Community.

Well yesterday our topic Loving Bdsm’s  30 days of D/s was Community and are thoughts and views on it. We spent yesterday going to doctors, Looking at houses and Had are weekly girls date in the evening, but really for us we had 4 hours free in the afternoon. So we set up camp in the family room, colouring book, snacks, chocolate milk and the little mermaid on dvd. Yup , I know not kinky, not sexy and just what we all need. Hell even aunty May came down with her knitting and the hound slept on the sofa , snoring and wagging in her sleep, It was utter bliss! But we did discuss are kinky community.

For Babe, Kitten and myself we all met are Frenchman on the fetish scene in London in the late 90’s or early 00’s , blimey that sounds so long ago! The girls were both sub’s to him , but I was just Kitten’s subbie sort of girlfriend , with crappy boyfriend wanna be Dom. The clubs to me at least sort of blow my mind a little , not in a bad way. it was just that the was so many things to see and do and take in. The Two clubs that stick out in my mind are the mighty router Garden and the Epic Club Rub. Two clubs that were very different, but both very amazing . To me Touter Garden was more of an action packed club , With load industrial music , bright colours and dancers and performers . The was also a great deal of play , but also I remember getting sore feet from the hours I spent dancing. It was and still is , to me the club of clubs. It has an edge and rawness that I loved and still do , but I have for now stopped going. Being pregnant and anxious does not lend it’s self to crowds and load music. Club Rub , well that to me was the club where you had fun, learnt stuff and made friends. Down stairs had awesome music and a dungeon , upstairs had tables and chairs , where people could sit round and catch up. The times I play in the doungen , well they were heaven , you got lost in what was happening and being down to your body , all the time people standing round watching. Rub was where I learnt about my love of ropes and being tied up. it is where I leant what friendship really means. But the scene on a whole also taught me so much. It was the first place I could be 100 % myself , where i was not judge and where I learnt who I really am. (Highly Submissive , bi , poly super woman or batgirl , can never chose) .

Now on the whole I loved the time I spent on the scene and with people on it. But with any community the was a side that was less than attractive . I saw drug taking , however discreet. But unlike in a normal nightclub if people took too much or had drunk to much , instead of being kick out on the street and left to the mercy of the police . They would be ‘looked after’. Hell the where and still some amazing Dom who even if it’s not their sub or slave , who would step in and take charge. I sorry people in a very vulnerable state , treated with compassion and respect. I’m very proud to say that my Frenchie is on of them! The where also the people who took things to far or pushed to hard. I am sad I have seen a Dom with a bull whip , use it on a restrained sub who was crying and shaking . I know each Dom/sub relationship is different , but I personally think a dom should be able to read when they are pushing to hard. I think the aim is for a dom to make their sub look trusting and to enable them to make their don look Powerful and caring . Not to For Doms to look like a power-hungry A-hole! Again , sad to say I  was a sub who took to much from their dom (Not my Frenchman) . The other thing that I hate where the ‘Wanky men’ Who stood in the corner watching and wanking, without asking if they could watch and wank, I kind of feel that is a violation .

I kind of drifted away from the scene, what with working in a different country , working 110 + hour weeks and from embarrassment of having a twat of a partner. I kept in touch with Kitten and a few other people, but as things with my ex got worse I found it really hard to and a few friends walked  away as they had no idea how to help me. When things  sort of exploded a few years back how ever and I went mad for a while, it was Kitten , Babe and the Frenchie that came to my rescue. I have family problems at the best of time , but they suck big hair balls when I need looking after or help. after I got my self stronger , my head together a little and started to be part of our little family. I started to want to go back to clubs , but sadly they were full of bad memories and would mean panic attacks. So for now we don’t go. but I am think a less full on event like a munch might be something. We also have friends that we see in privet and have are adult sleep overs at home. They are trusted friends of old , who the Frenchman has made me get back in contact with. it was really hard at first , so much stuff happened with my ex, and the is part of me that thinks it was my fault or that people blamed me for the things that happened . they don’t and it wasn’t , happy to say the ones who matter are back in my life!

I have now discovered the wonderful online world full of kinky people who are , well amazing. They are caring , respectful and what I need right now! I decided last year I wanted to try my hand at blogging and writing kinky stories, but never thought I would be able to do it, but I think the online community has been so amazingly epic with the help , support and encouragement. but I also feel like I am making friends and have like mind people to talk to. Being poly is the most amazing thing, but the are times when I want so me time, and with the others not in to social media , well that is my little bit of me time!

So Community is amazing and everyone should have it , but for me , right now I need small and trusted family. I so want to be back in the kinky really world , but I’m not ready just yet!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

When Real Life Interferes With Your D/s .

So this mornings breakfast discussion thanks Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is what happens when real life interferes with your D/s . Well this , for us is quite an emotive topic right now. We have had a lot of stuff to deal with , outside of are normal (well D/s) life and routine. Babes sister passed away, Little bear had major surgery and Kitten stop eating. Are little family got hacked and targeted by Cyber Baddies. I found out I was pregnant , I’m have treatment to strengthen my immune system and I have started writing my own course for dog trainers. maîtriser has changed from working every hour god sends in god only knows where , To working Monday to friday, a max of 14 hours a day and working in london or are home town. We are also in the proses of finding a house in New jersey and moving out of the uk. So you could say we have a few things going on! lol just a few.

My Great Aunty May summed what we do really well. We stick together, support the one who is struggling , talk about it, and if tea, cuddle’s and talk can’t fix or mend it. We come out fighting (Fight, fight , fight!) . The are times like when kitten stopped eating that maîtriser will come down hard on us. But if us girls think he is being to harsh we will send in Babe . She could have been a hostage negotiator, She is very calm and has a way of putting thing to maîtriser so he sort of thinks it was his idea. Again taking Kitten stopping eating , He wanted her to go in to hospital to get help. But for us that would have killed and it would in my humble opinion really hurt kitten. So Babe came up with a compromise of Kitten seeing the gp, starting back with her therapist and Doing freelance design work from home. maîtriser agree and bingo with therapy , working from home and antidepressants , with in a month she was on the mend!  (also are lovely Sir Beasty let her vent and cry on his shoulder) .

From my part , I have rules that help me deal with stuff like mental health issues and physical health stuff. I must have some one come with me to all doctor appointments , I have to see a therapist once a week , do my daily physio and I have to take all the meds and do my nebs everyday! maîtriser also puts someone in charge of sorting out a visiting plan for when I’m in hospital. I’m really luck that the hospital have agree to allow me to have someone with me from 8am till 10 pm . purely on the fact that , I find play really hard to cope in hospital (I know who does?) but I also have a bad habit of not asking for pain meds, nebs or stuff to calm me down. So by having a person with me , they will go straight to a Doctor or nurse if they notice anything wrong. Bless , most of the time I have My Aunty May with me. She basically turns up and 9 am , sits in a chair , knits , makes sure I do as I’m told and we watch midsummer murders!. The girls come in after work and we have dinner together . maîtriser comes in every morning before work and brings me peach tea, a gingerbread man and cinnamon and raisin bagels. (yup I’m a very spoilt girlie) . I know people are doing cos they love me and want to, and you know what?!? it means so much to me!

So to recap we deal with real life getting in the way, we talk , talk and talk some more . we support each other, we are watchful of others feelings and stay open to compromise. If it is one person having problems we will find ways to help them , by playing to their each of are one strength. if we feel maîtriser is being to hard on one of us girls , we send in Babe. maîtriser  will also do stuff to help. Like if I’m tired and poorly . He orders me to take a sofa with are little bear (think blanket fort, with colouring , Disney films , little food , jammies, her stuffie and my anxiety blob and naps while cuddling!). or if little bear has to see a doctor , I’m  allowed to take her and afterwards we get to go have a happy meal! (were not allowed fast food normally). if it is something that effects all of us , we stick together , talk about , come up with a plane of action and meet things head on , together. If all else fails we come out fighting!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Maintaining D/s When You’re Apart

Well up yesterday on my 30 days of D/s was about how we maintain the D/s side of are relationship when we are apart. Really Is quite a question , as me being part of a 24/7 poly D/s family the is more of us and we are not apart that much .

We do have a few ways of keeping it strong and maîtriser does ike to keep a really tight rein on us. If he has to travel for work and one of us can’t go with us he leaves Babe in charge and she is allowed to hand out punishment for any misbehaving or sassing. We Skype every evening , normally at bed time , so maîtriser can read us or bed time story. Some times we get ask to play in front maîtriser via Skype , which he controls. We are allowed to call, text and email and maîtriser always answers , even if it is just a lol or good girl!

If I have to work away 90% of the time one of the girls travels with me. I train dog trainers so I will have them their to assist and to keep an eye on the dogs. Lol they get paid to sit and play with my dogs I take with me and eat cookies all day. again we have a bedtime Skype and text, emails and phone calls. I have my diary that maîtriser asks me to keep and the mindfulness and self-care stuff I do for him. He will also set us little task for the evenings . Last time we were away , we had to write a list of sex fantasy we wanted to try out when we got home. The only other thing that seems to be in place is maîtriser putting a little surprise in my bags, so far I’ve found a dragon stuffie, a yoda stuffie , Chewbacc stuffie , Lego mini figures and new reading books, all with a note telling me I was super brave , that the boss man and girls missed me and that I am loved! Yup I know I’m spoilt, but it makes it a lot easier for me to be away from home. as I’m a real home body!  Well that’s about it, except my collar stays on 24/7.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

What Kind of Rules Do You Want?

So are topic that was up for debate in bed last night was rules and what kind we had in are D/s relationship?! Ah rules , let me tell you how I love rules!!! Ok so yeah , I love rules and I have a lot of them with maître. I have a contract , that is 14 pages long and I have it as a pdf on my Dropbox account! No , really I do! But it’s what works for me. The other girls have contracts too. Babes is only 2 pages and Kitten and bears are 4 or 5 pages. Mine is longer , as I wanted or more like needed things to be very clear to me and maître as to how I wanted things to be. No I’m not a control freak, it stems from being in a relationship that had no rules, no boundaries and that ultimately did me a great deal of harm.

So I thought It might be fun to explain my contract, for it is a thing of extreme beauty! I’m going to also make a point of saying that maître went as far as have friends witness us signing it . this contract has been I use since this time last year and is the third one I have had with maître, each one gave him more and more control , at my asking. We  sit down once every 3 months and go over it and see if things need to be changed at all. it covers pretty much every aspect of my life. from how I act , to what I do , what I wear and who I can see and speak to.

The first 2 pages cover the rights and obligations of the submissive and Dominate. this covers how we wants things to work and stuff that we expect from each other. mine state that maître will look after me , guide me and take care of me . that I am allowed to think for myself, ask questions and to not be micro-managed. That I belong to maître , that I’m his to be used as he sees fit and that no one may touch me without asking you first. maître part sates his right over me and the things that he promised me. with them it states that I have given him the right to step in and take control if he feels I have taken on too much or if people bullying me. He has the right to use my body in any way , at any time and any place he wants, unless I’m sick or on my period. He has promised to never do drugs , drink to excess or allow any one to smoke around me or any part of our house. (I have chronic lung damage and a drug selectivity problem, smoke and nicotine , even second-hand make me really sick 😦 ) . the other things are about him helping to become a happy , healthy and strong submissive woman.

Next up is general rules, these cover things such as saying please and thank you, how maître is to be greeted when he comes home from work, bed time etiquette and are no shouting in the house rue. It also covers what time I am allowed to spend with my family , that I can’t see my mother or my daddy without him or one of the girls with me and what I’m meant to do if my mother has been drinking or becomes verbally abusive. Rule 13 always makes me giggle. it is as follows:

13) a) I am not allowed to touch any large electric objects (tv / fridge) without you being home. b) I must not climb on or stand on chairs, stools or ladders at any time. I must ask Babe or Kitten to pass me anything that is out of my reach. c) I must not try to fix iPad, iPod, my phone, laptop, the sky box or the Wi-Fi, at any time. That is your job.

This was put in cos I’m the most accident prone person alive! It also states that I am responsible for the running of the house and for giving the other girls jobs to help with the smooth running of the are home. The last rule in this section states that I am his submissive and his alone. That I am allowed to stand up for myself , as long as I do it in a polite , calm and respectful manner.

then  it moves on to communication. This covers things like how I greet the Boss in the morning , how I am to speak to other Dom and their subs and to normal every day manners. It also makes it clear that I am to tell maître if I am feeling unwell, overly anxious or tired. It also says that I’m to be polite and well-mannered even if I am anxious , because I can get a little rude when worried. It also covers my emails, social media use and blog post. maître has access to all of them and so does Kitten. lol the only way I was allowed a blog was if Sir Beasty was a co on it and that he knows the WordPress, Hotmail and Twitter pass words. this might seem like over kill , but I freely agreed to it , as it made me feel safer and if I have another pout of depression , well everyone will know.

Next is public behaviour, this is where it gets very strict! it covers how I must acted towards you, how I carry myself and how I must talk to people. It states I’m not to answer you back, swear in public or to move from maître’s side unless I ask to. It also covers a couple of things of sexual nature that I have to do if asked. it tells me that I must carry myself with grace and poise at all times and act in a lady like manner. Also if I’m on my own that I have to hold my head high , use eye contact and speak in a polite , upbeat tone , at all times.

We then moved on to how I act and behave in clubs. I love clubs , but I also find them really hard,  with all the noise and crowds. The are also a lot of people who knew me with my ex and that brings up sad and distressing memories , but again as with every problem that I have, I’m working on over coming it! It covers what I can wear , who I can talk to and what I can do with and without maître. the girls and I are allowed to go off and play with each other or with other subs that maître and their Dom have given us permission  to. I also have a list of people who keep an eye on me. What can I say I have a really protective maître and that is one thing I really love.

Next up are my Home rules , these are very specific . they tell me that clothes are warned between 7am and 8 pm , but between 8pm and 7am the only cloths that I can wear are posh undies (I love lacy and silky things) or panties and one of maître t-shirts (I have his superman or star wars ones). We are not allowed to wear shoes at home (maître likes his girls in bare feet) , but I am allowed sleepers , as I’m diabetic and have to take extra care of my feet! it covers what me and the girls may do with each other and that if we want to fuck we have to ask if we are allowed first (maître gets a lot of text asking that!)  we have to tidy up after every thing we do , no phones or tech at mealtimes and home work is to be done at the kitchen table. I’m in charge of keeping the bedroom how maître likes it, the rules for that are as follows.

12 a) Our bedroom is to be clean and tidy at all times. b) Sheets are to be changed every 3 days. c) All toys must be cleaned after use. d) I will ensure that the bedside table is stocked with condoms lube, fresh batteries, tissues and tiger balm at all times. e) the on suit must have clean towels and toiletries at ,all times. f) Porn is only allowed to be watch in the bed room, unless we are holding a play sleepover.

We then move on to attire , this covers how I am allowed to dress and what cloths I must wear when. it also covers that it is my job to keep maître’s cloths washed, iron and in good order. We also as a family have a lot of rules around are collars , they are :

: 1) a) I must wear my collar at all times, but it may be removed for medical treatment. b) My day-to-day collar (silver chain, with two joined o rings) is to be worn at all times, except in bed or at a club. c) My pink or purple ribbon collar is to be worn in bed. d) My purple studded collar or kitten collar, with my Mouse tag attached are to be worn at clubs, and you may attach a lead if you wish. e) It is your duty to change my collar, but I must give you the right one at the right time. . trust me we do not deviate from this at any point. I really love my collar and to me is a sign of my submission and do not like have to take it off. My everyday collar got broken when I was having hospital treatment and I dissolved in to tears. the poor nurse must have thought I was mad!

Then we move on to rules that cover my body and what I can do to it , they are as follows:

Body: 1) My body is to be free of hair (under arm / legs / pubic). Under arms to be shaved daily and legs and pubic hair waxed every 10 days. (by Sam)

2) I am to get weekly manicure. Nails are to be kept short. I may wear pink, purple, red or black nail varnish.

3) I will get pedicures ever 3 weeks. My toe nails are to always be painted. My feet are to be kept smooth and soft. I am to have daily foot rubs from maître (special time)

4) I am to get my eyebrows threaded every 10 days and my eye lashes tinted every month.

5) a) I am to get my hair cut every 8 weeks. b) I am to get my hair coloured every 12 – 14 weeks. c) I am not allowed to change the style or colour of my hair without permission. d) I am to wear my hair down and natural at all times. I may tie it back to cook, work, clean or exercise.

6) I am to wear 3 earrings in each ear. I must wear plan rings or bars in my nipple and clit piercings. They may be changed to fancy ones, for clubs or the bedroom, but it is up to you to change them.

7) tattoos are to be covered as much as possible in polite company

8) I am to be available to have my body inspected at any time you feel like it

Again these do not get deviated from.

Next up for me are my rules around my health , I’m going to skip over these as they are as boring as hell and I really don’t like to talk about my physical health that much. I have shit lots of problems. I guess the same can be said for the rules that fall under mental. they cover me going to therapy , the mindfulness and self-care stuff I have to do and me keeping my diary . they are very personal and they have been put in at maître’s want. I’m fighting depression, GAD and recovering from PTSD. I’m doing really well , but it’s hard to talk about at times! My health rules also cover what exercise I’m allowed to do and that I have to do 30 minutes a day, other walking my dogs!

Next come my personal House hold and fiscal rule. I’m the one who runs are home. I asked to be allowed to do this. I learnt how to take care of the house and home by my nana. My nana was a very strong woman and she taught me how to cook , clean , care for babies and children and how to do it with a smile. My grandpa was a master printer for the times and was very much the Dominate bread-winner, but nana was just a strong as he was and they were married , very happily for 45 years, till cancer took him from are lives. My job in running the house mean that I run the household , the girls, maître’s , my own and my work diaries. (trust me that is not an easy thing to do) I plan all the meals and do the food shopping (online) I do the cooking and cleaning , but the girls have to help with this. (it’s the only time I tell any one what to do) maître put in the rule that I am not allowed to clean for more than 2 hours a day, as when I am really anxious I can get a little ocd. On the final side of things , I ask maître to have total control over my finances . Not because I am hopeless with them or have no money. I make a good living as a dog trainer and behaviorist, I in fact earn almost as much as maître. The house we live in is mine and I own it out right . I have no debut and keep my out goings very low. I do have ever have a family that is always on the take and a big problem saying no to them. So maître took over money maters so I don’t end up giving it all away! I have a budget to stick to when buying food and house hold supplies, I get £ 50 a week to spend on anything I want and I have to ask maître’s punishment to spend more than £20 on things that I don’t ‘Need’. I have a credit card to buy petrol, food and anything my dogs need. the only thing I don’t need to ask punishment to spend money on are things for the dogs or treatment for the dogs. (love my fur babies)

Then is the section I love the most , are my rules and responsibilities towards maître. they are:

D/s 1) I’m to wake you in the mornings by going down on you.

2) I’m to shower with you 3 times a week, so you may inspect every part of my body.

3) I must keep your wardrobe in perfect order at all times.

4) I am to shave you on Sunday mornings.

5) I am to allow myself to be loved, respected, trusted and liked. I will remember that I am worthy of your love . I take the role of submissive as it makes me feel whole and at ease, but above all we are partners in life .

This is my special time rules!

Lastly on the rules front are rule to do with sex. They range from touching while having oral sex , to no masturbating without asking first to swallowing at all times. I’m not allowed to touch the toy box without asking first or play with the girls without asking. I am allowed to initiate sex, but never be the aggressor (not sure that is the right term?!?!)/ I also have a way of indicating I’m horny in public , by placing my hand on the boss’s tummy. He then finds a way of giving relief. I LOVE this rule cos its lead to some awesome out doors sex, fingering under the table in restaurants and on several ocasions to Kitten being made to go down on me in a quiet corner. (YUMMY)

The last part covers my limits, are way of dealing with rule breaks and punishments. Then the is a list of online and real-time ‘ Protectors’ . Now that would seem a little bit like over kill , but it really isnt . We have very recently had a bit of an attack on are little family. All are laptops , social media and banking stuff got hacked. But because some of are online protectors noticed odd thing, the boss stepped in and got it sorted.

So that is my / are take on rules and what I/ we wanted and felt I needed. I know it is not for everyone , but it really does help me as a submissive and it does work for me !

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

How Do You Feel About Pain?

Today’s topic , or was it last nights?!?! I’ve been a little hopped up on caffeine and sugar for the last 24 hours or so, and things get hazy! lol I’m a light weight on so many levels, except the pain front! So what was I saying , oh yeah , are topic up for discussion onLoving BDSM 30 days of D/s is ‘How do you feel about pain?’ this was one we left Aunty May out of , cos well she’s great and all but well I’m not talking about my kinks with my 82-year-old great-aunt. Saying that she would probably  tell me I’m doing it wrong , stay and watch and give the Frog hints and tips!

So , anyway how do I feel about pain, well I belive I am what would be known as a pain slut. But I prefer the term enthusiast! Don’t get me wrong the are some pains I hate, like period pain , tooth ache and hang overs, I mean I’m not totally mad! I like the type of pain that I know is doing me good like yoga, Pilates and my physio. And then the is the type of pain that I get a huge , fucking high off  like spankings , crops and flogger. Hell I even find some pain relaxing , I have been know to doze off while getting inked!

The frog is always very weary with pushing me to hard on the pain and punishment side of things. He knows I get off on it , so he will use it as a rewards but only take me to like a level 6 or 7 . He does use a paddle or spanking on wet skin if I do something really naughty , cos that is the only sort of pain on the D/s side that I don’t like. Oh and never , ever needles but that is for the healthy and safety front , as I have a silly immune system and it could get very easy infected and I would be in hospital! He is also very a wear that I don’t always speak up when it start to get to intense for me. (I’m working on that though) I also have a really high pain thresh hold . I learnt to deal with physical pain from an early age , with hospital treatment (chest drains kill if you don’t relax) , from countless motor bike racing injuries and from the number of beatings I took from my ex (breathe pixie breathe).So he always has that at the back of his mind to, god I really am a lot of trouble and a head fuck some times!

The girls and pain, now that is a whole different kettle of fish! Kitten is like me she gets off on pain, we do a good line in being disciplined together! Little bear , well she is a bit hit and miss. Sometimes she likes it and some times  she hates it and can’t take it ! strangely the one part of she hate to much pain or force on are her boobs and having just had a boob reduction , well you can see why! Babe, well she hates pain! She will happily inflect pain on us, but the mere mention of a spanking gets her to behave. (strange woman) . As for the boss man , well he is a big old Sadist! lol I think he gets the same high I get from having pain infected on me from inflicting it! (match made in heaven?!?!) But he is also very good at the whole judging how the person is dealing with it , how far he can push and gives the best aftercare ever!

The only thing that I can’t or rather I wont do is to inflect pain on some one. I just don’t like doing it , I’m not very good at it and It makes me go errrr!

Any =way that is me and pain!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Introducing D/s to Your Vanilla Relationship . (The story of us!)

So up today on the Loving bdsm 30 days of D/s is the topic of introducing D/s to your vanilla relationship. Well this is a toughie for me/us , because I went from kinky and D/s and added in a vanilla side to things with the Frenchie! So I’m going to write about that instead!

Should explain a bit about myself I guess . I figured out that I was a girl who like Boys and Girls at the tender age of 14. The first person  I kissed was a girl at school. I also figured out that I was sub pretty early in life to, I started hanging out in the fetish scene in London when I was like 19 (I’m now 36, so you do the math!) . I guess I did add it in to a relationship then, I had been with that partner on and off from the age of 17. Lord I was with that twat from 17 to the age of 33 1/2 and it was not in any sense of the words ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ , even before the whole D/s side got added in! (ok I could write about him, but I’m in a good place in my head and I don’t want to get sad!). I met maître through Kitten. Kitten and I dated for a few months, when I was on a break from the twat. (yes I know I sound like a friends episode) . He never made a move on my, but he looked out for me and explained what was going on around me. he became a friend and so did his girls. Then when things with my ex ended and I was in hospital, he and his girls came and looked after me and helped me get well. after a month or so I start having sex with him and playing with the girls. (god does that make me sound skanky?!?). It was kind of way for me to get my conference and trust back. After a while the D/s side came in to it and then my collar. (don’t ever get me started on my collar). Then after a lot of time we sort of got a romantic side, that all sort of came to a head after a business trip to a Berlin, with both of us missing each other to the point of constant text, phone calls and emails. When he got home , we talked put it to the girls that we liked each other in a way other than friends and other than D/s. With the girls blessing we decided to start dating , which in its self was weird as we had been living together for 5 months!

So we started dating. Now most people will go, and?!?! well see as I had been with the same person for nearly all my life and he had never had a steady gf , but choosing to have Female subs instead (he is a self-confessed he-slut) . It was so strange to actually go out on dates and do ‘normal’ stuff. Lol Due to the D/s side I found it really hard to act normal. I mean I don’t order my own food, pay for stuff or really talk to people without asking if its ok first. It also freaked me out using his first name. He however was just himself the whole time, that is to say he was a polite , chivalrous gentleman . HE has always opened door, pull chairs out for ladies and car doors. but one thing he struggled with (although he is super good at it now) is the fact that I hate going on dates to posh places. it’s just not me! SO he had to learn to be relaxed going to the cinema , the pub or out to play pool! but he got there, bless him!

But it still came as a massive shock that after 6 month of dating , when he was sat in A&E after I fell off a chair and cut my head open that he asked me to marry him. I of course said Yes! I think we shocked people big time with this. The girls had been asked before hand if they were ok with it . But my family were very much a mixed bag on it! My sister said she thought I should get a pre-nup, but changed her tune when she found out that the Frenchman earns more than me. my other sister was very supportive of it all. I think that shocked people the most that 12 weeks after we got engaged we got married, yup it was that quick! My mother said she was not coming as did not approve of the Frenchman. So his older, so he is strong and quiet and yes he have a habit of being grumpy , but he makes me happy. I think she disapproved because he has stood up to her and has also asked her to leave my house when she starts bullying me . My daddy was happy , but due to ill-health it looked like he would not be there (:() . The frogs mama found out and was on the first plane to the uk! Well any how, all turned out to be an Epic day! My daddy made it! I had planed x, y and z to happen and the frog said he was just going to turn up, but he meddled! but I am so glad he did! Everything went to his plane. Did have the added trip to McDonald’s for the bridal party, me faking an anxiety attack at the blessing cos I want a quickly and the embarrassment of us nearly get court shagging in the lift at the hotel! (I had been drinking and not had sex in 36 hours!)

So that is the story of me and the frog and how I became Mrs La Frog!  Makes me smile, giggle and horny thinking about it! (horny at drop of a hat right now!)

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

What Does Consent Mean to You?

This mornings topic up for discussion on the 30 Days of D/s by Loving BDSM is Consent and what it means to you? quit an emotive subject for a Thursday morning breakfast really, but one that was interesting to debate never the less. Even my Great Aunty May joined and actually made some very good points. I do get blown away by the fact that a woman of 82 , from a very traditional Irish family and a devote Catholic , can have such an amazingly open and refreshing view on life. (Go Aunty May!)

I guess the big thing for me is what you mean by consent , what you give consent to and how that consent is gained. But the first thing that be came clear this morning is that to all of us, is that no matter what has been said before , If anyone say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ when having sex or playing , whether male or female , sub or dom or vanilla , no matter what it means stop. forcing yourself on anyone or forcing some one to do something that they don’t want to do is assault or rape. I/we know that if  any of us say we don’t want to or for something to stop , well it stops ! it’s a trust thing and once trust is gone in a relationship then its kind of dead really. maîtriser chipped in that it goes both ways  and reminded me of something that happened with one of his subs in the past. She was going down on him and it started to hurt , he firmly said stop and off but she took it in to her head that he wanted to come over her face and she wanted to swallow , so kept going . Next thing he knew she had a mouthful of blood and he was rushing to the ED with 2 burst blood vessel in little maîtriser. Needles to say that was the end of their relationship.

For me the level of consent that I have given to maîtriser is very high. I will do pretty much what he ask of me in a sexual manner and on the Play and punishment side of  things. That is the other thing that we have , I very rarely get told to do stuff , I get asked. Not cos I want to be asked , more the fact that maîtriser is really  in to good manners and believes  that  male Doms should be gentlemen! (his mama and nona raised him well). but the are other things that I have given consent to as well that don’t really have anything to do with D/s or BDSM really , well not in the traditional senses. He has almost total control over my finance. I asked for this as I inherited money and I have huge problems with saying no to people I love. now if I get some one asking for  help , I say ill have to talk it through with him. He also has control over my free time and how much time I spend with my family. Not cos he dislikes them , but if I spend too much time with them I get really down on myself. My sisters can be a little judgmental and are pretty perfect. My mother is verbally abusive and is always wanting something, so he does not really let me see her unless it’s unavoidable. I’m also not allowed to be on my own with my daddy , he has bipolar , Parkinson and picks disease (a form of dementia ). They leave him very confused, erratic and prone to outbursts. He can’t help it , but he has lashed out at me a few times in the last few months and even slapped me round the face at dinner . he made me see that it’s not really safe and i agreed with him!

Consent is also something that has been really hard for me to deal with. I went from a relationship where my partner just took for granted I would do what he wanted. that I would play with who ever he wanted. To him then deciding to push me past even consent for sex by either bullying and blackmailing and in the end  by using his fists. To being with someone who asked every step of the way that I was ok and wanted to do what we were doing (I’m just going to add writing that send a shiver down my spine when I remember those early days with the Boss man, that turned to a blush,   made worse by the fact that I’m sat in a very public diner) . which was what I need at the time , as I had pretty much lost the ability to trust humans. But when it turned to a D/s thing, we talked and I slowly gave him more control as he taught me to trust again and showed me that not all people take without asking!  Things really changed when I actually manged to turn round and say I love him as more than a dom and a friend. Yup, I’m a very very lucky girl!

As a closing thought on consent I will say to any guy who says ‘ are you sure ?, cos I wont be able to stop if we go any farther’ . Well that is BS, you can and should stop . even if someone has said yes to sex, no means no, even if it’s with a sub or slave. We may not be I charge but we have rights!

Right i’m off to get dressed and try and fit into my jeans (being pregnant with twins means what fitted 2 weeks ago does not fit now!). HEHEHE! i did ask if he wanted to come back to bad this morning and he did for a cuddle 😉

hugs, pixie