So up today on the 30 days of D/s is the question what does Submission mean to you? Ok so technically that was yesterdays’ but the way We/I seem to be doing this is find out what the talking point is and then over dinner we sit down and actually have a full blow discussion about it. It’s way more fun than it sounds and I’m just saying but it led to great fun this morning! (4 sub females, a boss man who loves to watch us and masturbation Monday stories!)Ok , focus pixie , hand on the keyboard!
So for me Submission means being happy in my own skin and feeling fulfilled as a woman. it’s a very personal and deeply intimate thing. I’m not just sexually submissive, it is part of every aspect of my life. From work, to home life , family life to the bedroom, it’s just who and how I am.
It however is not something, that to start with was something that came naturally to me, no maybe it was natural to me but the way I was brought up made me fight against what come naturally to me. The Irish side of my family is very traditional . Woman were brought up learning how to cook , clean their house and take care of babies. But the russian side (my mother side) women are brought up to be very academic or professionally focused. To push them self forward and to get to the highest level they can. My mother also had away of looking down on the ‘Housewives’ on my daddy’s side of the family. I should explain , my mother and I have nor will we ever be close. I was never what she wanted or needed me to be. My sisters are very clever and talented ladies, who are at the tops of their fields (Law and History) . I was the arty one. Yup I went to university , got BA and MA , worked for the fancy company and for a while I was a high flyer. But it made me have a nerves break down. but admitting I would be happy as a house wife , was not something I would admit to my mother. The only females I ever felt really close to in my family were my nana , who was the most amazing woman , who all I remember her wanting was her husband , children and grandkids to be happy. Oh and then I had my Great Aunty May, who is the most amazing lady , next to my nana, but she is a bloody long story!
So back to the question , I was brought up to think that submissive people are weak or stupid, and that simply is not me! I may not be the brightest of people , or the most talented of people. But I have a great deal of common sense. I am a quick learner, I am good with people and good at teaching people stuff that I know. I can state my opinion , speak my mind and stand up for myself. I am a strong, open-minded and courageous girl. I do thing that most woman don’t or would never think of doing . I have worked on the door of some pretty rough night clubs, I have drag and road raced motor bikes and I played rugby at uni. But what I can not cope with is being I charge of stuff.
After a lot of talking with friends over the early years , I kind of turned my think round on the Submissive roll. Instead of think submissive people were weak and stupid. I saw them as what they , to me really are. Very brave , trusting and powerful. To be able to trust someone enough to hand over control to parts of their life to someone else takes a very strong person.
The are within the D/s world so many different types of submissive. From Slave , 27/7 tpe, BgDD and so on. For me I kind of feel I don’t really fix a box , but then who does?!? I’m submissive, yes and I live in a 24/7 D/s set up. But it’s not a total power exchange either. I have rules , a lot of them, but I chose what control I gave over to my dom. in fact I was the one who said I wanted a full D/s contract. in it I asked it to be made clear that , yes I have a little side , but I am a grown adult who can and likes to think for herself and does not want to micro managed, at all ever! What I did want is to have to check before I do anything and that mean for everything I do. I run the house, my business and keep everyone on track , but the Frenchie is the one who tells my ok to everything. I show him the up most respect at all times, but I am allowed asked to speak in privet if I am uncomfortable or unhappy with something. I guess what I’m trying to say is that me as a Submissive want to feel loved, controlled , safe , protected and owned. But I also don’t want to be belittled or treated like I’m stupid. kind of like I’m his , he is in charge of me , but that I’m really important and worth protected. At the heart of it , I guess for me it’s about doing what feels natural, what makes me happy and fulfilled. its about serving and making my Dom proud , just by being me!
Well going to leave it there as I am needed! again its been a cathartic mission sitting down and writing this, not sure it makes any sense , but I rarely do!
Pixie x x x x