Day 13 of the Submissive’s Advent calendar, by Submissive – Light a candle

So I am writing this while having an English lesion . I should explain that I stated having ‘English lessons ‘ about 15 months ago. I grew up speaking a mixture of Rusin , Irish Gaelic and English, added to this I have dyslexia and Anxious Add , and you will under stand why I struggle with English as much as I do .So maîtriser ask one of his female Dom friends , if one of her subs , who teaches ESL classes, if he would work with me on my English, spelling and grammar and punctuation . So we meet twice a week in a local café . We started off doing spelling and grammar. We then started to add in reading and writing short things. Then he taught me how to plan out what I wanted to write. That was a 15 months ago, and I still love those lessons , not only do I feel that my English is better and my spelling have improved, but I have gained a lot of conference and I am much happier just sitting and writing.

So todays activities are based on lighting a candle, and what that means to you in terms of love and your submission. The first activity was to find a quiet 10 minutes , light a candle and reflect on what it means to you in terms of your submission and love. the second was based round the yule log and using as reflection on the same things. I have been pushed for time over the last few days and the thought of actually going and sitting any place quiet for 10 minutes sounds like heaven.

So I went early this morning to the ladies chapel and light some candles. I always light them here and not in the main church as it tends to be quieter and less busy. I always light 5 candles when I go to church. One for my Nana, friends lost to illness, friends who took their own lives and one for friends I have serving in the armed forces or the emergency services . I light one for my family , and one for the peace process in Ireland to never stop working. I’m a lapsed yet good catholic, church has always in my darkest days been my sanctuary . I have an amazing priest , who would let me sit at the back of the church and calm myself when things at home with my ex were really bad and when he found out he beat me , without stopping for breath said I was worth more and should try to find the courage to leave.

Then I sat and I thought , pondered and reflected. To me I beleave that the submission I have now and the man I chose to submit to are linked and even at the start when it was just a sort of platonic D/s thing, was always given and received with love. I also think that as a poly D/s family we burn far brighter together , than we do alone. I now that I take great strength from my Dom , and I know that getting to the point where we got married and had babies , well the was pain and hurting that I had to get through to be whole and happy. but unlike a candle , I don’t see this as this love and these feelings every burning out. They may grow and evolve , but I will fight to the death to keep this love going as long as it can.

Well after that little out burst of feeling and emotion , it’s time this little pixie to do her spelling test!

 

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Day 11 of The Submissive’s Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Pancake identity.

Well Good evening my lovely’s , how has your day been? Anyone snowed in? Or are you all stuck with the horrid wind and rain that we’ve been having? Today has been a day of two halves for me. the first half was full of cooking, baking , clean and crafting. Then it turned to crap this afternoon, but more about that later.

so todays activities are based on a chapter from a book called Conquer me , by Kacie Cunningham, about her own submission. The chapter is tittle ‘this one time at Pancake Camp’  and the is a short excerpt from the book, about titles and labels and how the writer was feeling she did not feel fit them. She goes to say that she was talking to her Master over breakfast and telling him of her frustrations, and how she was not going to ascribe to them any more and that from that point on she would be known as pancake. when asked why pancake her you chose reply was ‘Because you chose pancakes! Because you obviously like pancakes! pancakes are simple, honest things, not all high-mantence like , say, crepes. I want to be something you would order!.

Both the activities are reflecting on the words we use to identify are selves , as submissive. The first was a simple reflection on the words, titles and how they make us feel. the second was to take the reflection and turn them in to an ornament. by taking one word traits like ‘love’ loving’ , then drawing or printing out an image that represents that word and making them pretty and fun using craft surplus. I was going to do the first , but then changed after I got some bad news.

The words and titles I identifier with are Submissive, Little and masochist . The masacist title is something that I kept well hidden for a very long time, as for me it was kind of hard to admit that I liked pain and being hurt, and most people don’t like that. The same with submissive, I mean who would admit to loving their partner dominating them. but as I got more in to the D/s life I saw that I was ‘Normal’ . but it still took a long time to really embrace it fully. Little is something I have found much easier to embrace, and I think this is I saw really positive images of littles and I really read up on it before hand. I knew I did not fit the classic DDlg little or AB little. I’m not in to age play, I don’t call My Dom daddy , and I don’t really have a bratty side. I do have a baby girl side , I like being looked after and I do have my own ‘little space’. I guess that Its more of a caregiver , little thing. I feel my labels fight real well now, but its taken a lot of time. We/I kind adapt the labless mean what we/ I need them to be. sort of they evolve as we grow and change as people.

So now for my bad news. Just before 5 this evening I got a phone call from my Great Aunty Betty saying that my Great Aunty Molly had passed away this morning following a massive stroke yesterday. She was 90 years old and the head of my daddy’s side of the family since my Nana died. She had a bad heart, artheritus and dementia, so really it was a happy release. But it still hit like sucka punch to the stomach and it sitle hurts. Anuty Molly was an amazing lady, who has always marched to her own beat. whether as a young girl who refused to leave school without  taking her exams. or the feisty Irish lass, who ran away to join the wrens and worked as a radio operater in ww2 .or the brave woman who kicked her husband out and divorce her husband , when he beat her. She was amazing , strong , feisty, outspoken and loving. So I have decided not to be sad , but raise a glass , kick up my heals and celebrate having this lady in my life for 37 year!

Right , now I really must go to bed and sleep. I’m off to a Christmas market in the morning!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Day 10 of the Submissive’s Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Spreading good cheer.

Well good evening to you my lovely kinkies and perverts! How has you weekend been? anyone had snow? I have had a very busy, tiring , yet extremely satisfying weekend, working. I had thought that after having the twins and being away from my job for 4 months that my brain would have turned to mush, that my anxiety levels would be of the chart and that people might look at me differently. Nope, nope, and Nope! I am blessed to work with amazing people and they always give me the help, support and encouragement I  need.

So on to today’s focus, and that was about spreading some seasonal cheer. in a world that is So busy and stressful this time of year. Tempers are frail and people can be rude , uncaring and grumpy. So todays activity were ways to not only improve your mood, but those around you. The first activity was to stop, look in the mirror and smile. Smiling lifts your mood and energy levels , and it can spread like the flu! So the task was to try to keep smiling for as much of the day as you could. The second activity was for those who find smiling hard or can’t smile for a whole day. it was entitled Bells . i told of th tradition of jingle bells and how the were used to ward of evil spirits . but newer days are a quick and easy way to bring cheer and smiles to people. it suggested attaching a bell to your bag or purse and spreading cheer where ever you go! i already have a bell on my bag for work, cos it some times gets left by the dogs and they have a habit of going through my blinking bag! So i went for the first activity .

Now this was no easy task for me, cos i don’t really go round smiling that much. I have quit bad social anxiety. i avoid making eye and talking to people a lot of the time , but as with a lot of things , I’m working on it! Also i genuinely look frightening if try to smile and think about it at the same time, think Sheldon Copper trying to smile in the big bang theory , and that is me! So i kind of decided that i would think about things that make me want to smile. It worked wonders and also lifted my mood greatly . I was smiled at the reception lady , my boss and students. The first thing i notice was that my mood soured when people smiled back at me and that people stopped and said i looked happy and full of life. It was defiantly contacts as everyone was so much happier and full of beans. It also had the knock on effect of me sitting with people at lunchtime and talking, something that i can’t normally do! finished up the day and the Boss Man arrived with the babies to drive me home. I did no more than throw arms round him and give him a big kiss , right i front of people, another thing i don’t normally do. So all in all i think I’ll try the whole smile thing a bit more often!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

PS – I have just read the fed back i got for the course i led , people loved it and thought i was a good teacher!

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#SoSS , sharing the love for the ladies.

So it’s Saturday and I feel the need to share so love for my fellow lady bloggers. Cos this week has been tough, not only for me and the girls at home, but also for a lot of my online twitter friends. I guess it’s the time of year and the stress a lot of people are under with home, family and work. I know that I am bloody lucky to only be working 2 days in December and that I really love my job. I know that my darling Kitten and Babe are really feeling it at the moment, so I thought I would so the ladies a little bit of love today!

What type of dominated are you, by Kayla Lords , Loving BDSM.

So this article went with Fridays Podcast and it goes in to the different styles of Dominates that the are. I know very well that the are loads of different type of submissive , and I knew the are different types of dominate out there. I mean the Boss man is a total Sadist , but he is also a caregiver / numeral . Then are Babe is a very strict disaplineran , but also has a gentle caring side. Kayla has managed to get across a lot of the types the is, but also makes the point that you should be what ever type of dominate that you feel drawn to being. It’s written with clam passion and humour that unique way that is only Kayla Lords!

Feeling Secure within Alternative Relationship Models, Floss, Flossdoeslife.com

This piece by the lovely Floss just blew me away. I can totally get what she means and understand how she feels. I for so many years felt that I had to try to fit and be what other people think I should be. But when I finally stopped listening to other people and started living an open and honest life, well I got my happy back. So for someone else to put how I feel in to words , well yeah , wow! Thanks Floss. X

Tips for taking a sexy selfie, Candysnatch

Now I have to make a confession , I hate when men or women strut round posing and pouting, taking selfies. That being said I don’t mind smiley , silly selfies and I am in awe of people who can snap a sexy selfie, cos I know I bloody well cant. but I really want to be able to send sexy pics to the boss man , but had till this week no idea where to start. So when Candy’s peace showed up on my twitter TM , I thought I would give it a read. It is a great piece, full of tips and tricks, with some pretty hot pics! But above all it is written with , I think with a massive dose of body possertive self-love , that boosts your conferenced in yourself! (don’t know if that was the aim) So I have been practicing at home, I have got some sexy new undies and I’m going to be blowing the up a certain French mans’ phone!

The top 10 sex mistakes that people are still making, by Cara Sutra

Ok this piece made me giggle and nearly chock on my lunch on Friday. But it is so true people really do make these types of mistakes all the time. I mean we all full in to bad habits and after being with someone we love and feel comfortable around , we let things slip some times. Funny , informative and well written. So worth a read!

The bad parents guide to sex , by Aurora Glory.

Another piece that had me in fits of giggles, I was giggling so hard I had tears streaming down my face . Being a new parent I have this all to come, so this is a great way to get me thinking about things to come. Written with a great amount of humor and wit, I loved everything about this, So thanks chick! x

Well that’s it from me!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Day 7 of the Submissive’s advent calendar, By Submissive guide – Random acts of kindness

So before I start this I have a confession, I sort of read todays entry last night and started planning in my head what I was going to do last night, Bad pixie! right that said to days task was to think about how helping others , feeds are need to submit. Then it explained that todays task was to perform at least one ‘Random act of kindness’. something nice that would surprise someone and brighten their day. The was also a handy list of ideas to help you think of something to do!.

Now this is where I got excited.  maîtriser will quite often set us the task of doing RAK on are daily task list and I really love doing them. It helps improve my sense of self-worth, pushes me out of comfort zone, in a good way and I get to help people! So me and little bear got out a pad of paper and the gel pens and started to make are plan. So this morning we hit the road running and this is what we have done so far.

  • We took the old sleeping bags and winter coats to the salvation army.
  • We boxed up all the old , used dog bits laying round the house and sent the off to a greyhound rescue.
  • bought and then donated food to a local food bank (£30 can go a bloody long way!)
  • Made wash bags full of basic hygiene bits and took them to a local domestic violence charity.
  • we bought Tea and a Toasted tea cake for an old lady in Tesco’s who had lost her purse.
  • Took tea and biscuits to the work men trying to fix a water leak in are street.
  • Text 5 of are friends that we know have a hard time at this time of year, say we love them and that we are always about if they need to talk.
  • I’ve typed up little bears notes for her
  • I did all of babes ironing for her.
  • We have made cakes for Aunty May to take to the catholic ladies tomorrow
  • Made soup and bread for the lady over the road who has a poorly leg and can’t get out.
  • Little bear cleaned my van out for me!
  • I’ve mended Kittens dress that got a rip in it.
  • Made maîtriser favorite dinner for him (his not allowed to much fat in his diet)

all this has left me feeling happy , but it also has left me feeling a little blue as well. people that we did stuff for seem shocked that people would actually stop and offer help or kindness. If you think about it , I guess it is something that not a lot of people would actually do just for the sake of it. So after a lot of thinking I have decided that next year is going to be a year of Rak, pay it forward and volunteering for this little Pixie!

So see you all tomorrow!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

letters from the heart….

At the weekend I celebrated one year of marriage to the most amazing man in the world. I don’t say this lightly , but I’m still here because of him. I meet him through Kitten when I was 18 . He was her Dom, but he soon became one of my best friends. He looked out for me when I went out on the fetish scene, guided me and offered advice . We remained friends even when a lot of people walked out of my life due to not being able to cope with me staying in an abusive relationship. are friendship never cross the line in to lovers till years later, although it turns out we both had crushes on each other. When I tried to take my life , and was stuck in hospital and it looked like I was going to be sectioned, he and his girls swooped in and took over. They helped me get well, worked on fixing my broken head and body and supported me till I was able to get back to work. He became my Dom, but the was no sex for the first few months. It was more of a way me have some control in my life and learning to trust people again. Then one night I got fed-up of being horny as hell and only having my hand as company , I crawled in to bed with him , and you can guess the rest!

It has been far from plan sailing. My mental and physical health still needed a lot of work. neither of us would use the L word for a long time. I have a very vivid memory of Sir Beasty joking that I was ‘his girlfriend ‘ and ‘where going to be together for ever’. This got my back up for some reason and I snapped back at him ‘his not mine to keep’ . I cried after that , and I was confused as hell why? Fast forward 6 months and thing were still going strong and I was content for the first time in my life. but things changed when I got a very drunk  phone call from the boss man when he was away for work, saying he loved and missed me. When he got home I was on the war path , and shouted at him ‘don’t you dare tell me ou love me if you don’t fucking mean it’ . little did I know that he would break down and say he meant ever word he had said and that he want an ever after, home and kids with me. after that things went from strength to strength for us and are little poly family.

then in late august 2016 I was in hospital with an infection, when he turned up with a goofy nerves look on his , normally cocky face. He then proceeded to get down on his knee and ask me to marry him. I was sweaty , messy and hooked up to drip and machines, but he managed to make me feel wanted and loved at my lowest point. So I said yes. He then announced he wanted to be married by Christmas! So as soon as I got out of hospital it was wedding prep and arranging at full steam. I’m really lucky to have had a lot of help and it was all sorted and planned with in 10 days. We married in Belfast on December the 6th last year.

Now I did not have all my friends there or much of my family . But it was an amazing day and I was blissfully happy . It was only this weekend past that this email came to light. He sent it to all are kinky friends who could not make it to the wedding. I read and re-read this and cried, so I thought I would share it with you all. (not meaning to be soppy or showy)

Dear friends,

It’s with a huge smile that I say thank you to you all. After 18 years of having my little mouse in my life , at first as a friend, then her protector , then lover , my sub , life partner and now wife, I can not imagine my life without her. You all know too well what she has been through with family, her health and what *!$% did too her. I just want assure you all that from this point forward I’m going keep her safe , make her see how wonderful she is and know that not only I love her , but by so many others. It’s not going to be all smooth sailing, we all know she has health problems. But I will do the up most to keep her from harm. The girls, myself and my little h are so grateful that you are all part of are world . I want to thank my beautiful wife for teaching me the meaning of the words family, trust and courage, as they are the 3 things that she shows me ever minute of everyday. So I say raise your glasses to the Devine Mrs B! May she be in mine and your lives for many years to come.

Antoine Beaulac.

So that is why I love him so much and get all mushy when I talk about him!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Day 5 of the Submissive’s Advent calender, by the submissive guide – The Music.

Hi, hello,hay! Well I’m up early and have hit the road running today! My uncle Fred is watching the babies while I have my English lessons. So I’m getting some help with writing this and get to have a lovely chat with a friend.

Today’s activities focus is Music and how affects you and how it inspires you . The first activity is to sit and listen to music that you love, then think about a few questions . The second is about finding a poem, or quote or single word that inspires you. Keeping it your pocket and thinking about it, and letting it inspire you. I chose the first , as music is a big part of who I am . It can effect my mood, make me smile or cry or laugh or make me horny as hell! I have quit eclectic tastes in music. I love Punk, metal and rock. But I also have a soft spot for rap and country. I will even admit to liking so pop music and even Abba. Not a huge fan of jazz or classical stuff , but they do have their place. but one of the biggest loves I have is for Folk, or should I say Irish Folk music that I was bought up on. No mater what I have going on or how I feel , Irish folk can cheer my soul, calm me down and make me feel grounded. Haha I guess I am more of traditional girl than I thought.

So the thing points:

  • How does music connect you to the world around you? Music is one of the things that can really effect my mood. I use it to help when I’m anxious  to help me stop focusing on the thing that is making me anxious. I can use it when I have a cry stuck, to make me cry. I use upbeat music start my day happy and full of energy. I guess it sort of feeds my soul!
  • Do you have a theme song? The boss man would say ‘right on time’ Cos I always have to be on time for things! but I think it would be ‘don’t take it personally’ by Monica or maybe ‘Savior’ By Destiny’s child. Cos I can be a little grumpy at times and cos I have been through some shitty times .
  • Thinking about when your playing with your partner/s or fantasize about doing so – is the there a play list in your mind? Yes defiantly! For D/s it has to be chilled and calm, with a slow beat and a melody . For fucking it has to be either slow and soft , if it’s romantic. Or if it is more intense or spontaneous , the has To be a stronger , faster beat.
  • Do you have a specific music you love to play to? What are they? why do you think they connect you to the moment? Well not specific songs , but bands like the kings of Leon, green day and nickel back. I think it’s cos they have songs that inspire me to dance and act a little naughty. I can then remember what I did to that song if it comes on the radio and then I get that sort of not in my tummy and blush at the memory of it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x