Pixie’s Prompt – three questions, 300 words.
Answer the 3 questions in 300 words or less, but giving reasoned answer.
1) An important person in your life: My Great Aunty May. Simply because she is an amazing woman. Strong minded, open, and clever. She has taught me some many things about being who I am. She is a feisty lady, who is farce and brave, even when she’s not. But the thing I love about her the most is the fact she has been there every step of the way of my recovery. From hospital, to coming home, to remarrying and becoming a mum, she ha been there. Oh, and she can tell the boss man what to do!
2) A thing your life has in excess: Love, my life is full of love. Whether that is giving love, being loved, or feeling love. Some many different types of love. For friends, lovers, family, or my babies. I never thought it was possible to feel this much love and I’m a very blessed lady to have this amount of love in my life.
3) How you procrastinate: Well I don’t really! No, I do, but I also must have a lot of structure in my days, or I feel very stressed and like I’m just waiting time. That would then make me panicky and anxious and no one wants that. I guess I do like Pinterest and twitter quite a lot. I also enjoy stripping down to my panties and a t-shirt, turning up the music and dancing round the kitchen. Also, a big fan of taking long baths and naps. But then I am also happy to spend the day writing or to clean for a few hours. For me life is about balance and priorities.
See i can write something in under 300 words!
My broken Brain – Fighting on.
So, I had a wee bit of a break down at the weekend (A all at once i’m sad again..). It was I guess a long time coming. I have had so many things going and with me if I drop one of the balls that I juggle, and everything comes crashing down around me. It leaves me feeling like I have failed, leading to me losing my focus, becoming over whelmed by everything and then not being able to do anything. It feels a lot like my brain freezes and I need help to defrost it. So today with maîtriser to hold my hand I went to see my CPN, as I was not sure of the best way to move forward. Not wanting to take on to much, but scared of doing to little. Knowing full well if I do either thing will only get worse and that I do not want to go back to my dark days. I should say My CPN is amazing and he has been there every step of the way after I tried to kill myself (it never gets easier saying that). At first, he was an NHS CPN, but when I was well enough to be discharged from the NHS care, maîtriser made me keep seeing both my physiatrist and CPN privately, as he feels my mental health is something that should not be neglected. Luckily for both wonderful mental health works have been willing to work with me as a privet patient. Even more luckily, we can afford to do this, I know the are so many people let down by mental health services.
So, after talking for a bit, my CPN agreed I am having a depressive episode and that my anxiety levels are high right now. After saying that aloud we sat and talked about a plan of action to get me better and back on track. We broke it down in to 3 parts and I have been made to promise not to try and do all 3 at once (DAMN!)
So, the first part is making sure I take of my basic needs as a human people. So, this is the plan for each of them:
• Nutrition – I must make sure I have 3 balanced meals a day and 3 snacks a day. Eating my 5 a day, clean protein, and complex carbs. Limiting processed food and refined sugars.
• Fulgide in take – Make sure I drink 3 litters a day of un caffeinated liquid, that is also low sugar. I also must limit my caffeine in take to 3 caps of a day and no caffeine after 1pm
• Exercise – 30 mins a day of something other than walking my dogs.
• Sun light / Fresh air – Spend 30 mins a day out side.
• Rest and relaxation – Spend 3o mins a day doing an activate that I find relaxing and peaceful. It must not involve tech or writing.
• Sleep – 7 hours at night, with a 30-min afternoon nap.
The next part of the get pixie better plan is kind the get your fight on part. It is al about dealing with what is in my head and not listening to the voices and push on. We are going to do this in 3 key ways, they are:
• Adapt to it – So my anxiety is stopping me doing things, but with anything if you think out side the box you can find away round it. I mean I can’t just get on a bus or train to go some place on my own, but if I have the babies or one of the dogs with me I can. As they give me something other than the thing that is making anxious to focus on!
• Challenge it – This applies to the negative voices in my head that tell I have failed, that I’m stupid or that I should just give up. The way I challenge them is. I write down the thing that I am thinking and how it made me feel. Then later with someone else, normally kitten I will sit down and find things that prove that they are not true.
• Fight it – This is the hardest thing to do, but it gives me the best feeling ever. I fight it in a lot of ways. Walking to the post box to post a letter when I get anxious about leaving the house. Or poking fun at my depression, calling it names back or refusing to listen to it.
The last part is my does and don’ts
My dos are:
• Stand tall.
• Ask for help.
• Talk about it
• Meet it head on.
My don’ts is:
• Don’t hide it.
• Don’t shy away from it
• Don’t feel ashamed of it.
Well that is my plan for getting my brain better, again. I also have 2 things I must remember as well, they are, I am enough and that it is ok to not be ok. With all this I feel a little brighter and lighter. Like I have a tiny bit of my fight back again. So yeah bring it!
New year, Better me!
Well 2017 is gone and I find myself in a reflective mood. For a lot of people, I know 2017 was not the best of year. With loss, illness, big ass storms and Donny-j. For me it was full of lows and highs. It was the year my daddy got sicker, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I lost friends and family and my depression and anxiety decided to kick me in the butt. But it was also a year of great personal growth for me. I found my fit as a wife, blogger, and feminist. But by fair the best thing of 2017 was becoming a mother to my beautiful twin girls. I know a lot more to life that being a mum, but when you have thought for many years that it is something you’re not going to get to do. Well when you do, it blows your mind. I never knew I could love something so deeply and fiercely as I do them.
I have seen loads of people posting their new year resolutions, but you won’t be seeing any from me. We don’t make them, as maîtriser thinks it away of setting yourself for an unnecessary fail. What we do is sit down and make a list of targets and goals we want to work towards and plan how we can achieve them. it’s something we do every 3 months and we cover pretty much every aspect of are lives. Even maîtriser does it and will let us set goals for him! We sat down on Friday last week and did are lists. This is where I admit that I love the whole planning side of this. I get to get all my gel pens and stickers out. It’s really good fun!
Some of my goal for the next 3 months are: Loose the last of the baby weight and 15lbs extra, run my dogs at crufts, attend eroticon, pitch some ideas at other blogs, do my muck run training, more swimming lessons and get my new and improved blog up and running!
Maîtriser has also sat down with my and we have set some goals for my blog. Such as post a min of 3 times a week, keeping up to date with emails and upping the number of followers to my blog. Lol one of my friends got me a bloggers journal and a diary that is designed for people who have autism, that have been amazing. They are fun, clear, easy to use and don’t feel like they are shouting at me. So, yay!
I have also decided that I want really work on my English. Not just writing, but spelling, grammar, punctuation and understanding. This came about after several nasty comments about my spelling and grammar. I’m dyslexic and have Anxious ADD, so that makes learning and understanding really flipping tough at times. adding to this I grow up speaking a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian you can see why English is something I have ongoing struggles with it! But I have Bob my English tutor tailoring lessons for help with this. Also, Sir Beasty is stepping in to help with editing my work, so it’s a case of bring it on!
So, as I wave good bye to 2017, I’m hitting the ground running in 2018, so bring it 2018!