So up today on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is , well i have in fact decided , well asked the boss man if it is ok to, cover 2 topics in one blog post! i know im a little rebel right?!?! Its more the fact that Sunday i had major good news (more on that some other time) and i got the day off of being an adult yesterday! So i kind of got behind , well in my own little head and got panicky and anxtiy, so maîtriser said it was ok if we did these two topics together, cos he is lovely, fluffy and loves me! So me and the girls sat down and discussed this at breakfast this morning. (Fyi I totally had milk and cookies as part of my breakfast this morning!)
So Sub space, ahh what a place to be! I guess it’s different for all subs , for me it is not the high I get from a spanking or even from playing really hard. it’s more of a space I go in to when I get used to serve maîtriser or made to do stuff that shows how deeply submissive I can be. It’s also , for the high I get when maîtriser will just do stuff , without asking me first, like sex outside or pushing to my knees and making me go down on him. ( ok should say I have a very huge love of giving oral on both men and women, it is in fact something that I pride myself on! 😉 ) . For me , sub space Is my place I feel safe , loved and needed . It where I am allowed to be really happy and well just me. maîtriser said that when I get in that zone I go very docile and super subbie! (I want a cape and mask now!!!) . I do get a high off of pain , but that is not always a sexual thing . maîtriser will sometimes put me over his knee and give me a bloody good spanking, when I have had a day of really tough stuff to deal with, like dealing with my dad or if I have worked with in a rescue. it kind of relaxes me and at the end of it he wraps me up in his arms and I normally burst in to tears. I guess it is a kind of realise valve , that he has tapped in to and I’m so glad he has. I find some day-to-day stuff so hard to deal with. for a long time I had to be really strong , not break down and just keep going. It means that ,yeah I’m a bloody strong lady , but It also means that I will bottle things up and that fucked my mental health up big time! I also now have my little space too, which for is me where I go when I need to feel loved and safe . it’s where I go when I can’t deal with stuff and its kind of my way of say to maîtriser please can you deal with this for , it’s hurting me and I can’t deal with it right now. Like when my dad starts acting out or lashing out . He has illness that mean he his mental filters are sort of broken and he can be so mean and the things he says are so cruel and I get frightened he might hit me again.
The drop after Subspace?! Well yup of course I have felt that, I mean after every big high the is going to be a drop. You can’t stay high all the time , that’s not healthy. but the is an upside to coming down and that is aftercare! maîtriser is really good at this too! (sorry majorly lovey dovey right now, I think its being pregnant!) It ranges from curdles and kisses to hot milk and ginger -bread , to stories and nap, to baths and hair washes! ok I am so getting my butt kicked for this, but he is the Don of after care . Lol although Babe say’s his only got like that after I came on the scene!
Well that is me take on sub space and the drop after it! I will say sorry for being a little lovey dovey right now, I’m not normally like that , but well I guess the fact I’ve gone from unsettled and nerves all the time to being part of a poly family , married , babies on the way and very settled , is in fact what I really needed in my life!
Pixie x x x x