Day 7 of the Submissive’s advent calendar, By Submissive guide – Random acts of kindness

So before I start this I have a confession, I sort of read todays entry last night and started planning in my head what I was going to do last night, Bad pixie! right that said to days task was to think about how helping others , feeds are need to submit. Then it explained that todays task was to perform at least one ‘Random act of kindness’. something nice that would surprise someone and brighten their day. The was also a handy list of ideas to help you think of something to do!.

Now this is where I got excited.  maîtriser will quite often set us the task of doing RAK on are daily task list and I really love doing them. It helps improve my sense of self-worth, pushes me out of comfort zone, in a good way and I get to help people! So me and little bear got out a pad of paper and the gel pens and started to make are plan. So this morning we hit the road running and this is what we have done so far.

  • We took the old sleeping bags and winter coats to the salvation army.
  • We boxed up all the old , used dog bits laying round the house and sent the off to a greyhound rescue.
  • bought and then donated food to a local food bank (£30 can go a bloody long way!)
  • Made wash bags full of basic hygiene bits and took them to a local domestic violence charity.
  • we bought Tea and a Toasted tea cake for an old lady in Tesco’s who had lost her purse.
  • Took tea and biscuits to the work men trying to fix a water leak in are street.
  • Text 5 of are friends that we know have a hard time at this time of year, say we love them and that we are always about if they need to talk.
  • I’ve typed up little bears notes for her
  • I did all of babes ironing for her.
  • We have made cakes for Aunty May to take to the catholic ladies tomorrow
  • Made soup and bread for the lady over the road who has a poorly leg and can’t get out.
  • Little bear cleaned my van out for me!
  • I’ve mended Kittens dress that got a rip in it.
  • Made maîtriser favorite dinner for him (his not allowed to much fat in his diet)

all this has left me feeling happy , but it also has left me feeling a little blue as well. people that we did stuff for seem shocked that people would actually stop and offer help or kindness. If you think about it , I guess it is something that not a lot of people would actually do just for the sake of it. So after a lot of thinking I have decided that next year is going to be a year of Rak, pay it forward and volunteering for this little Pixie!

So see you all tomorrow!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Day 6 of the Submissive’s advent calendar, by Submissive guide – Awareness.

So today on the advent calendar the focus was on awareness of your submission. the was one simple question to ponder, When are you most aware of being owned / submissive. the was one activity for Owned subs and one for unowned subs. the activity for unowned subs was to focus on ways that they serve people. do you help friends and family out ? do you volunteer? what are you maple of and what are you willing to do? the activity for owned subs, was after thinking about when you feel most submissive , to then recall how it feel and what it looks .

sitting down and thinking about it when I feel my most submissive , the one thing that really reminds me I’m owned, is when I kneel at the side of the bed in the evening , and maître changes my day collar, to my leather kitten collar that I sleep in. in the morning , I kneel at the side of the bed and he changes it from my leather kitten collar , back to my silver chain collar. It is something we have done every day we have been together . He will come in from the hall , to find me and the girls if they are home kneeling at the side of the bed. we have are bedtime collar on are knees, eyes looking down. he will ask each of us in turn to sit up on are knees , holding are hair out the way , and will take off are day collar. We then pass are bedtime collar to him, and for the girls he will put it round their necks and buckles it. My bed time collar is ia little different to the girls as it is a locking collar. so he unlocks my purple padlock, puts it round my neck and then buckles and snaps the lock shut, and then orders me to hop in to bed!

it’s hard to describe how this makes me feel. It makes me feel loved , cherished and cared for . It makes me feel small , safe and proceed. It makes me proud to have earnt this collar. it also makes me feel very calm and peaceful in the evening, as it is a reminder that we are tucking in to bed , having are bedtime story and turning the lights out. In turn when it is changed in the morning it is kind of single that my day is starting , that I have my tasks and chores to do and that I need to work hard to make him proud.

the is also the times that it turns from a collar change in to something more. those are times when after he has changed my collar , and he weaves his fingers in my hair and hauls me to my feet. kissing me and leaving knowing who I belong to. he then chucks me on the bed and makes sure I don’t forget that my body belongs to him . and when his through doing that he cuddled me in to my safe place , spooning with my head resting on his shoulder , and reminds me who owns my soul!

So that was todays, lets see what the morning brings.

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

letters from the heart….

At the weekend I celebrated one year of marriage to the most amazing man in the world. I don’t say this lightly , but I’m still here because of him. I meet him through Kitten when I was 18 . He was her Dom, but he soon became one of my best friends. He looked out for me when I went out on the fetish scene, guided me and offered advice . We remained friends even when a lot of people walked out of my life due to not being able to cope with me staying in an abusive relationship. are friendship never cross the line in to lovers till years later, although it turns out we both had crushes on each other. When I tried to take my life , and was stuck in hospital and it looked like I was going to be sectioned, he and his girls swooped in and took over. They helped me get well, worked on fixing my broken head and body and supported me till I was able to get back to work. He became my Dom, but the was no sex for the first few months. It was more of a way me have some control in my life and learning to trust people again. Then one night I got fed-up of being horny as hell and only having my hand as company , I crawled in to bed with him , and you can guess the rest!

It has been far from plan sailing. My mental and physical health still needed a lot of work. neither of us would use the L word for a long time. I have a very vivid memory of Sir Beasty joking that I was ‘his girlfriend ‘ and ‘where going to be together for ever’. This got my back up for some reason and I snapped back at him ‘his not mine to keep’ . I cried after that , and I was confused as hell why? Fast forward 6 months and thing were still going strong and I was content for the first time in my life. but things changed when I got a very drunk  phone call from the boss man when he was away for work, saying he loved and missed me. When he got home I was on the war path , and shouted at him ‘don’t you dare tell me ou love me if you don’t fucking mean it’ . little did I know that he would break down and say he meant ever word he had said and that he want an ever after, home and kids with me. after that things went from strength to strength for us and are little poly family.

then in late august 2016 I was in hospital with an infection, when he turned up with a goofy nerves look on his , normally cocky face. He then proceeded to get down on his knee and ask me to marry him. I was sweaty , messy and hooked up to drip and machines, but he managed to make me feel wanted and loved at my lowest point. So I said yes. He then announced he wanted to be married by Christmas! So as soon as I got out of hospital it was wedding prep and arranging at full steam. I’m really lucky to have had a lot of help and it was all sorted and planned with in 10 days. We married in Belfast on December the 6th last year.

Now I did not have all my friends there or much of my family . But it was an amazing day and I was blissfully happy . It was only this weekend past that this email came to light. He sent it to all are kinky friends who could not make it to the wedding. I read and re-read this and cried, so I thought I would share it with you all. (not meaning to be soppy or showy)

Dear friends,

It’s with a huge smile that I say thank you to you all. After 18 years of having my little mouse in my life , at first as a friend, then her protector , then lover , my sub , life partner and now wife, I can not imagine my life without her. You all know too well what she has been through with family, her health and what *!$% did too her. I just want assure you all that from this point forward I’m going keep her safe , make her see how wonderful she is and know that not only I love her , but by so many others. It’s not going to be all smooth sailing, we all know she has health problems. But I will do the up most to keep her from harm. The girls, myself and my little h are so grateful that you are all part of are world . I want to thank my beautiful wife for teaching me the meaning of the words family, trust and courage, as they are the 3 things that she shows me ever minute of everyday. So I say raise your glasses to the Devine Mrs B! May she be in mine and your lives for many years to come.

Antoine Beaulac.

So that is why I love him so much and get all mushy when I talk about him!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Day 5 of the Submissive’s Advent calender, by the submissive guide – The Music.

Hi, hello,hay! Well I’m up early and have hit the road running today! My uncle Fred is watching the babies while I have my English lessons. So I’m getting some help with writing this and get to have a lovely chat with a friend.

Today’s activities focus is Music and how affects you and how it inspires you . The first activity is to sit and listen to music that you love, then think about a few questions . The second is about finding a poem, or quote or single word that inspires you. Keeping it your pocket and thinking about it, and letting it inspire you. I chose the first , as music is a big part of who I am . It can effect my mood, make me smile or cry or laugh or make me horny as hell! I have quit eclectic tastes in music. I love Punk, metal and rock. But I also have a soft spot for rap and country. I will even admit to liking so pop music and even Abba. Not a huge fan of jazz or classical stuff , but they do have their place. but one of the biggest loves I have is for Folk, or should I say Irish Folk music that I was bought up on. No mater what I have going on or how I feel , Irish folk can cheer my soul, calm me down and make me feel grounded. Haha I guess I am more of traditional girl than I thought.

So the thing points:

  • How does music connect you to the world around you? Music is one of the things that can really effect my mood. I use it to help when I’m anxious  to help me stop focusing on the thing that is making me anxious. I can use it when I have a cry stuck, to make me cry. I use upbeat music start my day happy and full of energy. I guess it sort of feeds my soul!
  • Do you have a theme song? The boss man would say ‘right on time’ Cos I always have to be on time for things! but I think it would be ‘don’t take it personally’ by Monica or maybe ‘Savior’ By Destiny’s child. Cos I can be a little grumpy at times and cos I have been through some shitty times .
  • Thinking about when your playing with your partner/s or fantasize about doing so – is the there a play list in your mind? Yes defiantly! For D/s it has to be chilled and calm, with a slow beat and a melody . For fucking it has to be either slow and soft , if it’s romantic. Or if it is more intense or spontaneous , the has To be a stronger , faster beat.
  • Do you have a specific music you love to play to? What are they? why do you think they connect you to the moment? Well not specific songs , but bands like the kings of Leon, green day and nickel back. I think it’s cos they have songs that inspire me to dance and act a little naughty. I can then remember what I did to that song if it comes on the radio and then I get that sort of not in my tummy and blush at the memory of it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Day 4 of the Submissive’s advent calendar by submissive guide – Rewards for service.

Well Good Afternoon world! How are we all doing this fine and awesome day? I have been on a roll today. I got up did my yoga , Walked the hounds, did my neb and meds and ate breakfast, ok so that’s not the epic bit! maîtriser set me the challenge of going in to town , with the babies , on my own. So not to bigger deal really right? Well it was are first solo trip in to town on my own, I have really crippling anxiety at the moment and I have phobias of dirty places, public transport and pigeons. So for me it is a huge , huge fucking deal that I managed it! So as a reward I was allowed to buy Lego and have fries at McDonald’s !

That kind of leads us nicely in todays activities and their focus, which is based round rewards for service . The first activity was to think about what rewards you get and for what service you get them for. Not just in a submissive role ,  but as well as in your normal , every day life . the second was to write a plan or a list of what you want to achieve in the coming year. Both are majorly appealing to me , but for this post I did the first, as I’m on my own and I guess it’s easier, as any plans I make, would involve the girl and the boss man, and I can’t do that if they aren’t here!

So first thing I did was writ a list of things I do kinky and none kinky . on the none kinky list was: run the home, cooking , cleaning , washing and ironing. I run my own businesses and teach for another company .On the kinky side I look after maîtriser needs In anyway he needs me to, be that sexual or in a bdsm D/s sort of way. Him and I use consensual none consent , so I basically do as he asks, when ever he asks. It’s at this point I go , see he asks , not orders . I think the is a big difference between asking and ordering some one to do stuff. I mean yes he does it in a stern manner that makes me get all wet and horny , but he never shouts orders, he uses please and thank you and always heaps on the praise if I get something right. We have also in the last year changed and added in a care giver/little aspect and I have given him much, much more control over my day-to-day life. His also had me working on things like my self-esteem , my English , my confidence and my health. we also use reward charts, reward money and stickers. If I do all my chores and task for the day,  I get a sticker and £1 goes in my treat money tin. he will give me extra stickers for extra effort , and £1 for each one of them. I have to wait till the 1st day of the next month to open my tin and count the money. I can then save some of it if I want to buy something big or spend it if I want some little treats. It’s my money and as long as I spend it on myself and stuff that wont hurt me, I can do what I like with it! but one of the rewards I love the most are the words, cuddle and kisses I get from the girls, when they want to show how much they affricate what I do for them. The best one from the boss man is getting to spend time with him. Be it a 2 minute cuddle on a Saturday morning , or meeting at lunch time for a pub lunch , or the bath that he sits and reads to me. Other rewards I love Lego, books, stuffies, spa treats and anything to do with unicorns!

So that is my take on rewards for service, I wonder what tomorrow will bring!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Day 3 of the submissive guides advent calendar for submissives – The wise words.

So today on are submissive advent calendar Words of wisdom that we have been given, found , or stumbled upon in are journey through life or in submission. how they have inspired us and stayed with us over time. The were 2 activities to day. The first was to sit and spend 5 minutes thinking of all the wise words you have received over the years. thinking about how the effect you and why they have stuck with you. The second was to take these wise words and turn them in to a holly bundle Christmas decoration. As much as I wanted to make the holly bundles , we have had a really busy day . We all went to mass , went a bought the last bits of are Christmas decorations , had a Lego building marathon , homework and babies to care for, so we did the first.

It was actually a really awesome way to spend 15 minutes of quiet time. I got to sit with a cup of tea, reflecting on the past and how it has shaped me as a submissive. we as a family , well us girls chose to kind of build on the idea , by listing them and chatting about while we cooked dinner. what was amazing , well I think was how we all had listed advice that we had got from each other and how they had affect us!

some of the words of wisdom I listed.

  • breath , just breath. keep moving forward, take baby steps if you have to but just keep moving, and just breath.
  • What make you weird and different , is you greatest strength.
  • in submission I find power.
  • It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.
  • The is nothing wrong with a good girl having a naughty side.
  • Love should never hurt , unless you want it to.
  • Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
  • Never under-estimate the power of a coy smile and shy eyes.

Well that was todays, cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Day 2 of the Submissive Guides Advent Calendar for Submissive’s – The Token.

Today was about making a submissive token to help keep sight of your  submission in the busy holiday season. The to activities were making a physical token to wear or make a potpourri. The idea of the potpourri is to use the scent and to link it to your memories of your submission. now as much as the thought of this sang to me we could not do this one. Poor Kitten is really sensitive to scents and they can trigger her headaches. So instead we went for making a token.

I guess all of us already have signs of are submission that we wear all the time. We all have day collars and collars that we wear at different times. they don’t come off unless we have maîtres permission or it is a medical emergency. I ardour my collar and it is something that when I am not with maîtres and the girls , I take great comfort in and kind of draw courage from. my Day collar was hand-made for me and is really just a simple necklace, but maîtres put it round my neck and he is the only person who will ever take it off. (well ok I take it off if I have to , but I was meaning in a sort of D/s way!) My other collars have tag that reads mouse and a Purple heart padlock.

Back to our activity shall we?! We all cleared the kitchen table off , Kitten got are beads and bits from the work room, and we set about creating! we kind of all decided to make bracelets or anklets. Very simple , we chose a few beads , threaded them on cord and then notated them in to place. It was a great way to spend an hour or two. I had a chance to relax and unwind, which was something I really needed. So we are now wearing them and loving them. So we are now champing at the bit to see what tomorrow brings!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x