From the Heart….

So this afternoon I woke up from my nap to a new Dm in my inbox on twitter, which is really quite exciting in my little world! But on opening and reading it my little world turned dark and grey. Someone had decided my use of the English langue , its quirky grammer and frankly bonkers way of spelling things, had offended them so much that they felt the overwhelming need to tell me and point out my failings. Which is super helpful of them , but in my eyes not very kind or thoughtful.

Now don’t get me wrong , I now I suck at spelling and grammar, I really do. But I do have reasons that I suck at it. I grew up in a house hold that spoke a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian. I started to learn English when I was about 3 or 4 , but it took ages for me to pick it up. I was also a really shy little girl and had two wonderful big sisters that did most of my talking for me. That is one of the reasons the boss man calls me mouse, cos at times I’m so quiet , you would not know I’m there!

I am also dyslexic, which made reading and writing tougher than hell. it does not affect my number skills or my ability to understand things like science, history or geography. it does mean that I found it hard learning at school hard and that I get confused with big words and complex instructions. But I found ways to adapt and learn. I found that if I record what people are saying and play it back , I sticks in my brain. I can watch someone doing something and pick it up pretty quickly. I also pushed myself in the things I was good at, like art , design and science . I passed my gcses , alevels and went to uni getting a degree and masters in textiles and custom design. I

A few years ago I decided to retrain as a dog trainer and along side this I did some English and Itc courses. As I was dyslexic they offered testing to see if the was any extra help they could offer. it turned out that I also have a form of ADD . That means when I get anxious , which is most of the time , my brain sort of seizes up and I can’t do anything. it means I can be rude , distracted and if really bad aggressive . Finding out this explained a lot of things, such as not being able to judge people tones, some of the trouble I have with social interactions and shyness. i have learned tons of ways to deal with life. Like if I am really organised and sit down and plan things out , I can pretty much do anything. With help I got I went on to gain a second degree and masters , this time in canine psychologic, training and welfare.

So you see I’m not stupid, I just have a hell of a lot of stuff going against me when it comes to the English langue! I just want to say and ask people, please , please think before you Comment on other people’s post, tweets or updates. You never know what is hiding behind it. your ‘Kind words’ might not be met with a smile and a thank you. Luckey I vented on twitter and got support (go twitter pervs!). In days gone past I would have turn it on myself, beat myself up and more than likely ended up cutting myself. So again I say please think before you say things, you may curse more harm than good!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog challenge day 8 – What is something you are currently worrying about….

Well the is a lot of things that I’m worrying about right now, not sure I can narrow it down to jus one thing! So what I’m going to do is a thing I my therapist and the Boss Man get me to do, a worry list . what I do is a make a list of all the thing that I’m worried and then share it with at least 5 people, so I’m going to do it here and share it with you all!

  • Being Pregnant – It not an easy thing for me to deal with, ok I know no woman goes yay pregnancy what a riot. But with all the health issues I have and mental health stuff some days it’s just bloody terrifying!
  • motherhood – I did not have a good time growing up with my mother, and trust me that is putting it lightly. It has left me worrying that I won’t be able to bound with my babies when they get here. or that I won’t be a good mother and I will turn out to be just like my own mother.
  • My Daddy – My daddy has bipolar , Parkinson’s disease and Pick disease . His not that old , his 71, but every day we seem to lose a little more of him. In recent months his become very erratic and lashes out at people. with being pregnant it means I can’t spend time with him on my own, it’s just not safe.
  • My Mother – As I have said I don’t get on with my mother , I never have and I never will. We are polar opposites and want very different things in life. But I still love her, and that will never stop. 7 months ago she was sent to prison for Drink driving among other things , and for the last 7 months I have not seen or spoken to her. over the weekend gone she was rushed to hospital after have trouble swallowing and vomiting blood. It was thought it due to years of heavy drinking and smoking , but on Sunday she was found to be suffering with cancer of her throat. It hit me kind of  hard, left me not knowing how to fell or what to do. Thankfully the boss man took over talking to my sisters, who wanted me to drop everything and go see my mum. It has turned out not to be as bad as first thought but it’s terrifying.
  • Crufts – I have some how got 3 dog through to different thing at crufts next year. I am also teaching and working on the KC youth stands. It’s going to be epic, but tiring and the is going to be a lot of training and prep involved !
  • Work – I have had to give up working till after the babies get here. as I have said I was struggling to cope with a really busy schedule , working in a field that knocks you sideways and is incredible physically demanding. So I am having to think at what level do I need to go back after the babies get here. Hopefully I will be able to go back in to teaching and also get back to working with rescue dogs!

So those are the main worries going round my pretty little head, I have told you and now I will let them go , and breath!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog challenge day 7 – Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well this is a big old can of worms! I have never cheated on a partner, but I have been cheated on. It left me feeling divested, sore and pretty much unable to trust people. I think if you do anything from flirting to sex , without your primary partner know and being ok with it, is truly a vile thing to do to someone you are meant to be in love with.

I have an open , poly , none monagmse realstionship. One of the rules we set down at the start of it was that we tell everyone we are involved with , what we are doing and who we are doing it with. I personally don’t play with or fuck other anyone without the boss man being with me. but the girls do see others away from are family , but we know what they are getting and its all fine.

The thing that I really dislike , is the people who start flirting or start affairs with people who already have a partner , just because they can. Knowing full well the upset and hurt that it e=will cause when they get found out. The is no need for that type of spitefulness in a world that is already full of pain and suffering already!

Blog Challenge – Day 3 to day 6

So I have had a busy few days and when I finished my chores for the day, I have been under orders to rest up and take things easy . So I did not post my blog challenge , with the Boss Man’s permission. So I wrote them and he said I should post the 4 days that I have done all in one post. Enjoy!

Day 3 – What type of person attracts you
I’m attracted to all sorts of people, of both sexes. I’m not really about looks. I prefer someone who can make me laugh, can hold a decent conversation, and I can just kick back and chill with. I’m also big in to good manners and respecting other people views and limits. I prefer dominate men, but I have a lot of Subbie male friends. I like bot Dom and sub females. I’m in to goth, punk and pin-up looks for woman, but I also love tattoos and piercings. Men, well I like men to look like. but also, are clean and at least look like they have tried. Muscles, beard, and tattoos are all very welcome too!

Day 4 – What you wear in bed?
Normally as little as I can, but it depends on what is going on at the time. If I’m having treatment or I’m sick, I tend to go with a comfortable t-shirt and a pair of leggings. If we are at home or if we have vanilla guest or little ones staying over I have posh PJ’s from Marks & Spencer’s. If the boss man is not at home I tend to sleep in panties and one of his t-shirts. It makes me feel close to him and they are just the right size to snuggle in. If he’s home, then I wear what I’m told to wear. Whether that is t-shirt and panties or a skimpy baby doll nightie or in the nude. Strangely if I am working away and staying in a hotel, I tend to sleep naked. Hehe, I have even walked butt naked from one room to another before now!

Day 5 – 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex / same sex.
Men – 1) Swearing all the time. 2) rowdy drunkenness. 3) cocky smugness. 4) Wearing jeans that are too big and show their ass and boxers off. 5) Disrespectful attitudes towards woman and older people.
Women – 1) Fake everything (nails/tan/lashes). 2) swearing, rudeness, and bitchiness. 3) not knowing their limits when drinking. 4)Flirting with other people’s partners. 5) constantly putting themselves down.

Day 6 – The person you like and why you like them. Dita Von Tease. I have had a massive girl crush on her for a very long time. She has made the pin-up look and burlesque main stem. But she also has an amazing mind set and attituded. She is sexy without being trashy. She is provocative without out being sluty. she wore vintage and fetish clothing before they became fashionable. She carried herself with poise and grace after the break down of her marriage. She is also a great role model for say that a woman does not need to have children to validate her as a woman.

Pixie x x x x

Blog challenge – Day 2 ‘how have you changed in the past 2 years?’

well it’s day 2 of my blog challenge, and today’s question is how have you changed in the past 2 years? Good question, I really have changed a lot in the last 2 years, on a lot of different levels

To understand how and why I have changed I should properly explain a little about what was going on in my life 2 years ago. It was a year and 3 months post split from my ex and he was waiting trial for assault and rape. I was in the proses of getting a divorce and struggling to cope with day-to-day life, on my own. I had , had my collar for a year , the boss man and the girls had all moved in with me and the boss man was selling his house in Cornwall and france. i was still doing 3 different types of therapy a week and also under a CPA with my local cmht. I was shy , frightened and lacked any conference what so ever. it was at this time that maîtriser started to come to my therapy sessions with me. He started to ask me to try some changes , to see if it would help me get my happy back!

I started to keep my diary everyday and I started to have a daily chore list. I started back at the gym, started to learn yoga and started attending barre classes. I enrolled in some classes at the local college and the open university . I stopped working as a ‘dog walker’ and started my own training business . I started to write a little, as a way to vent what I had going on in my head.

I also made a  lot of changes to my family life, which although were really hard for me to do , helped massively . Firstly I asked for my mum , dad and sisters to give their keys to my house back, So they would no longer just turn up uninvited. I also stopped spending time with either of my parents , without the boss man or the girls being with me. This had the knock on effect of both my sisters doing more for my parents , something they had not really done in the past.

over the next 2 years the boss man helped push myself outside of my comfort zone every signal day. I learnt a lot about who I really was and what I really wanted out of life. I also started to explore how I felt about different kinks and different poly set ups. We settled on an open , poly relationship. We decided that we wanted to all live, sleep and love as one big family group.

So 2 years on I find myself blissfully happy , loved , respected , cared for and getting my conference . I will now stand for myself , speak up and don’t let people put me down. I am never going to be the most confident of people, but I now teach people and dogs. I feel settled and safe for the first time ever. I married the Boss man last December, we have babies on the way. I run my own business and I’m quite in demand as a speaker with in my field. But more than anything , I have stopped hiding , I deal with any problems that come up in my life head on and I am proving people wrong everyday!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog Challenge – Day 1 ‘Weird thing you do when your alone’

Oh what a question to start with! I had to really stop and think about this, then I stopped and thought , and was like hang on I’m not weird . It’s you ‘normal’ people that are weird! but then talking to some ‘normal’ friends an it turns out I am a bit of a ‘weirdo’ , so hey hum! I’m going to list them In bullet points, cos I like that , it pleases my funny little head!

  • I talk to my dogs. Not just ‘oh what a lovely girl you are spidie’ or ‘jordie , will you leave mad eyes bum alone’. But like full on conversations. My lurcher Bella has been trained to look after me , so is with me most of the time. She is very used to talking about what I’m doing and about what is happening, hell I even ask her advice on what to wear. The weird thing is I think they understand me and sort of reply to me. (don’t judge)
  • I do house work in the nude. I find it very freeing and get a bit of a kick out of it! I have even been court out by the postman a couple of times;)
  • Lego scene building. I have a really huge love of Lego, and few years ago I found out about building little scene building. What I do is make a back ground , stag a scene and take pics of them. favourite ones to do are ones with monsters or comedy chace scenes!
  • Dancing round the kitchen in the nude. Ok I love dancing, love being in the nude and my kitchen is my favourite room in my house. simples!
  • planning. Ok so not weird so you would think, but …. I have stickers , glitter gel pens and a big old planner. I sit and spread out a cross the kitchen table , put my iPod on super load , sing and plan! its heaven and it is away for
  • I binge watch things on YouTube. things like extreme coupons or super market sweep. I never get to watch crap when the rest of the family , cos their high brow!

So that is my shameful weirdness! So what do any of you do that is a little weird , when your on your lonesome??

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Dah da dah!

Good evening kinksters and nilias of the world!

So I have been a little bit on the poorly side again and had a blip on the depression front, but it is getting better! I was a really good girl and asked for help. the Boss Man and girls have been ace. i got give loads of help and the Boss Man has added in loads of stuff to support me! one of the things is a Blog challenge , as I did the 30 days of D/s and that helped massively with mood and structure in my everyday life! So he found 20 challenges, and ask Kitten to pick 5 and then asked girls to pick 1. Well then I ended up in hospital and Kitten and the girls had no idea which one to choose, so they asked Sir beasty to pick one. He was super cool and picked one for me! (fluffy breadie one is good!) So I will be staring that tomorrow! The boss man has also set me the task of writing a 2000 word story with in a month and I am starting that tomorrow as well!

This is my 30 day challenge …..

blog challenge!

I’m also going to make a super big effort to upload my Diary every Monday . I will also be finding a willing victims to do question times with the girls, cos we love doing it and also love asking questions and getting to know people! We are also thinking of doing a Sub problem page / agony aunt thing! So if you have a question , problem or want to be a victim hit us at pixieheartblog@hotmail.com .

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x