From the Heart….

So this afternoon I woke up from my nap to a new Dm in my inbox on twitter, which is really quite exciting in my little world! But on opening and reading it my little world turned dark and grey. Someone had decided my use of the English langue , its quirky grammer and frankly bonkers way of spelling things, had offended them so much that they felt the overwhelming need to tell me and point out my failings. Which is super helpful of them , but in my eyes not very kind or thoughtful.

Now don’t get me wrong , I now I suck at spelling and grammar, I really do. But I do have reasons that I suck at it. I grew up in a house hold that spoke a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian. I started to learn English when I was about 3 or 4 , but it took ages for me to pick it up. I was also a really shy little girl and had two wonderful big sisters that did most of my talking for me. That is one of the reasons the boss man calls me mouse, cos at times I’m so quiet , you would not know I’m there!

I am also dyslexic, which made reading and writing tougher than hell. it does not affect my number skills or my ability to understand things like science, history or geography. it does mean that I found it hard learning at school hard and that I get confused with big words and complex instructions. But I found ways to adapt and learn. I found that if I record what people are saying and play it back , I sticks in my brain. I can watch someone doing something and pick it up pretty quickly. I also pushed myself in the things I was good at, like art , design and science . I passed my gcses , alevels and went to uni getting a degree and masters in textiles and custom design. I

A few years ago I decided to retrain as a dog trainer and along side this I did some English and Itc courses. As I was dyslexic they offered testing to see if the was any extra help they could offer. it turned out that I also have a form of ADD . That means when I get anxious , which is most of the time , my brain sort of seizes up and I can’t do anything. it means I can be rude , distracted and if really bad aggressive . Finding out this explained a lot of things, such as not being able to judge people tones, some of the trouble I have with social interactions and shyness. i have learned tons of ways to deal with life. Like if I am really organised and sit down and plan things out , I can pretty much do anything. With help I got I went on to gain a second degree and masters , this time in canine psychologic, training and welfare.

So you see I’m not stupid, I just have a hell of a lot of stuff going against me when it comes to the English langue! I just want to say and ask people, please , please think before you Comment on other people’s post, tweets or updates. You never know what is hiding behind it. your ‘Kind words’ might not be met with a smile and a thank you. Luckey I vented on twitter and got support (go twitter pervs!). In days gone past I would have turn it on myself, beat myself up and more than likely ended up cutting myself. So again I say please think before you say things, you may curse more harm than good!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Question time with John Brownstone (aka the Wood Dude)

So the girls and I have been on the hunt for whiling victims to take part in are question time , but no body was fourth coming. So we made a list of people we wanted to interrogate, put them in a hat , pulled out a name and sent them an email asking if they might be up for playing along with our fun and games… Well that person was the awesome John Brownstone, Daddy and Dom to fabulous Kayla Lords, and Co-Host of the Loving BDSM community and Podcast. Guess what , he only went and said yes. So here  is his grilling !

Question time with John Brownstone (The Wood Dude!)
1. What do you know about your family tree and your heritage? (Babe)

I know a fair deal about my family tree actually. My father migrated to the U.S. from Heidelberg, Germany in 1956. His Father died when he was very young and he has three brothers. On my mothers side her mother and father were born in Chicago, my great grandmother and great grandfather immigrated to the U.S. from Italy. From Chicago my mom’s family moved to Brooklyn, NY and then eventually to upstate NY where she met my dad. My mom has one sister and I have more cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephews, etc then I can shake a stick at.

2. What does the best complement you have ever received? And the best one you have ever given? (mouse)

The best compliment I ever received  was from an long distance sub I had a number of years ago. She was my sub for a little over a year and then one day she just vanished. I didn’t hear from her for a year and a half but when I did I cried from what she told me. At the time she was my sub she was going through some very rough times in her life and when she contacted me it was to thank me for everything I did for her and taught her. She said it was because of the things I did with her that she realized she had to put on her big girl panties and take charge of her life. She got out of a bad relationship and moved to another town and got her dream job and was doing well and moved on with her life and was even thinking of starting her own business. She told me that with what I had taught her she found the strength inside herself to move forward and be someone and she was sorry for just disappearing but she know she had to do it on her own.   Best compliment I have ever given someone? There are times when Kayla’s anxiety is showing its face or she doubts that she can do something. I will look her in the eye and tell her “I believe in you, you can do this.”

3. What is your great strength and weakness? (kitten)

My greatest strength is that I want to learn, I am eternally curious about things and people. I am always reading, watching videos and diving into the thing I want to learn about. My greatest weakness is that at times I will procrastinate on certain things, like the new faucet for the kitchen sink. I bought it a month and a half ago but have been dreading crawling under the cabinets.

4. What is your dream pizza combo? (little bear)

I LOVE pizza. My all time favorite is Brooklyn style pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. I could eat a whole pizza by myself if I were left to my own devices.

5. Top 5 kinks and why you like them SOOO MUCH!?

(all) 1) Rope, I love rope not only for the ability to bind someone but the closeness and intimacy it gives. It is a slow process that allows one to spend some time with the partner. 2) Electro play, more specifically Violet wand. I was at a munch and they were doing a demo of one and I was just entranced by it. I got to try it out on a sub there and I was thrilled with her reaction to my fingers as the sparks danced over her skin. 3) Orgasm denial. The begging, I love bringing Kayla right up to the very top of the peak and then stopping. Doing it over and over while she begs for her sweet release. 4) Floggers. About 6 (maybe more now) years ago I read the Gor series by John Norman and floggers were frequently used in throughout the stories. SO when I had the chance I jumped on it to learn how to use a flogger and what I love about it is that it can go from being soft like a massage to stingy with the flick of the wrist. 5) Canes. I do love using canes and wish I had more chance to use them fully. Kayla can tolerate them when she is deep in subspace but I have always wanted to use on on someone who truly loves them as well as I do love the marks they leave.

6. What is the best, worst and most bizarre meals you have ever eaten? (little bear)

Oh dear, I still haven’t been able to forget this. When I was a kid our family was invited to a dinner party. The people hosting the party were Italian and most of the food I loved. There was something going around the table and some was put on my plate and I was told I should eat it. I took several bites and started to gag, it wasn’t till much later I found out what it was. It was Tripe, cows intestines….never again!

7. If you could have one super power, what would it be and why would you want it? (kitten)

I would like to have Aquamans powers. I’ve never been a good swimmer and the ability to move through water at a whim and then walk on land would be neat. Also to be able to communicate with fish and animals of the ocean would be cool.

8. How long have you been in to kinky fuckery and how did you get in to it? (Mouse)

Back in 19282 I was briefly married and we both had the spark of kink in us. I used to love tying her up using anything I could improvise. The marriage only lasted a year and I put anything kinky behind me as I blamed that for the demise of the marriage. Many years later I was surfing the web and came across some BDSM sites. It awoke my kinky feelings and then I embraced them and started learning all I could about the lifestyle.

9. Have you or would you ever take on a submissive role? (Babe)

When I came across the sites during my web search I also ended up in a number of BDSM related chat rooms. Not knowing much about the lifestyle at
that time from seeing the ways the Doms acted in them I didn’t think I had a Dominant bone in my body. So for some time I was an online submissive to a Domme for almost a year. It turned out to be a good thing actually as being on the sub side I learned a good deal and when I discovered my Dominant side I had a solid idea of both how to and how not treat a sub. Would I take on a submissive role now? Possibly, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two but it would have to be someone I knew and trusted very well.

10.  Marvel or DC comics?Who is your fav super hero and why?

Marvel comics and my favorite superhero is The Hulk. I like him because he has two sides to him, the mild-mannered doctor and then the raging Hulk. Even when he is in Hulk form he still knows right from wrong and uses his great strength to go up against evil.

Silly questions from Little Bear (Who was very much in need of food when we did this list!)
Where do you stand on cheese?

I have yet to meet a cheese I don’t like. Colby Jack, Sharp Cheddar, Muenster, Gorgonzola, Mozzarella, Parmesan, Romano, Harvati, Feta, and Blue Cheese. Bring them on, I love cheese.

Why is the sky blue?

The sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light, unless of course it’s sunset then it is red or orange. Kind of glad it is blue as a red or orange sky all the time would seem odd. Plus blue is a good color.
Can you do a handstand? There is only one way I am capable of doing a handstand and that is while in a swimming pool, otherwise it’s not a pretty sight.

Where is the treasure buried?

The true treasure is buried within.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I believe I have seen a ghost. My great-grandfather had just died several days before. It was late at night and a terrible thunder-storm had rolled into the area. I heard a noise outside my room and I got up to look. My room was at the end of a long hallway and at the far end there was a chair. I saw what looked to be a transparent figure of my great grandfather sitting in the chair. I wasn’t afraid and I stood there for some time just looking at him. Then a big flash of lightning lit up the hallway and when it was dark again he was gone.

We all want to say a huge thank you to Mr Brownstone! (Thank you is in the post 😉 )

Hugs,

Pixie, Babe, Kitten and Little Bear

Blog challenge day 8 – What is something you are currently worrying about….

Well the is a lot of things that I’m worrying about right now, not sure I can narrow it down to jus one thing! So what I’m going to do is a thing I my therapist and the Boss Man get me to do, a worry list . what I do is a make a list of all the thing that I’m worried and then share it with at least 5 people, so I’m going to do it here and share it with you all!

  • Being Pregnant – It not an easy thing for me to deal with, ok I know no woman goes yay pregnancy what a riot. But with all the health issues I have and mental health stuff some days it’s just bloody terrifying!
  • motherhood – I did not have a good time growing up with my mother, and trust me that is putting it lightly. It has left me worrying that I won’t be able to bound with my babies when they get here. or that I won’t be a good mother and I will turn out to be just like my own mother.
  • My Daddy – My daddy has bipolar , Parkinson’s disease and Pick disease . His not that old , his 71, but every day we seem to lose a little more of him. In recent months his become very erratic and lashes out at people. with being pregnant it means I can’t spend time with him on my own, it’s just not safe.
  • My Mother – As I have said I don’t get on with my mother , I never have and I never will. We are polar opposites and want very different things in life. But I still love her, and that will never stop. 7 months ago she was sent to prison for Drink driving among other things , and for the last 7 months I have not seen or spoken to her. over the weekend gone she was rushed to hospital after have trouble swallowing and vomiting blood. It was thought it due to years of heavy drinking and smoking , but on Sunday she was found to be suffering with cancer of her throat. It hit me kind of  hard, left me not knowing how to fell or what to do. Thankfully the boss man took over talking to my sisters, who wanted me to drop everything and go see my mum. It has turned out not to be as bad as first thought but it’s terrifying.
  • Crufts – I have some how got 3 dog through to different thing at crufts next year. I am also teaching and working on the KC youth stands. It’s going to be epic, but tiring and the is going to be a lot of training and prep involved !
  • Work – I have had to give up working till after the babies get here. as I have said I was struggling to cope with a really busy schedule , working in a field that knocks you sideways and is incredible physically demanding. So I am having to think at what level do I need to go back after the babies get here. Hopefully I will be able to go back in to teaching and also get back to working with rescue dogs!

So those are the main worries going round my pretty little head, I have told you and now I will let them go , and breath!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog challenge day 7 – Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well this is a big old can of worms! I have never cheated on a partner, but I have been cheated on. It left me feeling divested, sore and pretty much unable to trust people. I think if you do anything from flirting to sex , without your primary partner know and being ok with it, is truly a vile thing to do to someone you are meant to be in love with.

I have an open , poly , none monagmse realstionship. One of the rules we set down at the start of it was that we tell everyone we are involved with , what we are doing and who we are doing it with. I personally don’t play with or fuck other anyone without the boss man being with me. but the girls do see others away from are family , but we know what they are getting and its all fine.

The thing that I really dislike , is the people who start flirting or start affairs with people who already have a partner , just because they can. Knowing full well the upset and hurt that it e=will cause when they get found out. The is no need for that type of spitefulness in a world that is already full of pain and suffering already!

Blog Challenge – Day 3 to day 6

So I have had a busy few days and when I finished my chores for the day, I have been under orders to rest up and take things easy . So I did not post my blog challenge , with the Boss Man’s permission. So I wrote them and he said I should post the 4 days that I have done all in one post. Enjoy!

Day 3 – What type of person attracts you
I’m attracted to all sorts of people, of both sexes. I’m not really about looks. I prefer someone who can make me laugh, can hold a decent conversation, and I can just kick back and chill with. I’m also big in to good manners and respecting other people views and limits. I prefer dominate men, but I have a lot of Subbie male friends. I like bot Dom and sub females. I’m in to goth, punk and pin-up looks for woman, but I also love tattoos and piercings. Men, well I like men to look like. but also, are clean and at least look like they have tried. Muscles, beard, and tattoos are all very welcome too!

Day 4 – What you wear in bed?
Normally as little as I can, but it depends on what is going on at the time. If I’m having treatment or I’m sick, I tend to go with a comfortable t-shirt and a pair of leggings. If we are at home or if we have vanilla guest or little ones staying over I have posh PJ’s from Marks & Spencer’s. If the boss man is not at home I tend to sleep in panties and one of his t-shirts. It makes me feel close to him and they are just the right size to snuggle in. If he’s home, then I wear what I’m told to wear. Whether that is t-shirt and panties or a skimpy baby doll nightie or in the nude. Strangely if I am working away and staying in a hotel, I tend to sleep naked. Hehe, I have even walked butt naked from one room to another before now!

Day 5 – 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex / same sex.
Men – 1) Swearing all the time. 2) rowdy drunkenness. 3) cocky smugness. 4) Wearing jeans that are too big and show their ass and boxers off. 5) Disrespectful attitudes towards woman and older people.
Women – 1) Fake everything (nails/tan/lashes). 2) swearing, rudeness, and bitchiness. 3) not knowing their limits when drinking. 4)Flirting with other people’s partners. 5) constantly putting themselves down.

Day 6 – The person you like and why you like them. Dita Von Tease. I have had a massive girl crush on her for a very long time. She has made the pin-up look and burlesque main stem. But she also has an amazing mind set and attituded. She is sexy without being trashy. She is provocative without out being sluty. she wore vintage and fetish clothing before they became fashionable. She carried herself with poise and grace after the break down of her marriage. She is also a great role model for say that a woman does not need to have children to validate her as a woman.

Pixie x x x x

Blog challenge – Day 2 ‘how have you changed in the past 2 years?’

well it’s day 2 of my blog challenge, and today’s question is how have you changed in the past 2 years? Good question, I really have changed a lot in the last 2 years, on a lot of different levels

To understand how and why I have changed I should properly explain a little about what was going on in my life 2 years ago. It was a year and 3 months post split from my ex and he was waiting trial for assault and rape. I was in the proses of getting a divorce and struggling to cope with day-to-day life, on my own. I had , had my collar for a year , the boss man and the girls had all moved in with me and the boss man was selling his house in Cornwall and france. i was still doing 3 different types of therapy a week and also under a CPA with my local cmht. I was shy , frightened and lacked any conference what so ever. it was at this time that maîtriser started to come to my therapy sessions with me. He started to ask me to try some changes , to see if it would help me get my happy back!

I started to keep my diary everyday and I started to have a daily chore list. I started back at the gym, started to learn yoga and started attending barre classes. I enrolled in some classes at the local college and the open university . I stopped working as a ‘dog walker’ and started my own training business . I started to write a little, as a way to vent what I had going on in my head.

I also made a  lot of changes to my family life, which although were really hard for me to do , helped massively . Firstly I asked for my mum , dad and sisters to give their keys to my house back, So they would no longer just turn up uninvited. I also stopped spending time with either of my parents , without the boss man or the girls being with me. This had the knock on effect of both my sisters doing more for my parents , something they had not really done in the past.

over the next 2 years the boss man helped push myself outside of my comfort zone every signal day. I learnt a lot about who I really was and what I really wanted out of life. I also started to explore how I felt about different kinks and different poly set ups. We settled on an open , poly relationship. We decided that we wanted to all live, sleep and love as one big family group.

So 2 years on I find myself blissfully happy , loved , respected , cared for and getting my conference . I will now stand for myself , speak up and don’t let people put me down. I am never going to be the most confident of people, but I now teach people and dogs. I feel settled and safe for the first time ever. I married the Boss man last December, we have babies on the way. I run my own business and I’m quite in demand as a speaker with in my field. But more than anything , I have stopped hiding , I deal with any problems that come up in my life head on and I am proving people wrong everyday!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Blog Challenge – Day 1 ‘Weird thing you do when your alone’

Oh what a question to start with! I had to really stop and think about this, then I stopped and thought , and was like hang on I’m not weird . It’s you ‘normal’ people that are weird! but then talking to some ‘normal’ friends an it turns out I am a bit of a ‘weirdo’ , so hey hum! I’m going to list them In bullet points, cos I like that , it pleases my funny little head!

  • I talk to my dogs. Not just ‘oh what a lovely girl you are spidie’ or ‘jordie , will you leave mad eyes bum alone’. But like full on conversations. My lurcher Bella has been trained to look after me , so is with me most of the time. She is very used to talking about what I’m doing and about what is happening, hell I even ask her advice on what to wear. The weird thing is I think they understand me and sort of reply to me. (don’t judge)
  • I do house work in the nude. I find it very freeing and get a bit of a kick out of it! I have even been court out by the postman a couple of times;)
  • Lego scene building. I have a really huge love of Lego, and few years ago I found out about building little scene building. What I do is make a back ground , stag a scene and take pics of them. favourite ones to do are ones with monsters or comedy chace scenes!
  • Dancing round the kitchen in the nude. Ok I love dancing, love being in the nude and my kitchen is my favourite room in my house. simples!
  • planning. Ok so not weird so you would think, but …. I have stickers , glitter gel pens and a big old planner. I sit and spread out a cross the kitchen table , put my iPod on super load , sing and plan! its heaven and it is away for
  • I binge watch things on YouTube. things like extreme coupons or super market sweep. I never get to watch crap when the rest of the family , cos their high brow!

So that is my shameful weirdness! So what do any of you do that is a little weird , when your on your lonesome??

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x