New year, Better me!

New year, Better me!
Well 2017 is gone and I find myself in a reflective mood. For a lot of people, I know 2017 was not the best of year. With loss, illness, big ass storms and Donny-j. For me it was full of lows and highs. It was the year my daddy got sicker, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I lost friends and family and my depression and anxiety decided to kick me in the butt. But it was also a year of great personal growth for me. I found my fit as a wife, blogger, and feminist. But by fair the best thing of 2017 was becoming a mother to my beautiful twin girls. I know a lot more to life that being a mum, but when you have thought for many years that it is something you’re not going to get to do. Well when you do, it blows your mind. I never knew I could love something so deeply and fiercely as I do them.
I have seen loads of people posting their new year resolutions, but you won’t be seeing any from me. We don’t make them, as maîtriser thinks it away of setting yourself for an unnecessary fail. What we do is sit down and make a list of targets and goals we want to work towards and plan how we can achieve them. it’s something we do every 3 months and we cover pretty much every aspect of are lives. Even maîtriser does it and will let us set goals for him! We sat down on Friday last week and did are lists. This is where I admit that I love the whole planning side of this. I get to get all my gel pens and stickers out. It’s really good fun!
Some of my goal for the next 3 months are: Loose the last of the baby weight and 15lbs extra, run my dogs at crufts, attend eroticon, pitch some ideas at other blogs, do my muck run training, more swimming lessons and get my new and improved blog up and running!
Maîtriser has also sat down with my and we have set some goals for my blog. Such as post a min of 3 times a week, keeping up to date with emails and upping the number of followers to my blog. Lol one of my friends got me a bloggers journal and a diary that is designed for people who have autism, that have been amazing. They are fun, clear, easy to use and don’t feel like they are shouting at me. So, yay!

I have also decided that I want really work on my English. Not just writing, but spelling, grammar, punctuation and understanding. This came about after several nasty comments about my spelling and grammar. I’m dyslexic and have Anxious ADD, so that makes learning and understanding really flipping tough at times. adding to this I grow up speaking a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian you can see why English is something I have ongoing struggles with it! But I have Bob my English tutor tailoring lessons for help with this. Also, Sir Beasty is stepping in to help with editing my work, so it’s a case of bring it on!

So, as I wave good bye to 2017, I’m hitting the ground running in 2018, so bring it 2018!

Hugs,

Pixie x

Day 3 of the submissive guides advent calendar for submissives – The wise words.

So today on are submissive advent calendar Words of wisdom that we have been given, found , or stumbled upon in are journey through life or in submission. how they have inspired us and stayed with us over time. The were 2 activities to day. The first was to sit and spend 5 minutes thinking of all the wise words you have received over the years. thinking about how the effect you and why they have stuck with you. The second was to take these wise words and turn them in to a holly bundle Christmas decoration. As much as I wanted to make the holly bundles , we have had a really busy day . We all went to mass , went a bought the last bits of are Christmas decorations , had a Lego building marathon , homework and babies to care for, so we did the first.

It was actually a really awesome way to spend 15 minutes of quiet time. I got to sit with a cup of tea, reflecting on the past and how it has shaped me as a submissive. we as a family , well us girls chose to kind of build on the idea , by listing them and chatting about while we cooked dinner. what was amazing , well I think was how we all had listed advice that we had got from each other and how they had affect us!

some of the words of wisdom I listed.

  • breath , just breath. keep moving forward, take baby steps if you have to but just keep moving, and just breath.
  • What make you weird and different , is you greatest strength.
  • in submission I find power.
  • It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.
  • The is nothing wrong with a good girl having a naughty side.
  • Love should never hurt , unless you want it to.
  • Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
  • Never under-estimate the power of a coy smile and shy eyes.

Well that was todays, cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

His voice. 

I hate working away from home. The 12-hour days spent setting up the class room, the question that I have had to answer a 1000 time before, then the packing away, only to come back and start all over in the morning. The worst part is the drive to the budget chain hotel, to my bland, generic room and a long evening of tv and myself deal with. But tonight is going a little better than most nights, as I have my darling kitten with me, we have permission to play and we have a call from maîtriser to look forward too!
We are under orders to be fed, bathed and in pj’s by the time he calls at 8 pm. So that’s how we come to be perched on the end of the bed, with Kittens phone between us, counting down the seconds till he rings weirdly it’s his voice I miss the most, after the way he feels when I cuddle him. It has the ability to make my do as I’m told one minute, to make me smile the next and wet and horny the next. It can calm, arouses and command all at the same time. His thick French accent, with a hint of Italian and your occasional slip of the tongue that tells of your time spent living in the west country.
Lost in a slight day dream I nearly jump out of my skin when kittens phone starts to blare out his ring tone of ‘all my friends’ By Dermot Kennedy starts to play. I think kitten must have been thinking the same as me, as her sacking hand reaches for the phone and she slide the lock screen and hits the answer button and then speaker. ‘Hello’ she says in a small voice that is very much her being shy and nervous.
Then comes his voice in a thick droll and steady as always, ‘Hello kitten, hello mouse, how are both my little ones? Have you been behaving? Have you been good girls for me?’ It’s with these word that I’m lost, I breath out a sigh I did not know I had been holding in. My shoulder hunch as I relax, letting all the stress of the day go and let the feeling of being safe and love, wash over me. God how I have missed him.
Kitten and I turn to face each other with the phone between us. sitting crossed legged on the bed, tucking feet underneath. We chatter away about what we have been doing and how are days have been. Having turned to face Kitten I feel a little distracted, but then I always do when it comes to Kitten. She is so damn beautiful it takes my breath away. Shifting a little, my knee bumps hers, I look up at her big brown eyes and blush. ‘So how did your course go little mouse?’ I hear coming from the phone, but It barely registers in my fuddled little brain.
‘hmmmm. Yes, what was that’. which is met with a shocked look on kitten’s face and stony silence from the other end of the line. Then clearing of his throat and ‘Mouse what did I just ask you?’. I panic and try I recall what he said, but I just can’t. I know not to umm or ahhh about thing or try to stall when asked something. So, I chose to fess up.
‘I don’t know, I was too busy looking at Kitten and thinking about doing stuff to her’. Blushing like flip and looking down at my lap. Again, I hear him clearing his throat and then a chuckles ‘what a sort of things mouse? Were they naughty things? Have they made you wet little one? Kitten be a good girl and check for me.’
She is up on her knees and moving towards in an instant. She pushes me back on the bed, her hand pulling my panties to the side, slipping inside, and plunging in to me. slowly running her cold finger up and down, then circling my clit. As quickly as she started her check, she abruptly removes finger, and brings it up to her mouth. ‘she is wet maîtriser, she smells yummy. please can I taste her maîtriser?’
‘As you asked so nicely, yes you may Kitten, but listen to me, I want to hear you make her moan and whipper, and then when I tell you Ruin her for me kitten. Do you understand? ‘ . I move myself up the bed, pulling me t-shirt off and hooking my thumbs in the waist band of my panties, dragging them down over my hips. Kitten is on her knees and curling up the bed towards me, the look in her eyes makes me whipper. I hear maîtriser chuckle and the sound of a zip being pulled down. Oh, dear god now I know what he’s doing at the other end of the line. I have blinding vision of him stroking his cock.
Next thing I know kitten is between my legs, having pulled my panties all the way off and tossing them on the floor. Maîtriser tells her to go slow, teasing, and gentle. His gentle tone is telling me to play with my nipple rings, to lose myself in the feeling and that I can stroke my kitten if I want. My eyes close and I just feel. her fingers, her tongue and the sound of maîtriser voice, its start to become a growl. His close, I can picture his hand moving faster and feel his grip become firmer.
Kitten has reached my clit and is lapping at it like her namesake. then I hear the words ‘Now kitten, make her come now!’ That’s when she sucks my clit between her teeth, biting lightly and pushing her tongue flat against my clit. I can’t keep it in any longer, I come undone, scream out her name and then all feel is bliss. I hear grunts coming and the throaty growl.
When I come down of the celling, when my breathing calms, I looked down and see kitten kneeled between my legs, a happy smile on her lips, then her tongue licks the moisture from her lips. A muffled noise breaks the silence. We sit up looking for kitten’s phone, that has become tangled up in the sheets and pillows.
‘that’s my good kitten, well done little one’ comes the voice on the other end. ‘Good girl mouse, you sound so beautiful when you come’ Smiling from ear to ear I roll on to my tummy and kiss kitten. I can taste myself on her lips. Then I hear ‘now mouse I want you to return the favour to kitten, and then I want you to turn the lights out and go to sleep, do you understand’
‘Yes maîtriser, we do.’ We say in unison. A reply of ‘good girls, Good night my sweet little ones’
‘Good night maîtriser, we love you’ we say. Then we hang up and I turn to kitten and promptly return the favour.

Wicked Wednesday

Looking back.

I don’t really looking back at things in my past, a lot of them are painful and some are, still just to raw and hurt way to much. My childhood was pretty harsh. with a mother who chose not to be there, a daddy who was ill and being painfully shy. my teens seemed to go by in a blur of fighting, bullying , getting kicked out of schools and ill-health. When i got to adulthood i was with the same guy for a most of it. he was abusive (to say the least) and it led to and contributed to the anxiety disorder and serve depression i already suffered from.

But my life has not been al doom and gloom. As a kid both my perants worked full-time jobs. Me and my sisters were pretty much raised by my Daddy’s mum, my Nana. who was just the most amazing woman i have ever known. She was kind , caring, sweet and funny . She always let me be myself and encouraged me to do stuff that made me happy, Cos that is all she wanted , to see her family happy. She also had am amazing way of helping me calm down when i got angry or anxious. i have a form of ADD, but only found out this a few years ago. but my Nana saw how frustrated and anxious i would get. When i was angry she would send out to my granddah’s work shop and he would give me off cuts of wood, a hammer and nails. i would sit and bash nails till i either calmed down or till i had tears streaming down my checks . then i would get cuddled and hugs from my Nana. if i was anxious she made me do something really easy to do , but that i need to think about what i was doing. Cleaning grandahs boots and shoes, cleaning the silver , ironing sheets , folding towel or scrubbing the floors. Sound like free child labour , but it allowed me to calm down and belive it or not i still do it to this day. Ha the Boss man knows I’m not doing good if i ask to clean his boots or if it’s ok to do some ironing. .

I also have some pretty awesome memories of university . It’s where i meet Kitten and Babe. It’s where i first openly lived as bi-sexual and that in its self is an amazing thing to be able to do. It is where i found my love of pin-up style and all thing burlesque . it is where i developed my love of london. I was for the first time in my life away from home without my sisters or my mother or my daddy. I love my sisters and daddy to death , but they can be a little sifulling. when i think of uni, it is full of bright colours and loud music, laughter and happiness . It was full of friends and i loved freely .

it is when i discovered the fetish scene. I was young to be on the ‘scene’ at only just 19 and i was shocked and amazed by what i saw. people from every walk of life. In all shapes, sizes and colour. I also met Kitten’s Dom, who took me under his wing , looked out for me and also would sit and explain things to me. I had a huge crush on him, but kept quiet as i had a boyfriend. but i did have him as a friend and what a friend he was.

Well fast forward the years and after the bad stuff happened Kitten, Babe and their Dom swooped in to look after me. i was really not in a good place , but all three of them took care of me and loved me so hard, it helped me put me back together again. when i got back to feeling like me, i remembered the crush i had on the Frenchman and they all came flooding back , only a hundred times harder times. to cut a long story short we kind of got together . First on a D/s level, to help with control issues and a need to for me to feel owned and loved. it was everything i needed at the time.

Then came the physical side of it. I had so many hang up, issues and bad memories from my ex. It was so hard to not focus on them. That is when he came up with a canning plan. Instead of looking back on bad stuff, we would look forward and make new memories. A new me and a new us. so that is what we did and is what we are doing.

We have a new tradition of on the anevesy of us becoming a couple. We had gone for a walk by a local pond that is deserted most of the time. he gave me my collar, i gave him a blow job and we had a very nice fuck. i had to walk back to the car in a very short skirt and a vest , with no panties or bra on. Then the is the memoir of are first christmas together as a poly family. We kind of had 3 that year one at the start of december that we spent with are community. We then had are actually christmas day with are families. But then a few days later we had are family christmas as a poly families. It was spent in jammies, watching films, and cuddling.We took the dogs out for a long walk, i cooked a roast and we did presents!

So now i do look back, but only a few years. Since i have had the Boss man and the girls in my life , things have just gone from strength to strength for me. I’m now running 3 business, i teach people and i can fully support myself. i have embraced my bi-sexual , poly and submissive side. i have become i wife and a mother, two things that make me feel whole. put above all i feel love and love back as hard as i can.

I wrote this and it should of been posted for wicked wednesday , but my Wi-fi palyed up and refused to let me post this till now! Put i thought i would post it anyway!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday
 

#metoo #ustoo #wehearyou

#metoo #ustoo #ihearyou

So, the #metoo hash tag has been sweeping across the interweb in a show of solidarity to the whole, vile Harvey Weinstein affair. Thousands of Woman and Men sharing their stories of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape. I have been impressed by people’s bravery, Saddened, and deeply troubled by some of things I have read, an amazed at the amount of support that I have seen others offer victims. I have also got very angry that still after all this some people think that it’s just hype and some of it is the woman’s fault, still in 2017.
The other thing I have found troubling is a sort of pressure from people for other ‘victims ‘to share their stories, even if they are still processing what happened to them, without care that by doing so could cause the victim even more pain, harm, and distress. I guess that is why I felt I needed and wanted to write about this. I am a survivor of domestic violence, rape and serve mental, physical, and sexual abuse. I have spoken a little about it in the past, I am still dealing with it, every day, and at this point in my life I am not ready to share more. So how can I write anything for this or do more than listen to others?
It was over lunch a few days ago with the girls and my Great Aunt May that we got to talking about it. I said I felt I needed to share, but was not sure if I wanted to talk about it more than I had. Aunty May piped up with ‘well why don’t you share other stories, so they have a voice, but don’t have to share it themselves.’ I think that was a light bulb moment for me, help others share and be their voice! So, we talked about it and aunty may and the girls shared their stories. we got to talking it over dinner and Big Steve (my personal trainer) shared his story, and later that night via skype one of my best male friend shared his story with me. They have all said it is ok to write down what happened to them, in the chance it helps someone else. So here are their stories.
Great Aunty May 82 – Now for any of you that don’t know much about my Aunty May, she is the feisty, vocal, and strong minded and strong-willed head of my daddy’s side of the family. She is also one of the cleverest, most full of life and love and the most spirted people I have ever known. She was born in 1935 in Ballygowan in county down, Northern Ireland. She is a devote catholic, as were all her family. Growing up she saw that the church and the priest ward was that of god and you agreed with it. Girls who did would be sent to the reformatory schools or the Magdalen launderers. May recalled that at the age of 14 she was asked to help at the local presbytery after school. She had heard awful stories of thing going on there and that several of the girls had been sent to the feared launders. A few weeks in to working there, one of the priest offered to help peg out some sheets with her. While caring a heavy basket of wet sheets, he came up behind her and grouped her chest and tried to rub himself against her leg. Terrified and sacked she screamed, dropped the washing and this caused the priest to stop his assault. She left that day and after begging her mother to not send her back. Aunty May said she never spoke to anyone, except her older sister Irene (my nana), who said that they should stay quiet and pray that the priest never touched another girl. Fast forward 6 years and May found herself working as a Nanny to a posh society family in New York City, a very different place than her small village that she grew up in. She loved her job and the freedom it gave her. But she was homesick and sometimes was left tearful. The father of the family seemed very kind and always seemed to have words of comfort. It was on one of her low moments that her boss made her move. Her cornered in the kitchen, kissed her very hard while grabbing her wrists and pinning them to her side. Thankfully she managed to knee him hard in the balls and run and lock herself in the bathroom. She was dismissed the next morning and turned out on the streets with very little money, no job, and a very long way from home. thankfully NYC has a very large Irish community and she was taking in and found a new job within days! Again, she never talked about this till years later, fearing how people would look at her or how they would judge her. She survived, stayed strong and has lived a full and happy life. She says ‘A man or woman has not right to try and take anything be force. I would urge people who anything like this happens to speak up and to not keep it hidden, you have done nothing wrong’
Babe, 40 – Babe is are family little d. She is the sassy, strong and fearless. She is the one who the boss man leaves in charge when he must work away or if we are out and about without him. She recalls in her first job as a junior hair dresser, her 45-year-old male boss would make suggestive comments and lude remarks. He would always brush up against the joiners and made her feel uncommittable with the way he acted. Being only 17 she kept quiet and kept her head down not wanting to rock the boat. A few years later she was when she had just discovered her love for women (she’s bi-sexual), she was hanging out on Brighton’s gay scene a lot. On one night out the was a random drunk straight guy in the club that she was in. he seemed to latch on to babe and babe being a friendly lass and feeling a little sorry for him danced with him. After they danced he started trying to ply her with strong drinks, started to get a little handsy and said, ‘she was too pretty to be a less, he was going to turn her straight’. He started trying to kiss a drunk babe and shoved a hand up her top. The club had some amazing door staff who saw what was going on and pulled him off her. He was frog marched out of the club, in to a waiting police car and later the next day was charged. He pleaded guilty and got 8- hour of community service. Babe said that ‘if you ever end up in this predicament and you want to feel like justice has been dealt? Then go to the police. Yes, it is hard and yes, it’s frightening, but the police are there for this sort of thing. I was treated with respect, compassion and kindness.’
Emit, 43 – Emit is one of my best friends. We meet when I was working in Paris and bounded over are love of all things art nivo . Sweet, fun, and extremely talented. (he made my wedding dress). We were both dating the wrong guy and were being treated like crap. But both loving each and just wanting to be happy, we stayed quiet. Roll on the years and Emit and his partner Kirt got married, I was grooms’ maid. It was at the wedding it became clear to me that something was very wrong with Emit. He was a shadow of himself and had become withdrawn and timid. after 8 months of marriage, on a visit to the uk from Albany, on his own, a wan down Emit told me how bad things were. Kirt had been using emotional and verbal abuse and blackmail, to get Emit in to sexual activity that he was not commutable or happy with taken part in. he said he did not know how much more he could take. I was terrified that when he left to go home, I was going to get a phone call to say that he had taken his own life or something worse. I did get a phone call, but It was Emit to say that he had kick Kirt out. Was very proud of him, knowing how hard it was for him to do that. 6 months on he is still rebuilding himself, but us getting more like his old self every day. Emit added that ‘For so long I have seen Men hit on women or other men, in ways that make the mind boggle as to how their brain is working. Why would grabbing some one’s ass or trying to get handiest on a first date be likely to make the person to want more dates? Just stop being a dick and treat them with respect and dignity’
Kitten, 38 – Both kitten and I have worked on and off as dresser with in the Film and TV industry on and off over the years. The things we have seen at times have been enough to make you sick to your stomach, but the sake of keeping jobs we kept quiet. it is some sort vile unwritten rule that these sorts of things happen. From lude comments, to over friendly touching and to well a lot worse. From a personal level she has had men who she has overseen their wardrobe that have gotten erections form her dressing them. They always say, sorry I can’t help it, or you should be flattered really. But it can be helped, it’s not just a natural thing, and hell no we ‘ant flattered about it! Kitten wanted to make sure I added this last part, as a lot of this #metoo has focused on women and men being victims of men saying and doing stuff. She wanted to make a point that some women do this stuff too. Her ex-girlfriend, used emotional blackmail and abuse, to ware her down to the point that she would let her do stuff to her that she was not happy with. It led to kitten to become extremely depressed and was a big part of why she suffered a relapse of her eating disorder last year.
• Little Bear, 25 – So my sweet little bear has had a rough time for someone of her age. He first proper boyfriend at the age of 14, was in Lb’s words a numpty spunk muppet! He was a couple of years older and was a bit of a bully. He made her feel worthless and like she weird for not wanting to be giving him blow jobs or letting him do things to her. He also wanted her to take topless pic of herself, but being close to her mum, she went to her with his text. she in turn went to the school and they came down hard on the lad, why after an investigation got kicked out of the school. Fast forward a few years and at the age of 18 on a night out she got off with a guy and gave him her number. Waking up the next morning, she soon learned that she had made a huge mistake when she found 5 missed calls, 4 voice mails and 30 texts from this guy. She texts him to say that she did not want to take things any farther and thought nothing more of it. Well he turned out to be a nasty piece of work. the text and calls kept coming, he somehow got hold of her Facebook and twitter id’s, then found out where she works. Basically, her turned in to a stalker and not in a ‘I love you and will do anything for you’. It got to the point that he was threatening her with extrema sexual violence. That was when we as her friends stepped in and made her to go to the police. Who again were brilliant, arrested him, charged him and he plead guilty to all charges. He was sent to prison for 9 months. We later found out he had spent time in jail for hurting his ex-female partner. She wanted to say as well ‘never suffer in silence, talk to someone, anyone, but talk to someone’
Big Steve, 43 – Big Steve is one of the Boss Man’s best friends. He is a doorman and Personal trainer. He is 6 ft. tall, blond, blue eyes, and muscles. He is handsome, and I guess his what you would call ‘Eye candy’. However, he is a very sensitive guy and one of the deepest and must caring people in this world. He is my personal trainer and I have seen how woman can act towards him. The stares, the giggles and flirting. The are also the women who make remarks about his looks, who are very touchy feely and who make him feel like a piece of meat. Sadly, he has also been assaulted by a woman he was training. She flirts openly with him and Steve shut her done. he was at the time in a very committed relationship however carried on with the flirting and became extremely touchy feely. Then on a very early morning training session she decided to move things along, came up behind him and slipped her hands into his shorts. Steve jumped, pushed her hands away and went shout at her, saying ‘what the hell are you playing at’. This was heard by his manager, who had seen what was happening and how the woman had been acting towards Steve. She was escorted from the building, band from the gym and Steve was asked if he wanted to go to the police, he declined. As being a bloke, he felt they would not be taken seriously.
So that is are tales we wanted to share for the #metoo. We also have some advice we wanted to offer some advice, so here we go.
• If you see it happening, then find a way to help and speak out about it.
• If it happens to you speak out if you can and if it is safe to do so.
• If not, find someone to talk to, a friend, someone you work with or family member and ask for help.
• If you need to, go to the police and report what has happened to you. they will take it seriously and will treat you with respect.
• Get help to proses what has happened to you.
• Never feel that you are to blame, you have not done anything wrong.
• Hold your head high and feel proud of yourself for serving and for speak out.
We also wanted to add, if the is anyone out there who needs someone to talk to, we are all here to listen. simply mail any of us at Pixieheartblog@hotmail.com