So today’s talking / thinking point for the Loving Bdsm 30 days of D/s is names , titles and labels. which we sat and talked about at dinner last night with friends, and ended with tears of laughter!
Now before I ramble at you all I will tell you at little story! I suffer from depression and a really horrid anxiety disorder. its controlled with drugs and CBT , but when I get stressed one of the odd things that happens is I forget the names of things and of people. I will have been on the phone EON and I get so het up that I will ask kitten to put the oven on to get the dishes clean or to turn the tv off so the dogs can go out, which is funny , I know I’m a riot! But the name thing can be hard to cope with. So I came up with away to deal with it that is a little weird, but seems to work and make people smile! When I get stressed or nerves every ones name becomes Bob, whether its family , friends , the girls , clients or my dogs. Lol , now at home if I call bob all the girls , the frog and all 7 dogs come and find out what I want! I also start any training class or course I’m leading by saying ‘ I have anxiety issues , that means when I get stressed I forget the names of stuff and people , so if I call you bob or by your dog’s name I’m not being rude, I just cant get your right name!’ . works a bloody treat!
titles are a thing I struggle with in the D/s world , cos with an anxiety disorder I get so flipping het up trying to figure out what call other people’s Doms or Doms in generale , lol I think I hate a break down on twitter a few weeks back. Female Doms I stick of mistress, unless I have My Dom and their punishment to call them something else (and then I still feel anxious about it!) Male Doms are , to me a flipping mindfield, well in my head at least. My Dom is called maîtriser in public and most of the time at home and some times Boss or Bossman . But i refuse to call another man in public Master when their not ‘my ‘ Master, it just does not sit right with me! So after a lot of talking and thinking i now stick to Sir or Mr whatever your name is. I think the being ok with calling female doms ‘Mistress’ come from the facts that maîtriser lets us sub to some of them sometimes. (ahh the joy of being sub , poly and bi!)
What to call subs , is again in my little head a minefield! At home the girls and I call each other Mouse, Kitten , Babe and Bear. Christian names only get used in polite company or if maîtriser is pissed at us! But what do you call some one else sub or slave?! So I now ask maîtriser to ask their Dom if its ok for me to talk to their sub and what I should call them. It’s long-winded, but it works for me and saves me have a full-blown break down. Once I know them , I quit often use end up using their first name or a pet name that they say is ok to use.
Pet names are really odd things too! I mean me and the girls have ares and most people think they are just sub sort names , but they are so not what you would think. Kitten got hers cos she perrs and mews when she is about to come. Babe is got hers cos when she walks past and people are like ‘ what a babe!’. Little bear got hers cos she is the groups ‘little’ and cos she likes cuddle. I get called mouse cos I’m really shy and quiet (no really I am) and cos I’m a homebody at heart! maîtriser gets called Boss man , cos well he is the Boss and he has away of getting people to work without knowing it!
I have several friends that have gone from first name to pet names. I have a male sub friend , who I call snuggles. He got his name from when I was in hospital , after my brain broke and I could not sleep, he would stay up talking to till the wee hours and most of the time I sort of snuggled in and fell asleep (I should add that I have a very bad habit of fulling asleep on people when snuggling). Then I have an online friend , who I call MR !”£$ , cos calling him by his first name feels really odd! I also have are dear Sir Beasty. He’s a strange one , he never once said anything about being Dom or BDSM. I think it was actually me who brought it up (ok I talk about sex to anyone who will listen , cos well I like it and I’m kinda good at it!). But the is just something about him that IS Dom. He has been to me a massive help with so much, he is a very dear and cherished friend, but I can’t address him by his first name , so from after knowing him I started calling him Sir. The girls and I kind call him Beast as a term of affection or Beasty , so now he is are dear Sir Beasty!
Me and the girls also seem to have a list of names or affectionate insults that we use on each other. Doris is a good one for me , when I’m having a brain fart or a melt down. Numpty is another one for when any of us make a silly . Any of the men folk we are close to or play with get it too, Bum face , knob jockey or cactus are just a few of are terms of affection for are friends! lol Yeah , we only insult people we like! lol
The are names that I will not under any instance allow people to call me. Bitch, Whore , Slut or slave. Cos , well I’m not any of them and I personally find them really insulting and hurtful.
But with Me / us the is one name that only a very few will get called by Me/ us . its something that takes a lot of trust, love and care for us to use it. :It means you are always part of are lives, no mater what . That name is ‘Family’ and to us Family is everything!
Ok so that’s todays ramble over and done! Blimey , who would have thought names and titles could mean so much!
Pixie x x x x