What we have learnt from loving Bdsm’s 30 days of D/s?

So Today , well Tuesday was the last day of Loving BDSM’s  30 days of D/s. So it means no more daily emails , No more breakfast debuts and no more think about the D/s side of things, oh wait yes the will be, cos that is one of the things I will take away from the whole 30 days. The talking and think about stuff that is.  so I’m going to list what I / we have learnt from this.

  • what we all feel about are D/s relationship
  • What all of are kinks are and why we like them.
  • What we all want to try out, in and out of the bedroom.
  • That we all have hard limits that are off-limits.
  • That we as a family are really lucky and have a very strong bond.
  • That we are all very open to bring more people in to are family , wether as play partners or as a protectors.
  • That us girls are very open about are life style , but that we chose to keep it in the shadows.
  • That we are really good at supporting each other and communication is something we are really good at .
  • That us girls can’t be serious for more than 20 mins before one of us starts giggling.

On a really personal note , its been pretty epic for me. I did not sign myself up for this and truth be known I was not really that happy when I was told by the boss. I was trying to blog or write when I got a spare half hour here and there. but this has made me sit down and write every day, by just taking an hour. I have or had a really heavy work load, but by sitting down every day to write I have found something that I like doing and that I think (omfg I can not belive I’m saying this) I am quit good at. I have also loved the fact are little family sits and talks about stuff that means stuff to us. In a world full of war, famine, disease and politics, I sometimes start to feel overwhelmed by life. But having something that is deep and meaningful to talk about at dinner or breakfast other than Donald Trump or The general election , well its been kind of fun. It has made me talk about my ex as well and yeah, the were tears when I did , but I feel like it has put a lid on him and that I really can start to enjoy being happy. It has made relies , just how much I love the boss man and my girls. That what I have with them is what I need to have to be happy and strong. But more important than that it has started to help me be comfy in my own skin, and that is something that means so bloody much! it has also shown me that, yup we don’t really do sensible , we love talking and that we are a family of silly head!

So I want to say a huge thank you to Kayla Lords and John Brownstone , for coming up with 30 days of D/s , its been epic, fun , thought-provoking and just what I needed!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

PS – Aunt May asks ‘Did one of you write school text books or the such?’ lol She always has to have the last word.

Dynamics

So this is nearly the end of my Loving BDSM 30 day’s of D/s journey… Does that sound as corny as it does in my head?! So this evening we sat and debated the subject of dynamics within are D/s relationships . It was actually a really in-depth discussion and in many ways I feel its made all of us see that the way we live and how much we care for each other, is not the norm and is not for everyone, but it is also healthy for us, we all take so much from it and for us it’s what we need and very much want. so instead of writing everything we talked about , cos we were talking for like 3 hours and that would take forever, you’re going to get a little bit about each of us, are role in the family and how we get treated as such!

maîtriser, aka the Boss man –  Dom to all of us girls. (poor sod!) Head of the house hold. sadist with a genuine care for are mental and physical welfare . Care giver who has is rules and will punish for any breaking of them, but fairly and with a hell of a lot of creativity. Calm , charming and polite. lastly husband and daddy to be, still getting used to the fact that this time next year he will have 2 screaming bundles of joy! (sorry i should put puke bucket warnings at the start of some posts)

Babe – Sadist Switch, who has a Sub side. She is maîtriser second in charge, who looks after people when they need someone who will fight their corner! Friend , lover and tea making expert . The one who will push button and limits to get the best out of you. has a sweet girlie side that she will show when she trusts you. I will also add that she lives up to the name ‘Babe’ on so many levels.

Kitten – Sub with a masochist streak. she is the one that we all turn to when we need to ‘talk’. the deep thinker of are little family and the go to when I don’t understand something. (why do they do that?) optimist , forgiver and head cheerleader. Always finds a bright side to things even when others can’t find them. For me She is the 2nd biggest love of my life, my best friend and my partner in crime. She my tag teaming partner and my pole dancing buddy. I would take a knife or bullet for without thinking about it, I love her to death!

Little Bear – masochist Baby Girl of the group . Massive tendencies towards Brattyness , but only because she is either anxious or wants to be punished! The one who will go to the ends of the earth to make people smile and laugh . The one Who always has a sunny out look on life and the one who bounces around , being silly! My number one cuddle buddy and my little space buddy! She also , in a way is the person who got me to say out load that I wanted to be a mum and the one I get to be a mother hen a fuss over, I simply adore our little bear.

Me , Pixie aka Mouse or little mama – Well I am Sub, masochist, littleish and housewife of the family. I can’t do pouting, stropping or being demanding , well not really, it just makes me feel odd. I am the one who keeps people organised and on track. I guess I could take house hold management to a different level. I am the pain slut of the group ,  it is my thing! (hmmm Pain!) I’m the one who is happiest making the rest shine and look good , who will sit quietly on the side lines. I am the one who love looking after people and the one who finds it hardest to show that I have a weak side, hell it only in the last few months that I will actually let people look after me when I’m sick! I’m the one who struggles with people saying they love me , with being told that they are clever or pretty or enough. i guess I’m the one with low self esteem and very little conference , but I’m also the one learning to let myself be loved and cared for. i guess I’m saying that I’m just me , little old Pixie!

Well that’s us then! last thing i will say , i was made to write the bit about myself as part of the on going ‘Punishment ‘ thing. Selling myself or say ‘oh i do this well’ is something that i really find hard to do. Lol i have to get Babe to write my CV for me , if i need to send one to a prospective client or with an article i have written or to people I’m going to be lecturing for. Self worth and i have what i would say is a strained relationship!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Exploring Your kinks together….

fSo today topic is about exploring you kinks together. Well this was super fun to sit down and chat about. Lol we decided that Starbucks was the best place to discusses it and discusses it we did. Some how we manged to get 3 members of staff involved to, not quite sure how or why. I have a feeling that might have been are little bear! (she seems to be able to get anyone to talk about anything)

So I have my kinks (Me and my kinks) , the girls have their kinks , and Good Lord does the frog have his! Were not all the same though and don’t all have the same kinks. I mean yeah we have loads in common and we play off each others kinks, but we also have kinks of are own. Are Little bear is a Baby girl, but then are Babe is a switch who Loves to Dom. What we do seem to do a lot of is talking about sex and have a love of trying new things .

I think I’m really lucky to have the Frenchman in my life , he and I seem to have kinks that go really well together. He is a saddest and I have a huge masochistic streak. He likes watching his girls and telling them what to do to each other and I love putting on a show for him. He likes female Doms using his girls , while he watches and I love being watch with female Doms. But the are still things that we are exploring, like my Little side. we have decided I’m not a Baby girl, cos I can’t do bratty, sulky or pout. But I do like being looked after and doing little things. Not really from a sexual sort of way. They seem to be a really great way to deal with my anxiety levels and for helping me focus . the Frenchman likes it cos he gets to be more in control and he likes taking care of me. We also playing with PDA as I enjoy this , but find them very hard to deal with. Also we are doing a lot of stuff with sense deprivation , as it is something that the frog likes doing , that I struggle with, but wanted to work on and well its a great way to build trust.

But the main thing that seems to be happening and I’m not sure why, is that I am freely giving up more and more control over myself. I guess you would say I’m becoming more submissive. I mean I still bite and scratch at times, but I just really like having someone who will take care of me and take charge of things. I think its cos over the last 2 years I have been left feeling so safe, loved and happy. Still ask questions all the bloody time though!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Tasks and Rituals .

So up for discussion today on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is Tasks and Rituals. Ohh I have to say this was awesome fun to talk about , I love my tasks and rituals! We all have them and even the Boss man has his for each of us. Babe has her games of chess, Little bear has her sticker chart that the boss checks every day and kitten has her Gym / sparing sessions. I have my nightly foot rubs, my sunday morning home work session and are new one of ‘Take your sub to work with you’ days!

So stopping and thinking about it I do have a lot of task that I didn’t even realise I do! I am also just going to say that maîtriser has been really careful with the way things are with Task and Rituals for me. yeah I know every Dom is careful of what they get their subs doing , but mine are also kind of done in a way so I don’t get all OCD about them! (I do have mild ocd, not just saying it!)

ok so my first one and this happens every signal day that I’m at home and the boss man is at home , is the way he gets woken up. Simply with me on my knees and giving him a blow job. We have this cos , well i LOVE oral, being on my knees and well he is so not good in the morning.!(what you say it yourself froggie) . Next up is something that he does, everyday he is working. It’s my lunchtime phone call, its are way of checking in with each other and makes me feel really special 🙂 . Also on a daily thing is how we all greet him when he gets home from work. us , on knees , by the front door , heads up eyes down cast. We cant do it ‘every night , cos it would look a little odd if i did that and i had my sisters round for dinner, but in that case i met him at the door with a kiss and ask how his day has been. Ok so my sisters take the piss and say ‘aw what a good little wifey we  are’. but it’s what i want to do , i have a very happy marriage and screw them!

Those are the things that happen every day, without fail. Every evening maître sits all of us done and we write are ‘To do a list’ for the next day. It will have all the boring stuff like do home work, lean bathroom and do food shopping, but it will also have fun stuff like , house keeping showers or what time to eat. I love my to do list! I get a sticker every day if I get every thing done and if I get 10 stickers I get a treat! 30 days with stickers and I get a special treat! (never happens , but I will one day ;))

Now for the really special bits I have with just The boss man and myself. Ok going to cheat and copy this from my contract!n(yup big man I’m cheating a little here , be nice!)

1) I’m to wake you in the mornings by going down on you.

2) I’m to shower with you 3 times a week, so you may inspect every part of my body.

3) I must keep your wardrobe in perfect order at all times.

4) I am to shave you on Sunday mornings.

5) I am to allow myself to be loved, respected, trusted and liked. I will remember that I am worthy of your love . I take the role of submissive as it makes me feel whole and at ease, but above all we are partners in life

So that is pretty much it on that subject! well I’m again going to go and eat again!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ps – I have been told to add this , cos I was being a brat and back chatting , so I got myself in to a huge but kicking! punishment to fallow!

 

24/7/365.

So up for discussion on the Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is the a topic of are up for a 24/7 D/s relationship and do you know what it entails?!? Well I can guess I can say a big old yes to both of those questions. This time round the whole D/s and the Poly side of the way I live kind of started out as 24/7, as the frog was living with me before we got into a D/s or poly relationship.

Ok I feel like I need to explain are living arrangement, well not the D/s side r the poly side. (kinky people, get kinky people) more the ‘How’ it works part. I own my on house out right , I bought it with money that I inherited from my god mother. When I got sick , maître, Babe and Kitten came to stay with me. When things turned from friends to more than friends, maître sat us all down and we talked about it. I said I did not want them to pay rent . So he said that Babe would pay the gas bills, Kitten would cover the council tax and the water rates. maître took on the electric bill and paid for all the food. that left me with just my Dogs and personal out goings to worry about . When little bear moved in she took on the electric bill and maître took over paying for the dogs and decided that he would give me a little bit of money extra each week. it was also agreed that I am responsable for the running of the home. Not just all the cleaning, cooking and other house hold stuff , but I plan all the meals, cook , and do the food shopping. I keep every ones diary, plus mine , my work diary and the house hold diary . I am allowed to ask the girls to do stuff like washing up, or taking the trash out or hang washing, but I am also reasonable for making sure they do it right and to the standers that maîtrewants it done! lol I am not allowed to do diy or heavy gardening , cos I’m super clumsy and will end up hurting myself.

Right let’s get back to the D/s world that prefer to be in! So, yup I live in a 27/4 Poly D/s relationships, with 1 Dom male and 3 other female subs. We all wear collars , we call are Dom master and we meet greet him on are knees most nights! I guess we have got so used to the D/s side of are life , that it feel weird when we  have been ‘normal’ .  I guess we are so used to the D/s side that is just like second nature . The are times when we get less D/s , like if one of us are ill or if we have family over. Lol things go mental if the frog gets sick , he has 4 women fighting over who gets to take care of him, trust me it’s not that fun! The only other time D/s goes out the window is when aunt emmer comes a calling and the are 4 women with pms, tearful outburst and neediness! then the frog buys chocolate, throws it in the living room , with chick flicks, blankies and the delieroo on speed dial, and retreats to the pub with the male dogs!

Well , that us todays ramble for you! I am sat typing this in my little make shift office in the corner of the frog studio. I have my laptop ,  note pads , colour gel pens , stickers , cookies, apples , milk and pillows! I do love when I get to go to work with him! #takeyoursubtoworkday

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

P.S – i have decided to man a stealth mission to make the Boss man moan and groan from under the mixing desk, wish me luck! 😉

 

 

 

 

 
 

All ‘Good things’ come to an end.

So the topic up for debate today Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is when a D/s realstionship ends and how would deal with it. Now I have been with maîtriser for 2 1/2 years, but before that I was with a guy from the age of 17 till just before maîtriser. That was a D/s relationship , but it was not a good or healthy one , for either of us.  I don’t talk openly about it , as it was such a painful things to talk about and in the end it was pretty horrific. But with maîtriser sat with me , holding my hand, I’m going kind of break my silence on it, in the hope that if even one person takes something away from it and it helps them then it will have been worth a few tears and the time it takes to write it down.

I really don’t know where the flip to start . I met my ex when he was 24 and I was 17. He was a in a passion of power (well sort of , I was a 17-year-old college student , so pretty much everyone was), and due to this we had to kind of keep quiet about dating for a couple of years. I guess I should have seen that as a warning light, but hell I was 17 and thought I was in love. We spent the first few years of being together , breaking up and making up, only to break up again. Now I am and always have been very open about the fact I’m bi and when we broke I dated women (love you Kitten!) but when we were back together, the was always the pressure to bring one of my Gf in to the bedroom as well. Which I will openly admit I liked , but he got jealous and shitty if the attention was not on him. Any how when I was about 19 we started to add in the D/s side to things. I had been hang out on the fetish scene and he would come along when home on leave. I think adding the D/s side to us was I n retrospect a really stupid thing for me to allow. It opened up a side of him that was frightening and very dark. But I wa in love and young , and me being me I was to shy and insecure to stand up and say I was unhappy.

Moving forward 6 years or so and things started to go wrong for me on a personal and for us as a couple. I had a sort of break down from working in a job that I worked 7 days a week 13 hours a day. I had stress in my family , my health was suffering and I was homesick. (I was working in paris.). He had become a bully, aggressive and verbally. but I stuck with him , cos I loved him and anyway who would want me any way. Now he was serving in the mideast , and I am pretty sure most people would not of handled seeing what he did and he may very well of had PTSD, but that does not excuse his behaviour, it only serves to explain it. I was bitterly unhappy, I was frightened of him , and with the constant verbal abuse , I felt like I deserved to be treated that way. The D/s side of things had become intense and demanding , but the was never any ‘Aftercare ‘ .  We went on to get married in 2011 and he left the forces in the may of the next year.

But not having the discipline or focuses of a fast-moving job, he started drinking and taking drugs. things at home were awful . he had started to become violent and was using aggression and verbal abuse to get what he wanted in the bedroom. I had been made to feel so vile about myself and hate myself so badly that I just stayed, cos I loved him and cos no one would ever want me, right?

The beatings got worse, the bullying got worse and I hit rock bottom. Then the biggest blow ever came, he had been cheating on me and had got some woman pregnant. He actually had the nerve to step to me and say ‘ I need money to make this go away’. Well something inside me snapped and I lost the plot, hit him and demanded he got out of my house. Well I’m not a little thing, I’m ft 9 and I can handle myself (I used to do door work and I spare and do kick boxing) , but at ft 4 and weigh a lot more than me , he fought back , beat he crap out of me , dragged me to the bed room , raped me and choked me to the point of blacking out. I’m not 100% sure what happened after that , things are hazy . what I do know is that I felt so dirty , used and guilty for letting this happen. the shame I had brought on my family and the fact that I had let them down , again was just too much to deal with, so I took 3 weeks of all my meds, some sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka, downed them all and lay down and waited for it to all end!

Well I fucked that right up, forgetting I had friends who are awesome (love you kitten, babe and Sir Beasty) . Yup I spent a couple of months in hospital getting better and I’m still In therapy . But my friends hugged me so tight that I manged to put myself back together. It has taken everything I have in me to get through all of this, I still have problems and I am very much a work in progress, but I got through it , and have found something so much better and worthwhile.

So what I guess I’m trying to say is , that love should not hurt , unless you ask for that pain. love is not bullying , or black mail or threats. love is respect, trust and care. Even if you are a 24/7 tpe , you have the right to feel safe and loved , and to live without fear. If you  ever find yourself in this portion, leave , talk to someone or scream for help. but above all else it is not your fault,  you have nothing to be ashamed of and no matter what you life is worth so much than you know, so don’t give up! If  can get through this , so can you!

Love, light and hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Sub space and the drop after it!

So up today on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is , well i have in fact decided , well asked the boss man if it is ok to, cover 2 topics in one blog post! i know im a  little rebel right?!?! Its more the fact that Sunday i had major good news (more on that some other time) and i got the day off of being an adult yesterday! So i kind of got behind , well in my own little head and got panicky and anxtiy, so maîtriser said it was ok if we did these two topics together, cos he is lovely, fluffy and loves me! So me and the girls sat down and discussed this at breakfast this morning. (Fyi I totally had milk and cookies as part of my breakfast this morning!)

So Sub space, ahh what a place to be! I guess it’s different for all subs , for me it is not the high I get from a spanking or even from playing really hard. it’s more of a space I go in to when I get used to serve maîtriser or made to do stuff that shows how deeply submissive I can be. It’s also , for the high I get when maîtriser will just do stuff , without asking me first, like sex outside or pushing to my knees and making me go down on him. ( ok should say I have a very huge love of giving oral on both men and women, it is in fact something that I pride myself on! 😉 ) . For me , sub space Is my place I feel safe , loved and needed . It where I am allowed to be really happy and well just me. maîtriser said that when I get in that zone I go very docile and super subbie! (I want a cape and mask now!!!) . I do get a high off of pain , but that is not always a sexual thing . maîtriser will sometimes put me over his knee and give me a bloody good spanking, when I have had a day of really tough stuff to deal with, like dealing with my dad or if I have worked with in a rescue. it kind of relaxes me and at the end of it he wraps me up in his arms and I normally burst in to tears. I guess it is a kind of realise valve , that he has tapped in to and I’m so glad he has. I find some day-to-day stuff so hard to deal with. for a long time I had to be really strong , not break down and just keep going. It means that ,yeah I’m a bloody strong lady , but It also means that I will bottle things up and that fucked my mental health up big time! I also now have my little space too, which for is me where I go when I need to feel loved and safe . it’s where I go when I can’t deal with stuff and its kind of my way of say to maîtriser please can you deal with this for , it’s hurting me and I can’t deal with it right now. Like when my dad starts acting out or lashing out . He has illness that mean he his mental filters are sort of broken and he can be so mean and the things he says are so cruel and I get frightened he might hit me again.

The drop after Subspace?! Well yup of course I have felt that, I mean after every big high the is going to be a drop. You can’t stay high all the time , that’s not healthy. but the is an upside to coming down and that is aftercare! maîtriser is really good at this too! (sorry majorly lovey dovey right now, I think its being pregnant!) It ranges from curdles and kisses to hot milk and ginger -bread , to stories and nap, to baths and hair washes! ok I am so getting my butt kicked for this, but he is the Don of after care . Lol although Babe say’s his only got like that after I came on the scene!

Well that is me take on sub space and the drop after it! I will say sorry for being a little lovey dovey right now, I’m not normally like that , but well I guess the fact I’ve gone from unsettled and nerves all the time to being part of a poly family , married , babies on the way and very settled , is in fact what I really needed in my life!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x