The Diary of Pixie heart- 18/09/17 – 24/09/17

As instructed to, I’m sharing last weeks diary for everyone to have a giggle at! enjoy!

Diary: mouse

Monday 18th September 2017: 5.45am – So I am all wiggly and I can’t sleep, so I’m getting up! I will be eating toast and drinking tea on the sofa if you need me!
7.30am – I feel asleep again! Thank you for waking me up by shoving your cock in my face, no really, I love it when you do that!
8am – breakfast done, dentist phoned for Little bear, dishwasher done and now to sit down for a bit!
9.30am – I love the food network, but what the flip is going on with pioneer woman??? Like do her family only eat breakfast and cake?
10am – Dentist time with little bear. I can’t get her into clothes so she is wearing her sloth onesie and unicorn slippers, sorry I did try!
11am – My poorly girl has an abuse on the roof of her mouth! Ouchy! So, I have her antibiotics, soft food, and some nice juice. I will now tuck her up on the sofa and keep her safe!!
12.30pm – Little bear has decided that she ‘NEEDS’ butterscotch wipe and 3 bananas for lunch, so yes…. lol.
1.30pm – Thank you for are lunch time call and thank you for telling little bear she was being brave!
2pm – I’m doing writing! About spankings!!!
2.45pm – Afternoon nap time, I am a tired little pixie!
4.30pm – Blimey I was tired! Little bear seems to of perked up a little, antibiotics are amazing things!
5pm – Babe has come home and said she will cook. What did I do to deserve that as a treat!
6pm – Veggie fingers, chip and peas and sweetcorn. With sponge and chocolate custard for afters!
7pm – Thank you for helping me to have a bath, it is so hard to get in and out of the bath tub on my own and I’m fed-up of having bloody showers!
8.45pm – Family time on the sofa is great, but I’m horny, can I play with kitten please!?
10pm – THANK Your x x x x x x. I love playing with kitten’s nipples and pussy!
11pm – bed time story of pen of the damned, good move! Night sexy bum!
11.15pm – lights out and cuddles! X
Tuesday 19th September 2017: 7.15am – Blimey Riley! Tired little pixie again! That is the second night I slept right through. Little bear is still sleeping, bless the little thing. Got to get up, date with Uncle Fred!
8.30am – yes, I do still have to be up, dressed and making you breakfast before you get down in the morning. Yes, I must make your lunch, yes, I need to make sure you tie is straight and give you a kiss good bye. It is my job as your wife! And yes, I’m trying to pout, so don’t give the eyebrow!
9am – Little bear has just told me to sit down and drink my milk: o the family little is Doming me now!
10.15am – when the babies get here and I’m all held up, I am spending a whole week cleaning! Little bear did a good job and I’m trying to not micro mange her or go ‘you missed a spot. But me being me, I’m finding it hard!
11am- I no longer fit behind the steering wheel of my car! Thankfully Uncle Fred said he was happy to drive, I’m not sure I could cope with the bus or bear’s driving!
11.30am- Feeding the dunks is the best feeling ever! I get to be a kid for a bit and I feel free. Just don’t want to be an adult anymore!
12.15 – Squeak! Happy meal, milkshake and a Mcflurry! Spoilt!!!
1pm – Ok so I now officially heave everything I could need for the babies! And yes I got breast feeding stuff too!
2pm- Home to find 6 huge boxes from amazon. Seems everyone I work with has bought something of a baby Wishlist that Steve set up. My god this is awesome, don’t think I’ll ever need to buy nappies or whips ever! They even got the dogs new Kong toys and t-shirts!
2.45pm – Afternoon nap!
5pm – Welcome home kiss to wake me up! You old smoothie! And yes, I do still like you copping a feel while having a smooch on the sofa!
6pm – take out for dinner, cos I’m too tired to cook! Thank you, x,
7pm- Am I not allowed to take a shower on my own?! Thank you, nice to be hair free again and thank you for checking that my bits still work! 😉
7.45pm – Monopoly marathon, Bring it on Frenchie!
9.30pm – Little bear is blatantly cheating!
10.15 – Thank you for coming to bed with me, I’m a pooped pixie!
11pm – Ok I love this book! Oh, and I love you to Frenchie x x x

Wednesday 21st September 2017: 6.30am – Errrr! Its morning then? I’m sore and full of ouches! Can you come back to bed please?
7am- Can’t we just stay in bed?! But thank you for the cup of tea, bowl of bran flakes, pain killers and cooking mags, I’ll be ok in a min!
7.20am- Better and happy again!
7.45 – Yup did breakfast again!
8.30pm – Don’t you dare be late home tonight! Love you froggie!
9.30am – day time television sucks big time! Why would anyone want to stay home and watch television when this is the crap on it?
11.20am – So it now turns out that I need to take a mid-morning nap as well as an afternoon nap!
12.30pm – So I have just eaten for Britain! Good lord I have no idea how that fitted inside me!
1.30pm – Homes under the hammer is kind of cool!
2.30 – tired again, napping about to condense in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…….
4pm – Woken up by a dog vomiting and being the size of a baby elephant do not go well together! Spidie was being a flipping drama queen and mad eye tried to clear her sick up by eating it!
6pm – Dinner time and little bear cooked an amazing pasta, that had the right amount of chillie in it!
6.45pm – No I am not watching extenders , no you cannot make me do it!
7pm – really fed up now! Can’t get comfortable and I’m fixity 
8.15pm – Was not sassing you that much and kitten is made to be tickled! P but kind of happy to be sent to bed, I get little bear cuddles!
9.15pm – Yummy, you can take your belt to me like that any day! can we do more impact play after the babies get here? Well more play all round?!?!
11pm – Hehehe. Watching babe, kitten and little bear playing, with you sat behind me and your hands on my boobies was wonderful!!
12pm- are you going for husband of the year?! French toast with ricotta and figs!

Thursday 21st September 2017: 6am – Up early, got to get little bear to the dentist. If she gets just her crown put back in I will be proud of her!
7.30am- so dressed, in the car and on the way to the hospital It is too early and I already need to pee! Uncle Fred is a super star for driving us! (Must by him bear!)
8.30am- Well hear and they have given her a sedative. Crossing everything I have that she will be ok, cos I can’t go in with her 
9.45am – Well she’s out! My brave girl not only let them put her crown back in, put they have the 2 impacted wisdom teeth out and they filled the holes in her canines! She is rather stoned, so it’s straight home to bed with her!
11am- I have tucked little bear up on the sofa with her teddy bear and blanky! She had 2 glasses of water and one of milk, plus some painkillers. She was out like a light! I’m going to wash all the baby clothes now and make sure they are all ready. I know it’s silly but that is something I can do and not really get shattered!
12pm- Aunty May has just turned up with food and told me to ‘go sit down like a good girl’. Not that I mind her turning up with food or her fussing, but I can do light house work! could speak to her and ask her back off a little?! I love her to death, but sometimes I need a little breathing space.
1.30pm – little bear is awake and in pain  can’t let her have pain killers for an hour and a half, so I have sat her in the kitchen with me and aunty may. I hate seeing her hurting, tears me up inside 
2.30pm – sod it! Have given her some painkillers a little early and we are now camping on the sofa, with warm milk and chocolate whip. Going hopefully nap. Aunty may has decided she will cook tea and do the ironing, feel bad but she said little bear needed looking after more than the ironing needed doing, and she is right, as always!
4.30pm – ok so I did need a nap and little bear seems to be doing better. She wants mashed potato with cheese, baked beans, and green beans for her tea, so that is what may be cooking her!
5.45pm – I have sat down and got my taxes done! Yes, I know I have not exactly worked over the last 2 months, but their all nice and neatly done! Yes, I know only I get a kick out of having neat and tidy tax files, but hay bite me!
6pm – Nice touch Frenchie bring aunty may flowers! She really does cook like a posh version of my nana!
7pm- thank you for driving May home sweetie! I’m going to get little bear ready for bed and then going to take a shower with kitten. Hope you have a great time playing pool with babe! Love your x x x x
9pm- I swear these babies are sadist like their father, that or they are into water sports!
11.45pm – Ummm so yeah, I think you may have had a little bit too much to drink handsome! But thank you for the kfc kid’s meal! Little bear is happily scoffing popcorn chicken and yoghurt. Did you just buy it so she had a treat?!? I love you pookie! X x x x
Friday 22nd of September 2017: 7.15 am – Someone has a sore head this morning! Bacon sandwich and strong coffee in bed for you sir! and I can do that cos I want to and looking after you is my job! Then get that butt in the shower and dressed, cos it is family weekend time as of 5 pm!
8.30am- So yeah, I wanted you to stay home but …… Ok house cleaning time as best I can!
10.30am – Clean! It really is amazing what the 4 of us girls can get done if we all work together! I am now off to do food shopping with babe driving! If you get a call from the hospital saying I’m in labour, my nerves could not take it!
12pm – Ok food shopping done and put away! We are a dream team! Wow, can we get team boobies t-shirts?!?
12.30 – Now uncle Fred is well at it! Although he still lets me do stuff, are garden shelves are looking dope! He has made a massive loaf of soda bread, pot of soup and cherry pie! I get sad when he makes cherry pie as it was aunty Doreen’s fav, god I miss her!
2pm – Stuffed and tired, but my brain is saying ‘no don’t nap do the kitchen cupboards’. as a compromise, I am watching a Disney film with little bear on the sofa! Lol also why does are dog walker think it is funny that my dogs come back when called?
5pm – Umm yes, I did full asleep!
5.30pm – What is with you today? Text saying get bathed and in my pj’s and don’t worry about dinner, and that’s it!!! What the fuck!!!
6.15pm – Curry, ice cream and ginger bear! Ok I love you, did I say that before, right? Also, avengers and dry strange, you are the best person like ever!
11pm I stayed awake for the whole thing this time! Now teeth and bed!
11.10pm – We even get are bed time story!
Saturday 23rd September 2017: 6am- Errrr! Ok antibiotics are kicking my butt today! I feel sick, have the shakes and an upset tummy. Can I stay home?
7am – thank you so much for getting with babe and taking the hounds out so I can sleep!
9am – yup I’m dying! I have forced down some toast, my meds and Diet coke. Thank god for polos and Imodium!
9.45 – Ok I have to go shopping cos I need to buy stuff but all I want to do is sleep!
10.30am – ok so I now have a banging head ache and feel dizzy. Thank god for my kitty cat coming with me!
11.15pm – So kitten has an apple and blackcurrant and chips from kick. She has put salt on them and got me ketchup for them! I took pain killers and I now feel a little bit better!
12pm – ok I so manged to get the bus home!
12.30 – Little bear walking Bella, mad eye and boods up to the bus stop is adorable and meant so much!
1pm – squeak! Am I really allowed to put my Pj’s back on and go be little for the afternoon, really???
1.30pm – you got me unicorn colouring book and apple and mango juice!
3pm – I see you watching inside out, just come sit on the sofa silly head!
5pm – I have had the best afternoon in ages! Thank my love, I really needed that! Now I’m going to make spaghetti for dinner and grilled peaches with ice-cream for after!
6.30pm – Strictly come dancing, that is all that needs to be said!
9pm- thank for coming to bed with me, sorry I don’t want nookie and just want to snuggle!
11pm- girls are up, tucked in and bed time story read! Night handsome x
4.45am – Thank you for letting me get up and write. I have a bad case of the I can’t sleepiest!
7.15am – so I have had breakfast, taken my meds, and done my neb. I have even taken something to calm my brain the fuck down, I am now going to try a sleep for a little bit. I’m that tired I am feeling slightly irrational 
10am – Wow! I feel so much better for a nap!
10.30am – Why are we getting in the car and where the flip are we going!
11pm – Secrets! Yay!!!! Can I have fed the fish and ducks, please!?!!?
12pm- Soup, salad and bread is so the best lunch ever!
1.pm- can we get a turtle please? Or some Dalmatian mollies?
2.30pm – Why did you agree to let us go to a super market on a Sunday afternoon? I’m going to be brave but I don’t know if I can do this or the whole of the shop. If I get freaked out can I go sit in the car?
3pm – well I made it to the check out. Thank you for letting me go sit the other side of them and just chill out!
3.30pm – So I’m now cooking dinner with you, like I get to tell you what to do? Cripes that is so out of my comfort zone foggy! How about I ask you nicely to do stuff?
5pm- You will make a great chef one day! this is fun, can we do it more often?
5.45pm – NO! that is not how you carve a chicken! More of it is going in your tummy than anything else! Silly head!
6pm – Roast dinner, Boss man and mouse style!
6.30pm – Now you got little bear to wash up and do the dishwasher without moaning, what magic is this!
7pm – bath time!
7.30pm – Why do I have to go to bed? but ok!
8pm – Tots could be a spaceman you know!
9.30pm- Sleepy pixie now!
10.20- hot milk, with honey and nutmeg. Bed time story and cuddles, thank you for a fabulous weekend! Love you xx
11pm – light out!

 

so that was last week! what are all you lovely’s up to this week?

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Kink of the week – Hand Spanking .

Well I thought I would give the whole kink of the week ago! I’m hoping it’s going to give me pregnant bum a kick and get me back writing, instead of just sitting on the sofa worrying about I size of ever-growing boobies and what I’m having for my tea.

This weeks kink is hand spanking and I have to say this was a subject that was made for this little pixie to ramble on at you about! I adore spankings and Hand spankings are my all time favorite punishment! The is just no better feeling of the Boss man coming up behind me , bending me over sofa, pull my skirt up, pushing my panties done and bring his hand down on my butt. It’s the feeling of skin on skin, that leaves a sting and rosy glow to my cheeks, that shows that someone took the time to do that to me .

in  are little family not everyone is a fan of hand spankings. For Babe being spanked is something that just the mere suggestion of it being done to beautiful rear, will get her to behave and wind her neck in quicker than anything else. But on the flip side of that is the fact that she is an awesome spanker! she does a great line of putting little bear over her knee and spanking her, it’s something she does with a great deal of feeling and passion! Talking of little bear , well her little side responds to spankings as child would . The are screams and squeals , pouts and foot stamping, but I think deep down she likes it! Kitten and I both Love spankings. Although she is not some much in to the on her bare skin and too to.

For me I guess I have 3 types of spankings that I like . The is the punishment ones, where I get bent over something , told to count and the slaps rain down. that If I forget to count and say thank you for each, they start over. Those are also the type I normally get if I get punished in a club or if we have kinky company over, as I am a good girl and the boss man does like his girls to make him proud!  Then the kind that I get when I’m fucking , that either get used as form of foreplay or part of the main act. I mean come on who does not like a sharp slap to their ars as someone is fucking them hard from behind?! I think it’s the pain heightening the pleasure and the shock that it brings to what is being down to me. Then the is the ‘therapy’ spankings. I have a habit (a bad one , that I’m working on) of bottling up my feelings and anxiety. sometimes it gets sort of like a big black ball of angst that settles in the pit of my stomach. It gets to a point of actually being a physical pain, but I can’t get it out of me, I have no words to express what is wrong and I just stop. it is these times that The boss man or Babe will put me over their knee and spank away. (always over a knee for these ones). They will only keep going till they hear the first sob and then its time to move in for a cuddle. They will sit with me, in their arms and let me cry, till I get every last sob out of me , till I am calm and able to carry on or till I go back to being a happy little pixie !

So that is my thoughts on Hand Spankings , hope you enjoyed it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

http://kinkoftheweek.mollysdailykiss.com

kink of the week

letter from Maîtriser.

So I have wanted to share this part of are life  for a very long time, but it is only now that Maîtriser agreed to me sharing we you all. I am a girl who loves letters, both writing , receiving and reading them. It is a way that myself, maîtriser and the girls have kept in touch over the years, before i joined the family . It is now a way that we talk to each other  when is something that we have needed to really think about. For Maîtriser it is a way to show how he feels and talk to us one on one. For Maîtriser and i it is are way of being soppy and loving , without everyone knowing! 

The is something about the written word that really moves me on a lot levels . It can calm my mind, insist my curiosity and excite me. I think it is one of the things that made me full in love with maîtriser, the way he has with words blows me away every day!

So I am sharing a letter he sent me a few months back, after I had a melt down and was being vile. I had taken on way to much work, was trying to be more than I needed to be and refusing  to ask for help. he left this by my the bed so I had it as soon as I woke up. (please bear in mind that I have translated this from French to English.)

Dearest little mouse,

Well what can I say little one you have done it again! I don’t know how one girl can get herself in to such a tizzy and that much trouble in the space of 3 days, but you some have done again! You know I have put rules in place for a reason, that I want to keep you safe and from harm, and that everything I do is done with love. It not only hurts yourself, but me as well, when continually put yourself down. You trust me and have excepted my guidance, yet you still don’t believe that you are worthy of being loved by people. Am I stupid or do you think you are beneath me? No , mouse you’re not. You’re my equal, my partner in crime and my special little one, who I adore.
You must understand that I am doing this so you see that you are worthy of being loved, so you can be all that you can and so you can stop these destructive thought and behaviour patterns. Unlike some punishments, I take no pleasure in doing this my love. This hurts me as much as it does you.
So, you know exactly what your transgressions are, I will list them, but keep in mind this not an attack, but is just me stepping in to look after my girl, ok sweetness?
• You put yourself down 17 times in 3 days.
• Your spoke with your mother, without myself or babe being with you.
• You allowed your sister to belittle you in church, by saying ‘oh she’s just a housewife’
• You refused to allow kitten to offer you comfort when she offered you a hug.
• You clean on Friday for 5 hours, instead of the 2 hours we had agreed
• You spoke in a raised and disrespectful way to your Aunt May and your friend Emit.
• You refused to eat dinner with the rest of the family on Friday and Saturday night.
• You ‘Forgot’ to ask for and take anxiety medication, when you needed it
• You went out and did not take your phone.
• You did not talk to me or babe when you were having a hard time.
• You were grumpy with little bear this morning and did not say sorry to her.
• You did not ask for help when you needed it.
It pains me to do this , but as punishment you are losing you free time for the next 2 weeks. You will be expected to let Babe or I know where you are at all times. As well I will be setting you a few goals that I want you to finish to a level that will make me happy and proud. We will be spending time as a family at home and at the open mic nights at the britaina, with the aim of getting you to relax and enjoy yourself. Billie will be coming 4 times a week for your English class instead of 2. also, you are to allow Kitten or little bear to help with your classes and admin. You are to give all 3 of the girl’s extra chores around the house. You are not to see your sisters, brother in-laws or nieces or nephews without me or to agree to Baby sit without asking me first. you are to shower with me every evening, your bedtime for the next 2 weeks is 10pm and you are not allowed out of bed in the morning 6.30 am. I want you to keep a food diary every day, do you pulse ox, peak flow and bs level 4 times a day. You will also be doing 4 training sessions with Steve, yoga every morning and swimming with me twice a week. You are to up your mindfulness exercises to 4 times a day as well. I will review this at the end of the 2 weeks.
Know that I only do this out of love little one, it is for your own good. You can’t see it, but you are suffering from trying to do too much for too many people. The is no shame in asking for help when you are struggling or for breaking down a little when things get too much. You do not need to be all things to all people. For now, I want you to take care of yourself, do as you are told and to make me proud, that is it, do you understand?
I will see you this evening little one,
All my love,
maîtriser X

Well hope you enjoyed it,

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Beaulac Family update – Team Pixie.

So I did post my diary this and won’t next week as it has a lot of stuff in it about stuff we have going on with in are little family unit that the girls want to keep hush-hush. So I have orders to post a family up date. So here we go!

Maîtriser / Boss Man – Well the French man has been working hard as always, but has also been looking after us all tip-top! He has been cooking dinners and breakfast that are to die for. He was amazing when I was stuck in the hospital and came in every night to have dinner with me. He also had a night out with the boys , that he took babe with him. So he came home earlier than we thought, did not drink and he even when and got us all happy meals. (I got fries, fruit and a wrap with salad and spicy mayo, that was lush and also carrot sticks!!) . He has also blown me out the water by saying that he is going to work from home on Thursdays starting in the new year. This means I can leave the little ones with him and go back to my creative writing class. Love you froggy x

Babe – Well what can I say about babe , well as always she is my hero , crush and sexiest woman alive! Work is going much better for her , now that she is working for herself. She has now got a Brand new Hyundai I10 so she can zip round and not have to worry about need to find a huge parking space that she would with the family car! she has also been think about looking at doing one day a week at the local hospital cutting and styling wigs for cancer patients in memory of her sister. She did however end up getting a spanking for being late home and not ring to say she would be late! 20 on each check!

Kitten – we had need to celebrate this week with kitten, she has finally reached her goal weight and gained 5 extra lbs on top of it! work is going well and she is far more relaxed, although I keep distracting her!(but she is cute and yummy). She has been a good little Kitten and has kept up going to her therapy sessions each week, with the help and support of my Aunty May! Kitten also came up with an idea that her and I could set up a little etsy store , selling the Dog collars and bits we make for my dogs and the rescues I work  with. Thinking of calling it Cat and Mouse designs!

Little Bear – My clever little girl is now a fully fledge vet nurse! So we had to have a party for that! while I was in hospital she did most of the cooking and very proudly sent me pics of everything she cooked. She has officially adopted My great-uncle Fred as her granddad and I think she is now his fav none blood granddaughter! He has been giving her cooking lessons too! She did manage to knock a crown out , remembered we keep a kit to fix broken teeth, tried to fix her’s and cermnted herself to the kitchen table!

Mouse / Pixie – Well I’m out of hospital , for now! It was a good job went , if I’m truthful I was bloody frightened this time round. My lips went blue and I was really struggling. I wish this was a one-off , but my chest and lung damage are a daily worry to me, but I’m not letting rule my life! The babies are doing great , but raspberry seems to like laying along my sciatic nerves and that hurts like buggery! So got just over 5 weeks till D-day, how did that get here that quickly! This weekend is nursery prep time! Babe is putting furniture together , kitten and little bear are painting and I get to make it look pretty! I have decided that I’m going to go back to my writing class in the new year, cos I really miss it and it is kind of self-care thing. I am also going back to teaching on a Monday night and even though I’m on leave , I have been planning some course ideas and writing pitches for them. I have also somehow managed to get 7 dogs qualified for crufts in flyball , agility and rally! so I will be shattered after crufts next year!

Well that’s us! How are you all going and what are you up to?

Hugs,

Pixie

DOH!

So when I emailed the awesome Mr John Brownstoneand asked him if he would do question time for us , the was a slight miscommunication. He thought we wanted questions to answer and we meant for him to answer! Belive me its a very common  with me and emails! So he sent us awesome questions, but we sent him some and sorted it out (Question time with John Brownstone (aka the Wood Dude) ). But the Boss Man read his questions and sort of told to answer them as a ‘Home work’ sort of thing. Well babies, falling down the stairs and hospital got in the way , but I have at last done them and here they be!

With so many members in your household, how do you manage alone or personal time?
So yes, alone, and personal time can be a bit of a flash point. For personal time with each other, we kind of break it up in to 3 areas. First and most importantly we have a family date day / night once a week. That is the time that we spend quality time with each other, phones off, no talk of work or school, just us all together doing something. Lately We have been doing a lot of day trips to museums, art galleries and cinema outings, oh and the is always food involved. Then the ins are weekly ‘Girl Dates’. Which pretty much says it all! Us girls go out, have a giggle, and enjoy some time away from the house. Lol if alcohol is involved one of us stays sober. If kitten is drinking we must keep an eye on her cos she wanders off and finds some place to take a nap (boots of cars, under a table, the cupboard under the stairs). Then we have been dates with the boss man. These are weekly and are normally 3 hours long. We get to pick something we want to do. Little bear normally asks to go out for a milkshake or to the cinema. Babe always wants to go out for beer and pool or a poker game. Kitten likes sporty things, so for her it rock climbing or swimming. Me well I like going out for breakfast and to the bookstore.
As for alone time, well we have a couple of rules that keep thing working. If a door is shut, knock, and wait for an answer, if you get come in, then you can go in. no answer or go away, you leave them alone. For the rest of the time doors are always open and anyone who wants to come in can. Lol that’s why I always cook massive meals, cos I always end up with more people than I think I’m feeding! Babe and Kitten are allowed as much free time as they want. Little bear tends to want to be with someone most of the time. For me, well I get 1 hour of free time a day. That 1 hour of free time was a birthday present from the boss man, after 12 months of not hurting myself and sticking with therapy. I will also get extra free time as a reward. It will sound silly, but when I’m allowed a 20-min bath on my own with the door shut, I know I’ve really earnt it!
Is there a hierarchy between you all (obviously Bosman is in charge) but say do you defer to babe, or little bear defer to you or are you all in some ways equal?
Yes, so the Boss man is the one in charge, but if he is not around it’s babe who is left in charge. But apart from that us girls are pretty much equal. None of us see each other as a second or lesser partner. We all have areas of family life that we are responsible for. Babe is sort of in charge of fixing thing and cars and gardens. Kitten is the family Admin / office girl. Little bear is head of the cheer squad and planning parties and anything fluffy. I run the house and look after anyone if they are sick. We play to are strengths! I think one of the things that keeps everything running smoothly is that we all use good manners. We always use please and thank you, ask before we touch each other’s stuff and we don’t really do swearing or shouting. We also all kind of know that the Boss man will only ever do or say stuff for our own good, but that we can ask questions, if we are polite and respectful. We also kind of have a family meeting once a week and that is where we can raise problems, worries or peeves!
• The Boss man added to this ‘For the love of god do not even think of letting little bear be in charge! We would spend ae time in onesies, eating pop tarts and watching Disney!!

I don’t remember if I asked this before (I know I did ask how you met everyone else) but how did you all come together as a family and was it difficult to have everyone come together and work as a family.
Hmmm that is a long story, so I will try to keep it brief! Kitten met the boss man when she was a young newbie on the fetish scene. (he was only like 33 then!) she was trying to deal with some demons and he was guy who would look out for her and look after her. I met kitten at uni and we dated when I split up from my bf (later my husband, a-whole). She took me to meet her ‘fetish’ friends and he sort of took me under his wing. As time went on kitten became his sub, but he still acted as a sort of protector for me. (this is where I say I was so jealous of kitten and of what she has with him. I also had a huge crush on him and wish I had said many years ago. I love you froggie!). We all new Babe, not as a sub, but as a very Dom mistress who was married to her male sub. But he cheated on her (TWAT) and poor babe took it hard and almost lost everything. So, the boss man offered her his spare room and some safety. But after a night of heavy drinking and sex (his very good at getting in a girl nickers) Babe asked to be his sub. We all stayed friends, but I kind of drift away a little. I was working hard, in a shitty place with my love life, and my health was not great. Well to cut to the Chace, my husband raped and beat me up badly, I went bonkers and tried to kill myself. Lucky, I fucked it up, but I was in a bad way and in hospital. That is when They all kind of swept in to look after me for a while. Well after a while I kind of started fucking the boss man, that lead to playing with the girls, then it turned a little kinky and snowballed. I’m Going to state now, that the D/s side of things had been there from pretty much day one, just not formal. The collar came 6 months in and I will also say having the boss man in my life has been life changing. I’ve got through the hardest, lowest, and most awful stuff with his help. Him and the girls lived together and I wanted to be with them, but not wanting to move to London, they all moved in with me. (I own my home and live 30 mins from waterloo by train) A few months on little bear came timbering into are lives! She was a sub we played with, who we all loved to pieces, who’s boyfriend worked over seas a lot and who was barely getting by. Well we had a spear room and it just made sense. She paid a little rent, did chores, and went to school. When her boyfriend was in the UK, he stays with us! But it soon turned to the D/s when she wanted to play with us more often and her other half suggest she could maybe be the Boss man’s sub and his Baby girl. Tis some very complex arrangements, but it works for us! Lol my Great Aunty May says, we are all little broken and falling apart, but we helped each other to put arises back together.
I believe I saw you mention in an earlier blog post that you also meet other people outside of your family. What rules do you all have for meeting others and playing outside of your family?
Oh this is a fabrication question! Yup we have rules round this, very much so! Firstly, we can ‘play’ with who we want, if the Boss man approves of them and trust me he is very fussy about who play with! The girls must let him/ us know where they are, with who and what they are doing always. They must practice safe sex always. They are also to keep their collars on always. For me it’s different, as I’m married to the boss man. I don’t play with anyone outside of the family unless I have the boss man with me. Lol he loves watching and telling others what to do to me so it works well that, that is one of my fav kinks! But are ‘Family’ is not just the boss man, me, and the girls. We have friends we have all known for a long time and we play with at home. us girls are all bi and love women a great deal, so we have a fair few ladies who will join us. Kitten and I have 3 mistresses that we can be subbie with (if the BMW is with us!) same goes for us all with sub flames. Babe has a couple of male sub pets that will come stay with us at times. all of us have other guys we like fucking as well. If we not some alone adult time, we have spare rooms and the girls can go play there. We also have Adult sort of ‘Sleepovers’ where we have people over, play and fuck and then have breakfast together. The Boss man also lets all of us go out ‘on the pull’, on are girl dates. Basically, we go out, get off with guys and or girls and then take their numbers. Kissing and groping is allowed, but no more. When out like that we are not allowed out of sight of babe and if drinking one of us stays sober. I guess what it boils down to is that we can do what or who we like, if we ask first and don’t hide it from each other!

Hope you enjoyed!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

The Boobies have it!

So last week my darling little bear came home from shopping close to tears, after some little old lady told her that her choice of tops was showing too much cleavage! Now apart from being untrue, hurtful and really bloody rude, Opened up some very newly held wounds for the poor little one. You see are little bear had rather big boobies, that till 6 months ago she hated. See at the age of 24 the poor lamb had GG cup breast, that made her back hurt and shoulders hunch. But earlier this years her Doctor said they had stop growing and that her weight had stayed the same long enough for her to under go breast reduction surgery. She went from a GG to DD cup, and although she was in pain after and has only just been allowed a ‘normal’ bra , it has been the most amazing thing ever! Her confidence has sawn and she is happy . I think it has been a godsend for her, both mentally and physically , so when some old bag decided it was ok to make comments that derailed bear being happy , then I get cross!

All this got me to thinking about breast and what people think of them. I mean how does the world really see them , like really ‘See’ them. I mean I know that they are there to sustain New born life , but what else do they do. Well yes I now having them played with can make you wet and they can get people looking at them excited. But in main stream society what do we think of them!?!?

Growing up in a very traditional catholic house hold, boobs , as my nana called them were some what of a taboo. I never saw a woman breast-feeding a baby , never saw bras or talked about them. the only times I ever saw them was the odd flash in a religious painting (we never went a looked at fancy art!) or the occasional  Page 3 girl in my uncle micks cab of his truck or the big booed cartoon women in those comic postcards. They were just one of the things that women had and that was it! I was taught , that yes I would get them, but you don’t stare at them and you don’t talk about them, cos they were some how dirty or wrong.

The one thing I did see was how woman and their breast got judge by people, of both sexes. Men seemed to see woman with big boobs as some sort of air-head, who were less than them or an easy lay! if the showed cleavage they were ‘asking for it’  and if they covered them up they were to said to have ideas above their station or frigid old frumpy. (that was my great nann’s saying). If you happened to have small boobs , you got teased , told you were bookish or some how less of a woman. women judge each other just as harshly , looking down on anyone who showed cleavage or was remotely sexual.

The media only showed breast as either air-head page 3  girls or strippers for the bigger breasted ladies, think Sam Fox. Then smaller more like Sigourney weaver, seen as clever, talented and possible a dyke. Not that was a term I knew what it meant, but from the way people in my family and community used it , I knew it was something that I did not want to be.

So it will come as no big surprise that when I hit 11 and started growing breast, I tried to hide them and myself away from prying eyes. It wasn’t till I got to my mid teens that I learnt it was ok to wear a slightly tight t-shirt, that showed the shape of my boobs. It was just after my 14th birthday that I learnt the wonder of breast and all their hidden pleasures. as I got older and went to university and got involved in first the arty scene, and then the goth and fetish scene that I learnt to feel comfy and happy with my chest. I also learnt that I’m a girl who likes looking, playing and enjoys boobs!

The thing that I find shocking and very odd is as a society we seem to say now that we have the right to dress , act , and do what ever we want, letting and encouraging young girls to wear things that if I had worn them at their age , would have left me branded a slut. But we are so quick to say low self-esteem , have a boob job! now I am not going to touch on boob jobs and the such, if you want one then great , if you don’t like them and are happy with what you have , then great. Just be happy and don’t judge a person on their boobs!

That my dear friends is why I love the Kinky community so flipping much, cos I don’t know any place I could have gone to a group of girls and guys , what do you think of Boobies? and got really honest , truthful answers. Turns out Straight and bi guys all pretty much love boobs in all form and in any style! Woman well , on the whole they are happy with what the got handed out , some would have them smaller/ bigger/ fuller/ perkier or change them a little bit, but they like them! but what blew me out the water ,  was that every person I asked thought that a person should do what every they want with their boobs as long as they are happy ! So YAY kinksters for being once again the queens and kings of the body positivity !

As for me , well I have learnt that I loved my small boobies , that I love my ever-growing breast and that they seem to be loved the people in my life! they are a source of endless pleasure and that I love playing with others more than anything! (I get called the queen of the nipple in are house!) . Don’t know what the future holds for my boobies after the babies get here , but I’m hoping for a lot more fun to come!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ps – Ladies , lets not forget…..boobie

The Behaviour Modification of Pixie Heart (AKA fixing my broken brain)

 

So a few weeks ago the epic Kayla Lords and John Brownstone’s Loving BDSM Podcast was on positive reinforcement, a subject that is very close to my heart. It is something we use every day at home, but we also use a whole host of conditioning tools, classic and operant conditioning, to Premack and Counter conditioning, with a big old dose of CBT thrown in to the mix for good measure!
I make no apologies for the fact that I suffer from extremely complex health problems, both mental and physical. I have after a lot of therapy, got to a point that I will talk openly about my mental health problems. I think I must a point that I relies that I don’t need to be ashamed by them. Some I have had all my adult life and some are because of being in a violent, abusive relationship for most of my adult life.
So, this is where I fully out my mental health problems, buckle up this might take a while. I suffer from Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), which is a disorder in which a normal worry to a normal person, to me is Debilitating. It also means that my body has a heighten reaction to stress and worry. I have very serve depression as well, that at its worst has left me house bound and struggling to get out of bed, wash or eat. coupled with this I have extreme phobias and suffer from panic and anxiety attack, that at one point I would have up to 15 a day and again left my unable leave the house. (I am agoraphobic). Then after being raped and nearly beaten to death, I started to suffer from Extreme PTSD, coupled with dissociative episodes. This is still very hard to talk about, but what I know is that it affected me to the point I made a good attempt at ending my life, but my darling kitten found me just in time. (love you baby x). I also suffer with quite bad dyslexia and AADD, both on the AS range.
Well I had been living with all that, well not living sort of existing. But then around 2 years ago something inside changed, I wanted to start living and enjoy my life again, but I needed to make some pretty big changes, but I knew with the help of my darling master I could do it. But I also need to us to use technics that I knew worked and were based in fact and logic. This is where people think I’ve lost the plot on stuff, but bear with me. I work as a dog trainer and behaviourist, I use techniques such classic and operant conditioning all the time. I know it works and it is based in since. It works, I have seen it work, so I decided to run with it! (Adding here that I had the help and support of my therapist on this)
So, we came up with to encourage better mood and motivation using +/- reinforcement. We also decide to tackle destructive thought patterns, that lead negative behaviours, such as putting, hiding my feelings, and self-harm, using +/- punishment. +/- reinforcement, and +/- punishment comes under the banner of operant conditioning and is based on the research of B.F Skinner. Basically, it is the concept that Good consequences encourage repeat behaviour and Bad consequences discourages repeat behaviour. Positive reinforcement, is adding something in to increase likelihood of a behaviour being repeated. Negative reinforcement is removing something to increase the likelihood of the behaviour being repeated. It’s the same with punishment, but instead of increasing the behaviour it decreases the likelihood of it being repeated. So, what the boss man did was got to make reward charts. One for everyday house hold / work stuff/ Homework, like answering emails, food shopping and Doing homework. I also had one for Personal care and D/s stuff. At the end of each day if I get sticker on each of my charts for getting all my ticks, I get a £1 in my Treat money box (it has UNICORNS on it) I can also earn extra stickers and £££ by being extra good, or brave or for doing stuff without being asked. Those stickers can be given to me by the boss man or Babe. At the end of the month I can open my tin and spend the money on whatever I want or carry on in to the next month for even big rewards at the end of the next month. if the is something Massively stressful going on or that is going to take a lot of time to get to, I get rewards along the way and a big goal reward. I should add here that for me rewards are not gifts or treats. A lot of the times they can hugs, item spent as a family, extra free time or not having adult for the rest of a day. For punishment for things like hiding stuff or self harm, I lose my free time and privileges. This does not be loss of time as a family or time with the boss man. If I need comfort or support from him or the girls and I actively ask for that help, I get rewards for that! For putting myself down (which is the biggest thing that the boss man wants me to change) I either get made to write a list of 20 things I like about myself or good stuff I’ve done. Or I have to buy small gifts for 5 friends, write down what I said and then write a list of 5 reasons I’m awesome. (Sir Beasty came up with that idea)
The next thing we started using was classic conditioning. This theory is…

We used this for My panic and anxiety attacks. The biggest thing we did, and this was my CPN’s idea, was trained one of my dogs as a phytologic support dog. She is very laid back and calm, which flitters down to me. she has also been trained to notice my triggers and pull me away from them. So, she is my calm, by having my calm with me I start to identify that having her with me meant I was safe in the places. Also having her with me I have learnt to enjoy new stuff, like being in a group situation or talking in public. We also taught me to have safe places go when I feel the start of an attack coming on.

The next thing we used was counter conditioning to Help me with my Phobias Counter conditioning is basically Changing the emotional response to feared stimulus. For me some of things I fear (Phobias) like being seen necked by a partner and eating in public. For the being naked I got calm gentle encouragement to remove clothes and got to see that the more I show, the more sexually excited the boss man got. For the eating in public started with a calm relaxed pixie, sitting with people calmly eating, then to me having a drink with people eating, and then finally me eating with them.

Then we used one of my favour tools ever! Premack, this is a principle that to get the good reward you must do the less rewarding this first. basically, eat your veggies and you get to have ice cream! This for me is a great motivator. We used It when I was finding it hard to leave the house. If I walked to the gym I got to have a cuddle and training session with Steve (my hot personal trainer) if I went to the super market I got have a hot milk and a ginger bread man. If I went to a hospital appointment I got to have a happy meal afterwards!

The next thing we worked on was breaking bad habits. You will be really shocked to know that I have habits that drive the boss man up the wall! Like leave my car keys on the kitchen table, not tidying away my Lego or colour stuff or hooking the dogs lead on the banisters, so with gentle polite reminds from the boss man and the girls I stop doing the bad habits and start to use the desired good habit. Hanging my keys up, putting things away when finished playing with them and hanging dogs leads in the porch. It is said that it takes 28 to create a habit, and 3 months for that habit to become a behaviour, and you know, for me at least it’s true!
The last big thing the Boss man got me to work on is something I don’t openly talk about, but he thought I needed to include it, as it is a huge part of who I am. So here goes. I’m dyslexic and due to this I find reading, writing, and understanding incredibly hard. I’m not stupid, very far from it. But it does mean that I struggle and find things like reading complex letters, filling in forms, or writing emails that make sense, hard. It also means that I find getting and staying organised hard. I also have a form Of ADHD known as anxious ADD. It basically means that when my anxiety or stress levels are high, my brain kind of seize up. I can’t function, I get angry and frustrated, I come across as rude or aggressive to people. It also means that I have trouble judging peoples tone and meaning, so I find communication hard. With both it means that I find sudden changes to my routine or things happing unexpected knock me for 6 and I will and do sort of shut down.
The biggest thing I must deal with this are rules, limits, structure, and routine. It makes me feel relaxed and safe. Babe has helped me to learn to plan things out, so the is less stress of not knowing what is going to happen when. I have a detailed diary and household planner. Being a creative person it’s all brightly coloured, with sparkles and stickers. Anything written in them in pen , happens no matter what. But if something is written in pencil, it can be rubbed out and does not have to happen. The only people who can write in these are Myself, the boss man and Babe. Although I tend to get little notes from little bear and kitten, saying Boobies or I love you. I also get time outs. I know it sounds a little tot and like I’m a child, but again it works for me. I have two type. One is for when everything gets too much, it is given by Babe or the Boss man. I get sent to my quiet space (aka the box room). With no tech, know talking and sit and calm down. Babe or the boss man will come and check on me 20 mins later, and if I’m calm or crying I get cuddles and can then carry on with my day. I then have time outs that I give myself if I feel panic coming on. I will politely ask to leave what every situation I’m in. I will get my iPod, a drink, and my book, find a safe quiet spot, and calm myself down, before I end up in full on panic. When I feel better I re-join the family and carry on like nothing has happened. But I also have my little space that I go to when I just can’t cope. I will ask the boss man if its ok to and he then sort of takes over thinking for me for a bit. It is the only time that I do 100 % of what he says , without being able to ask questions. It normally involves activates I find calming, such Lego, colouring being read to or watching a Disney film. But it also involves lots of cuddles and reassuring words. The best bit is when I get sleepy and I get to take a nap with kitten!
So that is My/our take on behaviour modification, and how it has helped me. It’s a very personal take on it, but it is what works for me. I’m doing so much better than I was two years ago. I’m happy, steady, and doing things that I thought I was never going to be able to do again. It’s made my relationship with my Dom even more close and special. Its’s not for everyone, but it’s what works for this little pixie!