Me, my tattoos and I…

Me, my tattoos, and I…
Ok so a while ago some one said I should make a list of all my tattoos, noting when and why I got them, and what they mean to me . I should point out that I have a HUGE thing for tattoos! (slight under statement there I think) I have 35 of them and for me they all have special meanings. when it comes to people and their tattoos, well I it kind of hits me on a lot of different level. I personally see tattoos as an art form. Some of the work I’ve seen over the years, simple blows me away. It takes a lot of time and skill to be able to draw something complex, beautiful, and detailed on someone’s skin! I also have a thing for the Pinup look on women and tattoos seem to sit beautifully with that look. Mistresses or female tops with tattoos turn my in to a little subbie puddle. Dom males with muscles, breads and tattoos and I’m making puddles! (phaw! You should see the boss man with his shirt off!!!!). When I first met maîtriser, before we were what we are now, I remember him sitting with me at a club and telling what and why and the meaning of his tattoos. I guess it was one of the first things I feel in love with him for. I mean no other person I knew, would sit with me, and talk about tattoos, cos I was drunk and sad.
So, I have made a list, starting at the top and ending at the bottom, well my feet!
1. Feather behind my right ear. I got this done after my nana passed away. My granddad always said that me and my nana were very alike. he also said we were like feather, we looked like we could break, but we were stronger than we look. So, I got it to feel close to my grandparents, who meant the world to me and who I miss every day!
2. Black paw print inside a blue heart, centre of shoulder blades. Simply down cos of my love of all things dog. I retrained as a dog trainer and then as a behaviourist.
3. Left shoulder blade, skull, and cross bones (waiting to be finished with waves round it). I love pirates and the sea. With the waves, it will become a half sleeve. Also makes me look tough and bad ass, although maîtriser said I’m about as frightening as baby sloth!
4. Left shoulder, back Japanese characters for – Protection, calm, and strength. These were done when I went off to uni, kind of an act of rebel. My mother hates tattoos on women so it was a way of sticking 2 fingers up at her. Everyone was getting Chinese catchers, so to be a little different I went with Japanese’s!
5. Crescent moon and 4 stars right shoulder on my back. The moon is for a fiend I lost to cancer at school (she was 15) and the 4 stars are friends I lost to Aids, every time I loses a friend I add a star.
6. Double over lapping Heart under moon in black and blue. First tattoo I got done at the age of 15! I got it done, again to piss my mum off, but it’s in the same spot as the one my daddy has on his back and its almost identical to his! I love my daddy!
7. Writing under left boob in Gallic ‘Never by force ‘
8. Writing under right boob in Gallic ‘never without consent’
9. Middle of chest between boobs Gallic ‘always with love’ so I had other writing first, but after I split from my ex I decided I wanted to change to something to remind me that no one has the right to use force on me to get what they want. So my friend John came up with this! It’s in Gallic as that is what I grew up. (mixed with Russian)
10. Under gallic script, gothic scroll work and heart. Had this done last year as I wanted to make it a feature. I really love the whole gothic art look so that is what my friend john went for.
11. Left forearm black heart and J+n – part laser removed. Drunk tattoo from the first bulldog bash (biker festival) I was having it removed by lazer, but it triggered my vitiligo so I’m now going to get a cover up, just don’t know what!
12. Right wrist arrow and Warr; or. So, this is a tattoo that means a huge amount to me. I had it done 4 hours after I was realised from hospital after trying to take my life. I had been in hospital 3 ½ months and it had been an uphill struggle to get myself to the point that they let me go home. The; is to mark that my story is not over and the warrior is now how I look at life and mental illness. I fight it every day of my life, from that point on!
13. Middle of back, pentagram – Again to piss my mum off, but also cos it looks pretty.
14. Small of back New Zealand tribal shield. I think this was the 3rd one I got done and I just adore it. My friend john did this one and it was a first for both of us, as it was done without any outline and free hand!
15. Left hip RAF sweet heart wings, RAF covered by a red heart now. My Granddad, my daddy and my Ex were all in the RAF. I Got sweetheart wings done cos I was very much in love with my ex and he wanted a sort of mark of ownership. I am very supersites and direct refused to have his name on me, so I went for sweetheart wings. I got the RAF part covered over after we split.
16. Goth tinker bell right hip. Get this done at the age of 17, it was a straight tinker bell, till a few years later when I started hanging out on the fetish scene and really got in to the goth style of clothing and make up.
17. Left bum check Good girl (Cherry that was above it lazered.) Got this done when drunk on holiday with my ex in Malaga. Oh the shame! I got the cherry that was above it removed, as well I lost that cherry a long time ago!
18. Under left bum check ‘666’ brand style tattoo. Again, drunk tattoo done at the bull dog bash! Growing up my parents had hoped for a boy, but after having me my mother was unable to have more kids. For her it left her not really liking me and blaming me for the lack of sons. For my daddy, it meant that all the things he would have done with a son, he did with me. Fishing, rugby, and motorbikes! I learnt to ride 2 up at like 4, to ride a scrambler at 6 and trials bikes at 8. I went on to do trails and motocross till I was 20. then I went on to learn to road race and then drag race. All Ong with road racing came biker festivals as a teen. To this day, for me and my daddy motorbikes are a passion and something I could bore you all with more, but I won’t today!
19. Left thigh scare turned in to a creator. Hmmm, this is going to be tough to explain, so bear with me! When I was 17 I was suffering from my first bout of grown up depression, I was hiding it and just how bitterly unhappy I was. It got to a point that I did not want to be here anymore so one night when out with a biker chum, I was riding 2 up, we went around a sharp bend, and I simply let go and pushed myself of the back, hoping that was it for me. Luckily, I woke 10 days later in hospital. Not so lucky was the amount of me that I had broken. I had dislocated both shoulder, broken a wrist, 4 ribs, my pelvis, and all the bones in my left leg. I got help and I heald, but I was left with a narly scare on my left thigh. My friend john, knowing how much I hated it, turned it in to a creator and add other smaller tattoos to cover the small scare that I had on my thigh too!
20. Upper left thigh, small red flower. Love flower and this covers where I had meatal frame to help my leg heal.
21. Upper left thigh, k9 from Doctor who. I love dogs and doctor who, so why not?!
22. Left thigh at the back-Celtic knot. I’ m really proud of my Celtic roots and love not work!
23. Back of left thigh Irish cLruder. The boss man has the same one over his left pec. We got them done when we got engaged!
24. Outer left thigh part of do not go gentle in to the light. It reads’ Do not go gentle into that good night.’ Love this poem, love Dylan Thomas and this is my way of saying ‘I’m not going to give up on anything without a fight!’ I also read this at my nana’s funeral.

25. Left thigh, butterfly with purple wings. This was done to show that I’m a survivor of domestic abuse and that by talking openly about it that I have been set free from it!
26. Left thigh, mermaid. Just love mermaid!
27. Inside left thigh, Arabic script saying, ‘what makes you different, makes you beautiful’. I have a little Arab blood in me and I love this saying.
28. Inside left thigh ‘So very thankful’ this was done after I Od at uni, but survived it!
29. Left inside thigh shooting star. Got this done in houner of a friend who died working in the mild east.
30. right inside thigh 3 red hearts, covering up kisses. Got this changed after getting together with my little poly family. Each heart is one of the girls!
31. Under right bum cheek, dragon in the style of the one from the hobbit. Love the hobbit and love the art work in the book.
32. Inside left thigh, Latin saying ‘love conquers all’ For the Frenchman, cos it does and it did!
33. Right outer ankle bone, small blue rose. My granddad had this on his forearm and had it done when he was serving in japan after ivy day bringing home POW. I remember him telling us some horrendous stories as kids. Any how I liked it and got it done.
34. Left outer ankle bone, black flaming heart. HAHA, this is my Bicker tattoo. I have this same heart on the tanks of all my bikes. #biker
35. Under flaming heart, the word Ohana. Get this done very recently and is the same as the ones the girls got done. We are all fans of Lilo and stitch and love the meaning of this word. It kind sums are little family up I think!
So that is all of them not sure why this has, but I cried a little writing it. I have not thought about some of them for a long while. Most bring back happy thoughts and memories, but some a harder to remember. I need to say a specail thank you to kitten for helping me list them all and for the Frenchman for not distracting me from writing this. Also, I want to say sorry to the poor mail man for making you fall over when you saw some tattooed, naked chick sat at her kitchen table writing!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

The diary of Pixie Heart – 12/6/17 –

Monday 12th June 2017: 6am – Up and at them! so happy and got my bounce back!!! Woke you up how I’m meant too as well!

6.20 am – yay shower with Babe! she is so kind and even shaved my legs for me! getting out to find you chose my cloths for me again made me really happy! Purple Maxie dress, no bra and black lace boy shorts, with my Birkenstocks sandles! hair up in a messy bun and light make up. I look really pregnant today :/

7am – See I is all better! I made you steak and eggs! thank you for making me my breakfast smoothy! toast and fruit for me and the girls , but aunty may is having a fry up!

8qm – do you have to go to work?! you could stay home and we could fuck?!

8.30 am – squeak! tattoos and piercing for the girls !!! thank you for my treats as well , I know and understand why I’m not allowed to get them till after sprogging.

9.15am –  ok need to pee again! could you ask you kids to stop jumping on their poor mothers blader!

10am – made it in the city, but dear god is it hot and sticky!

12am  – tattoos and piercings done! Babe did not flinch and Kitten just swore a lot. Little bear, well she cried, ouched and nearly broke my fingers off! I had to feed her spirit and animal crackers the whole time and a bar of chocolate after!

1pm – ok so back on the eating for the whole family! banana milkshake, bean bugger, sweet potato fries and fried pickles. with a massive tomato and spinach salad! don’t judge , but I want ice cream too!

3pm – Shopping done! I can’t hide my bum any more and I have actually bought maternity jean! also finally got outfits for the conferees sorted!

3.30pm – home just in time for a nap and I’m taking Kitten with me, cos I need muddles! Frenchie I passed my foundation degree! and a 4.00 GPA!

5pm – Woken up by a kiss from you! oh you are so coming to bed for a bit , I have a Kitten and I’m not afraid to use her!

6pm – see I knew we need a Dom cuddle session! I love when you put us across the bed and let us kiss and play with boobies , while you keep swooping sides and who you fuck! also love you growling heads down, bums up!

7pm – hehehe! pizza and salad take out , cos we was fucking!

8pm – bath time and Babe reading to me as a treat!

9pm – Why do I need to go to bed at 9pm and with little bear? I’m not tired!!!

Tuesday 13th June 2017 – 5.30am – Ok I was super tired! Good lord I need to pee so bad already!

5.45 am – ok can we snuggle?! and yes by that I mean I feel frisky 😉

6.30am – hehehe, that was fun and by god was it nice to make Babe come like that! Shower time now buster, you are not kissing my aunty with your beard smelling and tasting like me!

7.15 what has gotten in to you?!?! not that I did not like that .you washing me, and than bending me over  , planting my hands on the wall, pushing my feet apart and then just fucking me! oh and the shower head on pulse on my clit, dear god in heaven sweetheart!

7.30 am – ok have you got a new Lolita look kinky going on?! loving the cut off overalls and mini mouse vest top and sandles look tough! oh and by the way I love the light makeup and pigtail look!

7.45am- FOOD!!! I had a bowl of bran flakes with a banana , 2 slice of toast and a boiled egg, 3 figs and yoghurt and a massive glass of milk!

8.30am – I still have to do English lesson?! oh poop!

10.30am – Bloody hell! that was tough! Right pee time and off to look at community college for me!

12.30pm  – Yay I want to go here so bad! they have great arts and writing programs, they do a start-up your own business thing , and an amazing chace for the babies!

1.15pm – we got to meet you for lunch! salad , soup and bread ! and more fruit and yoghurt! and cuddled and kisses for me!

2.30pm – So yeah we seem to of made in to maceys again! oppsssie!

4pm – Home for a nap on the deck in the sun , and yes I have sun cream and hat on!

5pm – woken up by a kiss again! oh and ice tea, nice touch!

6pm – aunty may and little bear made chips, veggie fingers and peas and corn!

7pm – family tv time!

10pm – time to get ready for bed?! yes Boss!

11pm – bed time story was inspired chose dude! cuddles and sleepy time!

Wednesday 14th June 2017: 4.20 am – So yeah I’m awake and yeah I sort of kind of woke you up to , but baby names are not going to choose themselves Frenchie!

5.45am – So we got names sorted, birth stuff sorted and a plan for baby shopping done! thank handsome for indulging me and just letting me talk it all out of my little head!

6am – shower time , come on get your butt In their mr! little t is not going to clean himself, that is my   job!

6.20am – Clean! today I have decided to wear a blue summer dress with sandle, hair in pigtail and light make up! yes I will wear a hat and yes I will have my water bottle with me!

6.45am – I’m making waffles and bacon! mine and Kittens will have fresh fruit and yoghurt with them!

7.30 am – do you have to got to work?!? We could all go swimming or kidnap Sir beasty and …. *pouts, stamps foot and looks sad*.

8.30 am – so we have decided we need to go by mor panties at target, no really we do!

10.15am – Ok so panties seems to of turned into baby, dog and house shopping trip to target! oh and can you please talk to little bear about what she says in public and how loudly she says it please? Today we had ‘ Pixie I love reading sex toy reviews on your twitter feed, when are we going to start doing them? The 4 of us masturbate enough’ . the worse part is aunty may was doubled over laughing!

11.30am – ok So you rock frechie! getting home to find you have a massive food parcel delivered and its got a picnic for us to have on the deck, holy mother is that ace!

12.30pm – So sitting on the deck, under a sun awning and eating with the girls is heaven! so soing this all of next summer with the babies!

2.30pm – Sleepy now ….

5.10pm – awww I crashed again, didn’t I! thank you for waking me up with a kiss, but  what’s with the bag and card!?!?

5.30pm – I’m Skyping your mother I don’t care what time it is! that is like the signal most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me!

6.30pm  – So I have stopped crying , for now! no I will not take my sparkly ring off , your mamma gave it to me! Chinese food tonight and a Game off-chance! yup I think are nerd is showing!

9pm – I did not cheat! My boobies look huge all the time! why is Aunty May going to bed early again, what are you up to?!?

11pm – Mercy , I call mercy! my bits are too sensitive! good grief, where the flip do you a) come up with this, b) get your energy and c) how do you get the girl to do that?!

12pm- Ok so your aftercare rocks! bagels, hot milk , lotion , pj’s and a bed time story , night you wonderful man! x

Thursday 15th June 2017: 6.20am – Tired and sorely , can I stay in bed?!? Ok a shower with kitten it is 🙂

6.40am – Really love the fact that it would appear I’m going to be doing the bare foot and pregnant look today! I am also loving you choice of undies, or should I say a thong and that’s it! light make, hair in a mess bun , and red lippy! you know I’m horny right?!?!

7am – big breakfast! piggedout.com

8am – Do you have to go to work?! oh meetings and people be damned! *stamps foot, pouts and hides your shoes*

8.30am – chore list says to take it easy and 4 hours of writing. I want to do washing and clean the kitchen!!!!

9.30 am – So you wont stay home, you teased me to the point of coming last night and now I’m horny, resting and allowed my phone! you have been warned, Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

9.45am – boobies pic and suggestive quotes it is then!

10.30am- I can’t focus to write and I’m wriggley , please can I go read and have a wank, please!!!

12pm – soup a salad and we bread for lunch! can I 69 with Kitten , please!!!

1pm – I told you I was going tease yah! please, please,please can I go calm myself down?!?

2pm – I’m going to exploded soon! Why has Babe got her evil grin on ?

3pm – Oh you delightfully twisted sod! edging and control practice at the hands of Babe, Yummy! bring it on dude!

4pm – Nap time, Babe let me come and I is now exhausted. Zzzzzzz

5.30pm – your home a full hour early and whats in the bag??

6pm – dinner of homemade veggie starfy and sticky rice!!!

6.45pm – What’s in the bag?!?! oh and yes I love dvd in the family room!

8.15pm – Bath time with little bear. I think she might of put too much bubble bath in though?

8.35 pm – thank you for saving us an I really am sorry you shirt and tie got wet 😦

9pm – why don’t I have my jammies?

11pm – uncle! stop, I can’t take any more, bloody fucking Norah! So you go a new paddle and toys! I need to drink a gallon of water after that. Fuck! Oh and book on bondage for babe? Christ I’m watching my step from now on!

11.30 pm bedtime story and cuddles, best after care ever invented, night x x x x

Friday 16th June 2017: 6.30 am – ok so I’m shattered , so not having caffiene  today. only 3 days left out here, don’t want to go home 😦 So shower and get ready for the day 😦

7am – thank you for the cuddle in the shower, I feel very small and delicate. I just want to hide :(and thank for choosing my cloths!

7.15am – toast, fruit and yoghurt , and bran flakes! really wish you could be off today, but ill have fun sight-seeing with the girls!

8am – I have been thinking , but could we read the book club book together now that I don’t have home work?! just a thought 🙂

9am – good lord what the flip does it take to get a baby girl, two subs, and pregnant little out the house?? Aunty May and Muffins!

9.45am – Ok so I don’t think I could or will ever tirer of saying , ‘Oh just taking the subway in to Manhattan’ London and paris are great to look round , but it is awesome here!

12pm – Lunch and a sit down! Cripps my feet hurt and I’m all hot! Not sure if little bear and aunty May liked the art as much as the rest of us, but will be happy with the aquarium .

5pm – Off to meet you from work! love doing this so much! and going out to eat after work to!

7pm – Stuffed! I love the fact that over here the don’t think I mental for just having side!

8pm – I’m tired out , can I just chill and watch tv? oh and can I have my foot rub early, Please???

10.30pm ok bed time story and sleeps!

Saturday 17th June 2017: 5am – So I’m freaking out , it is less that a week to the conference and I am in a different country! I should be helping them all out and pulling my weight. also I have only jus realised that I’m doing a whole flipping hour and that I am freaking on in between like amazing speakers! Thank you for saying I could get up and write. brain is moving at a million miles an hour!

6am – so got that all out my head! thank god , I never knew how much of the stuff I worry about is actually really nothing for me to worry about at all! silly pixie! so shower and get dressed , then breakfast Skype call with steve!

8am – Ok so defo nothing to worry about on the conference side of things , admin Alison is on it! all I need to do is to booster my confidence and yay!

9am – family day! ok I’m voting for sitting on the deck and reading or an Underworld marathon!

12pm – yay we finally get to have burgers on the deck cooked on the grill!

1pm- what do you mean by ‘cute’ when I eat chilles and lime;)

2pm movie time!

3.45 pm – ok so , yeah , hi….. did I full asleep again!?

5pm – One last pizza and salad blow out before we go!

7pm- eaten too much , can’t move! Movie and early night!

9pm – so I have woken up now its time to go to sleep!

11pm – hehehe! I wore Little bear out! Babe gave her a good old spanking too! But best bit was tag teaming you with kitten! I may be 4 moth pregnant , but I still got moves and I know damned well how to use them!

Sunday 18th June 2017 – 6am – up and at them buster! yup plan home day! really don’t want to go , but hopefully next time will be back with babies and back for good! So get that cute butt in the shower!

7am – everyone up, showered and ready for one last breakfast t the dinner!

8.30am – I am going to miss this place so much!

9.30 am – Ok so packing time! yay! {(not)

12.30 – Last lunch at our little dinner 😦 can we not stay?!)

1.45pm – Keys dropped off

2.pm- I’m just going to put this here, I’m not having ago or moaning or being a brat, but I really don’t want to go home. I don’t want to deal with my family, work or the midwife. I want to stay sat on the deck , chilling and taking naps. but I have to be an adult and go home, but I just want to say I was super happy here and cant wait to come back for good.

5pm – get the feeling sir beasty might be majorly pissed at me 😦

6.17pm- I have never been more willing to take sleep meds and just sleep the whole way home!

1/6am – I have time traveled and I’m almost home, night or morning Frenchie…

Well I have made it home to my quiet little corner of the uk! I’m kind of sad to be home, sure I get to the dogs, my god kids and nieces and nephews, but I was really happy and felt settled in New Jersey . So I will rest today and be back on top tomorrow!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

 

Exploring Your kinks together….

fSo today topic is about exploring you kinks together. Well this was super fun to sit down and chat about. Lol we decided that Starbucks was the best place to discusses it and discusses it we did. Some how we manged to get 3 members of staff involved to, not quite sure how or why. I have a feeling that might have been are little bear! (she seems to be able to get anyone to talk about anything)

So I have my kinks (Me and my kinks) , the girls have their kinks , and Good Lord does the frog have his! Were not all the same though and don’t all have the same kinks. I mean yeah we have loads in common and we play off each others kinks, but we also have kinks of are own. Are Little bear is a Baby girl, but then are Babe is a switch who Loves to Dom. What we do seem to do a lot of is talking about sex and have a love of trying new things .

I think I’m really lucky to have the Frenchman in my life , he and I seem to have kinks that go really well together. He is a saddest and I have a huge masochistic streak. He likes watching his girls and telling them what to do to each other and I love putting on a show for him. He likes female Doms using his girls , while he watches and I love being watch with female Doms. But the are still things that we are exploring, like my Little side. we have decided I’m not a Baby girl, cos I can’t do bratty, sulky or pout. But I do like being looked after and doing little things. Not really from a sexual sort of way. They seem to be a really great way to deal with my anxiety levels and for helping me focus . the Frenchman likes it cos he gets to be more in control and he likes taking care of me. We also playing with PDA as I enjoy this , but find them very hard to deal with. Also we are doing a lot of stuff with sense deprivation , as it is something that the frog likes doing , that I struggle with, but wanted to work on and well its a great way to build trust.

But the main thing that seems to be happening and I’m not sure why, is that I am freely giving up more and more control over myself. I guess you would say I’m becoming more submissive. I mean I still bite and scratch at times, but I just really like having someone who will take care of me and take charge of things. I think its cos over the last 2 years I have been left feeling so safe, loved and happy. Still ask questions all the bloody time though!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Oppss I did it again…..

Well world I have gone and landed myself in trouble , again, big trouble this time 😦 See this week has been massively full om for me. I have been writing courses content, presentation for a 3 day conferences and trying to sort classes out in the UK from the USA. I have been running around trying to be everything to everyone. I have been forgetting to eat at times and not taking naps when I need to. I have put myself down, I have allowed myself to be belittled by people and taken to heart some silly comments from unkind people. So Maîtriser has told me I have to list everything I have done and then the punishment for this and then post it on my blog. So here goes….

  1. I have not been eating my 3 meals a day and forgetting to have my 3 snacks a day.
  2. I have put myself down a total of 15 times in a row, even after being given warnings.
  3. I said I looked fat and that maîtriser is crazy for still wanting me when I’m fat and ugly .
  4. I pushed Kitten away when she trying to comfort me.
  5. I forgot to eat before bed on 3 nights, leading to 3 hypo .
  6. I refused to let Babe drive when I was tired and need her help.
  7. I grumped at my great Aunty May .
  8. I forgot to test my blood sugar levels for 3 days.
  9. I took a Skype call  from my Daddy with out someone with me.
  10. I took an email from my sister to heart, when she had no right to say what she did.
  11. I refused to take my afternoon naps.
  12. I took on more work than I could handle and refused help when it was offered.
  13. I refused help with my chores.
  14. I said I was fine when I came over faint in the groceries store.
  15. I went to mass when i was meant to be resting.

My punishment is as fallows. For the next 2 weeks maîtriser we chose what i wear, eat and how i spend all my free time. I am to take an afternoon nap between 3.30 pm and 4.30pm every day. I am to do everything i am told without answering back, if maîtriser is not about to tell me what I should be doing i must ask Babe. i have lost the right to my alone time for the 2 weeks . i am not allowed to speak to my sisters or father without maîtriser for the next 2 weeks. All emails, social media and blog post must be joked by maîtriser, Babe or Sir Beasty. I am to eat 3 times a day, have 3 healthy snacks a day and i must drink 3 litter of fluids a day. I am on a total caffeine ban for the next 2 weeks and i am not to have soda. i must have my phone with me at all times and i must not leave the house without Bella and one of the girls. i am not to go over 100000 steps in one day. i am not allowed to drive for 2 weeks, I must keep my diary and list all sleep, food and bs level in it. all this has been done for my own sake and i must try harder not to break my rules.

Well that’s it! See not all punishments are about spankings and kinky stuff. This for me has really hits me where it hurts , being made to very publicly admit what I have done and how i fucked up is really hard, to have my free time and freedom to answer back is going to be so hard. but i know that it’s done out of love , concern and so i look after myself better.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Tasks and Rituals .

So up for discussion today on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is Tasks and Rituals. Ohh I have to say this was awesome fun to talk about , I love my tasks and rituals! We all have them and even the Boss man has his for each of us. Babe has her games of chess, Little bear has her sticker chart that the boss checks every day and kitten has her Gym / sparing sessions. I have my nightly foot rubs, my sunday morning home work session and are new one of ‘Take your sub to work with you’ days!

So stopping and thinking about it I do have a lot of task that I didn’t even realise I do! I am also just going to say that maîtriser has been really careful with the way things are with Task and Rituals for me. yeah I know every Dom is careful of what they get their subs doing , but mine are also kind of done in a way so I don’t get all OCD about them! (I do have mild ocd, not just saying it!)

ok so my first one and this happens every signal day that I’m at home and the boss man is at home , is the way he gets woken up. Simply with me on my knees and giving him a blow job. We have this cos , well i LOVE oral, being on my knees and well he is so not good in the morning.!(what you say it yourself froggie) . Next up is something that he does, everyday he is working. It’s my lunchtime phone call, its are way of checking in with each other and makes me feel really special 🙂 . Also on a daily thing is how we all greet him when he gets home from work. us , on knees , by the front door , heads up eyes down cast. We cant do it ‘every night , cos it would look a little odd if i did that and i had my sisters round for dinner, but in that case i met him at the door with a kiss and ask how his day has been. Ok so my sisters take the piss and say ‘aw what a good little wifey we  are’. but it’s what i want to do , i have a very happy marriage and screw them!

Those are the things that happen every day, without fail. Every evening maître sits all of us done and we write are ‘To do a list’ for the next day. It will have all the boring stuff like do home work, lean bathroom and do food shopping, but it will also have fun stuff like , house keeping showers or what time to eat. I love my to do list! I get a sticker every day if I get every thing done and if I get 10 stickers I get a treat! 30 days with stickers and I get a special treat! (never happens , but I will one day ;))

Now for the really special bits I have with just The boss man and myself. Ok going to cheat and copy this from my contract!n(yup big man I’m cheating a little here , be nice!)

1) I’m to wake you in the mornings by going down on you.

2) I’m to shower with you 3 times a week, so you may inspect every part of my body.

3) I must keep your wardrobe in perfect order at all times.

4) I am to shave you on Sunday mornings.

5) I am to allow myself to be loved, respected, trusted and liked. I will remember that I am worthy of your love . I take the role of submissive as it makes me feel whole and at ease, but above all we are partners in life

So that is pretty much it on that subject! well I’m again going to go and eat again!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ps – I have been told to add this , cos I was being a brat and back chatting , so I got myself in to a huge but kicking! punishment to fallow!

 

24/7/365.

So up for discussion on the Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is the a topic of are up for a 24/7 D/s relationship and do you know what it entails?!? Well I can guess I can say a big old yes to both of those questions. This time round the whole D/s and the Poly side of the way I live kind of started out as 24/7, as the frog was living with me before we got into a D/s or poly relationship.

Ok I feel like I need to explain are living arrangement, well not the D/s side r the poly side. (kinky people, get kinky people) more the ‘How’ it works part. I own my on house out right , I bought it with money that I inherited from my god mother. When I got sick , maître, Babe and Kitten came to stay with me. When things turned from friends to more than friends, maître sat us all down and we talked about it. I said I did not want them to pay rent . So he said that Babe would pay the gas bills, Kitten would cover the council tax and the water rates. maître took on the electric bill and paid for all the food. that left me with just my Dogs and personal out goings to worry about . When little bear moved in she took on the electric bill and maître took over paying for the dogs and decided that he would give me a little bit of money extra each week. it was also agreed that I am responsable for the running of the home. Not just all the cleaning, cooking and other house hold stuff , but I plan all the meals, cook , and do the food shopping. I keep every ones diary, plus mine , my work diary and the house hold diary . I am allowed to ask the girls to do stuff like washing up, or taking the trash out or hang washing, but I am also reasonable for making sure they do it right and to the standers that maîtrewants it done! lol I am not allowed to do diy or heavy gardening , cos I’m super clumsy and will end up hurting myself.

Right let’s get back to the D/s world that prefer to be in! So, yup I live in a 27/4 Poly D/s relationships, with 1 Dom male and 3 other female subs. We all wear collars , we call are Dom master and we meet greet him on are knees most nights! I guess we have got so used to the D/s side of are life , that it feel weird when we  have been ‘normal’ .  I guess we are so used to the D/s side that is just like second nature . The are times when we get less D/s , like if one of us are ill or if we have family over. Lol things go mental if the frog gets sick , he has 4 women fighting over who gets to take care of him, trust me it’s not that fun! The only other time D/s goes out the window is when aunt emmer comes a calling and the are 4 women with pms, tearful outburst and neediness! then the frog buys chocolate, throws it in the living room , with chick flicks, blankies and the delieroo on speed dial, and retreats to the pub with the male dogs!

Well , that us todays ramble for you! I am sat typing this in my little make shift office in the corner of the frog studio. I have my laptop ,  note pads , colour gel pens , stickers , cookies, apples , milk and pillows! I do love when I get to go to work with him! #takeyoursubtoworkday

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

P.S – i have decided to man a stealth mission to make the Boss man moan and groan from under the mixing desk, wish me luck! 😉

 

 

 

 

 
 

All ‘Good things’ come to an end.

So the topic up for debate today Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is when a D/s realstionship ends and how would deal with it. Now I have been with maîtriser for 2 1/2 years, but before that I was with a guy from the age of 17 till just before maîtriser. That was a D/s relationship , but it was not a good or healthy one , for either of us.  I don’t talk openly about it , as it was such a painful things to talk about and in the end it was pretty horrific. But with maîtriser sat with me , holding my hand, I’m going kind of break my silence on it, in the hope that if even one person takes something away from it and it helps them then it will have been worth a few tears and the time it takes to write it down.

I really don’t know where the flip to start . I met my ex when he was 24 and I was 17. He was a in a passion of power (well sort of , I was a 17-year-old college student , so pretty much everyone was), and due to this we had to kind of keep quiet about dating for a couple of years. I guess I should have seen that as a warning light, but hell I was 17 and thought I was in love. We spent the first few years of being together , breaking up and making up, only to break up again. Now I am and always have been very open about the fact I’m bi and when we broke I dated women (love you Kitten!) but when we were back together, the was always the pressure to bring one of my Gf in to the bedroom as well. Which I will openly admit I liked , but he got jealous and shitty if the attention was not on him. Any how when I was about 19 we started to add in the D/s side to things. I had been hang out on the fetish scene and he would come along when home on leave. I think adding the D/s side to us was I n retrospect a really stupid thing for me to allow. It opened up a side of him that was frightening and very dark. But I wa in love and young , and me being me I was to shy and insecure to stand up and say I was unhappy.

Moving forward 6 years or so and things started to go wrong for me on a personal and for us as a couple. I had a sort of break down from working in a job that I worked 7 days a week 13 hours a day. I had stress in my family , my health was suffering and I was homesick. (I was working in paris.). He had become a bully, aggressive and verbally. but I stuck with him , cos I loved him and anyway who would want me any way. Now he was serving in the mideast , and I am pretty sure most people would not of handled seeing what he did and he may very well of had PTSD, but that does not excuse his behaviour, it only serves to explain it. I was bitterly unhappy, I was frightened of him , and with the constant verbal abuse , I felt like I deserved to be treated that way. The D/s side of things had become intense and demanding , but the was never any ‘Aftercare ‘ .  We went on to get married in 2011 and he left the forces in the may of the next year.

But not having the discipline or focuses of a fast-moving job, he started drinking and taking drugs. things at home were awful . he had started to become violent and was using aggression and verbal abuse to get what he wanted in the bedroom. I had been made to feel so vile about myself and hate myself so badly that I just stayed, cos I loved him and cos no one would ever want me, right?

The beatings got worse, the bullying got worse and I hit rock bottom. Then the biggest blow ever came, he had been cheating on me and had got some woman pregnant. He actually had the nerve to step to me and say ‘ I need money to make this go away’. Well something inside me snapped and I lost the plot, hit him and demanded he got out of my house. Well I’m not a little thing, I’m ft 9 and I can handle myself (I used to do door work and I spare and do kick boxing) , but at ft 4 and weigh a lot more than me , he fought back , beat he crap out of me , dragged me to the bed room , raped me and choked me to the point of blacking out. I’m not 100% sure what happened after that , things are hazy . what I do know is that I felt so dirty , used and guilty for letting this happen. the shame I had brought on my family and the fact that I had let them down , again was just too much to deal with, so I took 3 weeks of all my meds, some sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka, downed them all and lay down and waited for it to all end!

Well I fucked that right up, forgetting I had friends who are awesome (love you kitten, babe and Sir Beasty) . Yup I spent a couple of months in hospital getting better and I’m still In therapy . But my friends hugged me so tight that I manged to put myself back together. It has taken everything I have in me to get through all of this, I still have problems and I am very much a work in progress, but I got through it , and have found something so much better and worthwhile.

So what I guess I’m trying to say is , that love should not hurt , unless you ask for that pain. love is not bullying , or black mail or threats. love is respect, trust and care. Even if you are a 24/7 tpe , you have the right to feel safe and loved , and to live without fear. If you  ever find yourself in this portion, leave , talk to someone or scream for help. but above all else it is not your fault,  you have nothing to be ashamed of and no matter what you life is worth so much than you know, so don’t give up! If  can get through this , so can you!

Love, light and hugs,

Pixie x x x x