Looking back.

I don’t really looking back at things in my past, a lot of them are painful and some are, still just to raw and hurt way to much. My childhood was pretty harsh. with a mother who chose not to be there, a daddy who was ill and being painfully shy. my teens seemed to go by in a blur of fighting, bullying , getting kicked out of schools and ill-health. When i got to adulthood i was with the same guy for a most of it. he was abusive (to say the least) and it led to and contributed to the anxiety disorder and serve depression i already suffered from.

But my life has not been al doom and gloom. As a kid both my perants worked full-time jobs. Me and my sisters were pretty much raised by my Daddy’s mum, my Nana. who was just the most amazing woman i have ever known. She was kind , caring, sweet and funny . She always let me be myself and encouraged me to do stuff that made me happy, Cos that is all she wanted , to see her family happy. She also had am amazing way of helping me calm down when i got angry or anxious. i have a form of ADD, but only found out this a few years ago. but my Nana saw how frustrated and anxious i would get. When i was angry she would send out to my granddah’s work shop and he would give me off cuts of wood, a hammer and nails. i would sit and bash nails till i either calmed down or till i had tears streaming down my checks . then i would get cuddled and hugs from my Nana. if i was anxious she made me do something really easy to do , but that i need to think about what i was doing. Cleaning grandahs boots and shoes, cleaning the silver , ironing sheets , folding towel or scrubbing the floors. Sound like free child labour , but it allowed me to calm down and belive it or not i still do it to this day. Ha the Boss man knows I’m not doing good if i ask to clean his boots or if it’s ok to do some ironing. .

I also have some pretty awesome memories of university . It’s where i meet Kitten and Babe. It’s where i first openly lived as bi-sexual and that in its self is an amazing thing to be able to do. It is where i found my love of pin-up style and all thing burlesque . it is where i developed my love of london. I was for the first time in my life away from home without my sisters or my mother or my daddy. I love my sisters and daddy to death , but they can be a little sifulling. when i think of uni, it is full of bright colours and loud music, laughter and happiness . It was full of friends and i loved freely .

it is when i discovered the fetish scene. I was young to be on the ‘scene’ at only just 19 and i was shocked and amazed by what i saw. people from every walk of life. In all shapes, sizes and colour. I also met Kitten’s Dom, who took me under his wing , looked out for me and also would sit and explain things to me. I had a huge crush on him, but kept quiet as i had a boyfriend. but i did have him as a friend and what a friend he was.

Well fast forward the years and after the bad stuff happened Kitten, Babe and their Dom swooped in to look after me. i was really not in a good place , but all three of them took care of me and loved me so hard, it helped me put me back together again. when i got back to feeling like me, i remembered the crush i had on the Frenchman and they all came flooding back , only a hundred times harder times. to cut a long story short we kind of got together . First on a D/s level, to help with control issues and a need to for me to feel owned and loved. it was everything i needed at the time.

Then came the physical side of it. I had so many hang up, issues and bad memories from my ex. It was so hard to not focus on them. That is when he came up with a canning plan. Instead of looking back on bad stuff, we would look forward and make new memories. A new me and a new us. so that is what we did and is what we are doing.

We have a new tradition of on the anevesy of us becoming a couple. We had gone for a walk by a local pond that is deserted most of the time. he gave me my collar, i gave him a blow job and we had a very nice fuck. i had to walk back to the car in a very short skirt and a vest , with no panties or bra on. Then the is the memoir of are first christmas together as a poly family. We kind of had 3 that year one at the start of december that we spent with are community. We then had are actually christmas day with are families. But then a few days later we had are family christmas as a poly families. It was spent in jammies, watching films, and cuddling.We took the dogs out for a long walk, i cooked a roast and we did presents!

So now i do look back, but only a few years. Since i have had the Boss man and the girls in my life , things have just gone from strength to strength for me. I’m now running 3 business, i teach people and i can fully support myself. i have embraced my bi-sexual , poly and submissive side. i have become i wife and a mother, two things that make me feel whole. put above all i feel love and love back as hard as i can.

I wrote this and it should of been posted for wicked wednesday , but my Wi-fi palyed up and refused to let me post this till now! Put i thought i would post it anyway!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday
 

Author: pixieheartblog

Pixie Heart, living a happy polly , D/s life and loving it!

6 thoughts on “Looking back.”

  1. Hi Pixie, I just want to say thank you so much for writing this. I get so much pleasure from reading your work. From being taken into your world and hearing of your life. You write in such a natural way. I could listen to you for hours because you are such a brilliant storyteller. x

    Liked by 1 person

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