Where in the world is Pixie Heart…. Family update!

So I wont be posting my diary last week this week, due to the fact most of are little family came done with food poising middle of last week. Babe and little bear just had bad tummies and kept being sick , but poor kitten was really poorly and went all grey and weak. I was pretty sick too and what with being diabetic and having 2 sprogs on the boil was really frightened. I manged to pass out coming back from the bathroom.So maîtriser insisted me and kitten had to go to the ER. fluids, medicine and a few hours rest and we got to go home. Maîtriser said he knew we were feeling better as we both start flirting with the hot nurse looking after us. (i dispute this as i was poorly and had jammies and slippers on). So the rest of the week was written off as R & R. One really down side to all the vomiting and pooping, was i could not take any meds for 3 days. now thats not that bad, but suffering from serve depression and GAD , i take a lot of meds to control that. Not taking them ment not only did my mood plummet, but i also went through a sort of withdrawal sort of thing. That is hell on earth! So i had a sort of total break down over letting people down, not being good enough and that i was also just a massive pain in the bum. maîtriser was really lovely about it and looked after me. I was made to have a sofa day on saturday and on sunday i was made to sit on the deck in the sun and rest! 

So not doing my diary , maîtriser said I should post a little update on are nutty little family, so here goes!

Maîtriser – Turns out that the Boss Man has been having secret cooking lessons from my great aunty may! He said , that as his going to be a father , he needs to be able to cook! He manged to break my favorite bedroom collar 😦 i got really upset and cried 😦 so he has arranged for my friend to fix it for me 🙂 and to make up for breaking it i got to pick 3 new collars! 

Babe – has been resting up over the weekend like the rest of us, but has done loads of sun bathing and reading. She has also given us all hair cuts too! Today she got a tiny tattoo behind her ear of a forget me not, I honor of her sister who died 🙂 She has very kindly made my a timetable for my social media, using glitter gel pens and stickers!

Kitten – After being super poorly 😦 she needed lots of cuddle and looking after! Friday was a very big day for . Kitten when she was little had a drug problem and maîtriser made her go through NA. well Friday was her 12 year of being clean and sober! So on sunday we all sat and listen to the Loving BDSM podcast (Loving BDSM), and at the end the wonderful Kayla and her daddy gave kitten a shout out and wished her a happy 12th birthday! We also had a little tea party on sunday afternoon and we got her a new charm for her bracelet. Today kitten got her belly button pierced!

Mouse (me) – well passed out , vomited a lot , had a break down and rested up. I am loving be pregnant, but I can now only just see my toes! I am not allowed piercings or tattoos till after I drop, so I got a new set of jammies , a new book and some new earrings! I also got an email saying that I passed my foundation degree in mixed humanities and art, with a GPA off 4.00. So a yay me!

Well that’s us, how are you all doing?

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Oppss I did it again…..

Well world I have gone and landed myself in trouble , again, big trouble this time 😦 See this week has been massively full om for me. I have been writing courses content, presentation for a 3 day conferences and trying to sort classes out in the UK from the USA. I have been running around trying to be everything to everyone. I have been forgetting to eat at times and not taking naps when I need to. I have put myself down, I have allowed myself to be belittled by people and taken to heart some silly comments from unkind people. So Maîtriser has told me I have to list everything I have done and then the punishment for this and then post it on my blog. So here goes….

  1. I have not been eating my 3 meals a day and forgetting to have my 3 snacks a day.
  2. I have put myself down a total of 15 times in a row, even after being given warnings.
  3. I said I looked fat and that maîtriser is crazy for still wanting me when I’m fat and ugly .
  4. I pushed Kitten away when she trying to comfort me.
  5. I forgot to eat before bed on 3 nights, leading to 3 hypo .
  6. I refused to let Babe drive when I was tired and need her help.
  7. I grumped at my great Aunty May .
  8. I forgot to test my blood sugar levels for 3 days.
  9. I took a Skype call  from my Daddy with out someone with me.
  10. I took an email from my sister to heart, when she had no right to say what she did.
  11. I refused to take my afternoon naps.
  12. I took on more work than I could handle and refused help when it was offered.
  13. I refused help with my chores.
  14. I said I was fine when I came over faint in the groceries store.
  15. I went to mass when i was meant to be resting.

My punishment is as fallows. For the next 2 weeks maîtriser we chose what i wear, eat and how i spend all my free time. I am to take an afternoon nap between 3.30 pm and 4.30pm every day. I am to do everything i am told without answering back, if maîtriser is not about to tell me what I should be doing i must ask Babe. i have lost the right to my alone time for the 2 weeks . i am not allowed to speak to my sisters or father without maîtriser for the next 2 weeks. All emails, social media and blog post must be joked by maîtriser, Babe or Sir Beasty. I am to eat 3 times a day, have 3 healthy snacks a day and i must drink 3 litter of fluids a day. I am on a total caffeine ban for the next 2 weeks and i am not to have soda. i must have my phone with me at all times and i must not leave the house without Bella and one of the girls. i am not to go over 100000 steps in one day. i am not allowed to drive for 2 weeks, I must keep my diary and list all sleep, food and bs level in it. all this has been done for my own sake and i must try harder not to break my rules.

Well that’s it! See not all punishments are about spankings and kinky stuff. This for me has really hits me where it hurts , being made to very publicly admit what I have done and how i fucked up is really hard, to have my free time and freedom to answer back is going to be so hard. but i know that it’s done out of love , concern and so i look after myself better.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

What Titles and Labels Do You Prefer?

So today’s talking / thinking point for the Loving Bdsm 30 days of D/s is names , titles and labels. which we sat and talked about at dinner last night with friends, and ended with tears of laughter!

Now before I ramble at you all I will tell you at little story! I suffer from depression and a really horrid anxiety disorder. its controlled with drugs and CBT , but when I get stressed one of the odd things that happens is I forget the names of things and of people. I will have been on the phone EON and I get so het up that I will ask kitten to put the oven on to get the dishes clean or to turn the tv off so the dogs can go out, which is funny , I know I’m a riot! But the name thing can be hard to cope with. So I came up with away to deal with it that is a little weird, but seems to work and make people smile! When I get stressed or nerves every ones name becomes Bob, whether its family , friends , the girls , clients or my dogs. Lol , now at home if I call bob all the girls , the frog and all 7 dogs come and find out what I want! I also start any training class or course I’m leading by saying ‘ I have anxiety issues , that means when I get stressed I forget the names of stuff and people , so if I call you bob or by your dog’s name I’m not being rude, I just cant get your right name!’ . works a bloody treat!

titles are a thing I struggle with in the D/s world , cos with an anxiety disorder I get so flipping het up trying to figure out what call other people’s Doms or Doms in generale , lol I think I hate a break down on twitter a few weeks back. Female Doms I stick of mistress, unless I have My Dom and their punishment to call them something else (and then I still feel anxious about it!) Male Doms are , to me a flipping mindfield, well in my head at least.  My Dom is called maîtriser in public and most of the time at home and some times Boss or Bossman . But i refuse to call another man in public Master when their not ‘my ‘ Master, it just does not sit right with me! So after a lot of talking and thinking i now stick to Sir or Mr whatever your name is. I think the being ok with calling female doms ‘Mistress’ come from the facts that maîtriser lets us sub to some of them sometimes. (ahh the joy of being sub , poly and bi!)

What to call subs , is again in my little head a minefield! At home the girls and I call each other Mouse, Kitten , Babe and Bear. Christian names only get used in polite company or if maîtriser is pissed at us! But what do you call some one else sub or slave?! So I now ask maîtriser to ask their Dom if its ok for me to talk to their sub and what I should call them. It’s long-winded, but it works for me and saves me have a full-blown break down. Once I know them , I quit often use end up using their first name or a pet name that they say is ok to use.

Pet names are really odd things too! I mean me and the girls have ares and most people think they are just sub sort names , but they are so not what you would think. Kitten got hers cos she perrs and mews when she is about to come. Babe is got hers cos when she walks past and people are like ‘  what a babe!’.  Little bear got hers cos she is the groups ‘little’ and cos she likes cuddle. I get called mouse cos I’m really shy and quiet (no really I am) and cos I’m a homebody at heart! maîtriser gets called Boss man , cos well he is the Boss and he has away of getting people to work without knowing it!

I have several friends that have gone from first name to pet names. I have a male sub friend , who I call snuggles. He got his name from when I was in hospital , after my brain broke and I could not sleep, he would stay up talking to till the wee hours and most of the time I sort of snuggled in and fell asleep (I should add that I have a very bad habit of fulling asleep on people when snuggling). Then I have an online friend , who I call MR !”£$ , cos calling him by his first name feels really odd! I also have are dear Sir Beasty. He’s a strange one , he never once said anything about being Dom or BDSM. I think it was actually me who brought it up (ok I talk about sex to anyone who will listen , cos well I like it and I’m kinda good at it!). But the is just something about him that IS Dom. He has been to me a massive help with so much, he is a very dear and cherished friend, but I can’t address him by his first name , so from after knowing him I started calling him Sir. The girls and I kind call him Beast as a term of affection or Beasty , so now he is are dear Sir Beasty!

Me and the girls also seem to have a list of names or affectionate insults that we use on each other. Doris is a good one for me , when I’m having a brain fart or a melt down. Numpty is another one for when any of us make a silly . Any of the men folk we are close to or play with get it too, Bum face , knob jockey or cactus are just a few of are terms of affection for are friends! lol Yeah , we only insult people we like! lol

The are names that I will not under any instance allow people to call me. Bitch, Whore , Slut or slave. Cos , well I’m not any of them and I personally find them really insulting and hurtful.

But with Me / us the is one name that only a very few will get called by Me/ us . its something that takes a lot of trust, love and care for us to use it. :It means you are always part of are lives, no mater what . That name is ‘Family’ and to us Family is everything!

Ok so that’s todays ramble over and done! Blimey , who would have thought names and titles could mean so much!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ramblings from a hotel room….

Well good evening to you all!

So I’m working away from home, I’m stuck in a hotel room with my little bear. We are under orders to behave. No porn , no booze , no screwing (in the words of sir beasty little being a girl!). So we have Master chef , sweets and coke! (diet caffeine free) . We have both had a bath, washed hair and jammies on!

It may sound odd that cos I’m working away the bear had to come with me , but its one of the may rules that Maitriser has but in place so we are safe and cared for at all times. We do have a lot of rules that are like that. it’s not that we are fragile little flowers, more the fact that we all have been broken and done silly stuff. So we have rules to make sure we don’t do them any more! I have a lot more rules than the rest of the girls and maitriser has a huge amount of control over my day-to-day life. But only because some I wanted and asked for it to be that way.

We also have different take on punishment than most people in D/s type relationships. We have things that we just don’t do, never , ever! but maitriser has a sort of 5 * thing. For me I get 1* punishment for things like putting myself down or forgetting to check my blood sugar. 5* punishment would be for something along the lines of not asking to leave when I need to or swearing or forgetting to take my  phone with me.

Maitriser sets us goals for stuff , which we sit down and talk about . Mines are a mix of personal stuff like wanting to be able to do certain yoga moves and to keep my 4.0 grade average. To work / family stuff Like to write and teach a new course or to clear out the spare room. I also have sort kinky / D/s stuff like getting more confident at being on top for sex and the length of time I can hold off coming!

But the thing I love the most are Rewards! (like everyone!!!) . we all have different ones , but some are the same. Like extra cuddle, getting to play with each other or being allowed to ask for what we want in the bedroom or a club. We have gift type rewards for things like good grades , not having a panic attack for a week or completing all are tasks set out for the day. my rewards are books, letter writing stuff, stuffies, Lego and posh undies!

I , unlike the girls have a lot rules that have been set down to do with my mental health. I have suffered all my life with anxiety and for more the 13 years with depression. A few years ago things went very badly wrong in my relationship and after being beat up and raped , I tried and thankfully failed to take my own life. I was diagnosed as having very serve PTSD , depression and GAD. It’s taken a hell of  lot of work on my #self with the help of an awesome Therapy Doris, the girls and my wonderful Maitiser , to put myself back together. So i have ones that state that I’m not allowed to harm myself , that i must keep going to therapy and how to deal with anxiety attacks. My rewards for sticking to these rules are extra free time, not having to answer my phone or being allowed to do more self-care stuff. (I love myself care time).

So that’s my ramble about rules, punishment and rewards!

Hugs and kisses,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

Little me!

So until the last 6 months or so , I would of said I differently of said the I didn’t have a little side to me . I in fact never really never got the whole DDbg thing. But then the Boss man ask me to think about it for a while and talked to people . When I finally got my head round what being a little really meant, I had to admit, that I to have a little side too! For me its more about escape from the big scary world, away of relaxing and me letting someone take care of me.  So after exploring some more , the Boss man set me a challenge of writing a list of 20 things that make me a little bit little! So here it is…

  • I am a Tomboy
  • I love playing with Lego
  • Love my colouring books
  • Love bedtime stories
  • Loves Disney and dream works films
  • Loves cuddling
  • Loves being taken care of and fussed over
  • Love having my hair brushed
  • Love when the Boss man orders for me.
  • Loves Bath time
  • Loves slumber parties
  • Loves being given chores and tasks
  • Loves my pet names
  • the words ‘how’s my girl’ turn me to mush.
  • I get spooked and frightened easily
  • Loves hot milk, marshmallows and gingerbread men
  • Loves my Jammies and slippers
  • Hates being BIC (Bird in charge)
  • Live to make Boss man Happy and proud
  • Loves doing stuff with the girls, like craft, home work or being silly

Well that’s little me!

Hugs and Kisses,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ha