House Rules…

So after righting about rules and contracts and like yesterday , I thought people would like a giggle and have a look at are house rules! So ask the Boss man and he said yes!

 

·         No raised voices or shouting. If you need to speak with someone, walk and find them.

·         Chores and daily tasks are to be checked by Babe or Mouse.

·         No shoes worn in the house, only slippers or bare feet.

·         No eating while walking around, sit at the table, or cross legged on the floor or bed.

·         Be respectful, polite, and supportive to each other all times

·         No back chatting or sassing, at any time.

·         If in doubt check with Babe.

·         maîtriser is to be met at the door and if possible on your knees

·         Collars are to be warn always.

·         Bath times should be shared.

·         Maîtriser decides punishments.

·         If given blows, remember to count aloud.

·         Ask before using other people’s things.

·         If you use it, but it away.

·         If you empty it fill it up.

·         If it runs out, replace it.

·         Think before you talk and act.

·         Be mindful of other people’s personal rules and protocols.

·         If some asks for space, give it to them.

·         Observe clothing rules always.

·         Consent, respect, and love always.

·         Healthy food, hydration, and exercise daily.

·         No guest without permission

·         Homework, admin, and craft projects are done in the studio or at the kitchen table.

·         Exercise is done in the living room, if it’s not in use.

·         Last one to bed locks the back and the front doors.

·         Mouse oversees all things dog.

·         No slamming of doors.

·         Use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

·         Bedtime is 11pm

·         Self-harm, drug taking or excessive alcohol intake are not allowed in this house, every.

·         Remember, everything tony ask is done out of love and with your best interest at heart.

·         Mouse is not allowed to have her mother, father, or sisters over without someone with her.

·         Always be open, honest, and up front always.

·         Lies will not be tolerated at all.

·         Keep your personal belongings safe and tidy always.

·         Babe has the keys to the meds cabinet and is to be asked if anything is needed

·         This is our home, but remember that Mouse owns this house, so show it the same respect you show Mouse.

·         Mouse and little bear are not to try and fix anything electrical

·          Maîtriser’s word is final, but if you feel you need to have words about something, do so in a calm, polite and respectful manner.

·         Live and love freely!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rules, Regulations and Contracts.

You know getting my email every day from the Awesome Loving BDSM inter-elvies is all about Rules , Regulations and the like. Where the flip do I start with that!?!?

Well yeah of course you need rules and regulations in a relationship to make things work! I mean even nilla peeps have them right?! Us being a poly household means we probably have more than people have . We have a set of house rules that was set down so we all know what is allowed and how the tone of the house is. It was for the most part it they are written by me and the girls , but the Frenchie had his say and oked them all. it keeps things running smoothly. We are also very big on talking. again we use this to keep things running smoothly, to air any problems and so we are all singing from the same hymen sheet!

Now on to rules that we have on a 1 2 1 level with maîtriser. For each of us they are different , but have some things in common. like how we are allowed to act in public, what we must call people and what are specific jobs and duties are. They also have what we ask of maîtriser as are Dom . basically keeping us safe , respecting limits and pushing us to be the best we can. The girls ‘contracts’ are roughly 2 or 3 pages long and maîtriser insists we sit down every 3 month to tweak things!

Mine on the other hand is 14 pages long and is a lot tighter than the rest of the girls. I have asked for this for a lot of reasons. Firstly , because my last Dom refused to have any ‘formal’ rules. Maîtriser sat down with me and we discussed what i wanted. secondly as we are married , it is kind of commitment thing. also i have a need for order and things to be a little more than black and white than the girls. (i have anxious ADD) they also cover very aspect of my life , from what i wear , to who im allowed to have contact with and where im allowed to go. I guess to a lot of people they would come across as very controlling and restrictive, but i find them freeing and really helps me with anxiety. (hmmm has maîtriser been using CBT on me without me knowing?!). A lot of my rules are for my mental and physical well-being, as I have a lot of complex health issues  . i also have a different way of dealing with rule braking . they get rated from 1 to 5 and i have a list what are rule breaks and the sort of punishment i can expect for them. maîtriser also asked and i agreed that the girls and can give me warrings, for things like putting myself down or spending to long on cleaning . 5 warning will equilee a but kicking! I also have a list of people who I can go to if I’m not doing so good or want advice . they are friends that maîtriser trusted to keep and eye on me (also the girls). We have really world and online protectors.

We also have goals that maîtriser will set us and we set for him! We do this by sitting down and talking about what we want to achieve, get better at or learn. then we write them down, work on them and achive them!

We that’s my thoughts and ramblings on that front. little confused today! lol

Hugs,

pixie x x x x

 

 

 

What Titles and Labels Do You Prefer?

So today’s talking / thinking point for the Loving Bdsm 30 days of D/s is names , titles and labels. which we sat and talked about at dinner last night with friends, and ended with tears of laughter!

Now before I ramble at you all I will tell you at little story! I suffer from depression and a really horrid anxiety disorder. its controlled with drugs and CBT , but when I get stressed one of the odd things that happens is I forget the names of things and of people. I will have been on the phone EON and I get so het up that I will ask kitten to put the oven on to get the dishes clean or to turn the tv off so the dogs can go out, which is funny , I know I’m a riot! But the name thing can be hard to cope with. So I came up with away to deal with it that is a little weird, but seems to work and make people smile! When I get stressed or nerves every ones name becomes Bob, whether its family , friends , the girls , clients or my dogs. Lol , now at home if I call bob all the girls , the frog and all 7 dogs come and find out what I want! I also start any training class or course I’m leading by saying ‘ I have anxiety issues , that means when I get stressed I forget the names of stuff and people , so if I call you bob or by your dog’s name I’m not being rude, I just cant get your right name!’ . works a bloody treat!

titles are a thing I struggle with in the D/s world , cos with an anxiety disorder I get so flipping het up trying to figure out what call other people’s Doms or Doms in generale , lol I think I hate a break down on twitter a few weeks back. Female Doms I stick of mistress, unless I have My Dom and their punishment to call them something else (and then I still feel anxious about it!) Male Doms are , to me a flipping mindfield, well in my head at least.  My Dom is called maîtriser in public and most of the time at home and some times Boss or Bossman . But i refuse to call another man in public Master when their not ‘my ‘ Master, it just does not sit right with me! So after a lot of talking and thinking i now stick to Sir or Mr whatever your name is. I think the being ok with calling female doms ‘Mistress’ come from the facts that maîtriser lets us sub to some of them sometimes. (ahh the joy of being sub , poly and bi!)

What to call subs , is again in my little head a minefield! At home the girls and I call each other Mouse, Kitten , Babe and Bear. Christian names only get used in polite company or if maîtriser is pissed at us! But what do you call some one else sub or slave?! So I now ask maîtriser to ask their Dom if its ok for me to talk to their sub and what I should call them. It’s long-winded, but it works for me and saves me have a full-blown break down. Once I know them , I quit often use end up using their first name or a pet name that they say is ok to use.

Pet names are really odd things too! I mean me and the girls have ares and most people think they are just sub sort names , but they are so not what you would think. Kitten got hers cos she perrs and mews when she is about to come. Babe is got hers cos when she walks past and people are like ‘  what a babe!’.  Little bear got hers cos she is the groups ‘little’ and cos she likes cuddle. I get called mouse cos I’m really shy and quiet (no really I am) and cos I’m a homebody at heart! maîtriser gets called Boss man , cos well he is the Boss and he has away of getting people to work without knowing it!

I have several friends that have gone from first name to pet names. I have a male sub friend , who I call snuggles. He got his name from when I was in hospital , after my brain broke and I could not sleep, he would stay up talking to till the wee hours and most of the time I sort of snuggled in and fell asleep (I should add that I have a very bad habit of fulling asleep on people when snuggling). Then I have an online friend , who I call MR !”£$ , cos calling him by his first name feels really odd! I also have are dear Sir Beasty. He’s a strange one , he never once said anything about being Dom or BDSM. I think it was actually me who brought it up (ok I talk about sex to anyone who will listen , cos well I like it and I’m kinda good at it!). But the is just something about him that IS Dom. He has been to me a massive help with so much, he is a very dear and cherished friend, but I can’t address him by his first name , so from after knowing him I started calling him Sir. The girls and I kind call him Beast as a term of affection or Beasty , so now he is are dear Sir Beasty!

Me and the girls also seem to have a list of names or affectionate insults that we use on each other. Doris is a good one for me , when I’m having a brain fart or a melt down. Numpty is another one for when any of us make a silly . Any of the men folk we are close to or play with get it too, Bum face , knob jockey or cactus are just a few of are terms of affection for are friends! lol Yeah , we only insult people we like! lol

The are names that I will not under any instance allow people to call me. Bitch, Whore , Slut or slave. Cos , well I’m not any of them and I personally find them really insulting and hurtful.

But with Me / us the is one name that only a very few will get called by Me/ us . its something that takes a lot of trust, love and care for us to use it. :It means you are always part of are lives, no mater what . That name is ‘Family’ and to us Family is everything!

Ok so that’s todays ramble over and done! Blimey , who would have thought names and titles could mean so much!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

What Does Submission Mean To You?

So up today on the 30 days of D/s is the question what does Submission mean to you? Ok so technically that was yesterdays’ but the way We/I seem to be doing this is find out what the talking point is and then over dinner we sit down and actually have a full blow discussion about it. It’s way more fun than it sounds and I’m just saying but it led to great fun this morning! (4 sub females, a boss man who loves to watch us and masturbation Monday stories!)Ok , focus pixie , hand on the keyboard!

So for me Submission means being happy in my own skin and feeling fulfilled as a woman. it’s a very personal and deeply intimate thing. I’m not just sexually submissive, it is part of every aspect of my life. From work, to home life , family life to the bedroom, it’s just who and how I am.

It however is not something, that to start with was something that came naturally to me, no maybe it was natural to me but the way I was brought up made me fight against what come naturally to me. The Irish side of my family is very traditional . Woman were brought up learning how to cook , clean their house and take care of babies. But the russian side (my mother side)  women are brought up to be very academic or professionally focused. To push them self forward and to get to the highest level they can. My mother also had away of looking down on the ‘Housewives’ on my daddy’s side of the family. I should explain , my mother and I have nor will we ever be close. I was never what she wanted or needed me to be. My sisters are very clever and talented ladies, who are at the tops of their fields (Law and History) . I was the arty one. Yup I went to university , got BA and MA , worked for the fancy company and for a while I was a high flyer. But it made me have a nerves break down. but admitting I would be happy as a house wife , was not something I would admit to my mother. The only females I ever felt really close to in my family were my nana , who was the most amazing woman , who all I remember her wanting was her husband , children and grandkids to be happy. Oh and then I had my Great Aunty May, who is the most amazing lady , next to my nana, but she is a bloody long story!

So back to the question , I was brought up to think that submissive people are weak or stupid, and that simply is not me! I may not be the brightest of people , or the most talented of people. But I have a great deal of common sense. I am a quick learner, I am good with people and good at teaching people stuff that I know. I can state my opinion , speak my mind and stand up for myself. I am a strong, open-minded and courageous girl. I do thing that most woman don’t or would never think of doing . I have worked on the door of some pretty rough night clubs, I have drag and road raced motor bikes and I played rugby at uni. But what I can not cope with is being I charge of stuff.

After a lot of talking with friends over the early years , I kind of turned my think round on the Submissive roll. Instead of think submissive people were weak and stupid. I saw them as what they , to me really are. Very brave , trusting and powerful. To be able to trust someone enough to hand over control to parts of their life to someone else takes a very strong person.

The are within the D/s world so many different types of submissive. From Slave , 27/7 tpe, BgDD and so on. For me I  kind of feel I don’t really fix a box , but then who does?!? I’m submissive, yes and I live in a 24/7 D/s set up. But it’s not a  total power exchange either. I have rules , a lot of them, but I chose what control I gave over to my dom. in fact I was the one who said I wanted a full D/s contract. in it I asked it to be made clear that , yes I have a little side , but I am a grown adult who can and likes to think for herself and does not want to micro managed, at all ever! What I did want is to have to check before I do anything and that mean for everything I do. I run the house, my business and keep everyone on track , but the Frenchie is the one who tells my ok to everything. I show him the up most respect at all times, but I am allowed asked to speak in privet if I am uncomfortable or unhappy with something. I guess what I’m trying to say is that me as a Submissive want to feel loved, controlled , safe , protected and owned. But I also don’t want to be belittled or treated like I’m stupid. kind of like I’m his , he is in charge of me , but that I’m really important and worth protected.  At the heart of it , I guess for me it’s about doing what feels natural, what makes me happy and fulfilled. its about serving and making my Dom proud , just by being me!

Well going to leave it there as I am needed! again its been a cathartic mission sitting down and writing this, not sure it makes any sense , but I rarely do!

 

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

What Does Dominance Mean To You?

So the Boss man signed to the 30 days of D/s that Loving BDSM. I think cos I’m on a break from college and he’s worried that my brain will stagnate if left with nothing to do other than look pretty. Might have something to do with us all uprooting from the sunny old UK to sunny NYC and New Jersey for the next 5 weeks. Also pretty sure it has something to do with him knowing if I have too much free time , I tend to get in to a pickle or cause mischief!

So what does Dominance mean to me?! well if I look at it from a work view (bear with me I’m a dog behaviorist ) a dominate in the animal kingdom is the one who is In control of others with in a group. They are not the one who gets the of things or the who uses their position to get what they want. The protect the weaker members , make sure those who need more get more and they make the presence felt when needed. I guess that is kind of what I think of a Dom in the D/s senses.

Not that i have always seen it that way in the past. My first proper Boyfriend that i had at the age of 17 , was very much the ‘Alpha male ‘ Type . We kind of fell in to a D/s thing. I started hang out with people on the fetish scene in the early 00’s and he came with me. He watch the Doms and tried to emulate them. It was very clear that I’m extremely submissive and always very eager to please. But he never listened, pushed my limits to far and always made me feel like crap. I saw other subs and slaves being treated with respect and love . So for reasons i’m not going in to it ended, badly. but i took a step back and actually thought about what i ‘Need’ from a Dom.

Well more than anything i need someone who will make me feel safe and protected. Some one who will respect my limits and push them. Someone who gets that i need to feel needed and loved. Someone who will listen to what I’m saying verbally and none verbally. who could get inside my head , not freak out and who can get the best out of my broken little brain. Someone who can see me at my worst and still want to love and protect me.

I was really lucky that some friends , who i played with (that’s code for fucked), had some free time and offered to come stay with me. (ok if they didn’t do that i would have been spending time in a mental ward) . They asked if they could bring their dom with them. Now having a big old house with spare rooms so what the heck the more the merrier , right? Well that was my undoing!

I had known there Dom from the age of 19 and he was a very lovely and dear friend. He made sure that if I was out on my own i got home safe ,  talked and explained things to me and even held my hand if thing got to loud or crowed. But living with him, dear god was that hard. not in a bad way in the way that i spent the whole time want ing to screw his brains out! So after a night of drinking , some encouragement and i went and screwed him. Waking up i thought ‘Oh way to fuck up a friendship!’ But no , it was made clear that if i need a friend with benefits he was there for me.

It took me a month of going out with him and the girls , seeing how well he treated them and wanting so much to have that in my life. So over breakfast one morning i ask, half heartedly if he want a new sub. To my shock he said he was for discussing it. lol and by god did we discuss it. he set out what he expected and asked what i wanted and needed. rules were set out and he made it clear i had to earn a collar. But i earn’t it and his love.

That was 2 years ago and i have learnt so much. I now know that A Dom is meant to care for their sub , keep them from harm and to help them grow in to a happy and fulfilled person. That a proper Dom will not micro- manage you , criticise everything you do or hurt you for their own pleasure . He’s help me with pretty much every aspect of my life . I have gone from a painfully shy , broken brained girl. to some body who can stand up for herself , who is happy and loved. He has taught me that nothing bad will happen as long as I’m open and willing to try solve my problems.

So in short dominance means my safe place, that I can be me , loved , needed and what I need to be. His my clam and quiet places and pushes me to be the best me I can!

 

well not sure where or who tat came from! cathartic I would defo say!

Pixie x

 

Waiting, again!!!

‘So I’m sat in a hotel room , a different one , in a different country (NYC baby!) and I find myself waiting , again! Not for the girls , no we have this getting ready thing down pat now. It’s the Boss man and the men folk we waiting for! I mean you would think it is simple , right?!?! Shit , shower , shave and shove off!! Oh no , not them it’s what t-shirt goes with these jeans, and where did you put the beard oil mouse and babe could you just straighten Steve’s hair for him! See we have sort of production line going when we get ready . Babe and the little bear shower together , Me and Kitten lay out clothes for everyone , then we shower, while babe and bear get dress and start doing make up, then babe does her hair , while bear helps kitten and me with make up, then babe finish every ones hair!

Any way want to share a few things I’m loving right now!

 

first up is the awesome Kayla Lords Loving BDSM website! Its full of cool stuff from the pod cast that her and John Brownstone do , BDSM info and forums! It’s easy to use , bright and friendly, so it suits me down to the ground! High recommend this!

Next up , massive shout out to the most epic lube ever! The Butters. Not only is it really good and works treat, but it has nothing in it that i’m allergic to! trust me I have had a few reactions in the past! So yeah go use it!

Lastly , I love reading and I am a huge fane of horror fiction! I have known about the pen of the damned stories for a good 2 years now. They are a group of twisted writers passed in New Jersey (some are in other places I think?!?!) well Any how they publish a new story ever Tuesday morning! Stories range from spooky to guts and gore to sci-fi, with everything in between! Go read and be damned. Pen of the Damned

So the men folk are almost done (I hope) and I’m hopefully of to get my VS fix!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ramblings from a hotel room….

Well good evening to you all!

So I’m working away from home, I’m stuck in a hotel room with my little bear. We are under orders to behave. No porn , no booze , no screwing (in the words of sir beasty little being a girl!). So we have Master chef , sweets and coke! (diet caffeine free) . We have both had a bath, washed hair and jammies on!

It may sound odd that cos I’m working away the bear had to come with me , but its one of the may rules that Maitriser has but in place so we are safe and cared for at all times. We do have a lot of rules that are like that. it’s not that we are fragile little flowers, more the fact that we all have been broken and done silly stuff. So we have rules to make sure we don’t do them any more! I have a lot more rules than the rest of the girls and maitriser has a huge amount of control over my day-to-day life. But only because some I wanted and asked for it to be that way.

We also have different take on punishment than most people in D/s type relationships. We have things that we just don’t do, never , ever! but maitriser has a sort of 5 * thing. For me I get 1* punishment for things like putting myself down or forgetting to check my blood sugar. 5* punishment would be for something along the lines of not asking to leave when I need to or swearing or forgetting to take my  phone with me.

Maitriser sets us goals for stuff , which we sit down and talk about . Mines are a mix of personal stuff like wanting to be able to do certain yoga moves and to keep my 4.0 grade average. To work / family stuff Like to write and teach a new course or to clear out the spare room. I also have sort kinky / D/s stuff like getting more confident at being on top for sex and the length of time I can hold off coming!

But the thing I love the most are Rewards! (like everyone!!!) . we all have different ones , but some are the same. Like extra cuddle, getting to play with each other or being allowed to ask for what we want in the bedroom or a club. We have gift type rewards for things like good grades , not having a panic attack for a week or completing all are tasks set out for the day. my rewards are books, letter writing stuff, stuffies, Lego and posh undies!

I , unlike the girls have a lot rules that have been set down to do with my mental health. I have suffered all my life with anxiety and for more the 13 years with depression. A few years ago things went very badly wrong in my relationship and after being beat up and raped , I tried and thankfully failed to take my own life. I was diagnosed as having very serve PTSD , depression and GAD. It’s taken a hell of  lot of work on my #self with the help of an awesome Therapy Doris, the girls and my wonderful Maitiser , to put myself back together. So i have ones that state that I’m not allowed to harm myself , that i must keep going to therapy and how to deal with anxiety attacks. My rewards for sticking to these rules are extra free time, not having to answer my phone or being allowed to do more self-care stuff. (I love myself care time).

So that’s my ramble about rules, punishment and rewards!

Hugs and kisses,

Pixie x x x x