Blog challenge day 8 – What is something you are currently worrying about….

Well the is a lot of things that I’m worrying about right now, not sure I can narrow it down to jus one thing! So what I’m going to do is a thing I my therapist and the Boss Man get me to do, a worry list . what I do is a make a list of all the thing that I’m worried and then share it with at least 5 people, so I’m going to do it here and share it with you all!

  • Being Pregnant – It not an easy thing for me to deal with, ok I know no woman goes yay pregnancy what a riot. But with all the health issues I have and mental health stuff some days it’s just bloody terrifying!
  • motherhood – I did not have a good time growing up with my mother, and trust me that is putting it lightly. It has left me worrying that I won’t be able to bound with my babies when they get here. or that I won’t be a good mother and I will turn out to be just like my own mother.
  • My Daddy – My daddy has bipolar , Parkinson’s disease and Pick disease . His not that old , his 71, but every day we seem to lose a little more of him. In recent months his become very erratic and lashes out at people. with being pregnant it means I can’t spend time with him on my own, it’s just not safe.
  • My Mother – As I have said I don’t get on with my mother , I never have and I never will. We are polar opposites and want very different things in life. But I still love her, and that will never stop. 7 months ago she was sent to prison for Drink driving among other things , and for the last 7 months I have not seen or spoken to her. over the weekend gone she was rushed to hospital after have trouble swallowing and vomiting blood. It was thought it due to years of heavy drinking and smoking , but on Sunday she was found to be suffering with cancer of her throat. It hit me kind of┬á hard, left me not knowing how to fell or what to do. Thankfully the boss man took over talking to my sisters, who wanted me to drop everything and go see my mum. It has turned out not to be as bad as first thought but it’s terrifying.
  • Crufts – I have some how got 3 dog through to different thing at crufts next year. I am also teaching and working on the KC youth stands. It’s going to be epic, but tiring and the is going to be a lot of training and prep involved !
  • Work – I have had to give up working till after the babies get here. as I have said I was struggling to cope with a really busy schedule , working in a field that knocks you sideways and is incredible physically demanding. So I am having to think at what level do I need to go back after the babies get here. Hopefully I will be able to go back in to teaching and also get back to working with rescue dogs!

So those are the main worries going round my pretty little head, I have told you and now I will let them go , and breath!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Oppss I did it again…..

Well world I have gone and landed myself in trouble , again, big trouble this time ­čśŽ See this week has been massively full om for me. I have been writing courses content, presentation for a 3 day conferences and trying to sort classes out in the UK from the USA. I have been running around trying to be everything to everyone. I have been forgetting to eat at times and not taking naps when I need to. I have put myself down, I have allowed myself to be belittled by people and taken to heart some silly comments from unkind people. So┬áMa├«triser has told me I have┬áto list everything I have done and then the┬ápunishment for this and then post it on my blog. So here goes….

  1. I have not been eating my 3 meals a day and forgetting to have my 3 snacks a day.
  2. I have put myself down a total of 15 times in a row, even after being given warnings.
  3. I said I looked fat and that ma├«triser is crazy for still wanting me when I’m fat and ugly .
  4. I pushed Kitten away when she trying to comfort me.
  5. I forgot to eat before bed on 3 nights, leading to 3 hypo .
  6. I refused to let Babe drive when I was tired and need her help.
  7. I grumped at my great Aunty May .
  8. I forgot to test my blood sugar levels for 3 days.
  9. I took a Skype call  from my Daddy with out someone with me.
  10. I took an email from my sister to heart, when she had no right to say what she did.
  11. I refused to take my afternoon naps.
  12. I took on more work than I could handle and refused help when it was offered.
  13. I refused help with my chores.
  14. I said I was fine when I came over faint in the groceries store.
  15. I went to mass when i was meant to be resting.

My punishment is as fallows. For the next 2 weeks maîtriser we chose what i wear, eat and how i spend all my free time. I am to take an afternoon nap between 3.30 pm and 4.30pm every day. I am to do everything i am told without answering back, if maîtriser is not about to tell me what I should be doing i must ask Babe. i have lost the right to my alone time for the 2 weeks . i am not allowed to speak to my sisters or father without maîtriser for the next 2 weeks. All emails, social media and blog post must be joked by maîtriser, Babe or Sir Beasty. I am to eat 3 times a day, have 3 healthy snacks a day and i must drink 3 litter of fluids a day. I am on a total caffeine ban for the next 2 weeks and i am not to have soda. i must have my phone with me at all times and i must not leave the house without Bella and one of the girls. i am not to go over 100000 steps in one day. i am not allowed to drive for 2 weeks, I must keep my diary and list all sleep, food and bs level in it. all this has been done for my own sake and i must try harder not to break my rules.

Well that’s it! See not all punishments are about spankings and kinky stuff. This for me has really hits me where it hurts , being made to very publicly admit what I have done and how i fucked up is really hard, to have my free time and freedom to answer back is going to be so hard. but i know that it’s done out of love , concern and so i look after myself better.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Orgasm Control

So todays , well yesterdays topic of discussion on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s orgasm control. Now before I ramble about this to you let me paint a little picture for you,┬á we walked in to a little Mom & pop diner in NJ yesterday myself and the girls. Now we don’t have ‘Kinky fucker ‘ tattooed to are heads , but we don’t look like locals either! Think a kinky version of the Adam’s family. We sit down and ordered are drinks, but said we were waiting to order food till the last member of are party . Then we start to discuss Orgasm control, which we did quietly , well for us! but the funny looks, turned to opened mouthed stares when my fluffy , white-haired, 82-year-old Great Aunty May walks in , sits down and Says ‘So were talking about orgasms today then!’ I a rather load voice. (i honestly don’t think any of my family know the meaning of ‘hushed tones’). Thankfully , the diners owner was rather open-minded and when we explained what was going on and what we are , he gave us a free drink for being refreshing different and open.

So back to orgasm control , well yeah as with every thing we have are own take on it . The Boss man uses it as a form of punishment some times. He is very good at throwing you down on the bed, getting your hands tied to the bedstead and then goes down on you , but will bring you to the edge over and over, and when he is finally ready to let you come , well dear god does he know how to make you ‘Feel’ it !┬áHmmm, see i have read that some people think if a Dom dives oral , it makes them less of a Dom. Well that to Me/us is very much not the case. The Boss man loves going down , i mean really loves it. It as he says ‘ is his favorite way of warming a lady up’ . But the is no doubt when his head is between my legs who is in charge. oh god the was the time that he got me in the car park , pushed me down and just went to work on me. (ok pixie keep your mind and hands on the keyboard missy)

He has also taken it on himself to school us girls in how to hold off from coming . For me it is kind of like finding a place in my head , where i can feel what is going on , but I’m slightly detached. I know now that my point of no return , comes just after when i feel the tighting in the pit of my tummy and when my thighs start to shack a little. i can also now use the same deep breathing that i have learnt to ward of a panic attack , to calm myself down and hold off coming. FYI – personally i find when anxious and at home, reading a favorite story or watching a favourite piece of porn and having a wank , is the single best way to calm myself down. Hell i come and full asleep in minuets. but then i think I’m pretty good at knowing how to pull back when i feel him about to blow. It’s at this point i feel i should share i LOVE giving oral on both men and women. I would even say i pride myself in my oral skills! (Big head i know)

One of the goals that the boss and i set for me in this last 3 months was to work on coming on command, again it’s come with me giving him more control over me. i think i have finally started to trust people again and feeling much more comfy in my own skin. But this has been really fucking hard to do, but we had fun working on it . Then i found out i was pregnant and things went out the window! It turns out the Boss man has gone really protective and is very proud of his handy work. my sex life has gone from hot to of the fucking chart! i mean not just wanting to fuck , make him and the girls come and masturbate. but i seem to sneeze and I’m horny. everything seems more sensitive and full on. Hell kitten decided to play with my boobs and nipples i was dripping and when babe got me on my hands an knees and went at me with a strap on, well all I’m saying was i screamed and we had to change the sheet!

Well that is my ramblings about ‘Orgasm control’. Lol i seem to of lost any control over myself , a┬á little just walked in and i seem to feel the need to make her scream a little….

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

When Real Life Interferes With Your D/s .

So this mornings breakfast discussion thanks Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is what happens when real life interferes with your D/s . Well this , for us is quite an emotive┬átopic┬áright now. We have had a lot of stuff to deal with , outside of are normal (well D/s) life and routine. Babes sister passed away, Little bear had major surgery and Kitten stop eating. Are little family got hacked and targeted by Cyber Baddies. I found out I was pregnant , I’m have treatment to strengthen my immune system and I have started writing my own course for dog trainers. ma├«triser has changed from working every hour god sends in god only knows where , To working Monday to friday, a max of 14 hours a day and working in london or are home town. We are also in the proses of finding a house in New jersey and moving out of the uk. So you could say we have a few things going on! lol just a few.

My Great Aunty May summed what we do really well. We stick together, support the one who is struggling , talk about it, and if tea, cuddle’s and talk can’t fix or mend it. We come out fighting (Fight, fight , fight!) . The are times like when kitten stopped eating that ma├«triser will come down hard on us. But if us girls think he is being to harsh we will send in Babe . She could have been a hostage negotiator, She is very calm and has a way of putting thing to ma├«triser so he sort of thinks it was his idea. Again taking Kitten stopping eating , He wanted her to go in to hospital to get help. But for us that would have killed and it would in my humble opinion really hurt kitten. So Babe came up with┬áa compromise of Kitten seeing the gp, starting back with her therapist and Doing freelance design work from home. ma├«triser agree and bingo with therapy , working from home and antidepressants , with in a month she was on the mend! ┬á(also are lovely Sir Beasty let her vent and cry on his shoulder) .

From my part , I have rules that help me deal with stuff like mental health issues and physical health stuff. I must have some one come with me to all doctor appointments , I have to see a therapist once a week , do my daily physio and I have to take all the meds and do my nebs everyday! ma├«triser also puts someone in charge of sorting out a visiting plan for when I’m in hospital. I’m really luck that the hospital have agree to allow me to have someone with me from 8am till 10 pm .┬ápurely on the fact that , I find play really hard to cope in hospital (I know who does?) but I also have a bad habit of not asking for pain meds, nebs or stuff to calm me down. So by having a person with me , they will go straight to a Doctor or nurse if they notice anything wrong. Bless , most of the time I have My Aunty May with me. She basically turns up and 9 am , sits in a chair , knits , makes sure I do as I’m told and we watch midsummer murders!. The girls come in after work┬áand we have dinner together . ma├«triser┬ácomes in every morning before work and brings me peach tea, a gingerbread man and cinnamon and raisin bagels. (yup I’m a very spoilt girlie) . I know people are doing cos they love me and want to, and you know what?!? it means so much to me!

So to recap we deal with real life getting in the way, we talk , talk and talk some more . we support each other, we are watchful of others feelings and stay open to compromise. If it is one person having problems we will find ways to help them , by playing to their each of are one strength. if we feel ma├«triser┬áis being to hard on one of us girls , we send in Babe. ma├«triser┬á will also do stuff to help. Like if I’m tired and poorly . He orders me to take a sofa with are little bear (think blanket fort, with colouring , Disney films , little food , jammies, her stuffie and my anxiety blob and naps while cuddling!). or if little bear has to see a doctor , I’m┬á allowed to take her and afterwards we get to go have a happy meal! (were not allowed fast food normally). if it is something that effects all of us , we stick together , talk about , come up with a plane of action and meet things head on , together. If all else fails we come out fighting!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Little me!

So until the last 6 months or so , I would of said I differently of said the I didn’t have a little side to me . I in fact never really never got the whole DDbg thing.┬áBut then the┬áBoss man ask me to think about it for a while and talked to people . When I finally got my head round what being a little really meant, I had to admit, that I to have a little side too! For me its more about escape from the big scary world,┬áaway of relaxing and me letting someone take care of me.┬á So after exploring some more , the Boss man set me a challenge of writing a list of 20 things that make me a little bit little! So here it is…

  • I am a Tomboy
  • I love playing with Lego
  • Love my colouring books
  • Love bedtime stories
  • Loves Disney and dream works films
  • Loves cuddling
  • Loves being taken care of and fussed over
  • Love having my hair brushed
  • Love when the Boss man orders for me.
  • Loves Bath time
  • Loves slumber parties
  • Loves being given chores and tasks
  • Loves my pet names
  • the words ‘how’s my girl’ turn me to mush.
  • I get spooked and frightened easily
  • Loves hot milk, marshmallows and gingerbread men
  • Loves my Jammies and slippers
  • Hates being BIC (Bird in charge)
  • Live to make Boss man Happy and proud
  • Loves doing stuff with the girls, like craft, home work or being silly

Well that’s little me!

Hugs and Kisses,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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