Blog challenge – Day 2 ‘how have you changed in the past 2 years?’

well it’s day 2 of my blog challenge, and today’s question is how have you changed in the past 2 years? Good question, I really have changed a lot in the last 2 years, on a lot of different levels

To understand how and why I have changed I should properly explain a little about what was going on in my life 2 years ago. It was a year and 3 months post split from my ex and he was waiting trial for assault and rape. I was in the proses of getting a divorce and struggling to cope with day-to-day life, on my own. I had , had my collar for a year , the boss man and the girls had all moved in with me and the boss man was selling his house in Cornwall and france. i was still doing 3 different types of therapy a week and also under a CPA with my local cmht. I was shy , frightened and lacked any conference what so ever. it was at this time that maîtriser started to come to my therapy sessions with me. He started to ask me to try some changes , to see if it would help me get my happy back!

I started to keep my diary everyday and I started to have a daily chore list. I started back at the gym, started to learn yoga and started attending barre classes. I enrolled in some classes at the local college and the open university . I stopped working as a ‘dog walker’ and started my own training business . I started to write a little, as a way to vent what I had going on in my head.

I also made a  lot of changes to my family life, which although were really hard for me to do , helped massively . Firstly I asked for my mum , dad and sisters to give their keys to my house back, So they would no longer just turn up uninvited. I also stopped spending time with either of my parents , without the boss man or the girls being with me. This had the knock on effect of both my sisters doing more for my parents , something they had not really done in the past.

over the next 2 years the boss man helped push myself outside of my comfort zone every signal day. I learnt a lot about who I really was and what I really wanted out of life. I also started to explore how I felt about different kinks and different poly set ups. We settled on an open , poly relationship. We decided that we wanted to all live, sleep and love as one big family group.

So 2 years on I find myself blissfully happy , loved , respected , cared for and getting my conference . I will now stand for myself , speak up and don’t let people put me down. I am never going to be the most confident of people, but I now teach people and dogs. I feel settled and safe for the first time ever. I married the Boss man last December, we have babies on the way. I run my own business and I’m quite in demand as a speaker with in my field. But more than anything , I have stopped hiding , I deal with any problems that come up in my life head on and I am proving people wrong everyday!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog Challenge – Day 1 ‘Weird thing you do when your alone’

Oh what a question to start with! I had to really stop and think about this, then I stopped and thought , and was like hang on I’m not weird . It’s you ‘normal’ people that are weird! but then talking to some ‘normal’ friends an it turns out I am a bit of a ‘weirdo’ , so hey hum! I’m going to list them In bullet points, cos I like that , it pleases my funny little head!

  • I talk to my dogs. Not just ‘oh what a lovely girl you are spidie’ or ‘jordie , will you leave mad eyes bum alone’. But like full on conversations. My lurcher Bella has been trained to look after me , so is with me most of the time. She is very used to talking about what I’m doing and about what is happening, hell I even ask her advice on what to wear. The weird thing is I think they understand me and sort of reply to me. (don’t judge)
  • I do house work in the nude. I find it very freeing and get a bit of a kick out of it! I have even been court out by the postman a couple of times;)
  • Lego scene building. I have a really huge love of Lego, and few years ago I found out about building little scene building. What I do is make a back ground , stag a scene and take pics of them. favourite ones to do are ones with monsters or comedy chace scenes!
  • Dancing round the kitchen in the nude. Ok I love dancing, love being in the nude and my kitchen is my favourite room in my house. simples!
  • planning. Ok so not weird so you would think, but …. I have stickers , glitter gel pens and a big old planner. I sit and spread out a cross the kitchen table , put my iPod on super load , sing and plan! its heaven and it is away for
  • I binge watch things on YouTube. things like extreme coupons or super market sweep. I never get to watch crap when the rest of the family , cos their high brow!

So that is my shameful weirdness! So what do any of you do that is a little weird , when your on your lonesome??

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Question time with Sir Beasty.

So you may have heard me go on about ‘Sir Beasty’ before, but none of you have really met him have you?! So I asked him , nicely to do a question time thing for me and the girls, as a sort of getting to know him thing! The Boss man was going to be first up for this, but he had to go work in Paris for a week, so Sir Beasty stepped up and took one for the team! I should explain a little about him and how I know him. Well his a friend of mine who is simply one of the most amazing people who you will ever meet! Sweet , funny and caring . His a very clever guy, our super hero and a very talented dude. He also acts as an online protector to myself and the girls. He is also , strangely one of a like 5 men outside the Boss man who I trust. He is also allowed to tell me off, to shush me and to simmer down. But above all this he is someone who makes me feel safe , loved and makes me laugh at myself! So Big Love and Squeashes to the Beasty for doing this for me! (We loves you whole bunches sir!)

Question time with Sir Beasty.

1. Who inspires you and Why? (Babe)
a. Strong beautiful women inspire me. People who overcome inspire me. Diverse lives with meanings that can be construed as deep, touching, vulnerable… those people inspire me because fear does not limit them, it does not stop them. It inspires them to do more, be more and try… more.
2. Dom, Sub or switch, Discus? (Kitten)
a. Switch – I find it easy to slip into a Dom role when in the right company. I can sense submissive and instantly want to protect them. I can also pick up on dom female personas and naturally like to please.
3. Top sexual Fantasy and why? (little bear)
a. So many… I fantasize about sitting down to study, write or goof off on a game console and a beautiful woman wearing my shirt and heels walks in to the room I am in. She has that look in her eyes says she’s ready to play, to give me anything I want. I ignore her as long as I can, making her wait for what she wants. In some of these fantasies, I am talking on a conference call at work or online with friends and she does everything she can to get me to crack under the pressure. The cat and mouse game goes round and round waiting for one of us to give, to cum and to scream in pleasure.
4. What are your turn ons and turn offs? (Mouse)
a. Confidence, strength and curiosity are turn-ons. Chewing with your mouth open, inane babble and inability to keep up in conversation are turn-offs.
5. Dirty talk, yes or no? examples please? (all)
a. YES – Oh hell yes! That is much easier demonstrated in person
6. What kind of music do you play when you’re about to get your freak on? (kitten and Mouse)
a. New Age, Moby, atmospheric, thunderstorms with a drum beat underlay… so many options. Sexual tempo and temperature change with the tempo of the music.
7. What kinks do you have and what would you like to explore? (babe)
a. I have many kinks, so many. I would explore almost everything given the chance.
8. What are you top 3 strengths? (Little bear)
a. Listening, empathy, ability to give people what they need.
9. Describe your perfect day? (Mouse)
a. When I find it, I will let you know.
10. Best, worst, and most embarrassing sex ever? (all)
a. This will take some time to explain lol
Added to this were the questions are unicorns real? have you seen a mermaid? and where is the treasure hidden? But the boss man said no to them (Meanie)

Since you asked nicely… The treasure is )(*(&(*#(*&(*&#HJD))()*#)(_ _)_#_)_(&*#^*&# *(@#(*^&$)

Well that is Sir beasty! Next up is the Boss Man , if we can get him to sit down and answer the blinking questions! (How much trouble would we get if we sat on him and tickled him till he played ball?!?!)

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

All ‘Good things’ come to an end.

So the topic up for debate today Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is when a D/s realstionship ends and how would deal with it. Now I have been with maîtriser for 2 1/2 years, but before that I was with a guy from the age of 17 till just before maîtriser. That was a D/s relationship , but it was not a good or healthy one , for either of us.  I don’t talk openly about it , as it was such a painful things to talk about and in the end it was pretty horrific. But with maîtriser sat with me , holding my hand, I’m going kind of break my silence on it, in the hope that if even one person takes something away from it and it helps them then it will have been worth a few tears and the time it takes to write it down.

I really don’t know where the flip to start . I met my ex when he was 24 and I was 17. He was a in a passion of power (well sort of , I was a 17-year-old college student , so pretty much everyone was), and due to this we had to kind of keep quiet about dating for a couple of years. I guess I should have seen that as a warning light, but hell I was 17 and thought I was in love. We spent the first few years of being together , breaking up and making up, only to break up again. Now I am and always have been very open about the fact I’m bi and when we broke I dated women (love you Kitten!) but when we were back together, the was always the pressure to bring one of my Gf in to the bedroom as well. Which I will openly admit I liked , but he got jealous and shitty if the attention was not on him. Any how when I was about 19 we started to add in the D/s side to things. I had been hang out on the fetish scene and he would come along when home on leave. I think adding the D/s side to us was I n retrospect a really stupid thing for me to allow. It opened up a side of him that was frightening and very dark. But I wa in love and young , and me being me I was to shy and insecure to stand up and say I was unhappy.

Moving forward 6 years or so and things started to go wrong for me on a personal and for us as a couple. I had a sort of break down from working in a job that I worked 7 days a week 13 hours a day. I had stress in my family , my health was suffering and I was homesick. (I was working in paris.). He had become a bully, aggressive and verbally. but I stuck with him , cos I loved him and anyway who would want me any way. Now he was serving in the mideast , and I am pretty sure most people would not of handled seeing what he did and he may very well of had PTSD, but that does not excuse his behaviour, it only serves to explain it. I was bitterly unhappy, I was frightened of him , and with the constant verbal abuse , I felt like I deserved to be treated that way. The D/s side of things had become intense and demanding , but the was never any ‘Aftercare ‘ .  We went on to get married in 2011 and he left the forces in the may of the next year.

But not having the discipline or focuses of a fast-moving job, he started drinking and taking drugs. things at home were awful . he had started to become violent and was using aggression and verbal abuse to get what he wanted in the bedroom. I had been made to feel so vile about myself and hate myself so badly that I just stayed, cos I loved him and cos no one would ever want me, right?

The beatings got worse, the bullying got worse and I hit rock bottom. Then the biggest blow ever came, he had been cheating on me and had got some woman pregnant. He actually had the nerve to step to me and say ‘ I need money to make this go away’. Well something inside me snapped and I lost the plot, hit him and demanded he got out of my house. Well I’m not a little thing, I’m ft 9 and I can handle myself (I used to do door work and I spare and do kick boxing) , but at ft 4 and weigh a lot more than me , he fought back , beat he crap out of me , dragged me to the bed room , raped me and choked me to the point of blacking out. I’m not 100% sure what happened after that , things are hazy . what I do know is that I felt so dirty , used and guilty for letting this happen. the shame I had brought on my family and the fact that I had let them down , again was just too much to deal with, so I took 3 weeks of all my meds, some sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka, downed them all and lay down and waited for it to all end!

Well I fucked that right up, forgetting I had friends who are awesome (love you kitten, babe and Sir Beasty) . Yup I spent a couple of months in hospital getting better and I’m still In therapy . But my friends hugged me so tight that I manged to put myself back together. It has taken everything I have in me to get through all of this, I still have problems and I am very much a work in progress, but I got through it , and have found something so much better and worthwhile.

So what I guess I’m trying to say is , that love should not hurt , unless you ask for that pain. love is not bullying , or black mail or threats. love is respect, trust and care. Even if you are a 24/7 tpe , you have the right to feel safe and loved , and to live without fear. If you  ever find yourself in this portion, leave , talk to someone or scream for help. but above all else it is not your fault,  you have nothing to be ashamed of and no matter what you life is worth so much than you know, so don’t give up! If  can get through this , so can you!

Love, light and hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Have You Heard of Subfrenzy?

So  the topic of discussion from Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s at breakfast yesterday was ‘Subfrenzy’. Now my first thought was blimey that sounds painful! Sorry , I’m not mocking , really I’m not , but having never really experienced it myself. So we chatted about it , the girls explained their views and the boss man told us about his experiences of Subfrenzy.

So I have said ive never really experienced it myself , ive heard of it and seen the nasty tail end of it. I’ve had sub friend get really inteses over a Dom very quickly. frighteningly so , but then I have seen vanilla friends get the same way with guys . I have a few issues round trust with people after me whole ex thing, but I just always thought taking things in little steps was better and safer. I know things la frog , moved quickly , but I had known him for like 15 year and we were a friend for the whole time! (is it ok to say I had a crush on him for years?! sorry but I really love my Frenchman)

Babe has a Dom side and has had subs offering to ‘Worship’ her at the drop of a hat. She hates that and I think it a big part of her not actively looking for a pet! she says she is happy with us girls for now! Kitten’s first D/s thing was full of frenzy and she thought this guy was amazing . Turned out to be a total A-Whole and after the first few weeks it just kind of died out. Are darling little bear, well she is always pretty full on and but not in a ‘all or nothing sort of way’. She just herself really and we all love her for it.

maîtriser well he’s had a few subs over the years and 1 or 2 of them at the start were pretty intense. He recalls that the first few times it happened he was flattered and being pretty green to the whole BDSM scene he went at things full on. Knowing what he means by that and knowing how intense he can be , I can see why that would be impossible to keep going 24/7 for more than a month. but with age and experience (ok I am in no way say your old boss man , just pointing out you have been doing your Dom thing for 25 years!) has come a calm and caring style of Dom. Hell don’t get me wrong he is still intense, strict and bloody demanding , but we do have times when he relaxes the reins a little. I mean I don’t crawl round the house on my hands and knees , begging to be spanked , all the time. As be say , really life gets in the way ! He now looks for subs that are willing to learn , at his pace and who know how to relax and are willing to just kick back and chill with his girls!

So yeah, I know what ‘Subfrenzy’ is , I have seen it and understand it . But for me personally I have never felt it . I have always been very cursus of going in to strong with submission. I feel that submitting to someone , 100% is something that takes time , trust and is very much something that a sub and a Dom need to earn.

Well I’m off to eat and take a nap , Bosses orders!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

What Kind of Rules Do You Want?

So are topic that was up for debate in bed last night was rules and what kind we had in are D/s relationship?! Ah rules , let me tell you how I love rules!!! Ok so yeah , I love rules and I have a lot of them with maître. I have a contract , that is 14 pages long and I have it as a pdf on my Dropbox account! No , really I do! But it’s what works for me. The other girls have contracts too. Babes is only 2 pages and Kitten and bears are 4 or 5 pages. Mine is longer , as I wanted or more like needed things to be very clear to me and maître as to how I wanted things to be. No I’m not a control freak, it stems from being in a relationship that had no rules, no boundaries and that ultimately did me a great deal of harm.

So I thought It might be fun to explain my contract, for it is a thing of extreme beauty! I’m going to also make a point of saying that maître went as far as have friends witness us signing it . this contract has been I use since this time last year and is the third one I have had with maître, each one gave him more and more control , at my asking. We  sit down once every 3 months and go over it and see if things need to be changed at all. it covers pretty much every aspect of my life. from how I act , to what I do , what I wear and who I can see and speak to.

The first 2 pages cover the rights and obligations of the submissive and Dominate. this covers how we wants things to work and stuff that we expect from each other. mine state that maître will look after me , guide me and take care of me . that I am allowed to think for myself, ask questions and to not be micro-managed. That I belong to maître , that I’m his to be used as he sees fit and that no one may touch me without asking you first. maître part sates his right over me and the things that he promised me. with them it states that I have given him the right to step in and take control if he feels I have taken on too much or if people bullying me. He has the right to use my body in any way , at any time and any place he wants, unless I’m sick or on my period. He has promised to never do drugs , drink to excess or allow any one to smoke around me or any part of our house. (I have chronic lung damage and a drug selectivity problem, smoke and nicotine , even second-hand make me really sick 😦 ) . the other things are about him helping to become a happy , healthy and strong submissive woman.

Next up is general rules, these cover things such as saying please and thank you, how maître is to be greeted when he comes home from work, bed time etiquette and are no shouting in the house rue. It also covers what time I am allowed to spend with my family , that I can’t see my mother or my daddy without him or one of the girls with me and what I’m meant to do if my mother has been drinking or becomes verbally abusive. Rule 13 always makes me giggle. it is as follows:

13) a) I am not allowed to touch any large electric objects (tv / fridge) without you being home. b) I must not climb on or stand on chairs, stools or ladders at any time. I must ask Babe or Kitten to pass me anything that is out of my reach. c) I must not try to fix iPad, iPod, my phone, laptop, the sky box or the Wi-Fi, at any time. That is your job.

This was put in cos I’m the most accident prone person alive! It also states that I am responsible for the running of the house and for giving the other girls jobs to help with the smooth running of the are home. The last rule in this section states that I am his submissive and his alone. That I am allowed to stand up for myself , as long as I do it in a polite , calm and respectful manner.

then  it moves on to communication. This covers things like how I greet the Boss in the morning , how I am to speak to other Dom and their subs and to normal every day manners. It also makes it clear that I am to tell maître if I am feeling unwell, overly anxious or tired. It also says that I’m to be polite and well-mannered even if I am anxious , because I can get a little rude when worried. It also covers my emails, social media use and blog post. maître has access to all of them and so does Kitten. lol the only way I was allowed a blog was if Sir Beasty was a co on it and that he knows the WordPress, Hotmail and Twitter pass words. this might seem like over kill , but I freely agreed to it , as it made me feel safer and if I have another pout of depression , well everyone will know.

Next is public behaviour, this is where it gets very strict! it covers how I must acted towards you, how I carry myself and how I must talk to people. It states I’m not to answer you back, swear in public or to move from maître’s side unless I ask to. It also covers a couple of things of sexual nature that I have to do if asked. it tells me that I must carry myself with grace and poise at all times and act in a lady like manner. Also if I’m on my own that I have to hold my head high , use eye contact and speak in a polite , upbeat tone , at all times.

We then moved on to how I act and behave in clubs. I love clubs , but I also find them really hard,  with all the noise and crowds. The are also a lot of people who knew me with my ex and that brings up sad and distressing memories , but again as with every problem that I have, I’m working on over coming it! It covers what I can wear , who I can talk to and what I can do with and without maître. the girls and I are allowed to go off and play with each other or with other subs that maître and their Dom have given us permission  to. I also have a list of people who keep an eye on me. What can I say I have a really protective maître and that is one thing I really love.

Next up are my Home rules , these are very specific . they tell me that clothes are warned between 7am and 8 pm , but between 8pm and 7am the only cloths that I can wear are posh undies (I love lacy and silky things) or panties and one of maître t-shirts (I have his superman or star wars ones). We are not allowed to wear shoes at home (maître likes his girls in bare feet) , but I am allowed sleepers , as I’m diabetic and have to take extra care of my feet! it covers what me and the girls may do with each other and that if we want to fuck we have to ask if we are allowed first (maître gets a lot of text asking that!)  we have to tidy up after every thing we do , no phones or tech at mealtimes and home work is to be done at the kitchen table. I’m in charge of keeping the bedroom how maître likes it, the rules for that are as follows.

12 a) Our bedroom is to be clean and tidy at all times. b) Sheets are to be changed every 3 days. c) All toys must be cleaned after use. d) I will ensure that the bedside table is stocked with condoms lube, fresh batteries, tissues and tiger balm at all times. e) the on suit must have clean towels and toiletries at ,all times. f) Porn is only allowed to be watch in the bed room, unless we are holding a play sleepover.

We then move on to attire , this covers how I am allowed to dress and what cloths I must wear when. it also covers that it is my job to keep maître’s cloths washed, iron and in good order. We also as a family have a lot of rules around are collars , they are :

: 1) a) I must wear my collar at all times, but it may be removed for medical treatment. b) My day-to-day collar (silver chain, with two joined o rings) is to be worn at all times, except in bed or at a club. c) My pink or purple ribbon collar is to be worn in bed. d) My purple studded collar or kitten collar, with my Mouse tag attached are to be worn at clubs, and you may attach a lead if you wish. e) It is your duty to change my collar, but I must give you the right one at the right time. . trust me we do not deviate from this at any point. I really love my collar and to me is a sign of my submission and do not like have to take it off. My everyday collar got broken when I was having hospital treatment and I dissolved in to tears. the poor nurse must have thought I was mad!

Then we move on to rules that cover my body and what I can do to it , they are as follows:

Body: 1) My body is to be free of hair (under arm / legs / pubic). Under arms to be shaved daily and legs and pubic hair waxed every 10 days. (by Sam)

2) I am to get weekly manicure. Nails are to be kept short. I may wear pink, purple, red or black nail varnish.

3) I will get pedicures ever 3 weeks. My toe nails are to always be painted. My feet are to be kept smooth and soft. I am to have daily foot rubs from maître (special time)

4) I am to get my eyebrows threaded every 10 days and my eye lashes tinted every month.

5) a) I am to get my hair cut every 8 weeks. b) I am to get my hair coloured every 12 – 14 weeks. c) I am not allowed to change the style or colour of my hair without permission. d) I am to wear my hair down and natural at all times. I may tie it back to cook, work, clean or exercise.

6) I am to wear 3 earrings in each ear. I must wear plan rings or bars in my nipple and clit piercings. They may be changed to fancy ones, for clubs or the bedroom, but it is up to you to change them.

7) tattoos are to be covered as much as possible in polite company

8) I am to be available to have my body inspected at any time you feel like it

Again these do not get deviated from.

Next up for me are my rules around my health , I’m going to skip over these as they are as boring as hell and I really don’t like to talk about my physical health that much. I have shit lots of problems. I guess the same can be said for the rules that fall under mental. they cover me going to therapy , the mindfulness and self-care stuff I have to do and me keeping my diary . they are very personal and they have been put in at maître’s want. I’m fighting depression, GAD and recovering from PTSD. I’m doing really well , but it’s hard to talk about at times! My health rules also cover what exercise I’m allowed to do and that I have to do 30 minutes a day, other walking my dogs!

Next come my personal House hold and fiscal rule. I’m the one who runs are home. I asked to be allowed to do this. I learnt how to take care of the house and home by my nana. My nana was a very strong woman and she taught me how to cook , clean , care for babies and children and how to do it with a smile. My grandpa was a master printer for the times and was very much the Dominate bread-winner, but nana was just a strong as he was and they were married , very happily for 45 years, till cancer took him from are lives. My job in running the house mean that I run the household , the girls, maître’s , my own and my work diaries. (trust me that is not an easy thing to do) I plan all the meals and do the food shopping (online) I do the cooking and cleaning , but the girls have to help with this. (it’s the only time I tell any one what to do) maître put in the rule that I am not allowed to clean for more than 2 hours a day, as when I am really anxious I can get a little ocd. On the final side of things , I ask maître to have total control over my finances . Not because I am hopeless with them or have no money. I make a good living as a dog trainer and behaviorist, I in fact earn almost as much as maître. The house we live in is mine and I own it out right . I have no debut and keep my out goings very low. I do have ever have a family that is always on the take and a big problem saying no to them. So maître took over money maters so I don’t end up giving it all away! I have a budget to stick to when buying food and house hold supplies, I get £ 50 a week to spend on anything I want and I have to ask maître’s punishment to spend more than £20 on things that I don’t ‘Need’. I have a credit card to buy petrol, food and anything my dogs need. the only thing I don’t need to ask punishment to spend money on are things for the dogs or treatment for the dogs. (love my fur babies)

Then is the section I love the most , are my rules and responsibilities towards maître. they are:

D/s 1) I’m to wake you in the mornings by going down on you.

2) I’m to shower with you 3 times a week, so you may inspect every part of my body.

3) I must keep your wardrobe in perfect order at all times.

4) I am to shave you on Sunday mornings.

5) I am to allow myself to be loved, respected, trusted and liked. I will remember that I am worthy of your love . I take the role of submissive as it makes me feel whole and at ease, but above all we are partners in life .

This is my special time rules!

Lastly on the rules front are rule to do with sex. They range from touching while having oral sex , to no masturbating without asking first to swallowing at all times. I’m not allowed to touch the toy box without asking first or play with the girls without asking. I am allowed to initiate sex, but never be the aggressor (not sure that is the right term?!?!)/ I also have a way of indicating I’m horny in public , by placing my hand on the boss’s tummy. He then finds a way of giving relief. I LOVE this rule cos its lead to some awesome out doors sex, fingering under the table in restaurants and on several ocasions to Kitten being made to go down on me in a quiet corner. (YUMMY)

The last part covers my limits, are way of dealing with rule breaks and punishments. Then the is a list of online and real-time ‘ Protectors’ . Now that would seem a little bit like over kill , but it really isnt . We have very recently had a bit of an attack on are little family. All are laptops , social media and banking stuff got hacked. But because some of are online protectors noticed odd thing, the boss stepped in and got it sorted.

So that is my / are take on rules and what I/ we wanted and felt I needed. I know it is not for everyone , but it really does help me as a submissive and it does work for me !

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

Safe words.

So today’s hot topic of breakfast discussion is Safe words and what they mean to you. (Loving , Loving BDSM 30 days of D/s)) . Just adding  todays breakfast Is a little bit different from my normal breakfast , firstly I actually talked to people (I know right!!), I was formally allowed to tell the world I’m pregnant and we have been joined in New Jersey by My Great Aunty May for the next 2 weeks! I think maîtres asked her to come out to keep an eye on us while he has to work, but I don’t care. Aunty May is Awesome and super fun! Any , safe words….

Right so yeah I have 2 safe words,  Dearg and Buidhe. Buidhe is Gaelic for orange and Dearg is red. For me Buidhe is used when things start to get a little too much , if it is hurting to much and also for if I start to feel panicky. I am also allowed to hold eye contact maîtres for 3 seconds as well. if I use it in a play session or at a club he will back off a little and will always check if I’m ok to go on. If i use it in a social situation he knows i need to take a breather or to speak to him privately . I have and do use it a lot , i know he will always act pone it and it is instantaneity. Dearg is only to ever be used when i cant take things any more , when i need things  to end straight away and if i am freaky out. I know that maîtres will move heaven and earth to stop things , to make me feel safe and to stop any harm that could derail all the hard work i have in to get myself well. In the 2 years and a bit years we have been together i have never had to use it once.

As for not having a Safe word , well if that floats your boat then coolio! But for me Safe words are a hugely  about trust. Firstly having come from a place of not having one and a partner who would not stop and me thinking that i had to toughen up and deal with it. To someone saying , hay I’ll stop when you say and i mean it , well that is a huge thing and it has taught men that i very much have a choice in what i do . But also on the flip side its a big thing for maîtres to. I don’t hide the fact that i tried to kill myself a couple of years ago and before that i hid a lot of stuff from maîtres, even though at he time we were just friends at the time.  It took a lot for maîtres to forgive me for hurting myself and for him to trust that i would tell him if i could not handle things. So yeah, we have them and we use them. they work a little different to most and they mean the blinking world to me!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ps – It’s all a mater of trust