I mean no other person I knew, would sit with me, and talk about tattoos, cos I was drunk and sad.
So, I have made a list, starting at the top and ending at the bottom, well my feet!
1. Feather behind my right ear. I got this done after my nana passed away. My granddad always said that me and my nana were very alike. he also said we were like feather, we looked like we could break, but we were stronger than we look. So, I got it to feel close to my grandparents, who meant the world to me and who I miss every day!
2. Black paw print inside a blue heart, centre of shoulder blades. Simply down cos of my love of all things dog. I retrained as a dog trainer and then as a behaviourist.
3. Left shoulder blade, skull, and cross bones (waiting to be finished with waves round it). I love pirates and the sea. With the waves, it will become a half sleeve. Also makes me look tough and bad ass, although maîtriser said I’m about as frightening as baby sloth!
4. Left shoulder, back Japanese characters for – Protection, calm, and strength. These were done when I went off to uni, kind of an act of rebel. My mother hates tattoos on women so it was a way of sticking 2 fingers up at her. Everyone was getting Chinese catchers, so to be a little different I went with Japanese’s!
5. Crescent moon and 4 stars right shoulder on my back. The moon is for a fiend I lost to cancer at school (she was 15) and the 4 stars are friends I lost to Aids, every time I loses a friend I add a star.
6. Double over lapping Heart under moon in black and blue. First tattoo I got done at the age of 15! I got it done, again to piss my mum off, but it’s in the same spot as the one my daddy has on his back and its almost identical to his! I love my daddy!
7. Writing under left boob in Gallic ‘Never by force ‘
8. Writing under right boob in Gallic ‘never without consent’
9. Middle of chest between boobs Gallic ‘always with love’ so I had other writing first, but after I split from my ex I decided I wanted to change to something to remind me that no one has the right to use force on me to get what they want. So my friend John came up with this! It’s in Gallic as that is what I grew up. (mixed with Russian)
10. Under gallic script, gothic scroll work and heart. Had this done last year as I wanted to make it a feature. I really love the whole gothic art look so that is what my friend john went for.
11. Left forearm black heart and J+n – part laser removed. Drunk tattoo from the first bulldog bash (biker festival) I was having it removed by lazer, but it triggered my vitiligo so I’m now going to get a cover up, just don’t know what!
12. Right wrist arrow and Warr; or. So, this is a tattoo that means a huge amount to me. I had it done 4 hours after I was realised from hospital after trying to take my life. I had been in hospital 3 ½ months and it had been an uphill struggle to get myself to the point that they let me go home. The; is to mark that my story is not over and the warrior is now how I look at life and mental illness. I fight it every day of my life, from that point on!
13. Middle of back, pentagram – Again to piss my mum off, but also cos it looks pretty.
14. Small of back New Zealand tribal shield. I think this was the 3rd one I got done and I just adore it. My friend john did this one and it was a first for both of us, as it was done without any outline and free hand!
15. Left hip RAF sweet heart wings, RAF covered by a red heart now. My Granddad, my daddy and my Ex were all in the RAF. I Got sweetheart wings done cos I was very much in love with my ex and he wanted a sort of mark of ownership. I am very supersites and direct refused to have his name on me, so I went for sweetheart wings. I got the RAF part covered over after we split.
16. Goth tinker bell right hip. Get this done at the age of 17, it was a straight tinker bell, till a few years later when I started hanging out on the fetish scene and really got in to the goth style of clothing and make up.
17. Left bum check Good girl (Cherry that was above it lazered.) Got this done when drunk on holiday with my ex in Malaga. Oh the shame! I got the cherry that was above it removed, as well I lost that cherry a long time ago!
18. Under left bum check ‘666’ brand style tattoo. Again, drunk tattoo done at the bull dog bash! Growing up my parents had hoped for a boy, but after having me my mother was unable to have more kids. For her it left her not really liking me and blaming me for the lack of sons. For my daddy, it meant that all the things he would have done with a son, he did with me. Fishing, rugby, and motorbikes! I learnt to ride 2 up at like 4, to ride a scrambler at 6 and trials bikes at 8. I went on to do trails and motocross till I was 20. then I went on to learn to road race and then drag race. All Ong with road racing came biker festivals as a teen. To this day, for me and my daddy motorbikes are a passion and something I could bore you all with more, but I won’t today!
19. Left thigh scare turned in to a creator. Hmmm, this is going to be tough to explain, so bear with me! When I was 17 I was suffering from my first bout of grown up depression, I was hiding it and just how bitterly unhappy I was. It got to a point that I did not want to be here anymore so one night when out with a biker chum, I was riding 2 up, we went around a sharp bend, and I simply let go and pushed myself of the back, hoping that was it for me. Luckily, I woke 10 days later in hospital. Not so lucky was the amount of me that I had broken. I had dislocated both shoulder, broken a wrist, 4 ribs, my pelvis, and all the bones in my left leg. I got help and I heald, but I was left with a narly scare on my left thigh. My friend john, knowing how much I hated it, turned it in to a creator and add other smaller tattoos to cover the small scare that I had on my thigh too!
20. Upper left thigh, small red flower. Love flower and this covers where I had meatal frame to help my leg heal.
21. Upper left thigh, k9 from Doctor who. I love dogs and doctor who, so why not?!
22. Left thigh at the back-Celtic knot. I’ m really proud of my Celtic roots and love not work!
23. Back of left thigh Irish cLruder. The boss man has the same one over his left pec. We got them done when we got engaged!
24. Outer left thigh part of do not go gentle in to the light. It reads’ Do not go gentle into that good night.’ Love this poem, love Dylan Thomas and this is my way of saying ‘I’m not going to give up on anything without a fight!’ I also read this at my nana’s funeral.

25. Left thigh, butterfly with purple wings. This was done to show that I’m a survivor of domestic abuse and that by talking openly about it that I have been set free from it!
26. Left thigh, mermaid. Just love mermaid!
27. Inside left thigh, Arabic script saying, ‘what makes you different, makes you beautiful’. I have a little Arab blood in me and I love this saying.
28. Inside left thigh ‘So very thankful’ this was done after I Od at uni, but survived it!
29. Left inside thigh shooting star. Got this done in houner of a friend who died working in the mild east.
30. right inside thigh 3 red hearts, covering up kisses. Got this changed after getting together with my little poly family. Each heart is one of the girls!
31. Under right bum cheek, dragon in the style of the one from the hobbit. Love the hobbit and love the art work in the book.
32. Inside left thigh, Latin saying ‘love conquers all’ For the Frenchman, cos it does and it did!
33. Right outer ankle bone, small blue rose. My granddad had this on his forearm and had it done when he was serving in japan after ivy day bringing home POW. I remember him telling us some horrendous stories as kids. Any how I liked it and got it done.
34. Left outer ankle bone, black flaming heart. HAHA, this is my Bicker tattoo. I have this same heart on the tanks of all my bikes. #biker
35. Under flaming heart, the word Ohana. Get this done very recently and is the same as the ones the girls got done. We are all fans of Lilo and stitch and love the meaning of this word. It kind sums are little family up I think!
So that is all of them not sure why this has, but I cried a little writing it. I have not thought about some of them for a long while. Most bring back happy thoughts and memories, but some a harder to remember. I need to say a specail thank you to kitten for helping me list them all and for the Frenchman for not distracting me from writing this. Also, I want to say sorry to the poor mail man for making you fall over when you saw some tattooed, naked chick sat at her kitchen table writing!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x