From the heart… They are here at last!

So you may or may not of noticed I have been quiet for the last few days and not really be online that much. Well I have had good reason, last Wednesday I decided I was fed up of being pregnant and really wanted to be a mummy already!

Ok so I say that in jest , but it was a horrid few hours of worry , panic and more worry. I woke up on Wednesday with a poorly chest and the worst back ache ever! Lucky for me the Boss man was working from home and tucked me up on the sofa with breakfast and Disney films. By midday I was really lagging and the pain had got worse. The boss man called the midwife , thinking it was a water infection or brakstion. But after coming out and checking on me , she start to say things like ‘Active labour’ and ‘dilated’ and ‘on their way’. So I was bundled in to the car, driven to the hospital and with in 30 mins on a drip trying to stop my labour. The Boss man mobilised the troop, and we waited and prayed for no more contractions. But 20 mins after that my waters broke, the babies heart rate monitor when mad and the next thing I know I was being rushed to theatre, with Boss man hot on are heels!

After what seemed like a nice hours nap I found myself I recovery , in pain and feeling empty inside. It took the Boss man , sedative and 3 nurses to calm me down. I was sure the babies had died or got lost, but I always have a bad time when I get put right under. So after getting it in to my head that I had indeed just become a mum, I demanded to be taken to see my babies. but that was not happening as I was too poorly and they were poorly too! So I clung to the pics that the boss man had taken of them and made him describe them in detail.

Constance Grace was born first weighing in at lb 9. Connie , was born kicking and screaming. The doctors where slightly concerned that she had a swollen tummy and that she had a touch of Turdus. Evelyn Rosa was born weighing in at 4lb 5. Little Evie was born still and blue, with undulated lungs. She needed a little encouragement and help, but she soon decided to be a good girl and behave. (just like her mummy). They both got taken to the NICU , but my amazing Great Aunty May had promised to sit with them and ‘give eye’. So I knew that they would be ok.

I had to get through the next day without seeing them, which would have been hell, but I was hopped up on painkillers and slept for a lot of the day. I also had aunty may and uncle fred with the girls the whole time. Little bear went to visit them at lunchtime on Thursday , taking her Ipad and Skype me with the girls from th NICU.

At 5 pm the boss man turned up with a wheel chair and it was off to see them. I was terrified of doing something to wrong or hurting them somehow. I had a little cuddle with Evie and dear god I have never felt anything like it.It was like the purest love and pride and happiness all at once. I swapped Evie with her daddy and held Connie and just stared at her. Tears sprung to my eyes as she opened her eye, squeaked, pulled the funniest little face and then pooped for the first time! Turns out she needed her mummy to make her feel relaxed enough poop! (FYI my babies are even cute when they poop, fact!)

So the last few days I have been healing, getting to know my little ones and just being ridiculously happy! Motherhood is something that I had always, deep down wanted in my life. But for so many reasons thought it was never going to happen. I mean I never thought in my wildest dreams that after the break down of my first marriage that I would want to be with someone new. But in the space of 4 years I have a wonderful home, 3 beautiful subbie sisters, a husband who I adore and 2 perfect little girls. This is the life I Always wanted, Always needed , bit never thought I dissevered. But you know what?!?! I do deserve this , to be loved , to love and to be happy.

So I am relaxing , or trying to. I’m trying to just be happy and not over think things, to just enjoy the moment. I’m doing ok with it, if I feel overwhelmed, I just breath and remember , I got this far and if  did that I can rule the world!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

The Diary of Pixie heart- 18/09/17 – 24/09/17

As instructed to, I’m sharing last weeks diary for everyone to have a giggle at! enjoy!

Diary: mouse

Monday 18th September 2017: 5.45am – So I am all wiggly and I can’t sleep, so I’m getting up! I will be eating toast and drinking tea on the sofa if you need me!
7.30am – I feel asleep again! Thank you for waking me up by shoving your cock in my face, no really, I love it when you do that!
8am – breakfast done, dentist phoned for Little bear, dishwasher done and now to sit down for a bit!
9.30am – I love the food network, but what the flip is going on with pioneer woman??? Like do her family only eat breakfast and cake?
10am – Dentist time with little bear. I can’t get her into clothes so she is wearing her sloth onesie and unicorn slippers, sorry I did try!
11am – My poorly girl has an abuse on the roof of her mouth! Ouchy! So, I have her antibiotics, soft food, and some nice juice. I will now tuck her up on the sofa and keep her safe!!
12.30pm – Little bear has decided that she ‘NEEDS’ butterscotch wipe and 3 bananas for lunch, so yes…. lol.
1.30pm – Thank you for are lunch time call and thank you for telling little bear she was being brave!
2pm – I’m doing writing! About spankings!!!
2.45pm – Afternoon nap time, I am a tired little pixie!
4.30pm – Blimey I was tired! Little bear seems to of perked up a little, antibiotics are amazing things!
5pm – Babe has come home and said she will cook. What did I do to deserve that as a treat!
6pm – Veggie fingers, chip and peas and sweetcorn. With sponge and chocolate custard for afters!
7pm – Thank you for helping me to have a bath, it is so hard to get in and out of the bath tub on my own and I’m fed-up of having bloody showers!
8.45pm – Family time on the sofa is great, but I’m horny, can I play with kitten please!?
10pm – THANK Your x x x x x x. I love playing with kitten’s nipples and pussy!
11pm – bed time story of pen of the damned, good move! Night sexy bum!
11.15pm – lights out and cuddles! X
Tuesday 19th September 2017: 7.15am – Blimey Riley! Tired little pixie again! That is the second night I slept right through. Little bear is still sleeping, bless the little thing. Got to get up, date with Uncle Fred!
8.30am – yes, I do still have to be up, dressed and making you breakfast before you get down in the morning. Yes, I must make your lunch, yes, I need to make sure you tie is straight and give you a kiss good bye. It is my job as your wife! And yes, I’m trying to pout, so don’t give the eyebrow!
9am – Little bear has just told me to sit down and drink my milk: o the family little is Doming me now!
10.15am – when the babies get here and I’m all held up, I am spending a whole week cleaning! Little bear did a good job and I’m trying to not micro mange her or go ‘you missed a spot. But me being me, I’m finding it hard!
11am- I no longer fit behind the steering wheel of my car! Thankfully Uncle Fred said he was happy to drive, I’m not sure I could cope with the bus or bear’s driving!
11.30am- Feeding the dunks is the best feeling ever! I get to be a kid for a bit and I feel free. Just don’t want to be an adult anymore!
12.15 – Squeak! Happy meal, milkshake and a Mcflurry! Spoilt!!!
1pm – Ok so I now officially heave everything I could need for the babies! And yes I got breast feeding stuff too!
2pm- Home to find 6 huge boxes from amazon. Seems everyone I work with has bought something of a baby Wishlist that Steve set up. My god this is awesome, don’t think I’ll ever need to buy nappies or whips ever! They even got the dogs new Kong toys and t-shirts!
2.45pm – Afternoon nap!
5pm – Welcome home kiss to wake me up! You old smoothie! And yes, I do still like you copping a feel while having a smooch on the sofa!
6pm – take out for dinner, cos I’m too tired to cook! Thank you, x,
7pm- Am I not allowed to take a shower on my own?! Thank you, nice to be hair free again and thank you for checking that my bits still work! 😉
7.45pm – Monopoly marathon, Bring it on Frenchie!
9.30pm – Little bear is blatantly cheating!
10.15 – Thank you for coming to bed with me, I’m a pooped pixie!
11pm – Ok I love this book! Oh, and I love you to Frenchie x x x

Wednesday 21st September 2017: 6.30am – Errrr! Its morning then? I’m sore and full of ouches! Can you come back to bed please?
7am- Can’t we just stay in bed?! But thank you for the cup of tea, bowl of bran flakes, pain killers and cooking mags, I’ll be ok in a min!
7.20am- Better and happy again!
7.45 – Yup did breakfast again!
8.30pm – Don’t you dare be late home tonight! Love you froggie!
9.30am – day time television sucks big time! Why would anyone want to stay home and watch television when this is the crap on it?
11.20am – So it now turns out that I need to take a mid-morning nap as well as an afternoon nap!
12.30pm – So I have just eaten for Britain! Good lord I have no idea how that fitted inside me!
1.30pm – Homes under the hammer is kind of cool!
2.30 – tired again, napping about to condense in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…….
4pm – Woken up by a dog vomiting and being the size of a baby elephant do not go well together! Spidie was being a flipping drama queen and mad eye tried to clear her sick up by eating it!
6pm – Dinner time and little bear cooked an amazing pasta, that had the right amount of chillie in it!
6.45pm – No I am not watching extenders , no you cannot make me do it!
7pm – really fed up now! Can’t get comfortable and I’m fixity 
8.15pm – Was not sassing you that much and kitten is made to be tickled! P but kind of happy to be sent to bed, I get little bear cuddles!
9.15pm – Yummy, you can take your belt to me like that any day! can we do more impact play after the babies get here? Well more play all round?!?!
11pm – Hehehe. Watching babe, kitten and little bear playing, with you sat behind me and your hands on my boobies was wonderful!!
12pm- are you going for husband of the year?! French toast with ricotta and figs!

Thursday 21st September 2017: 6am – Up early, got to get little bear to the dentist. If she gets just her crown put back in I will be proud of her!
7.30am- so dressed, in the car and on the way to the hospital It is too early and I already need to pee! Uncle Fred is a super star for driving us! (Must by him bear!)
8.30am- Well hear and they have given her a sedative. Crossing everything I have that she will be ok, cos I can’t go in with her 
9.45am – Well she’s out! My brave girl not only let them put her crown back in, put they have the 2 impacted wisdom teeth out and they filled the holes in her canines! She is rather stoned, so it’s straight home to bed with her!
11am- I have tucked little bear up on the sofa with her teddy bear and blanky! She had 2 glasses of water and one of milk, plus some painkillers. She was out like a light! I’m going to wash all the baby clothes now and make sure they are all ready. I know it’s silly but that is something I can do and not really get shattered!
12pm- Aunty May has just turned up with food and told me to ‘go sit down like a good girl’. Not that I mind her turning up with food or her fussing, but I can do light house work! could speak to her and ask her back off a little?! I love her to death, but sometimes I need a little breathing space.
1.30pm – little bear is awake and in pain  can’t let her have pain killers for an hour and a half, so I have sat her in the kitchen with me and aunty may. I hate seeing her hurting, tears me up inside 
2.30pm – sod it! Have given her some painkillers a little early and we are now camping on the sofa, with warm milk and chocolate whip. Going hopefully nap. Aunty may has decided she will cook tea and do the ironing, feel bad but she said little bear needed looking after more than the ironing needed doing, and she is right, as always!
4.30pm – ok so I did need a nap and little bear seems to be doing better. She wants mashed potato with cheese, baked beans, and green beans for her tea, so that is what may be cooking her!
5.45pm – I have sat down and got my taxes done! Yes, I know I have not exactly worked over the last 2 months, but their all nice and neatly done! Yes, I know only I get a kick out of having neat and tidy tax files, but hay bite me!
6pm – Nice touch Frenchie bring aunty may flowers! She really does cook like a posh version of my nana!
7pm- thank you for driving May home sweetie! I’m going to get little bear ready for bed and then going to take a shower with kitten. Hope you have a great time playing pool with babe! Love your x x x x
9pm- I swear these babies are sadist like their father, that or they are into water sports!
11.45pm – Ummm so yeah, I think you may have had a little bit too much to drink handsome! But thank you for the kfc kid’s meal! Little bear is happily scoffing popcorn chicken and yoghurt. Did you just buy it so she had a treat?!? I love you pookie! X x x x
Friday 22nd of September 2017: 7.15 am – Someone has a sore head this morning! Bacon sandwich and strong coffee in bed for you sir! and I can do that cos I want to and looking after you is my job! Then get that butt in the shower and dressed, cos it is family weekend time as of 5 pm!
8.30am- So yeah, I wanted you to stay home but …… Ok house cleaning time as best I can!
10.30am – Clean! It really is amazing what the 4 of us girls can get done if we all work together! I am now off to do food shopping with babe driving! If you get a call from the hospital saying I’m in labour, my nerves could not take it!
12pm – Ok food shopping done and put away! We are a dream team! Wow, can we get team boobies t-shirts?!?
12.30 – Now uncle Fred is well at it! Although he still lets me do stuff, are garden shelves are looking dope! He has made a massive loaf of soda bread, pot of soup and cherry pie! I get sad when he makes cherry pie as it was aunty Doreen’s fav, god I miss her!
2pm – Stuffed and tired, but my brain is saying ‘no don’t nap do the kitchen cupboards’. as a compromise, I am watching a Disney film with little bear on the sofa! Lol also why does are dog walker think it is funny that my dogs come back when called?
5pm – Umm yes, I did full asleep!
5.30pm – What is with you today? Text saying get bathed and in my pj’s and don’t worry about dinner, and that’s it!!! What the fuck!!!
6.15pm – Curry, ice cream and ginger bear! Ok I love you, did I say that before, right? Also, avengers and dry strange, you are the best person like ever!
11pm I stayed awake for the whole thing this time! Now teeth and bed!
11.10pm – We even get are bed time story!
Saturday 23rd September 2017: 6am- Errrr! Ok antibiotics are kicking my butt today! I feel sick, have the shakes and an upset tummy. Can I stay home?
7am – thank you so much for getting with babe and taking the hounds out so I can sleep!
9am – yup I’m dying! I have forced down some toast, my meds and Diet coke. Thank god for polos and Imodium!
9.45 – Ok I have to go shopping cos I need to buy stuff but all I want to do is sleep!
10.30am – ok so I now have a banging head ache and feel dizzy. Thank god for my kitty cat coming with me!
11.15pm – So kitten has an apple and blackcurrant and chips from kick. She has put salt on them and got me ketchup for them! I took pain killers and I now feel a little bit better!
12pm – ok I so manged to get the bus home!
12.30 – Little bear walking Bella, mad eye and boods up to the bus stop is adorable and meant so much!
1pm – squeak! Am I really allowed to put my Pj’s back on and go be little for the afternoon, really???
1.30pm – you got me unicorn colouring book and apple and mango juice!
3pm – I see you watching inside out, just come sit on the sofa silly head!
5pm – I have had the best afternoon in ages! Thank my love, I really needed that! Now I’m going to make spaghetti for dinner and grilled peaches with ice-cream for after!
6.30pm – Strictly come dancing, that is all that needs to be said!
9pm- thank for coming to bed with me, sorry I don’t want nookie and just want to snuggle!
11pm- girls are up, tucked in and bed time story read! Night handsome x
4.45am – Thank you for letting me get up and write. I have a bad case of the I can’t sleepiest!
7.15am – so I have had breakfast, taken my meds, and done my neb. I have even taken something to calm my brain the fuck down, I am now going to try a sleep for a little bit. I’m that tired I am feeling slightly irrational 
10am – Wow! I feel so much better for a nap!
10.30am – Why are we getting in the car and where the flip are we going!
11pm – Secrets! Yay!!!! Can I have fed the fish and ducks, please!?!!?
12pm- Soup, salad and bread is so the best lunch ever!
1.pm- can we get a turtle please? Or some Dalmatian mollies?
2.30pm – Why did you agree to let us go to a super market on a Sunday afternoon? I’m going to be brave but I don’t know if I can do this or the whole of the shop. If I get freaked out can I go sit in the car?
3pm – well I made it to the check out. Thank you for letting me go sit the other side of them and just chill out!
3.30pm – So I’m now cooking dinner with you, like I get to tell you what to do? Cripes that is so out of my comfort zone foggy! How about I ask you nicely to do stuff?
5pm- You will make a great chef one day! this is fun, can we do it more often?
5.45pm – NO! that is not how you carve a chicken! More of it is going in your tummy than anything else! Silly head!
6pm – Roast dinner, Boss man and mouse style!
6.30pm – Now you got little bear to wash up and do the dishwasher without moaning, what magic is this!
7pm – bath time!
7.30pm – Why do I have to go to bed? but ok!
8pm – Tots could be a spaceman you know!
9.30pm- Sleepy pixie now!
10.20- hot milk, with honey and nutmeg. Bed time story and cuddles, thank you for a fabulous weekend! Love you xx
11pm – light out!

 

so that was last week! what are all you lovely’s up to this week?

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Beaulac Family update – Team Pixie.

So I did post my diary this and won’t next week as it has a lot of stuff in it about stuff we have going on with in are little family unit that the girls want to keep hush-hush. So I have orders to post a family up date. So here we go!

Maîtriser / Boss Man – Well the French man has been working hard as always, but has also been looking after us all tip-top! He has been cooking dinners and breakfast that are to die for. He was amazing when I was stuck in the hospital and came in every night to have dinner with me. He also had a night out with the boys , that he took babe with him. So he came home earlier than we thought, did not drink and he even when and got us all happy meals. (I got fries, fruit and a wrap with salad and spicy mayo, that was lush and also carrot sticks!!) . He has also blown me out the water by saying that he is going to work from home on Thursdays starting in the new year. This means I can leave the little ones with him and go back to my creative writing class. Love you froggy x

Babe – Well what can I say about babe , well as always she is my hero , crush and sexiest woman alive! Work is going much better for her , now that she is working for herself. She has now got a Brand new Hyundai I10 so she can zip round and not have to worry about need to find a huge parking space that she would with the family car! she has also been think about looking at doing one day a week at the local hospital cutting and styling wigs for cancer patients in memory of her sister. She did however end up getting a spanking for being late home and not ring to say she would be late! 20 on each check!

Kitten – we had need to celebrate this week with kitten, she has finally reached her goal weight and gained 5 extra lbs on top of it! work is going well and she is far more relaxed, although I keep distracting her!(but she is cute and yummy). She has been a good little Kitten and has kept up going to her therapy sessions each week, with the help and support of my Aunty May! Kitten also came up with an idea that her and I could set up a little etsy store , selling the Dog collars and bits we make for my dogs and the rescues I work  with. Thinking of calling it Cat and Mouse designs!

Little Bear – My clever little girl is now a fully fledge vet nurse! So we had to have a party for that! while I was in hospital she did most of the cooking and very proudly sent me pics of everything she cooked. She has officially adopted My great-uncle Fred as her granddad and I think she is now his fav none blood granddaughter! He has been giving her cooking lessons too! She did manage to knock a crown out , remembered we keep a kit to fix broken teeth, tried to fix her’s and cermnted herself to the kitchen table!

Mouse / Pixie – Well I’m out of hospital , for now! It was a good job went , if I’m truthful I was bloody frightened this time round. My lips went blue and I was really struggling. I wish this was a one-off , but my chest and lung damage are a daily worry to me, but I’m not letting rule my life! The babies are doing great , but raspberry seems to like laying along my sciatic nerves and that hurts like buggery! So got just over 5 weeks till D-day, how did that get here that quickly! This weekend is nursery prep time! Babe is putting furniture together , kitten and little bear are painting and I get to make it look pretty! I have decided that I’m going to go back to my writing class in the new year, cos I really miss it and it is kind of self-care thing. I am also going back to teaching on a Monday night and even though I’m on leave , I have been planning some course ideas and writing pitches for them. I have also somehow managed to get 7 dogs qualified for crufts in flyball , agility and rally! so I will be shattered after crufts next year!

Well that’s us! How are you all going and what are you up to?

Hugs,

Pixie

The Diary of Pixie Heart – 28/8/17 – 3/9/17

Diary: mouse
Monday 28th August 2017. 4am – Home from the hospital. I’m sorry for falling down the stairs and sorry I frightened you and the girls. I frightened myself and I hurt all over  thank you for letting just go to bed and have cuddles.
9.30 am – blimey I hurt! Breakfast on the sofa, with cooking television is so good!
11am – pain killers and banana bread!
1pm – Emit has decided I need ‘looking after’ and has taken me hand! Not that I doubt it, but I swear my gay, subbie male friend is getting all Dom on me! But he made me cheese sandwich and cut the crust off, so I will be good!
3pm – I went napping without being told to! More sofa time and painkillers!
4pm – I’m being allowed to help make cakes. by help little bear means sitting and being good!
5.20pm – You’re going to the fish and chip shop, on your own!
5.45pm – Chips, pea fritters and curry sauce! And pudding!!!!
6.30pm- not happy you have to work all night, but sleeping in the living room is kind of you! Been safe and I love your x x x x
7.10pm- well that is one way to have a bath! I’m cleaner and clean thing, but little bear seems to think that even my ears needed washing!
9pm- please, please, please don’t make me must go see the new IT film please!!!
11pm – last pain killers and snuggle time.

Tuesday 29th august 2017: 6am – I so needed that sleepy! Up and at them, or so I thought! Get down to find Emit and babe are in the kitchen and I’m ushered on the sofa, fed given med, do my neb, and reading my book!
8.30am – Right midwife again! Everything is ok and I’m healthy!
9.45am – I’m sat down doing blog planning stuff!
10.30am – Ok cross mouse! Poor little bear has come home almost in tears cos some stuck up cow said her top was too low for someone with breast her size. She did cry a little bit , but also said then she also stopped and said she was not going to let it upset her! Can she please have a reward sticker please?!?
12.30pm – Lunch time. Emit is forcing me to eat cheese!
1.30 – Email time! Cripes , how do I get so many stupid people not getting that I’m on maternity leave?
2pm – Nap time! I am snuggling with emit cos I can’t sleep on my own today!
4pm – Oh God No! how could I not of relished that I have a fecking training committee meeting!!!!!
5pm – Little bear is cooking dinner and it is looking good!
5.45pm – I love getting my welcome home smooch! Thank you, x,
6pm – Little bear did good! She can make pasta and sauce all on her own! So Proud of the girl!
7pm – Commtie meeting time! Wish me luck!!!
9pm – Oh dear god! Why can’t this be over already.
10pm – Ok I just used the phrase ‘as head trainer I’m saying that we are not using out of date methods and we are not going to use @” $%!” £”! as a guest trainer!’
11.15pm – Bed, cuddles, sleep! Night Frenchie! X x x x
Wednesday 30th August 2017: 7.15am – I slept late! Thank you for letting me get up and make everyone’s breakfast! Emit is off in London with people from Uni. But I have Uncle freed coming to be with me!!!
8am – YAY, I’m allowed to do house work!
9.30 – Washing done, kitchen cleaned and beds made! Uncle Fred Is here now, so I get to go buy food!
10.30am – Hell how much meat can you buy for £40 !!! better still he minced down 4 kg of chicken carcases for mad eye!
11.30am – Yay we have a full stocked kitchen now!
12pm – Oh dear god I have missed lunch with uncle Fred lunch dates!
1pm- Dinner prepped, tomorrow ready to go and rabbit rage on the stove!
2pm – Nap time!
3.30pm – Rude awakening from Mad Eye jumping on me and sitting on my face! Little shit! Might as well try and write for a bit, cos the dogs seem to want to hold an afternoon nap party in the bed!
5pm – yay I wrote for like a full hour none stop! Dinner is looking and smelling deli scouse too, I can’t wait for you all to try it!
5.30 pm – So I made namb bread to go with dinner but me and kitten are eating it now with pickles and chutney! #sorrynotsorry
6pm – Dinner is served! Lamb shank madras, with rice and side thing!
6.30pm – I have never seen the dogs so excited to be given left over bone! Ps yes, I did see you get Jordy and spidie chicken wings, you softie!
7.20pm – Closed door bath with muscle soak and a glass of cherry aide is so nice thank you!
7.45pm – Pooped pixie is off to bed to do bloggy stuff and to watch MasterChef with kitten! (I’m getting to old for
9.30pm – So all us girl have come to bed and you playing on the Xbox, god we are so rock and roll! Lol I have 7 blogs post scheduled though so kind of proud of that
10pm- I flagging big time here, so babe is doing a bed time story and we are all turning in!
2am- Fulling asleep on the sofa is not the done thing old man, can’t carry you up the stairs, but I can snuggle up with you on the sofa! Love you Frenchie! X
Thursday 31st of august: 5am – thank you for not shouting at me for coming down and snuggling with you, I can’t sleep without you now.
6.30am – oh god the luxury of doing house work this early is So nice! Dishwasher on, washing on, living room clean, oven cleaned and downstairs bathroom cleaned!
7.30am – Breakfast done and cleared away! Now scoot and get that cute French but in the shower mister! *tries to do a bossy wife stare and fails*
8.45am – I did not need a shower, I was not dirty or sweaty! But hay I needed to come so, yay for showers! Right all in the car for work!
9.30 am – that’s you all off to work and I’m early for my English lesson!
11am – I got 20/20 in my spellings, Go Mouse!
12.30pm – Lunch in a pub with aunty may and the catholic lady’s guild, what could go wrong! Keep your phone on buster, I might need you!
2pm – I feel yucky Frenchie, chesty and weary.
3.30pm – My ears are really hurting now me and I keep going dizzy 
4.15pm – Something burst up my nose, so I phoned the dr going straight down now!
5pm – Chest, ear, and sinus infections. Bad dehydration and I’ve lost weight  home iv antibiotic, pain killers and total rest 
5.10pm – got back to the car and broke apart! thank good for babe, phoned her and she did no more than left work, walked to the doctors to drive me home. having stopped to get me mango and apple juice and lentil crisps.
6pm – bathed, in pj’s and take out for dinner ordered!
6.30pm – dinner was nice, but now I want to go to bed please?
7.45pm – bed and cuddles with my kitten! Love are little family!!
9pm – My neb is not helping as much 
10.30pm – Going sleep, exhausted!
4.am – sorry I woke you all up with my coughing, neb seems to of calmed it down a little,
Friday 1st September – 7am – I’m up but exhausted, so I promise to stay on the sofa!
9am – uncle Fred has come to sit with me. I hate morning tv and I hate feeling this poorly!
12pm – feeling bad now!
1pm – dinner from Deliveroo for lunch!
3pm – all I have done today is watch tv and slept. I feel like a beached whale!
5.45pm – little bear has been posting pickoff me sleeping on twitter again!
6pm – I feel bad that kitten so having to cook dinner 
7pm – bath and dinner in bed!
9pm- It’s getting worse and it’s hurting can I go get checked at A&E???

Saturday and Sunday – I was kept in hospital as it turned out I was pretty poorly. I’m on oxygen, Iv fluids and antibiotics, with a monitor on the babies. I’m fighting very hard and getting better all the time, but it’s going to take a while 😕.

i’m laying in a hospital bed trying to be a brave little pixie , but I’m frightened , lonely and missing home. I know I’ll get to go home soon and know I’m in the best place. I know that this is something I have to do and will have to do again , but it does not get any easier! I’m just frightened, worried and just so tired!

Pixie x x X X

Blog Challenge – Day 1 ‘Weird thing you do when your alone’

Oh what a question to start with! I had to really stop and think about this, then I stopped and thought , and was like hang on I’m not weird . It’s you ‘normal’ people that are weird! but then talking to some ‘normal’ friends an it turns out I am a bit of a ‘weirdo’ , so hey hum! I’m going to list them In bullet points, cos I like that , it pleases my funny little head!

  • I talk to my dogs. Not just ‘oh what a lovely girl you are spidie’ or ‘jordie , will you leave mad eyes bum alone’. But like full on conversations. My lurcher Bella has been trained to look after me , so is with me most of the time. She is very used to talking about what I’m doing and about what is happening, hell I even ask her advice on what to wear. The weird thing is I think they understand me and sort of reply to me. (don’t judge)
  • I do house work in the nude. I find it very freeing and get a bit of a kick out of it! I have even been court out by the postman a couple of times;)
  • Lego scene building. I have a really huge love of Lego, and few years ago I found out about building little scene building. What I do is make a back ground , stag a scene and take pics of them. favourite ones to do are ones with monsters or comedy chace scenes!
  • Dancing round the kitchen in the nude. Ok I love dancing, love being in the nude and my kitchen is my favourite room in my house. simples!
  • planning. Ok so not weird so you would think, but …. I have stickers , glitter gel pens and a big old planner. I sit and spread out a cross the kitchen table , put my iPod on super load , sing and plan! its heaven and it is away for
  • I binge watch things on YouTube. things like extreme coupons or super market sweep. I never get to watch crap when the rest of the family , cos their high brow!

So that is my shameful weirdness! So what do any of you do that is a little weird , when your on your lonesome??

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Dah da dah!

Good evening kinksters and nilias of the world!

So I have been a little bit on the poorly side again and had a blip on the depression front, but it is getting better! I was a really good girl and asked for help. the Boss Man and girls have been ace. i got give loads of help and the Boss Man has added in loads of stuff to support me! one of the things is a Blog challenge , as I did the 30 days of D/s and that helped massively with mood and structure in my everyday life! So he found 20 challenges, and ask Kitten to pick 5 and then asked girls to pick 1. Well then I ended up in hospital and Kitten and the girls had no idea which one to choose, so they asked Sir beasty to pick one. He was super cool and picked one for me! (fluffy breadie one is good!) So I will be staring that tomorrow! The boss man has also set me the task of writing a 2000 word story with in a month and I am starting that tomorrow as well!

This is my 30 day challenge …..

blog challenge!

I’m also going to make a super big effort to upload my Diary every Monday . I will also be finding a willing victims to do question times with the girls, cos we love doing it and also love asking questions and getting to know people! We are also thinking of doing a Sub problem page / agony aunt thing! So if you have a question , problem or want to be a victim hit us at pixieheartblog@hotmail.com .

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart…..

So I have been away from writing for a bit, what with conferences , babies and life getting in the way, it’s been all I could do to climb in to bed at night and not just crash out on the sofa. But now , well now I’m free to stop, breath and look around at what is going on in the wider world! What do I see ?!?! well friends and loved one struggling. people fighting and hurting other people . Things that make me want to hide behind the boss man and come out when all is clam and still again!

To be 100% honest with myself , I am finding things hard at the moment . Not anything as hard as some people , just a sort of resurfacing of my blue mood and anxieties, that as hard as I try I can’t stamp down on and tell to go away again. I think I have been so busy for such a long time , that now I don’t have stuff to worry about or be doing, I feel sort of deflated and sad. I also feel a little detached from the real world and out of touch with what is going on around me. I keep finding myself close to tears or just starring in to space. I feel like I have lost my way a little and that I can’t get myself motivated!

So I have asked the Boss man to step in and asked for some extra support. (more than I get now and more than I probably deserve). The Boss man is off to paris for work for 6 days , but he is leaving Babe in charge, so I got the best person in the world to make sure I do as I’m told! for the rest of this weeks I’m under orders to rest, recover and regroup. I’m not allowed to answer any ‘work’ emails, unless it is 100% life or death. I am to do my daily routine as laid out by the boss man and nothing else. He’s adding in a few more Self care things. (listing them below) Next week , I am allowed to work but for 5 hours a day max. He has also decided that he’s going to find me a 30 day blog challenge as he feels that writing is something that really helps me deal with stuff . We are also going start getting ready for D-day (October 28th). Supper Excited to do that (making a list already!)

Self care tasks –

  • Make a list of activities and tasks that make you happy.
  • Make a list of anxiety triggers.
  • Make a list of people who inspire you.
  • Yoga everyday. (with Kitten or Babe)
  • Meditation everyday.
  • Make a calming playlist.
  • Plan Family days (Saturday or sunday)
  • Do something creative everyday.
  • Write a list of places , things and activities you want to try.
  • Meal plans for the next 3 days
  • Daily affirmation

So that is from my messed little head and this crazy little heart,

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x