From the Heart….

So this afternoon I woke up from my nap to a new Dm in my inbox on twitter, which is really quite exciting in my little world! But on opening and reading it my little world turned dark and grey. Someone had decided my use of the English langue , its quirky grammer and frankly bonkers way of spelling things, had offended them so much that they felt the overwhelming need to tell me and point out my failings. Which is super helpful of them , but in my eyes not very kind or thoughtful.

Now don’t get me wrong , I now I suck at spelling and grammar, I really do. But I do have reasons that I suck at it. I grew up in a house hold that spoke a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian. I started to learn English when I was about 3 or 4 , but it took ages for me to pick it up. I was also a really shy little girl and had two wonderful big sisters that did most of my talking for me. That is one of the reasons the boss man calls me mouse, cos at times I’m so quiet , you would not know I’m there!

I am also dyslexic, which made reading and writing tougher than hell. it does not affect my number skills or my ability to understand things like science, history or geography. it does mean that I found it hard learning at school hard and that I get confused with big words and complex instructions. But I found ways to adapt and learn. I found that if I record what people are saying and play it back , I sticks in my brain. I can watch someone doing something and pick it up pretty quickly. I also pushed myself in the things I was good at, like art , design and science . I passed my gcses , alevels and went to uni getting a degree and masters in textiles and custom design. I

A few years ago I decided to retrain as a dog trainer and along side this I did some English and Itc courses. As I was dyslexic they offered testing to see if the was any extra help they could offer. it turned out that I also have a form of ADD . That means when I get anxious , which is most of the time , my brain sort of seizes up and I can’t do anything. it means I can be rude , distracted and if really bad aggressive . Finding out this explained a lot of things, such as not being able to judge people tones, some of the trouble I have with social interactions and shyness. i have learned tons of ways to deal with life. Like if I am really organised and sit down and plan things out , I can pretty much do anything. With help I got I went on to gain a second degree and masters , this time in canine psychologic, training and welfare.

So you see I’m not stupid, I just have a hell of a lot of stuff going against me when it comes to the English langue! I just want to say and ask people, please , please think before you Comment on other people’s post, tweets or updates. You never know what is hiding behind it. your ‘Kind words’ might not be met with a smile and a thank you. Luckey I vented on twitter and got support (go twitter pervs!). In days gone past I would have turn it on myself, beat myself up and more than likely ended up cutting myself. So again I say please think before you say things, you may curse more harm than good!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Question time with John Brownstone (aka the Wood Dude)

So the girls and I have been on the hunt for whiling victims to take part in are question time , but no body was fourth coming. So we made a list of people we wanted to interrogate, put them in a hat , pulled out a name and sent them an email asking if they might be up for playing along with our fun and games… Well that person was the awesome John Brownstone, Daddy and Dom to fabulous Kayla Lords, and Co-Host of the Loving BDSM community and Podcast. Guess what , he only went and said yes. So here  is his grilling !

Question time with John Brownstone (The Wood Dude!)
1. What do you know about your family tree and your heritage? (Babe)

I know a fair deal about my family tree actually. My father migrated to the U.S. from Heidelberg, Germany in 1956. His Father died when he was very young and he has three brothers. On my mothers side her mother and father were born in Chicago, my great grandmother and great grandfather immigrated to the U.S. from Italy. From Chicago my mom’s family moved to Brooklyn, NY and then eventually to upstate NY where she met my dad. My mom has one sister and I have more cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephews, etc then I can shake a stick at.

2. What does the best complement you have ever received? And the best one you have ever given? (mouse)

The best compliment I ever received  was from an long distance sub I had a number of years ago. She was my sub for a little over a year and then one day she just vanished. I didn’t hear from her for a year and a half but when I did I cried from what she told me. At the time she was my sub she was going through some very rough times in her life and when she contacted me it was to thank me for everything I did for her and taught her. She said it was because of the things I did with her that she realized she had to put on her big girl panties and take charge of her life. She got out of a bad relationship and moved to another town and got her dream job and was doing well and moved on with her life and was even thinking of starting her own business. She told me that with what I had taught her she found the strength inside herself to move forward and be someone and she was sorry for just disappearing but she know she had to do it on her own.   Best compliment I have ever given someone? There are times when Kayla’s anxiety is showing its face or she doubts that she can do something. I will look her in the eye and tell her “I believe in you, you can do this.”

3. What is your great strength and weakness? (kitten)

My greatest strength is that I want to learn, I am eternally curious about things and people. I am always reading, watching videos and diving into the thing I want to learn about. My greatest weakness is that at times I will procrastinate on certain things, like the new faucet for the kitchen sink. I bought it a month and a half ago but have been dreading crawling under the cabinets.

4. What is your dream pizza combo? (little bear)

I LOVE pizza. My all time favorite is Brooklyn style pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. I could eat a whole pizza by myself if I were left to my own devices.

5. Top 5 kinks and why you like them SOOO MUCH!?

(all) 1) Rope, I love rope not only for the ability to bind someone but the closeness and intimacy it gives. It is a slow process that allows one to spend some time with the partner. 2) Electro play, more specifically Violet wand. I was at a munch and they were doing a demo of one and I was just entranced by it. I got to try it out on a sub there and I was thrilled with her reaction to my fingers as the sparks danced over her skin. 3) Orgasm denial. The begging, I love bringing Kayla right up to the very top of the peak and then stopping. Doing it over and over while she begs for her sweet release. 4) Floggers. About 6 (maybe more now) years ago I read the Gor series by John Norman and floggers were frequently used in throughout the stories. SO when I had the chance I jumped on it to learn how to use a flogger and what I love about it is that it can go from being soft like a massage to stingy with the flick of the wrist. 5) Canes. I do love using canes and wish I had more chance to use them fully. Kayla can tolerate them when she is deep in subspace but I have always wanted to use on on someone who truly loves them as well as I do love the marks they leave.

6. What is the best, worst and most bizarre meals you have ever eaten? (little bear)

Oh dear, I still haven’t been able to forget this. When I was a kid our family was invited to a dinner party. The people hosting the party were Italian and most of the food I loved. There was something going around the table and some was put on my plate and I was told I should eat it. I took several bites and started to gag, it wasn’t till much later I found out what it was. It was Tripe, cows intestines….never again!

7. If you could have one super power, what would it be and why would you want it? (kitten)

I would like to have Aquamans powers. I’ve never been a good swimmer and the ability to move through water at a whim and then walk on land would be neat. Also to be able to communicate with fish and animals of the ocean would be cool.

8. How long have you been in to kinky fuckery and how did you get in to it? (Mouse)

Back in 19282 I was briefly married and we both had the spark of kink in us. I used to love tying her up using anything I could improvise. The marriage only lasted a year and I put anything kinky behind me as I blamed that for the demise of the marriage. Many years later I was surfing the web and came across some BDSM sites. It awoke my kinky feelings and then I embraced them and started learning all I could about the lifestyle.

9. Have you or would you ever take on a submissive role? (Babe)

When I came across the sites during my web search I also ended up in a number of BDSM related chat rooms. Not knowing much about the lifestyle at
that time from seeing the ways the Doms acted in them I didn’t think I had a Dominant bone in my body. So for some time I was an online submissive to a Domme for almost a year. It turned out to be a good thing actually as being on the sub side I learned a good deal and when I discovered my Dominant side I had a solid idea of both how to and how not treat a sub. Would I take on a submissive role now? Possibly, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two but it would have to be someone I knew and trusted very well.

10.  Marvel or DC comics?Who is your fav super hero and why?

Marvel comics and my favorite superhero is The Hulk. I like him because he has two sides to him, the mild-mannered doctor and then the raging Hulk. Even when he is in Hulk form he still knows right from wrong and uses his great strength to go up against evil.

Silly questions from Little Bear (Who was very much in need of food when we did this list!)
Where do you stand on cheese?

I have yet to meet a cheese I don’t like. Colby Jack, Sharp Cheddar, Muenster, Gorgonzola, Mozzarella, Parmesan, Romano, Harvati, Feta, and Blue Cheese. Bring them on, I love cheese.

Why is the sky blue?

The sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light, unless of course it’s sunset then it is red or orange. Kind of glad it is blue as a red or orange sky all the time would seem odd. Plus blue is a good color.
Can you do a handstand? There is only one way I am capable of doing a handstand and that is while in a swimming pool, otherwise it’s not a pretty sight.

Where is the treasure buried?

The true treasure is buried within.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I believe I have seen a ghost. My great-grandfather had just died several days before. It was late at night and a terrible thunder-storm had rolled into the area. I heard a noise outside my room and I got up to look. My room was at the end of a long hallway and at the far end there was a chair. I saw what looked to be a transparent figure of my great grandfather sitting in the chair. I wasn’t afraid and I stood there for some time just looking at him. Then a big flash of lightning lit up the hallway and when it was dark again he was gone.

We all want to say a huge thank you to Mr Brownstone! (Thank you is in the post 😉 )

Hugs,

Pixie, Babe, Kitten and Little Bear

Blog challenge day 8 – What is something you are currently worrying about….

Well the is a lot of things that I’m worrying about right now, not sure I can narrow it down to jus one thing! So what I’m going to do is a thing I my therapist and the Boss Man get me to do, a worry list . what I do is a make a list of all the thing that I’m worried and then share it with at least 5 people, so I’m going to do it here and share it with you all!

  • Being Pregnant – It not an easy thing for me to deal with, ok I know no woman goes yay pregnancy what a riot. But with all the health issues I have and mental health stuff some days it’s just bloody terrifying!
  • motherhood – I did not have a good time growing up with my mother, and trust me that is putting it lightly. It has left me worrying that I won’t be able to bound with my babies when they get here. or that I won’t be a good mother and I will turn out to be just like my own mother.
  • My Daddy – My daddy has bipolar , Parkinson’s disease and Pick disease . His not that old , his 71, but every day we seem to lose a little more of him. In recent months his become very erratic and lashes out at people. with being pregnant it means I can’t spend time with him on my own, it’s just not safe.
  • My Mother – As I have said I don’t get on with my mother , I never have and I never will. We are polar opposites and want very different things in life. But I still love her, and that will never stop. 7 months ago she was sent to prison for Drink driving among other things , and for the last 7 months I have not seen or spoken to her. over the weekend gone she was rushed to hospital after have trouble swallowing and vomiting blood. It was thought it due to years of heavy drinking and smoking , but on Sunday she was found to be suffering with cancer of her throat. It hit me kind of  hard, left me not knowing how to fell or what to do. Thankfully the boss man took over talking to my sisters, who wanted me to drop everything and go see my mum. It has turned out not to be as bad as first thought but it’s terrifying.
  • Crufts – I have some how got 3 dog through to different thing at crufts next year. I am also teaching and working on the KC youth stands. It’s going to be epic, but tiring and the is going to be a lot of training and prep involved !
  • Work – I have had to give up working till after the babies get here. as I have said I was struggling to cope with a really busy schedule , working in a field that knocks you sideways and is incredible physically demanding. So I am having to think at what level do I need to go back after the babies get here. Hopefully I will be able to go back in to teaching and also get back to working with rescue dogs!

So those are the main worries going round my pretty little head, I have told you and now I will let them go , and breath!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog challenge day 7 – Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well this is a big old can of worms! I have never cheated on a partner, but I have been cheated on. It left me feeling divested, sore and pretty much unable to trust people. I think if you do anything from flirting to sex , without your primary partner know and being ok with it, is truly a vile thing to do to someone you are meant to be in love with.

I have an open , poly , none monagmse realstionship. One of the rules we set down at the start of it was that we tell everyone we are involved with , what we are doing and who we are doing it with. I personally don’t play with or fuck other anyone without the boss man being with me. but the girls do see others away from are family , but we know what they are getting and its all fine.

The thing that I really dislike , is the people who start flirting or start affairs with people who already have a partner , just because they can. Knowing full well the upset and hurt that it e=will cause when they get found out. The is no need for that type of spitefulness in a world that is already full of pain and suffering already!

Question time with maîtriser

So its been ages , right?!? again my health kind of got in the way, with low moods , Hospital and sofa days, but I’m now (touch wood) fixed up for a bit! So I have sat myself down with laptop and have started on all the Blog post I had planned, top of that list was Question time with maîtriser, So here it is!

1. Describe your kink self in 10 words? And the vanilla you in 10 words?! (Mouse) My kink self would be: Dominate, sadistic, passion, strong minded, care giver, protector, lover, friend. My vanilla self: Hard working, dead acted, fighter, strong willed, stubborn, fair, lover and friend. How did I know you would want words mouse?!
2. Top 5 kinks and why you like them? (kitten) 1) D/s. It seems to be something that sits well with my personality and speaks to my soul. 2) Sadism. I enjoy inflicting pain on willing partners. Mouse and Kitten talk of the high they get from feeling pain, well I get the same high from dishing it out! 3) Voyeurism. I’m an extremely visual person and watching people fucking, has been a kink for as long as can remember. So, having you 4 shows off minxes in my life is a blessing. 4) Bondage. I love the look off and the act of tying down a willing partner. It one of the ultimate forms of power exchange. 5)Fucking Outside or in risky places. Again, it’s a power exchange for me and, I get a high from the fact I could get court.
3. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength? (Little Bear). I used to see crying as a weakness. But over the last few years I have switch my view around. I believe that this is down to little mouse. When she was in hospital after trying to hurt herself, she tried so hard to keep her feelings inside, but when she let go and cried, it took my breath away at how much strength it took. It was a relies that she needed, but at the same time she had to be almost vulnerable. Now I know when one of my girls need to cry and get the relief they need. Ha-ha, I even have the odd tear or two myself. (my wedding day, finding out mouse was pregnant and telling my mother she was going to be a grandmother)
4. Who or what is your nemesis? Carbs, red meat, and cheese! HAHA mouse has me on a daddy to be eating plan! Pretty eyes, shy smiles and good manner have also been my undoing many, many times as well! That is why I have you 4 in my life! (Babe)
5. Describe all of us in 5 words (for each of us) Babe, Beautiful, talented, Sexy, switch and friend. Kitten, Sweet, funny farce stunning and loyal. Little Bear, Little, cute funny silly and brat. Mouse, Shy, funny, brave, beautiful, my hero and home. (all)
6. Who inspires you the most and why? My mother. She has bought me up on my own. She is amazingly clever , worked unbelievable hard and pushed me to become the best me I could be. She is a professor , but never makes people feel bennet her. But above all she is my mother. I would say all you ladies inspire me a little too! On a work level, it would the likes of Babyface, Glenn Frey, Don Henley and Lemmy. For their song writing, music playing and producing skills! (Babe)
7. Where do you stand on punishment? Punishment needs to fit the crime! It should sting, make an impact, and leave a mark. IT should be done as soon after the break of a rule , never held over a sub and should always include aftercare. (Kitten)
8. What is the most sensible thing you have ever heard someone say? You ask that little one! No , it would be my Nona telling me ‘Do what makes you truly happy, love with your whole heart and trust your gut. She is a very wise old bird!(Little Bear)
9. What 5 events have had the biggest impact on who you are today? My first day at School, the day I lost my virginity, the day I parted with my first sub, my wedding day, and the day I found out I was going to be a father. (Mouse)
10. What is the most embarrassing, funny, and hottest sex you have ever had?!m (All) HAHA! Hottest was bending mouse over trunk of my car, spreading her legs and fucking her for everyone to see. That was a good punishment. Embarrassing, the whole piggy blow job, burst blood vessel and hospital run. Funny, well that is when Babe was drunk and started trying to Make me act as her sub! Everything she tried to get me to do I came back 10 times harder, and she woke up still tied to the kitchen table!
Other silly questions – Can we get a new puppy? Or a Unicorn? Can we be Disney princess for Halloween? Where is the key to the toybox? Why are we not allowed to have pop tarts for tea??
No, No, Yes, Babe has it and If I let Mouse or my little bear have that much sugar the world would end!

Hope you enjoyed it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Question time with Sir Beasty.

So you may have heard me go on about ‘Sir Beasty’ before, but none of you have really met him have you?! So I asked him , nicely to do a question time thing for me and the girls, as a sort of getting to know him thing! The Boss man was going to be first up for this, but he had to go work in Paris for a week, so Sir Beasty stepped up and took one for the team! I should explain a little about him and how I know him. Well his a friend of mine who is simply one of the most amazing people who you will ever meet! Sweet , funny and caring . His a very clever guy, our super hero and a very talented dude. He also acts as an online protector to myself and the girls. He is also , strangely one of a like 5 men outside the Boss man who I trust. He is also allowed to tell me off, to shush me and to simmer down. But above all this he is someone who makes me feel safe , loved and makes me laugh at myself! So Big Love and Squeashes to the Beasty for doing this for me! (We loves you whole bunches sir!)

Question time with Sir Beasty.

1. Who inspires you and Why? (Babe)
a. Strong beautiful women inspire me. People who overcome inspire me. Diverse lives with meanings that can be construed as deep, touching, vulnerable… those people inspire me because fear does not limit them, it does not stop them. It inspires them to do more, be more and try… more.
2. Dom, Sub or switch, Discus? (Kitten)
a. Switch – I find it easy to slip into a Dom role when in the right company. I can sense submissive and instantly want to protect them. I can also pick up on dom female personas and naturally like to please.
3. Top sexual Fantasy and why? (little bear)
a. So many… I fantasize about sitting down to study, write or goof off on a game console and a beautiful woman wearing my shirt and heels walks in to the room I am in. She has that look in her eyes says she’s ready to play, to give me anything I want. I ignore her as long as I can, making her wait for what she wants. In some of these fantasies, I am talking on a conference call at work or online with friends and she does everything she can to get me to crack under the pressure. The cat and mouse game goes round and round waiting for one of us to give, to cum and to scream in pleasure.
4. What are your turn ons and turn offs? (Mouse)
a. Confidence, strength and curiosity are turn-ons. Chewing with your mouth open, inane babble and inability to keep up in conversation are turn-offs.
5. Dirty talk, yes or no? examples please? (all)
a. YES – Oh hell yes! That is much easier demonstrated in person
6. What kind of music do you play when you’re about to get your freak on? (kitten and Mouse)
a. New Age, Moby, atmospheric, thunderstorms with a drum beat underlay… so many options. Sexual tempo and temperature change with the tempo of the music.
7. What kinks do you have and what would you like to explore? (babe)
a. I have many kinks, so many. I would explore almost everything given the chance.
8. What are you top 3 strengths? (Little bear)
a. Listening, empathy, ability to give people what they need.
9. Describe your perfect day? (Mouse)
a. When I find it, I will let you know.
10. Best, worst, and most embarrassing sex ever? (all)
a. This will take some time to explain lol
Added to this were the questions are unicorns real? have you seen a mermaid? and where is the treasure hidden? But the boss man said no to them (Meanie)

Since you asked nicely… The treasure is )(*(&(*#(*&(*&#HJD))()*#)(_ _)_#_)_(&*#^*&# *(@#(*^&$)

Well that is Sir beasty! Next up is the Boss Man , if we can get him to sit down and answer the blinking questions! (How much trouble would we get if we sat on him and tickled him till he played ball?!?!)

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

From the heart…..

So I have been away from writing for a bit, what with conferences , babies and life getting in the way, it’s been all I could do to climb in to bed at night and not just crash out on the sofa. But now , well now I’m free to stop, breath and look around at what is going on in the wider world! What do I see ?!?! well friends and loved one struggling. people fighting and hurting other people . Things that make me want to hide behind the boss man and come out when all is clam and still again!

To be 100% honest with myself , I am finding things hard at the moment . Not anything as hard as some people , just a sort of resurfacing of my blue mood and anxieties, that as hard as I try I can’t stamp down on and tell to go away again. I think I have been so busy for such a long time , that now I don’t have stuff to worry about or be doing, I feel sort of deflated and sad. I also feel a little detached from the real world and out of touch with what is going on around me. I keep finding myself close to tears or just starring in to space. I feel like I have lost my way a little and that I can’t get myself motivated!

So I have asked the Boss man to step in and asked for some extra support. (more than I get now and more than I probably deserve). The Boss man is off to paris for work for 6 days , but he is leaving Babe in charge, so I got the best person in the world to make sure I do as I’m told! for the rest of this weeks I’m under orders to rest, recover and regroup. I’m not allowed to answer any ‘work’ emails, unless it is 100% life or death. I am to do my daily routine as laid out by the boss man and nothing else. He’s adding in a few more Self care things. (listing them below) Next week , I am allowed to work but for 5 hours a day max. He has also decided that he’s going to find me a 30 day blog challenge as he feels that writing is something that really helps me deal with stuff . We are also going start getting ready for D-day (October 28th). Supper Excited to do that (making a list already!)

Self care tasks –

  • Make a list of activities and tasks that make you happy.
  • Make a list of anxiety triggers.
  • Make a list of people who inspire you.
  • Yoga everyday. (with Kitten or Babe)
  • Meditation everyday.
  • Make a calming playlist.
  • Plan Family days (Saturday or sunday)
  • Do something creative everyday.
  • Write a list of places , things and activities you want to try.
  • Meal plans for the next 3 days
  • Daily affirmation

So that is from my messed little head and this crazy little heart,

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x