Day 11 of The Submissive’s Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Pancake identity.

Well Good evening my lovely’s , how has your day been? Anyone snowed in? Or are you all stuck with the horrid wind and rain that we’ve been having? Today has been a day of two halves for me. the first half was full of cooking, baking , clean and crafting. Then it turned to crap this afternoon, but more about that later.

so todays activities are based on a chapter from a book called Conquer me , by Kacie Cunningham, about her own submission. The chapter is tittle ‘this one time at Pancake Camp’  and the is a short excerpt from the book, about titles and labels and how the writer was feeling she did not feel fit them. She goes to say that she was talking to her Master over breakfast and telling him of her frustrations, and how she was not going to ascribe to them any more and that from that point on she would be known as pancake. when asked why pancake her you chose reply was ‘Because you chose pancakes! Because you obviously like pancakes! pancakes are simple, honest things, not all high-mantence like , say, crepes. I want to be something you would order!.

Both the activities are reflecting on the words we use to identify are selves , as submissive. The first was a simple reflection on the words, titles and how they make us feel. the second was to take the reflection and turn them in to an ornament. by taking one word traits like ‘love’ loving’ , then drawing or printing out an image that represents that word and making them pretty and fun using craft surplus. I was going to do the first , but then changed after I got some bad news.

The words and titles I identifier with are Submissive, Little and masochist . The masacist title is something that I kept well hidden for a very long time, as for me it was kind of hard to admit that I liked pain and being hurt, and most people don’t like that. The same with submissive, I mean who would admit to loving their partner dominating them. but as I got more in to the D/s life I saw that I was ‘Normal’ . but it still took a long time to really embrace it fully. Little is something I have found much easier to embrace, and I think this is I saw really positive images of littles and I really read up on it before hand. I knew I did not fit the classic DDlg little or AB little. I’m not in to age play, I don’t call My Dom daddy , and I don’t really have a bratty side. I do have a baby girl side , I like being looked after and I do have my own ‘little space’. I guess that Its more of a caregiver , little thing. I feel my labels fight real well now, but its taken a lot of time. We/I kind adapt the labless mean what we/ I need them to be. sort of they evolve as we grow and change as people.

So now for my bad news. Just before 5 this evening I got a phone call from my Great Aunty Betty saying that my Great Aunty Molly had passed away this morning following a massive stroke yesterday. She was 90 years old and the head of my daddy’s side of the family since my Nana died. She had a bad heart, artheritus and dementia, so really it was a happy release. But it still hit like sucka punch to the stomach and it sitle hurts. Anuty Molly was an amazing lady, who has always marched to her own beat. whether as a young girl who refused to leave school without  taking her exams. or the feisty Irish lass, who ran away to join the wrens and worked as a radio operater in ww2 .or the brave woman who kicked her husband out and divorce her husband , when he beat her. She was amazing , strong , feisty, outspoken and loving. So I have decided not to be sad , but raise a glass , kick up my heals and celebrate having this lady in my life for 37 year!

Right , now I really must go to bed and sleep. I’m off to a Christmas market in the morning!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Question time with maîtriser

So its been ages , right?!? again my health kind of got in the way, with low moods , Hospital and sofa days, but I’m now (touch wood) fixed up for a bit! So I have sat myself down with laptop and have started on all the Blog post I had planned, top of that list was Question time with maîtriser, So here it is!

1. Describe your kink self in 10 words? And the vanilla you in 10 words?! (Mouse) My kink self would be: Dominate, sadistic, passion, strong minded, care giver, protector, lover, friend. My vanilla self: Hard working, dead acted, fighter, strong willed, stubborn, fair, lover and friend. How did I know you would want words mouse?!
2. Top 5 kinks and why you like them? (kitten) 1) D/s. It seems to be something that sits well with my personality and speaks to my soul. 2) Sadism. I enjoy inflicting pain on willing partners. Mouse and Kitten talk of the high they get from feeling pain, well I get the same high from dishing it out! 3) Voyeurism. I’m an extremely visual person and watching people fucking, has been a kink for as long as can remember. So, having you 4 shows off minxes in my life is a blessing. 4) Bondage. I love the look off and the act of tying down a willing partner. It one of the ultimate forms of power exchange. 5)Fucking Outside or in risky places. Again, it’s a power exchange for me and, I get a high from the fact I could get court.
3. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength? (Little Bear). I used to see crying as a weakness. But over the last few years I have switch my view around. I believe that this is down to little mouse. When she was in hospital after trying to hurt herself, she tried so hard to keep her feelings inside, but when she let go and cried, it took my breath away at how much strength it took. It was a relies that she needed, but at the same time she had to be almost vulnerable. Now I know when one of my girls need to cry and get the relief they need. Ha-ha, I even have the odd tear or two myself. (my wedding day, finding out mouse was pregnant and telling my mother she was going to be a grandmother)
4. Who or what is your nemesis? Carbs, red meat, and cheese! HAHA mouse has me on a daddy to be eating plan! Pretty eyes, shy smiles and good manner have also been my undoing many, many times as well! That is why I have you 4 in my life! (Babe)
5. Describe all of us in 5 words (for each of us) Babe, Beautiful, talented, Sexy, switch and friend. Kitten, Sweet, funny farce stunning and loyal. Little Bear, Little, cute funny silly and brat. Mouse, Shy, funny, brave, beautiful, my hero and home. (all)
6. Who inspires you the most and why? My mother. She has bought me up on my own. She is amazingly clever , worked unbelievable hard and pushed me to become the best me I could be. She is a professor , but never makes people feel bennet her. But above all she is my mother. I would say all you ladies inspire me a little too! On a work level, it would the likes of Babyface, Glenn Frey, Don Henley and Lemmy. For their song writing, music playing and producing skills! (Babe)
7. Where do you stand on punishment? Punishment needs to fit the crime! It should sting, make an impact, and leave a mark. IT should be done as soon after the break of a rule , never held over a sub and should always include aftercare. (Kitten)
8. What is the most sensible thing you have ever heard someone say? You ask that little one! No , it would be my Nona telling me ‘Do what makes you truly happy, love with your whole heart and trust your gut. She is a very wise old bird!(Little Bear)
9. What 5 events have had the biggest impact on who you are today? My first day at School, the day I lost my virginity, the day I parted with my first sub, my wedding day, and the day I found out I was going to be a father. (Mouse)
10. What is the most embarrassing, funny, and hottest sex you have ever had?!m (All) HAHA! Hottest was bending mouse over trunk of my car, spreading her legs and fucking her for everyone to see. That was a good punishment. Embarrassing, the whole piggy blow job, burst blood vessel and hospital run. Funny, well that is when Babe was drunk and started trying to Make me act as her sub! Everything she tried to get me to do I came back 10 times harder, and she woke up still tied to the kitchen table!
Other silly questions – Can we get a new puppy? Or a Unicorn? Can we be Disney princess for Halloween? Where is the key to the toybox? Why are we not allowed to have pop tarts for tea??
No, No, Yes, Babe has it and If I let Mouse or my little bear have that much sugar the world would end!

Hope you enjoyed it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Me, my tattoos and I…

Me, my tattoos, and I…
Ok so a while ago some one said I should make a list of all my tattoos, noting when and why I got them, and what they mean to me . I should point out that I have a HUGE thing for tattoos! (slight under statement there I think) I have 35 of them and for me they all have special meanings. when it comes to people and their tattoos, well I it kind of hits me on a lot of different level. I personally see tattoos as an art form. Some of the work I’ve seen over the years, simple blows me away. It takes a lot of time and skill to be able to draw something complex, beautiful, and detailed on someone’s skin! I also have a thing for the Pinup look on women and tattoos seem to sit beautifully with that look. Mistresses or female tops with tattoos turn my in to a little subbie puddle. Dom males with muscles, breads and tattoos and I’m making puddles! (phaw! You should see the boss man with his shirt off!!!!). When I first met maîtriser, before we were what we are now, I remember him sitting with me at a club and telling what and why and the meaning of his tattoos. I guess it was one of the first things I feel in love with him for. I mean no other person I knew, would sit with me, and talk about tattoos, cos I was drunk and sad.
So, I have made a list, starting at the top and ending at the bottom, well my feet!
1. Feather behind my right ear. I got this done after my nana passed away. My granddad always said that me and my nana were very alike. he also said we were like feather, we looked like we could break, but we were stronger than we look. So, I got it to feel close to my grandparents, who meant the world to me and who I miss every day!
2. Black paw print inside a blue heart, centre of shoulder blades. Simply down cos of my love of all things dog. I retrained as a dog trainer and then as a behaviourist.
3. Left shoulder blade, skull, and cross bones (waiting to be finished with waves round it). I love pirates and the sea. With the waves, it will become a half sleeve. Also makes me look tough and bad ass, although maîtriser said I’m about as frightening as baby sloth!
4. Left shoulder, back Japanese characters for – Protection, calm, and strength. These were done when I went off to uni, kind of an act of rebel. My mother hates tattoos on women so it was a way of sticking 2 fingers up at her. Everyone was getting Chinese catchers, so to be a little different I went with Japanese’s!
5. Crescent moon and 4 stars right shoulder on my back. The moon is for a fiend I lost to cancer at school (she was 15) and the 4 stars are friends I lost to Aids, every time I loses a friend I add a star.
6. Double over lapping Heart under moon in black and blue. First tattoo I got done at the age of 15! I got it done, again to piss my mum off, but it’s in the same spot as the one my daddy has on his back and its almost identical to his! I love my daddy!
7. Writing under left boob in Gallic ‘Never by force ‘
8. Writing under right boob in Gallic ‘never without consent’
9. Middle of chest between boobs Gallic ‘always with love’ so I had other writing first, but after I split from my ex I decided I wanted to change to something to remind me that no one has the right to use force on me to get what they want. So my friend John came up with this! It’s in Gallic as that is what I grew up. (mixed with Russian)
10. Under gallic script, gothic scroll work and heart. Had this done last year as I wanted to make it a feature. I really love the whole gothic art look so that is what my friend john went for.
11. Left forearm black heart and J+n – part laser removed. Drunk tattoo from the first bulldog bash (biker festival) I was having it removed by lazer, but it triggered my vitiligo so I’m now going to get a cover up, just don’t know what!
12. Right wrist arrow and Warr; or. So, this is a tattoo that means a huge amount to me. I had it done 4 hours after I was realised from hospital after trying to take my life. I had been in hospital 3 ½ months and it had been an uphill struggle to get myself to the point that they let me go home. The; is to mark that my story is not over and the warrior is now how I look at life and mental illness. I fight it every day of my life, from that point on!
13. Middle of back, pentagram – Again to piss my mum off, but also cos it looks pretty.
14. Small of back New Zealand tribal shield. I think this was the 3rd one I got done and I just adore it. My friend john did this one and it was a first for both of us, as it was done without any outline and free hand!
15. Left hip RAF sweet heart wings, RAF covered by a red heart now. My Granddad, my daddy and my Ex were all in the RAF. I Got sweetheart wings done cos I was very much in love with my ex and he wanted a sort of mark of ownership. I am very supersites and direct refused to have his name on me, so I went for sweetheart wings. I got the RAF part covered over after we split.
16. Goth tinker bell right hip. Get this done at the age of 17, it was a straight tinker bell, till a few years later when I started hanging out on the fetish scene and really got in to the goth style of clothing and make up.
17. Left bum check Good girl (Cherry that was above it lazered.) Got this done when drunk on holiday with my ex in Malaga. Oh the shame! I got the cherry that was above it removed, as well I lost that cherry a long time ago!
18. Under left bum check ‘666’ brand style tattoo. Again, drunk tattoo done at the bull dog bash! Growing up my parents had hoped for a boy, but after having me my mother was unable to have more kids. For her it left her not really liking me and blaming me for the lack of sons. For my daddy, it meant that all the things he would have done with a son, he did with me. Fishing, rugby, and motorbikes! I learnt to ride 2 up at like 4, to ride a scrambler at 6 and trials bikes at 8. I went on to do trails and motocross till I was 20. then I went on to learn to road race and then drag race. All Ong with road racing came biker festivals as a teen. To this day, for me and my daddy motorbikes are a passion and something I could bore you all with more, but I won’t today!
19. Left thigh scare turned in to a creator. Hmmm, this is going to be tough to explain, so bear with me! When I was 17 I was suffering from my first bout of grown up depression, I was hiding it and just how bitterly unhappy I was. It got to a point that I did not want to be here anymore so one night when out with a biker chum, I was riding 2 up, we went around a sharp bend, and I simply let go and pushed myself of the back, hoping that was it for me. Luckily, I woke 10 days later in hospital. Not so lucky was the amount of me that I had broken. I had dislocated both shoulder, broken a wrist, 4 ribs, my pelvis, and all the bones in my left leg. I got help and I heald, but I was left with a narly scare on my left thigh. My friend john, knowing how much I hated it, turned it in to a creator and add other smaller tattoos to cover the small scare that I had on my thigh too!
20. Upper left thigh, small red flower. Love flower and this covers where I had meatal frame to help my leg heal.
21. Upper left thigh, k9 from Doctor who. I love dogs and doctor who, so why not?!
22. Left thigh at the back-Celtic knot. I’ m really proud of my Celtic roots and love not work!
23. Back of left thigh Irish cLruder. The boss man has the same one over his left pec. We got them done when we got engaged!
24. Outer left thigh part of do not go gentle in to the light. It reads’ Do not go gentle into that good night.’ Love this poem, love Dylan Thomas and this is my way of saying ‘I’m not going to give up on anything without a fight!’ I also read this at my nana’s funeral.

25. Left thigh, butterfly with purple wings. This was done to show that I’m a survivor of domestic abuse and that by talking openly about it that I have been set free from it!
26. Left thigh, mermaid. Just love mermaid!
27. Inside left thigh, Arabic script saying, ‘what makes you different, makes you beautiful’. I have a little Arab blood in me and I love this saying.
28. Inside left thigh ‘So very thankful’ this was done after I Od at uni, but survived it!
29. Left inside thigh shooting star. Got this done in houner of a friend who died working in the mild east.
30. right inside thigh 3 red hearts, covering up kisses. Got this changed after getting together with my little poly family. Each heart is one of the girls!
31. Under right bum cheek, dragon in the style of the one from the hobbit. Love the hobbit and love the art work in the book.
32. Inside left thigh, Latin saying ‘love conquers all’ For the Frenchman, cos it does and it did!
33. Right outer ankle bone, small blue rose. My granddad had this on his forearm and had it done when he was serving in japan after ivy day bringing home POW. I remember him telling us some horrendous stories as kids. Any how I liked it and got it done.
34. Left outer ankle bone, black flaming heart. HAHA, this is my Bicker tattoo. I have this same heart on the tanks of all my bikes. #biker
35. Under flaming heart, the word Ohana. Get this done very recently and is the same as the ones the girls got done. We are all fans of Lilo and stitch and love the meaning of this word. It kind sums are little family up I think!
So that is all of them not sure why this has, but I cried a little writing it. I have not thought about some of them for a long while. Most bring back happy thoughts and memories, but some a harder to remember. I need to say a specail thank you to kitten for helping me list them all and for the Frenchman for not distracting me from writing this. Also, I want to say sorry to the poor mail man for making you fall over when you saw some tattooed, naked chick sat at her kitchen table writing!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x